Home > dating, guys, women > Be Different And Don’t Tell Me How Different You Are

Be Different And Don’t Tell Me How Different You Are

All women are different. All of them. I have dated a lot of women in my time and never once was one woman just like the previous one. They’re all different. They are different sizes, have different voices, said different things, looked different, acted different, walked different, said my name different.

As a matter of fact, I can honestly say, the only thing that makes women not different from each other, the one thing that makes me say, “This woman is just like the last woman I dated” is the woman who tells me she’s different. Soon as she says that, I automatically put her in this big box of women and on the box it says “SAME”.

To be clear, I know men say it too. “I’m not like those other guys.” As a matter of fact, let me be perfectly honest and say, I said it to a friend of mine the other day when she was asking me for dating advice. I prefaced it by saying, “Look, what I’m going to tell you, it’s not what other guys will tell you. I’m different.”

So there we go, guilty. Any room in the “SAME” box for me?

But I think most men are more aware of how they’re alike too and that’s where I begin to see the differences between men and women. A lot of men will pride themselves on being nothing like the next man, but they definitely will admit some of the things they want are the same things all men want. Even a man who owns cats will admit dog is a man’s best friend.

Women, on the other hand, not so much. They all know diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but I always seem to meet a woman who wants to boast about how she doesn’t want any jewelry. Fine with us men. We appreciate any woman who enjoys the simple things, but I would never fault a woman who asked me for some jewelry for her birthday or Christmas. I don’t care if my woman said she has no need for jewelry in her life, if I bought her jewelry, she needs to act like I bought her some jewelry.

These girls who I meet at the club who like to tell me they don’t usually go to the club, give me a headache. It’s like a person standing over a dead body with a bloody knife in their hand saying they usually don’t kill people. Okay, fine, they usually don’t kill people, but guess what they just did? Exactly. So just because a woman isn’t the type of woman that goes to the club doesn’t mean she needs to stand around looking like she’s at a funeral. That’s not sexy. No man wants to be around the woman who doesn’t like to go to the club at the club. They’ll see her at, I don’t know, maybe a funeral?

I think what this all comes down to is about attitude. A woman who proudly proclaims how unique and different she is understands her actions show such qualities. Every woman who I have ever approached has some quality unique to her, and she didn’t have to tell it to me or show it to me because I saw it on my own and more importantly, I want to discover more of those qualities. I don’t want to be reminded of them all the time.

Women love to call a man out and tell him he can’t treat her a certain way because she’s not like all the other girls he used to date. What they fail to understand is the way he treats a woman is on him, and not necessarily a direct reflection of the woman he’s dating. Ladies don’t need to be concerned with the way he treated the last woman. They don’t even need to bring it up, because it’s water under the bridge. Instead, a woman needs to worry about how a man is treating her. Understand she has with him an opportunity to be treated differently than before because she is with a man who sees her like no other man does. If it turns out she feels differently, thinks her man is just going through the motions and treating her like he treats anyone else, she should combat that by doing something not many women do. Leave. Now that would be different.

Real quick: For those who are interested, I recorded my first podcast entitled, “The Poppin’ Questions Podcast”. Click here to check it out and if you’d like me to answer your questions, feel free to hit me up on Formspring.

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  • Lola D

    I just did. And I have to admit, its the most different/unexpected/interesting thing I have done in the 5 years I have known him.

  • http://whatsonmymind09.blogspot.com M. Hendricks

    I am a woman who is guily of saying “I’m not like the rest”… But most of the times I said it it is because a man had asked a question that made that answer appropriate to me. Other than that I totally agree that men and women should try not to say they’re different but SHOW they’re different.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/miamiloverg AlesiaMichelle

    I like this post. I left because I was different. But here is my issue I know girls are guilty too, but everyone needs to use the dating time to get to know someone instead of spending that time judging and assuming. It is hard to date someone who treats you “like the rest.” its funny because I think girls are more guilty than guys when it comes to this, but its bad either way. Whatever happened to good old getting to know someone… Spending time just talking…?

  • L. Dejean

    What they fail to understand is the way he treats a woman is on him, and not necessarily a direct reflection of the woman he’s dating.

    ^^^That is one the most profound things i’ve read on this site. It seriously struck me cause I never thought of it that way because I don’t concern myself with a man’s past unless he wants to speak on it.

