Girls You Shouldn’t Fall For: The Lesbian Edition
In his lifetime, every man meets a girl or two he has no business falling for and when he does, he has two choices. The first is to give it a shot anyway and see if the rewards outweigh the risks. The second is to not take the risk at all, and continue on in life with a clear head.
The older I get, the more I prefer the latter, but the former stays tugging at me like some sort of addiction. I have definitely fallen for a girl I shouldn’t fall for, on several occasions, but this is the cautionary true story of one.
When I asked her out on a date, she made it perfectly clear to me she didn’t date boys. She said, “At this point in my life, I’m not really doing the whole dating thing, but when I do, I date women.”
“Well,” I said. “That’s perfect, because I’m not really doing the whole dating thing either, and when I do date, I date women too. So let’s not call it a date, and hang out anyway.”
It took a while for her to respond to my text, but when she finally did, she said “Okay, but I’m telling you, I really don’t date men so no funny stuff.”
“No funny stuff,” I wrote back.
Really, there was no funny stuff planned. Of course I initially asked the girl out on a date because when I met her the week prior I was struck by how beautiful she was. Well that and the fact that she was from California and her uncanny ability to deliver a witty comeback with no hesitation. But those were things that came after I first laid eyes on her. She was so fine I was confused, confused I had never seen her before, confused as to where I was spending my time all these years because it obviously wasn’t at places where girls like her hang out. But I had to keep it together. I had a job to do when I met her, to interview her friend for a story I was working on, but the whole time I was wondering how I was going to transition this interview with her friend into an opportunity to learn more about her.
It should also be said, nothing about her told me this was a girl who prefers girls. Well, she did have the head shaved on one side look, but it’s not like the look is some lesbian uniform. I mean, models rock the look too, so how was I supposed to know what she was into?
My whole reason I didn’t back down once I did find out she was a lesbian is because I was still drawn to her energy. The first night we met, the two of us, along with the person she interviewed and his other friend all went to dinner after the interview. There, we ate and laughed. A lot. And I have a rule about that. If they laugh three times at things you say, there’s license to stay in touch. So that’s exactly what I did, and because I was at this strange point in my life where I actually wasn’t seeking some random hook-up and was more interested in getting to know what a woman really was about, her being a lesbian was actually a plus.
I should have also known it’s when we’re not looking for a person to fall for, we end up tripping over someone anyway.
The date was set for the next day, and we met at a subway station because I wanted to take her to one of my favorite coffee shops. I remember seeing her across the street from where I was standing and thinking, Best behavior, Jozen. Secretly, before I saw her, I hoped after learning what she told me about her (that she liked girls), my attraction to her would cease, like somehow, I could more easily control myself all because I knew there was no way anything was going to happen. But when she crossed the street and looked at me, she didn’t look at me like a girl who liked girls. Then again, she didn’t look at me like a girl who liked guys either. All she did was look at me like a girl who liked me. We hugged and then I looked at her and simply asked, “Ready to get on this train?” She smirked, shook her head in a no direction, and then said, “Let’s go.”
At coffee, we talked a lot about each other. She asked me questions about my website, I asked her questions about her website. We talked about the differences between New York and California and the differences between Northern California (where I’m from) and Southern California (where she’s from). All the while I could tell there was something going on that was palpable. And I would write more about that, but describing the energy between two people who want to do things with each other that don’t make sense, never makes sense. So if any of you know what I’m talking about, you’ll understand why I am going to move on.
An hour passed before I told her about the dinner I made the night before. She was into it, and when I say it, I mean the dish I made and my description of it. I had leftovers, she was hungry, so she came over for a late lunch and together, we sat at my coffee table and shared the leftovers. We also continued to act like we were supposed to act — her like a girl who liked girls, I like a man who respected that. But the elephant in the room was standing over us and with it’s trunk was nudging us to get closer and closer to each other.
I finally sat down by her, and she said to me, “Jozen, I’m not some flaky lesbian. I like girls the way you like girls. I really, really like girls. I don’t like girls because I hate men, I like girls because I love them.”
“So kissing me is out of the question,” I asked.
