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Sober Hot Girls

The only time my mom ever complained to me about this blog was once in the early months. She asked me why I make so many references to being drunk or drinking when I don’t drink that much. I told her it just happens to be the case that when I go out, the two things I see a lot of are drinks and women. And since most of my stories are more of the casual variety, a lot more of those times when I was drinking and people were drinking around me will come up.

But her question was valid considering I’m not a big drinker. I don’t even own alcohol at my house. There’s one Corona, that’s been sitting in my refrigerator for months. I’m especially not a big day drinker, as a matter of fact, I kind of hate it. The only reason I ever drink is so the woman I am with doesn’t drink alone, and even then, I sometimes decline anyway, thus making me look like a jerk. After all, who lets a woman drink alone? Well, I do. Sometimes. But if I had it my way, she wouldn’t drink at all or only on special occasions.

Before I go any further, understand this is not a defense of last Friday’s post. That is what it was and it will remain that way. But I do feel, for the first time in a long time, some clarity is necessary, so here it goes.

After last Friday’s post, I think some people might find my claim to prefer sober girls kind of unbelievable. I mentioned a story about my boy taking home a girl who was slightly tipsy, to get into a discussion about why women won’t let their friends go home with a man. Unfortunately, that story was used to guide the overall discussion in the comments, and instead of it becoming a talk about why a man can’t take home a grown, responsible, mature woman because of her friends it became something much darker — a discussion about grown, responsible, mature women who had too much to drink and therefore should never be allowed to go home with a stranger at all.

A couple of commentators smartened up,  and tried to take alcohol and inebriation out of the situation. They wanted to focus on what the actual issue was, versus what it wasn’t because it wasn’t ever about wondering why a girl won’t let her drunk friend go home with me. Even in the story I said, the girl was “tipsy” not “drunk” and trust me when I say there is a difference. If I felt the girl was too drunk to remember anything, I would have prevented the whole situation from happening. I know my boy would have too. Trust me when I say, ladies, a lot of men aren’t interested in taking home a girl who’s so drunk she’s about to pass out as soon as she gets in our ride. I think all smart men and women agree if a woman can’t walk a straight line, she probably should go home with the people who brought her. But there are still a lot of women who would like to go home with a man they just met, and they’re sober. So what gives?

I prefer sober girls. I prefer women who don’t drink. Why? They’re easier to take home…

And if any of you are confused, go ahead and read that last line again.

Here’s the thing about drunk women: They can’t focus on having an actual conversation, which is what I really need in order to get a woman to dig me. I need her to understand what I’m saying, and I need to understand what she’s saying, and once we get into an actual conversation, the probability something will happen if not that night, sometime soon, is highly likely.

The fact of the matter is, the drunk woman is the risky woman, and there’s a big difference between a woman who likes to take risks and a risky woman. The woman who likes to take risks understands fully what she does and she doesn’t need any alcohol to do it. A risky woman gets men locked up and facing years in prison or some other horrible consequence, and any man who isn’t thinking about such things is just as much of an idiot as the girl who let herself get so drunk, she couldn’t walk a straight line to save her life.

I have had many, many encounters with women who were drunk and women who were sober, enough to know if I had to choose between one or the other, I’m definitely choosing the woman who’s sober. And if she isn’t sober, but I still want to get to know her, I have the perfect remedy. One bottled water. Why? Because I’m trying to take her home or I’m trying to get her number or I’m just trying to get on her radar, and in order to do that, I need her to stay awake and remember exactly who I am. The type of guy who likes his girls sober.

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  • AlongCameStacey

    Thanks for the clarification.

  • Vanessa

    Well said

  • honey

    I’m with you when you’re right!

  • Cocofro212

    Good post. That makes sense.

    But, from becoming a fan and reading your past posts, ppl would understand friday’s post and today’s post. Really it makes the case as, this post isnt necessary in my opinion, but its not my blog, and its nothing wrong with a lil clarification.

    Ive seen more sober girls leave and have morning after regrets than tipsy ones…lol

    Lesson: let’s all be unselfish but responsible wingmen/women while out!!!

    PeAce Love Soul

  • Dee

    Redeemed!!! This post was definitely a clarification on your thoughts about the drunk woman. I’ll have 2-3 drinks tops when I go out and I am fully capable of having a coherent convo. * D *

  • http://urbangeek.me joei

    I agree. I dont drink and I’ve never brought a girl home from the club the same night I met her (just not my thing) BUT if I did, I prefer she be sober as well. After hanging out with a group from before the club till after ( sober to drunk), from a sober POV, you can see the decline in intellectual convos . It goes from debates to blatant statements. Discussions to arguments. Who would really want to deal with that hostility, late at night, with someone you just met, in YOUR house? Not I.

