A Solution To The Too Busy For A Relationship Problem
Today I have some more thoughts about the dilemma I wrote about last week.
In thinking about this whole, being-too-busy-to-be-in-a-relationship phase of my life, I realized there was one truth no one will allow me — or anyone else who makes this claim — escape, and that is this: We make time for the things we value most. As much as I would love to argue with this counterpoint because I thoroughly, absolutely hate it, I can’t act like it isn’t true. As my boy pointed out to me, last week’s dilemma I wrote about is only true if I don’t want to be in a relationship.
Well, I don’t think I am opposed to being in a relationship. As a matter of fact, a relationship would be cool right now, but all I can do right now is date one type of woman and that woman is the type of woman who is too busy to be in a relationship too.
A friend of mine recently told me how all the hours she’s clocking at her new job have handicapped her dating life. She claimed she had no time to date because her hours were so long and how she would love to date, but with a new job, she wasn’t going to be able to anytime soon.
Hearing this, I thought to myself: That’s my type of woman; the woman who is far too busy to micromanage my duties as her man.
I think right now, there’s room in my life for a woman, in spite of the fact that I touch a keyboard more than I touch anything else. The thing is, I would like it if my woman did the same, a busy woman who has so much of her own thing going on, she barely has time for me.
Being too busy for a relationship actually seems like a cop out when I really think about it. I don’t think my problem is I’m too busy for a relationship, maybe the problem is I haven’t found a woman who isn’t too busy enough? Of all the things I can think of that would mark a woman off my list, being too busy for me is probably somewhere near the bottom. As a matter of fact, it might be dead last.
The kind of woman I would like is the type of woman who after I tell her I’m going to get a 5-hour energy drink, replies, “Get me one too.” She doesn’t say I shouldn’t be drinking those, because she understands there’s work that needs to be done.
When I was first starting my career, I dated a girl who was always on her Blackberry, and I hated it. Despised it, even. At that stage, I wasn’t doing nearly as much as I do now. The only thing setting my phone off back in those days was updates on the Major League Baseball scores. But then I realized my problem wasn’t with her, it had more to do with my career. I wouldn’t say I was jealous of her career, because I knew mine was only in its beginning stages, when she was already a year or so in. But I would say all this attention I wanted paid to me was the product of an idle mind, the very thing I’m trying to avoid now.
As I said yesterday on Facebook, the type of woman I want most is the type of woman who is too busy to concern herself with the little things I’m doing. She isn’t going to text me in the middle of the day and ask me to reinterpret one of my status updates. There will be no questions about a future together, because she’s too worried about the present. And the reason I don’t want these things have nothing to do with me wanting to avoid such “difficult” questions, it’s just, I’m busy too. I’m so busy I don’t even have time to think about what I see for myself in the next five years. I’m more worried about the next five minutes, the next five hours. As far as I’m concerned, there’s work to be done now, so we can just do it together. If someone can get with that, they can get with me.
Girls like my friend who complained she is unable to date because her schedule is so full should realize there are guys who have full schedules too, and they don’t mind eating some Chinese take out at 11 o’clock in the evening while hovering over a pair of his and hers laptops.
This is not to say this is the most romantic relationship I can be a part of, but I do feel like it might be the one closest to reality, at least for now. A woman who is in the throws of her career just like I am in mine is ideal not just for the obvious reasons (similar schedules) but because I like what a busy woman represents. I’m not talking about some “independent” woman here either, I’m talking about a busy woman, who knows how to appreciate time in and time out of the office, the latter especially because it’s so rare.
When I think about that post that was written by the girl I used to date about me and how my unemployment was sometimes met with speculation, it was eye opening to me, because I remember how busy I was knocking out all sorts of articles, and every once in a while deciding instead to take a break. I thought it would be appreciated, and there’s no doubt it was, but it had its limit and now I kind of understand why. I don’t want a woman who only appreciates the time I put into her, I want a woman who appreciates the time I put into myself, and maybe the only woman who can appreciate such a thing are the women who are busy doing the exact same thing.