Breaking News: Man Must Be Careful Too
There is an unfortunate stigma attached to women and seemingly not attached to men. That stigma is vulnerability and it’s unfortunate because it’s one-sided.
A woman can’t be alone with a man she barely knows. She can’t accept a drink from a man she just met. Hell, sometimes, she shouldn’t even be giving her phone number to a man she just met. Email might be best.
These are all unwritten rules when it comes to socializing, and a big reason why they’re in place is because a violation of any of these rules can possibly leave a woman vulnerable to some unfortunate consequence. And trust me, I get it. All of these rules I just mentioned above are for the well-being of women, and I would encourage all women to follow them. Sure I may be baffled at times when a woman with whom I vibe says she can’t go home with me, but I certainly understand her declining on the grounds of personal safety.
But today I want to talk about when a woman accepts my invitation or sometimes gets up the gumption to invite me without even knowing so much as my last name. Of course, she’s vulnerable to me, but hey, what about me? Aren’t I vulnerable too?
I’m pretty sure when I was growing up my mom applied an equal amount of emphasis to both my sister and I about the importance of avoiding contact with strangers. She never told my sister to avoid strange men and then told me, I don’t have anything to worry about.
The idea that going home with someone we barely know is primarily a chief concern for woman is well-deserved. One look at the evening news will back that statement up, but I have a confession to make. Every single time I have gone home or hooked up with a woman I barely know, there is a little voice in my head that says:
“Don’t be an idiot, Jozen! You don’t know this girl! She could be crazy! She can be a part of some underground dress shirt cartel that attains button-downs by taking innocent, horny fools — such as yourself — from the club to some loading dock where three big guys will beat you up and take your nice Ralph Lauren off your back without even asking!”
Okay, sometimes I’m not really wearing a Ralph Lauren, but you all understand my point, right? For a man, the risks of going home with a woman we barely know is just as great as it is for women who go home with men. The only difference is men sometimes choose not to listen the little voice in our head.
I can recall more than a few occasions in which a situation I was getting myself into didn’t feel quite right. If it’s an out-of-town hook up, suspicion will begin to surface the further away we get from the hotel district and the closer we get to the residential areas. Like, for instance, this weekend I’m going to my boy’s party in New Jersey, a place that is as familiar to me as Mars. The only place I know in New Jersey is the Jersey Turnpike, and that’s about it. Now, since I’m in such an unfamiliar setting, I unfortunately have to decline any offer by a woman to go home with her unless she is offering up my place, in which I would be even more suspicious because why would a woman so unfamiliar with my place elect to go there? Something about that isn’t right. Even if the hook-up is going down in our hometown, most men are sure to let at least one of their friends know where they will be just in case something doesn’t go the way they planned it.
But chief among all suspicions and worries whenever a man decides to take a woman up on her offer or encounters a woman who will take him up on his, is the woman he met has a man or a recent ex who is certified crazy and still stalking. Though it’s never happened to me (praise God) I know some men to whom it has happened and let’s just say it’s never pretty. Not ever. One of my boy’s told me a story where a girl he just met was down to go home with him after a party one night, on the condition he take her home right after. He agreed, but when he drove her to her place, she made him circle the block three times before insisting he drop her off on the corner down the street from where she lived.
The unfortunate thing is, whenever something bad happens to a woman for making a poor decision, she’s the victim of bad timing or, even worse, a bad man. Men, on the other hand, whenever they suffer some dire consequences as a result of going home with a woman or taking a woman home, are blamed themselves. It’s as though, they were men so they were stupid and this is what they deserve. This is why I feel like the next time a girl asks me to come to her place, I’m going to ask if one of my boys can join me. Don’t worry, he’s not going to get involved in any way whatsoever. I just need someone to watch the door (and windows too!) while the girl and I do our thing. If a girl was in my position and she asked for the same consideration, I would certainly give it to her. So why not I get it too?
Just as their are shady men out there who have no good intentions whatsoever, there are also some shady women out there who know shady men or are capable of doing some bad things themselves. That is what the little voice in my head is telling me and here’s hoping when I go out to my boy’s crazy house party in New Jersey, I listen to it. Don’t be an idiot, Jozen.