  • Cristina

    My first opinion was that someone that has been drinking should not go home with someone they just met. When you take alcohol out of the equation, there is no reason why a friend should be involved in trying to stop something from going down. My close friends don’t go home with someone they just met. We were raised here in NYC so we don’t trust anyone that much. But if my sober friend said she wanted to go with him, I’d just tell her to make sure she picks up some condoms on the way over there.

  • http://sinnamonnights.blogspot.com/ Sinnamon

    I can dig it. I like my men sober too. My last boyfriend was a heavy drinker, borderline alcoholic, one of the reasons we’re not together anymore. What bothered me most was that we couldn’t talk. We couldn’t talk about anything that mattered, those conversations that I enjoyed so much when he was sober. I needed to feel a connection, before sex, before anything, and that was always absent when he was drunk…

  • Sunkissed404

    You have redeemed yourself: ) I do not drink alcohol…Not for the helluvit, not because I wanna be social…I just don’t drink. It doesn’t taste good and if I have to acquire a taste for anything, it’s not going down (literally). Anyways, I have always been either praised for not drinking (which is weird, cuz you should do what you want if you’ re a drinker) or bashed and questioned (Why u don’t drink? Whatchu mean you don’t drink?) I sip wine…and that’s about as far as I go with it. Buuut, you won’t find me asking somebody who drinks why they do it (*shrugs*) Last month was my first time in a long time meeting a guy who didnt scrutinize me for not drinking after he found out I was pretty much alcohol free :/ lol But anyways….Big ups to you for coming clean (pun intended)

  • http://sincerelyxo.wordpress.com Alexis

    I can definitely understand the whole concept of being sober in order to get to know someone. A lot of people can’t remember what happens when they drink let alone someone who they have spoken to. Being drunk is not attractive and if I’m going out on the town to have fun I would much rather remember the contents of my night than it be a distant blur.

  • **inquiring mind**

    You know something this makes me consider is that, you know, just because you meet someone while you’re out partying or whatever doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to have chex with them… sometimes you just wanna get to know that person in a more intimate setting, away from the crowd and loud music. I don’t think we(women) always consider that, which just shows where our heads are at. I mean, why would we assume our friends tipsy(not DRUNK) or sober are gonna give it up or even that the guy is gonna try and take/ask for the good-good… maybe they’ll just chat, no?

    Interesting… I wonder if this is like a black thang or white women have the same thought process.

  • BoomShots

    Social drinking is one of the things I most enjoy about going out. I grew up in a drinking culture, got a fully stocked bar at home and the funny part is I almost never have a drink at home; 2-3 times a year at the most. I have used more liquor cooking at home than actually drinking.

    If the choice is between a drunk woman and a sober woman, I will take the sober woman everytime. I don’t like drunk anybody.

    I do believe alcohol is a great social lubricant and does help to make many people relax, socialize and enjoy themselves. Not everyone needs it and too many people myself included have overdone it. So while drinking may enhance the pleasure of us meeting and enjoying each others company, I would not feel good if that was the overwhelming reason you found me appealing. Plus the worst thing is having a great night but having drunk so much you can’t fully remember it. Not a good feeling.

    Some friends took me out for my birthday several years ago, NYC meatpacking district, plied me with rum and cokes,so much so I floated through the end of the night. In my state of distortion, I apparently chatted up this very attractive woman, got her name and number and everything. Went to breakfast in a haze; met Laurence Fishburne in a haze; and went home in a haze. Lost the number, never called her of course but I am in Miami Beach a month later on a July 4th weekend and I am embraced on the street by this very attractive woman whom I did not know. She also embraced my friend, so I was like its probably one of his random girls I met sometime ago. We sit down to some snacks and I casually asked who she was….he broke out laughing that it was the girl from my birthday get together and how come I never asked her to join us…..its been about 10 years and I am yet to live that down. It was funny but its a reminder to me drinking too much and meeting people can be so unnerving the next day or even a month later.

  • Miss. Riss

    I prefer sober girls. I prefer women who don’t drink. Why? They’re easier to take home…

    You always have that one line that makes me literally laugh out loud.

    Its rare, actually this may be the first time, I’ve seen you sort of ” respond ” to comments. But, I didn’t see anything wrong with Friday’s post. I wouldn’t take you as a sleeze. Just saw it as more commentary from the bachelors mind…

  • Sunkissed404

    ” The fact of the matter is, the drunk woman is the risky woman, and there’s a big difference between a woman who likes to take risks and a risky woman. ”

    — What you wanted to say is…”The drunk woman is HIGH RISK…lol ( I hear u on that Jozen). I used to have a fascination with dudes who were borderline”high risk”…3-4 guns in the house, drinking, lighting it up occasionally, etc… (funny..cuz I never did either…? :/) So glad I’m not 22 anymore. I’m not into guys I consider to be “high risk” anymore….Good riddance!

