I hit a wall folks.
Once again, after four straight days of writing, I can’t think of anything original or even semi-original to talk about today, so I’m going to default to my Formspring and dig up some questions to answer. This is actually my tenth poppin’ the questions, so kudos to you my beloved readers. Without your anonymous questions, I wouldn’t have been able to do a second poppin’ questions, let alone ten of them.
Today, a few more questions than usual and as always these are real questions from real people who are really anonymous.
A girl I once dated said the reason men should be required to go to the gym is because women are required to do so much upkeep themselves. She said, “If I need to worry about my hair, nails, makeup, weight, clothes etc. The least a man can do is try and get some nice arms.” So I stopped dating her and instead found a girl who didn’t care about her makeup or a guy’s arms.
I actually felt like she had a point back when she told me this, back when I had decent arms. As I’ve mentioned before, there was a time when I worked out religiously in my own home and it was working. It was working so well, girls I slept with would actually compliment my body. And not “You have a nice frame” compliments. These were more like…well…one girl said to me, “I had no idea you had such a nice body.” So yeah, I was definitely doing the right thing.
Then, for whatever reason I stopped and I want to start again because all jokes aside, I’m getting older and I should take better care of my body. But before I get back down on my living room floor and make my first attempt in two years at 150 pushups and 150 crunches, I need to know something. Which one of you fine women like fat guys because I love Chipotle, and I would hate to give it up over some myth that fat men don’t get fine women.
Guys don’t like sexy talk, they like dirty talk. Or wait, no, let me change that. I don’t know what all guys like, I know I like dirty talk and can’t stand sexy talk. What’s the difference? Glad you asked.
Dirty talk is the kind of thing that would make your parents ears bleed with horror. It’s the kind of sentences and phrases that would make your friends blush and give a cop who overheard reason to profile you on the grounds you might be a prostitute. It’s almost uncomfortable and only appropriate on the set of an adult film. I like dirty talk, but my family reads this blog, so you all can forget about me giving out any examples. But I will say this, with dirty talk, it’s graphic to the point where those who are on the receiving end of it, can actually imagine what is being said to them.
Sexy talk, on the other hand, is what some girls think is dirty talk but really isn’t. Nobody would be shocked if they heard the sexy talk, at most they might suggest to quiet down and get a room. But sexy talk is never shameful, and thus for me, never effective. Today, five examples of sexy talk women think is effective, but really not.
Recently, I spent some time with a girl I used to date and when we dated it was picture perfect. Every moment we spent, we thought, if life found a way to put us in the same place at the same time, we could be in a relationship. I would actually make a commitment to her, but it had to be under the condition of us living in the same city. I wasn’t about to do long distance, which is something she was willing to do.
Every time she brought it up I told her I couldn’t and every time she wanted a reason I would tell her things like how long distance didn’t work. I tried it before. I was 29 and too old for that type of situation. Eventually, she relented, and stopped asking me. Eventually she went on her way. And though the two of us will still talk even as she settles down halfway across the country, I hope she understands why her and I at a distance won’t work for me. When a friend of mine asked me last night why I chose to not do a long distance relationship, this is what I told her.
I know some strong women.
Hard women, who put up with absolutely nothing.
These women call out their male friends for falling for another girl all quick, or roll their eyes whenever they hear a man is hurt over something another woman did. They are quick to tell men to man up and quit crying. A man gets sensitive over something a woman won’t get sensitive about, and she tells him there’s no need for all the sensitivity; starts bringing up all the ways a woman has it harder than a man and if she’s okay, he should be too.
She’ll say, “Man up.” The next time she says that, this will be my response…”Shut up.”
So tomorrow morning I’m going to be on WHUR 96.3 FM in Washington, D.C., talking about, what else, women.
I’ll be calling in from New York, but if you have HD radio and live in the D.C. area tune in. If you don’t have HD radio or you don’t live in the D.C. area feel free to listen at WHUR World. Click the WHUR icon below…
Since I turned 29 on Sunday, I have been taken aback as to how much the age change has affected my psyche. So far, 29 has been one of those ages I actually feel, sort of like 16, 18 and 21 and 25 were. When I was 16 I could drive. When I was 18 I could legitimately say I was the legal age before entering an adult website. When I was 21 I could drink and when I was 25 I signed a lease on my first one-bedroom apartment in New York City. All of these were small accomplishments, but I felt myself growing up, and now that I’m 29, I feel less like I’m in my last year of my 20’s and more like I’m about to be 30, even though I’m not even 29 and a quarter. I feel like I’m at that age when a woman who is under 25 tells her girls she’s dating an older man and her friends ask how old, when she says 29, her girls say, “Oh yeah, he is older.”
So now that I’m that age, one of the things I have realized is how overrated people who are younger perceive it to be. If there are any men under 25 who keep on losing women their age to men my age, pass this onto those girls. I got your back.
When I was a virgin, I used to watch movies and wonder how after two people had sex they could just act like they didn’t have sex. “If that was me,” I thought. “I’d be jumping around and celebrating like I just caught a touchdown pass.”
Then I lost my virginity and realized how easy it was to act like something never happened as we’re leaving the place where we just got it in. Suffice to say, that is perhaps the only true-to-life thing I’ve seen between two people in the movies. Most of the other stuff two people do in a movie only looks good on screen or as we like to say, only happens in movies. Here are five of them.
I actually just wrote close to 900 words on this subject, only to see it all get erased by WordPress, so I’m going to skip the semantics of my introduction I wrote in the previous draft and instead just get right into it.
So here it is, as the title says, the real reason men don’t call women back after sex.
In his lifetime, every man meets a girl or two he has no business falling for and when he does, he has two choices. The first is to give it a shot anyway and see if the rewards outweigh the risks. The second is to not take the risk at all, and continue on in life with a clear head.
The older I get, the more I prefer the latter, but the former stays tugging at me like some sort of addiction. I have definitely fallen for a girl I shouldn’t fall for, on several occasions, but this is the cautionary true story of one.