    I don’t generally say i’m different, i normally say i’m weird, quirky, dorky, random, silly or all of the above and its funny because many don’t believe me till they witness it themselves. I’m not ashamed of those qualities because i like them.

    I’ve heard the “i’m not like other guys” but they ended up being a lot like other guys…it is all about the actions and less about the words with me. Show me so that i know for sure that you are for real because its easy to say such things but harder to be it.

    I’ll listen to the podcast later…the itis is hitting me! Great Post!

  • http://counterfake.net KitKatCuty84

    I’ve DEFINITELY said I’m not like other girls. Several times. Mainly it was when the guy wasn’t treating me in a way I deemed high enough for my elite status, lol. When that starts happening, I feel the need to say something. 😉

    Here’s a question, though. Why date guys who treat girls in a way that forces them to say such things? I realized this and my happiness has increased exponentially. Instead of dating guys whose behavior implies they’re into dating a certain type of girl, kick those guys to the curb and date guys whose behavior implies they’re really into girls like YOU. ‘Cause if you have to remind your dude that you’re different (a.k.a. BETTER) in the beginning, you might have to KEEP reminding him and that’s no fun.

  • BoomShots

    We have to all, men and women stop with the “I am not like all those other…”,. 6 billion plus people how different do you really think you are?
    It did not work for new coke and in the long run it doesn’t really make a difference.

    We all have subtle differences but the next woman will strike me different from the last woman because my last experience changed me. Enough so that I may or may not be able to tolerate your BS at the moment. In most men’s lives we will probably meet 2 to3 women at most where the sex is just so incredible that you are willing to overlook nearly everything else for a while. the truth is every sex is your highest priority you may never want to leave her but probability is that she is a one trick pony and you will.

    You still love sex as much but you may stay with the next chick longer, with whom the sex is probably average because she offered you more things than the “one trick pony”. Not necessarily better just different.

  • Sunkissed404

    ” These girls who I meet at the club who like to tell me they don’t usually go to the club, give me a headache. ” —>>

    Oohhhhh Snap son. In that case, I probably would have given you a migraine by now. lol I used to say this all the time, but in the past years, stopped…because it doesn’t sound believable.

  • Sunkissed404

    “””

    @L. Dejean

    “” I don’t generally say i’m different, i normally say i’m weird, quirky, dorky, random, silly or all of the above and its funny because many don’t believe me till they witness it themselves. I’m not ashamed of those qualities because i like them.””
    ***********************

    Totally feel you. I only say it when the guy looks at me like ” I can’t believe you’re so quirky!” to clear the air. Then normally, he’ll just laugh like… “Ummmm, yeah..But’s it’s cute!” lol

    What’s funny is I am none of the above around a guy I’m not feeling…So, they should be concerned.lol

  • AlongCameStacey

    “It’s like a person standing over a dead body with a bloody knife in their hand saying they usually don’t kill people.” I seriously spit up my water reading that. Funny, not knee slapping funny but totally unexpected.

    I used to give disclaimers about how difficult I can be. These days, I’m done with disclaimers. People don’t care about or listen to them anyway.

  • Sunkissed404

    @KitKatCuty84
    Preeeach!

  • http://yesijukebox.blogspot.com Yesi Jukebox

    And leave is what I did!

    Just want to say I liked this post..it had a little humor and definitely had a point. Good job Jozen.

  • Nicki

    You said… “What they fail to understand is the way he treats a woman is on him, and not necessarily a direct reflection of the woman he’s dating.”

    ***
    But here’s the catch-22… sometimes a man will treat a woman how she ALLOWS him to treat her. Things can start out as kind gestures or simple considerations only to be taken for granted over time.

  • Randi

    this post lacked focus a bit. you could have made your point much better with more clarity.

  • Isitis

    Only time I say ‘I’m not like the other women you’ve dated’ is when I’m ask a question or in a situation & the guy in question says ‘That how other women act’ or they don’t believe my words or actions.

    If I’m not treating you like the last 6 guys I dealt with & trying to understand how you tick at least give me the same benefit.

    Unfortunately, it’s human nature to try to put everything in categories. I try not to get too upset about it but I hope they would try to see me more as an individual.

  • Kady

    I never knew so many girls used the “I’m different” line too, I remember my first boyfriend in high school used that line….. smh, now I roll my eyes on the inside every time a man tells me that.