  • Kelz

    I read Friday’s blog and didn’t bother to comment because there were too many people being offended, defensive and attacking. The point of your blog (as I’ve seen it) is to give a story from your experience in order to spark a discussion between grown men and women so that there’s a chance for people to understand or see things from perspectives we probably never would have looked at. That being said, I loved Friday’s blog because it sparked a lot of debate even though some of them were childish responses.

    On today’s blog, I definitely agree with you. Sober girls are definitely more fun because there’s more substance as you said “I’m just trying to get on her radar, and in order to do that, I need her to stay awake and remember exactly who I am.”

    I bet half the people who commented on Friday’s blog won’t even look at this one and comment! Good post Jozen!

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ MadScientist7

    i actually agree with this logic. my friend got caught up like this in undergrad. he took home a woman he had just met (they were drunk), they had sex, she got up and cooked breakfast. they talked about what the next step was and he told her exactly what he thought. they were just having fun. by the time he got home from class, the police were waiting there for him to arrest him for rape. i can almost guarantee that if neither one of them (or maybe one or the other) they never would have had sex. fortunately, it never went to trial. she recanted her story. smh.

  • Danni

    1) I never thought Friday’s post needed redeeming to begin with, so I’m glad you’re not attempting to.

    2) Love the play on the Kanye song in the title.

    3) That’s all I got :).

  • L. Dejean

    I agree with Cocofro212! There was really no need for clarification because we, your fans that is, know that you didn’t mean for friday’s post to be taken in the context in which it was.

    I’d still be reluctant to let me friends go sober by themselves because if they end up in a state of uncomfort, i can’t help them but I’m all for them meeting someone new, getting to know them, getting their number & all of us going somewhere to chill so they can get more of a feel for the person. I guess i would have to talk to my friend & see what they say & get a feeling for how comfy they really are. If i rode with them…ummm, they are my ride back home so that meeting would have to be delayed for another day, lol.

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  • heaven

    I appreciate your clarification… not that you had to but I still don’t get how people can be so risky now and days and have all these slimy ass casual encounters… i understand that when you are younger, you live dangerously, but at what point do people stop picking up random people and sexing them the same night or same week ……….and then do the same shit all over again the following week with another person…. when you are pushing 30, I would think that you would wise up and understand that HIV, STD’s and unwanted pregnancies are real and that condoms aren’t always reliable…. but forget those kind of risks… what about your spirit? How many diff broads do u have to pick up and freak down before u get enough body counts?? I’m not coming down on you at all…. you’re a grown ass man and you can bone whoever you like…. and I’m not saying that you should keep it in your pants till u’re married but do you ever feel like you want to cherish Mr. Johnson for a list of females that are actually worth the skeet?? I’m just saying…

  • http://natashasjourney-natasha.blogspot.com Natasha

    I did not comment much last week because things have been crazy in my life. My grandfather is very sick, he raised me so my heart is heavy right now. Things are getting back to normal slowly but surely. Please keep my fam in your prayers.

    Anywho, I wanted to say Friday that as grown women we can not baby sit our girlfriends. No hating/blocking either! Meaning that women have to be mature enough to handle their B.I. without everyone saying “noooo girl that’s not like you”. Huh? I am in my thirties, I don’t need a friend telling me what is not like me. At this point every women should know her limits! I know the level of concern is real. I am always the sober one, but NEVER the party pooper! I think black women have been brought up to be ultra conservative anyways…I am breaking free from that as we speak. That is another post in it self. So to answer the question yes a women who says she is protecting her friend is blocking! I believe in the buddy system, but if friend feels like leaving get the info and let her do her. To tell her no or make her feel gulity about what she wants to do is no good to me.

    Today’s topic relates more to me because I don’t drink at all. But ALL of my girls do, fam included expect my baby sis. She is my deuce, but everyone else does them. So I am the one who drinks shirley temples (sprite and cherry juice LOL) in the club. Or Saturday everyone wanted to put Volka in my lemonade. It sounded great, but umm, no LOL. I have never went home with a guy I just met, but I have kissed. No regrets! Great post, Friday too:)

    Also co-sign @Danni

  • Sunkissed404

    @Natasha
    Will definitely be praying for you and yours… keep your head up.

    @heaven
    I sooo feel you. That’s the angle I usually come from, but…I try my hardes to not sound like I’m preaching.. I soooo feel you on the being spritually intertwined and all (sounds like some stuff my mom used to talk about)…

    @MadScientist7
    DAYYYYUUUUUMMM… You know what?? This is a cuh-raaa-zy world we livin in. Cooked him breakfast and all…but called the police anyway?? Where they do that at? smh

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/miamiloverg AlesiaMichelle

    I was in the group of people that was not offended by last week’s post. But, some of the comments seem to imply that drinking is all bad. In moderation a bit of wine or a cocktail doesn’t hurt. Some comments just seem a tad bit self-righteous…
    And on a random note from time to time I’d appreciate if guys didn’t look sideways at a female ordering a drink. Just cuz you can’t handle your liquor doesn’t mean I can’t lol…

  • goalawal

    A good and enjoyable post as always i will have to agree w/ the few on here that stated that a clarifying blog or even “Hot sober girls” was not necessary but i respect that this is your talent, many were offended and besides who am i 2 say what u cant write on….

