Raise Your Hand If You Want A Fat Guy Because I’m Getting Fat
A girl I once dated said the reason men should be required to go to the gym is because women are required to do so much upkeep themselves. She said, “If I need to worry about my hair, nails, makeup, weight, clothes etc. The least a man can do is try and get some nice arms.” So I stopped dating her and instead found a girl who didn’t care about her makeup or a guy’s arms.
I actually felt like she had a point back when she told me this, back when I had decent arms. As I’ve mentioned before, there was a time when I worked out religiously in my own home and it was working. It was working so well, girls I slept with would actually compliment my body. And not “You have a nice frame” compliments. These were more like…well…one girl said to me, “I had no idea you had such a nice body.” So yeah, I was definitely doing the right thing.
Then, for whatever reason I stopped and I want to start again because all jokes aside, I’m getting older and I should take better care of my body. But before I get back down on my living room floor and make my first attempt in two years at 150 pushups and 150 crunches, I need to know something. Which one of you fine women like fat guys because I love Chipotle, and I would hate to give it up over some myth that fat men don’t get fine women.
Before anyone starts commenting and saying I should find a girl who loves me for me, let’s make one thing clear. Just because someone should love me for me doesn’t mean I don’t want to do what I have to do to get as many women as possible to notice me. I certainly don’t dress like a man who doesn’t want women to notice him, so why would I treat my body any differently?
See, this is what happened. Recently, I was having a casual conversation with a very fine woman I know. This woman is super fine. She does Yoga. She works out. All this stuff, and then she hit me with this line in the conversation: “I like chubby guys.” What?!
I didn’t delve into it with her to find out why she likes guys who are chubby, but I said to myself, Wait, why should I start working out again if there are girls like this who actually like guys who have some love handles? If I can get a girl like that and still eat all the Chipotle I want, that’d be the best of both worlds. Right?
But then recently, I started digging this girl who goes to the gym three times a week and though she never expressed to me whether she likes a fit guy or not, there’s an unspoken rule to dating women who work out. That rule is, you have to work out too. Or at least try.
So now I’m over here stuck between a gym and a Chipotle, wondering which one I should walk into more often. I look at my body now and I think, it’s not so bad, but you know, it’s definitely not what it used to be. To give you all an idea of how different it actually is from the days when women were complimenting my body post-trysts, this is what a woman said to me after a more recent tryst: “What are these for?”
She was talking about a pair of weights I have that are sitting in my bedroom.
You see? Two years ago, women used to say, “You have such a nice body. You must work out.” Now they’re asking me why I own a pair of weights!
The other dilemma I’m dealing with is I don’t know how good I look as I get fatter. When women say they like chubby guys or guys with a belly, I think those types of guys have some charm to go along with their high cholesterol. Me on the other hand? My charm is more skinny guy charm (if I ever get as fat as I was skinny, maybe I can talk about the difference between both) because I used to be a skinny guy. So yeah, whether or not I wear my fat well is another issue I’m dealing with.
But now that I think about it, and I recall certain conversations I had with female friends of mine who ended up getting done dirty by some guy who had a gut, I think maybe it’s best if I cut back on the Chipotle. Every time some woman gets done wrong by a big guy, she always takes some low blow at him. She says, “Forget him and his man boobs!” And I always think, damn, that’s low, then I go into the bathroom mirror and make sure I don’t have man boobs myself (I don’t).
So yeah, I think I’m just going to start doing these pushups again because even though I did the girl who complimented me on my body wrong, I know she didn’t go back and talk about some man boobs. She was probably like, “Oooh, I hate Jozen. He’s such a jerk with a nice body.”
Yeah, let me be that guy. Glad we had this talk.