She just shook her head and deferred, saying, “You know, I know girls for whom this is just a phase, but I haven’t been with a guy in like 10 years. This isn’t a phase. This isn’t even really a lifestyle. This is what I like.”
I was definitely trying to listen to her, trying to ignore this fine face that was speaking these words. I wanted to take her allegiance seriously. I enjoyed her company and I didn’t want to jeopardize losing it all because I couldn’t control my urge to lean over and kiss her. But, this pretty face of hers was getting on my nerves. Ever seen a person so gorgeous they make you sick? Well, I was about to throw up and I told her as much: “You’re so fine I’m seriously going to have to kick you out.” She laughed. I laughed. It was awkward and there was a long silence that fell after the laughter.
“So let me get this straight. If I kissed you, to you, it would be like me kissing a man,” I asked. “Like, it’s that foreign to you?”
“Basically,” she said.
“Well, it’s a good thing you’re not a man.” And then I leaned over, and kissed her.
We kissed for a long time after that; a long time that night and for weeks after. We had something going on between us, or actually, there was a lot going on. I was talking about her to my friends. She was introducing me to hers. And though the two of us never quite got passed the fact that none of us this was supposed to happen between us, we indulged ourselves in every moment of it until one day I stopped hearing from her.
It’s not like she was completely ignoring me, she just became short with me, so short I eventually got the point. I think we had one long talk about how she wasn’t going to really get used to this, what was going on between us. To her, I was too much of a man’s man. There were guy things I did, guy things I said that just, well, turned her off. Oh and she was also starting to see someone again, and I kind of knew that because on her Facebook, I saw pictures of her at breakfast with another woman and the two of them looked so comfortable together, I could tell it was the ex she would speak of from time to time. The ex was definitely a woman too.
Had it been a woman who likes men who told me I turned her off and was taking pictures with an ex, I probably would have taken offense. But since it was her, a girl who actually took a chance on a guy for the first time in ten years, no offense was taken. The unfortunate thing was, for the first time in a long time, this was a girl who I really liked and it was so frustrating because as a man, falling for anyone is something we just don’t enjoy doing. Falling for a girl we shouldn’t fall for is something that makes us want to punch our own face and ask rhetorical questions like, “What the hell are you doing?”
Eventually, the two of us stopped talking altogether, even as friends. But I did run into her two more times after that talk we had. The first time was at a show, and I was with my friends, so I introduced her to all of them and when she walked away, all my boys gave me the kinds of pounds boys give to each other when their boy has snagged up a pretty girl.
The second time was when I was headed to dinner with my boy, on the exact same subway her and I got on for our first date. She was with some guy who I took to be her friend and so I had no problem walking up to her and saying hi.The two of us made some small talk, she introduced me to the guy, and before I walked away I said, “Hey, I’ve been meaning to hit you up and see if you wanted to go to lunch or something.” I felt like enough time passed between us for me to try and open things up again, at least on a platonic level. When I asked her, she gave me the same smirk she gave me at the same subway station months ago, and shook her head in the direction of no, but this time followed it up with a verbal no too. “I don’t think we should,” she said. Now wasn’t the time for salesmanship, so I told her to think about it, told the guy she was sitting with it was a pleasure to meet him, and walked back to where my boy was sitting.
Rejected, I thought nothing of it, as a matter of fact, I even did the foolish thing men do to protect their ego and told my boy how she rejected my offer for lunch. “Honestly,” I told him. “I think she still has a thing for me but she fights it, that’s why she doesn’t want to go to lunch with me.”
“Yeah,” my boy said. “That’s most definitely it.”
Later that evening, as my boy and a few of our other friends were leaving dinner, I received a text message from the girl. It read, “Sorry, I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. The guy I was with, that’s my boyfriend.”
I wrote back, “Oh, okay. I’m sorry too. Maybe I should have picked up on it. But good. Glad to see you happy. I understand.”
But the truth is, to this day, I actually don’t understand and the extra truth is, it’s not for me to understand. All I really know is, every once in a while there are going to be girls we have no business falling for and if we don’t resist, things like this will happen.