    To be perfectly honest, some people need that “I’m Different” warning, one of my ex-told me he was different, but in a negative connotation, something about his ability settle into a relationship or women lose patience with him or something, but point is, he was absolutely 100% spot on, he wasn’t a bad guy, just wasn’t boyfriend material. Maybe we should listen a little when people get more specific about why they are saying they are different.

    Things that make me different are: I have a crazy short attention span, like shorter than short. I have an extremely inappropriate sense of humor and that’s gotten me in trouble with people I’ve dated before (don’t joke on peoples family ya’ll). I always think I’m right, even in everyday situations it’s almost impossible for me to back down. And I usually warn people equally about this one, I am a “PICKY” eater, partly because I was raised Seventh Day Adventist (think kosher-ish Christian) and because my family has catered to my pickiness all my life, so I didn’t realize until I was an adult how difficult it was to eat with me, but I’m working on it. Why would I want to tell a man I like all this stuff upfront??? lol

    As for warning a man your different and expecting him to change his ways and treat you better, I would rather spend my time getting to know the man and letting him get to know me and he should figure out what does and doesn’t fly with me pretty quick. This post kinda reminds me of one of Jozen’s previous post about “Good Women” and how many of them he knows because women tend to think, “I’m a good woman, he better treat me different!”

  • http://www.since84.wordpress.com That One Girl

    …point taken.

  • Vonzell

    Okay. You are a gentleman and a scholar. Insightful!!!

  • http://womanofcolor.wordpress.com brownivyx

    I’m a big believer in tuning out a person’s words and listening to their actions (especially in regards to relationships), so this post in particular really resonated with me. Quite profound (and it made my coworker laugh too). Also, I think this generation in particular has an almost pathological obsession with being “the One”, “the Rock Star”, etc etc. I blame Sat. morning cartoons. And the Matrix.

    But yeah, those who truly are different are usually the quietest of the bunch.

    They’re too busy trying to fit in.

  • Kemz

    Noted. Thanks.

  • Miss. Riss

    I have this ” goal ” with every guy I date. I like to do or be something different, so that can be what they remember me by.

    Actions speak louder than words. I agree both men and women, need to show thier competitive advantage in order to get ahead…

  • The Don

    The worst is “Im not like other girls i only hang with guys” 98 % of women say that its not unique at all.

  • http://www.avenue8.com MissMina

    “I don’t care if my woman said she has no need for jewelry in her life, if I bought her jewelry, she needs to act like I bought her some jewelry.”

    LMAO. If she said she doesn’t want jewelry, buy her an iphone. And if you disagree, maybe you just need to receive a brand new tie for every occasion until you change your mind. 😉

  • http://yesijukebox.blogspot.com Yesi Jukebox

    @Isitis I hate when guys say “yea thats what every girl says” or when he compares me to anyone else he has dated. But you are right we try so hard not to get hurt by someone else that we look for things they do that are similar to others we have been involved with so that we can take it as a sort of warning. I definitely believe women are more willing to give a new man a chance, guys seem to hold on to negative sh*t a lot tighter possibly because of their pride.

  • Amber

    I had a really good guy friend tell me once that all girls say they are different or that they normally don’t do something. The day he told me that is the last time those words have exited my mouth. I didn’t want to be like all the others anymore…

  • Cristina

    Wanna buy me jewelry? I will sure act like I KNOW you bout me jewelry. LOL that was funny. But it’s true. I want you to say I’m the good kind of different when you get to know me. Duh.

  • Fran

    @M. Hendricks

    I was going to say the exact same thing! The only time I say that I’m “different” or what I usually say is “unique” is when I get a strange reaction from someone else as a result of something I did or said. And that’s when I say…hey….I’m unique! =)

    But I totally agree with you. People who walk around like they are different from the rest can be a little annoying. Actions definitely speak louder than words. I even take it a little further…you can TELL me all day what type of person you are, but you better believe your actions will REALLY show me who you are! =)

  • deadmoon

    This pisses me off greatly. i don’t know why, b/c i’ve never told anyone “i’m different”. but honestly, i am. It’s not bragging, it’s a warning. I have next to no social skills, zero friends (seriously), lots of weird mental crap, suicidal tendencies, paranoia (hopefully not developing into schizo). Seriously, when people say that line, sometimes you need to listen!