    However, its funny to me that ppl are all of a sudden happy w/ jozen after this post.. to those that were upset many of ya missed the point of fridays blog but y’all read “hot sober girls” and Jozenc is redeemed…forgiven et cetera . . What makes u think that this blogpost is heartfelt and what has changed. He’s still the same person from Friday. crazy how ppl disregard a body or many months of work over 1 post and scream all kinds of Ish but then the weekend passes and all is well… Guess, such is life…

    All this to say! I appreciate the work and feel like a author’s artistic or creative integrity should be respected. Lets all be objective and check our feelings at the door. I too prefer “Hot sober girls”

  • fixedwater

    i respected friday’s post and i respect this post as well. i’m a drinker.

  • Sunkissed404

    @AlesiaMichelle
    Do you boo… If you like to drink, drink! “sip”, “slurp “…get slizzered..whatever. lol

    You feel like guys look at you sideways sometimes cuz you order a drink…I feel like guys look at me sideways because I order Sprite. *shrugs*
    To each is own.

  • **inquiring mind**

    @MadScientist7
    Was she a sister? I didn’t think we did stuff like dat

  • Kady

    This post makes a lot of sense. I’m purely a social drinker so I usually have a few drinks when I go out with friends. But even when I’m tipsy, I don’t want to talk to the drunk guy, so why would the sober man want to talk to me between sips and me singing off key. But because I don’t go out that much anymore (maybe twice in a good month), I won’t give up drinking because I don’t like depriving myself of the few things I like to do, especially considering that I use to go out about 3 times a week a few years back (mess!!!).

    All in all I think the question posted on last weeks blog was answered, and a lot of the commenters agreed it was the mention of alcohol that was the turn off, I don’t think its a right or wrong thing, or people are thinking you and your friends are sleazeballs for wanting to take home a woman who was “Tipsy”. Its just a reality that once alcohol is in the mix the entire conversation will change. I also don’t think its a negative that so many females went on the defenses. At the pre-registry for my college there was an entire mandatory program committed to the subject of drinking and “date-rape”, the subject is popular in women’s magazines, and Oprah and Tyra probably did a few shows on the subjects too, so most woman instantly clam up when certain types of scenarios are put infront of them.

    We also have to consider the position of power when a woman goes off with a man, most of us aren’t built like Serena Williams and wouldn’t be in the position to protect ourselves drunk, tipsy, or 100% sober. Best case-scenario is that, if my sober friend goes home with a man, she is smart enough to tell someone where she is going and be safe (if she goes there).

    All in all there was no love lost, I would have kept reading and kept commenting, as I said, I don’t like to deprive myself of the few things I enjoy.

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ MadScientist7

    @**inquiring mind** naw she’s white.

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ MadScientist7

    @Sunkissed404 same thing i thought. glad he strapped up. smh

  • bed-stuy

    @**inquiring mind** I think all women are capable of doing that, regardless of race. Real talk my mom always says trust NO Women only her…. lol

  • **inquiring mind**

    @bed-stuy
    Naw, I KNOW all women are capable but you only really hear about that from “other” races (at least I’ve only heard…). I was honesly just curious.

  • JLB

    I remember hanging out at ihop with some folks after clubbing and watching this one couple who I remembered seeing at the bar. Homegirl was so far gone she could hardly keep her head from falling into her short stack. Dude with her just looked like ‘damn, even if I can get her home without throwing up in my ride I’m still not gettin any tonight.’

  • http://throughdangerouseyes.blogspot.com Cristine

    I love this! So much truth to this!

  • http://natashasjourney-natasha.blogspot.com Natasha

    @Sunkissed404
    Thank you sis! Prayer changes things.

  • HoneyMoney

    HAAA! This is in total defense of last week’s post about bringing home the girl! Come on!

    I don’t drink at all. Not even at weddings, or any other special occasions. NEVER. And also I have never had a one night stand and/or have gone home with anyone I just met at the club. I grew up in NYC and though many people I know don’t feel as “paranoid as I”, I’ve still heard enough stories that have happened to people close to me. It is what it is. So, just take a moment and understand women just have to consider safety whether there is alcohol or not. Sorry, I want to like your blog again…help me out here!

    @Natasha
    Its hard to find other people who don’t drink at all! I know how it is… :)

  • Vonzell

    Sober ftw!