Home > dating, guys, women > I Swear Phone Calls Have Become The New Flowers

I Swear Phone Calls Have Become The New Flowers

I absolutely agree with anyone who believes technology has ruined the traditional lines of communication. With social media, the advent of text messaging, email, and online chatting, things like hand-written letters and regular phone calls seem to be archaic.

As a result, all of us have developed our own form of communication etiquette. I know of BlackBerry users who treat their BBM like its some sort of key to their heart and will make a person work for their pin number. There was a girl I once dated who chatted online during the day, and knew I did the same, but when we decided to open up the flood gates and chat with each other, we thought it a pretty big deal, for whatever reason.

But the form of communication I have noticed is becoming prized and put on a pedestal higher than the others is the classic phone call. Maybe it’s just the women I’m talking to these days, but from what I’m seeing, it’s like, phone calls are the new flowers. Give a girl a call, all of a sudden we know how to treat a lady.

I would love to take it back to the days of middle school and high school when I actually had some time to have a 45-minute or so conversation about everything under the sun. I’m a big talker (as anyone can guess) so the phone suits me just fine, but I have to be honest, the phone call just isn’t what it used to be and that’s not a personal thing, it’s a technology thing.

When I used to talk to a girl I liked on the phone for long periods of time, it was because I lived under my parents watchful eye and couldn’t leave the house whenever I wanted to, to see whoever I wanted to. When I was growing up, phone conversations were like dates largely because I couldn’t go out on dates that often.

These days, I don’t live under my parents supervision and have the freedom to pretty much do whatever the hell I want. One of those things is actually spend time with a girl in person, if she’s available to do so. And if she is available, and I’m free to talk for like an hour, and she lives not too far from me, why would I elect to spend that time on the phone instead of talking to her face to face?

At what point did a phone call go from functional to fashionable? Why can’t I reserve the phone for times when the conversation has a beginning, middle, and end. If I ask a girl out on a date or if I’m trying to make plans with her, of course I’m choosing to call over text messaging my invitation, but if I have no plans to make I have no call to make.

The notion that just because I don’t call, I don’t care and just because I do call, I do care is ridiculous. If I call a girl to just talk for a full week after getting her phone number, and I haven’t suggested plans within any one of those conversations, she has full reason to believe I’m using each phone call as a coupon. The more time I spend talking on the phone with a woman, getting her comfortable with me and establishing some sort of chemistry, the more reason she has to believe I’m trying to avoid a big splashy first date. I just want to hang out, kick it, preferably at her place or mine. Initially, such a request might be a turn off, so how do I make it a turn on? Call her, make her feel special, and get her so comfortable with the sound of my voice that she eventually says yes to a quiet night inside.

I know the plan may sound ridiculous, but so does the idea that a man who calls is a man who cares. Only in situations like long distance relationships, should time spent on the phone be treated like a prized possession, which is exactly why long distance relationships don’t work well for me. When I think about my long distance relationships from the past and all those hours spent talking on the phone, I start to itch.

These days, the reason I prefer a person who is close because I feel like the time spent on the phone can be time spent in person. I mean, hasn’t the face to face encounter been around longer than the phone call? Talk about a lost art.

The phone call, like many other things, needs to be explained in the very beginning of courtship in order to be honored. If we’re the type of people who appreciates phone calls over text messaging and emails, we need to make it clear to whoever we’re dating so that way they know what’s acceptable. If I liked a girl and she said she would much prefer I call her, I’m going to call her, but if she doesn’t express this in the beginning, and I’m sending 15 or so text messages to every one phone call, and she uses that to gauge how I feel, she should absolutely move on to the next guy..

As a matter of fact, I’ll just put it on record now and say I don’t want to date a girl who has time to talk for an hour or so anytime between the hours of 6 a.m. and 11 p.m. And if she does have that time, she needs to elect to spend it with me in person. I’m perfectly fine with stopping whatever I’m doing not to go back and forth on text messaging, not to sit on my couch and talk about things like my years growing up playing little league, but to actually get off my couch and see someone face to face. If we don’t have time to do that we probably don’t have time to talk on the phone.

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  • http://www.onlyoneheaven.com heaven

    Yup technology has brought us so close but also keeps us so far apart. You’re really not connected to people anymore unless you live with them. People don’t feel the need to call and catch up on the phone or in person on a visit cause they update their whole lives on facebook…. you feel caught up already… its a sad reality…. I’m glad I don’t have to date at a time where technology has taken over! So impersonal….

  • http://sinnamonnights.blogspot.com/ Sinnamon

    Good points. But what about when a girl is getting to know a guy. They’ve done the in person date, and now its Tuesday night and she may want to talk so as not to lose that spark, but doesn’t want to make a house call because it’s too soon for that sort of thing. I’m just saying phonecalls cam be nice as long as they’re accompanied by face to face time once in a while.

    Personally, if I give a guy my number and he starts things off by texting, he quickly becomes a loser in my book. I mean, you asked for my number. You wanted it. Am I not good enough to actually TALK to???

  • Miss. Riss

    calls or texts or even person meet ups, the only thing I ask for is consistency.

    I love those during the day ” thinking about you ” texts, but I would also like a quick 20 minute phone call just to hear your voice too.

    Hands down ” dates ” and face to face are the best option.

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ MadScientist7

    i’m definitely not a phone person. i’m always multi-tasking and talking on the phone requires me to actually pay attention over long periods of time. that could take away from me watching true blood (and we can’t have that). it takes a special person for me to want to spend time on the phone with you.

  • Jinx Moneypenny

    Yeah nowadays… text >>>>

    Last time I was on the phone forever was when I was in the beginning stages of my current relationship. But really… spoiled on the text and the IMing.

  • Yari

    “As a matter of fact, I’ll just put it on record now and say I don’t want to date a girl who has time to talk for an hour or so anytime between the hours of 6 a.m. and 11 p.m. And if she does have that time, she needs to elect to spend it with me in person. I’m perfectly fine with stopping whatever I’m doing not to go back and forth on text messaging, not to sit on my couch and talk about things like my years growing up playing little league, but to actually get off my couch and see someone face to face. If we don’t have time to do that we probably don’t have time to talk on the phone.”

    I couldnt have put it better myself!!

  • http://sincerelyxo.wordpress.com Alexis

    I’m a phone person and I make it known. Sometimes the other person is so used to texting and other lines of communication, my request is met with a “I’m too busy to call”. Don’t get me wrong texting is preferred too but I like a little diversity as well.

  • Leah

    I’m definitely not a phone person. And if you expect phone time to interrupt sleep time, you can just forget it! LOL! Nothing ticks me off more than one of those early morning “just wanted to say good morning” calls that come before my alarm clock. UGH!!! And the only thing that comes close to ticking me off more than the early morning call is the one that comes right after I finally doze off a couple of hours past bedtime. During the day, I don’t mind a quick call, but don’t get mad when I rush you off the phone because I’m working.

    Yeah, technology definitely rules my world. You can text me all day long; just don’t call. LOL

  • http://www.girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com mouf.peace

    omg i love this post and i totally co-sign. it was weird because i met this guy once, a few years older than me, 31. and for the first week of getting to know each other all we did was text. one time we had a 2 hour text convo and although it was a little ridiculous, honestly, i didn’t feel like talking to him on the phone. and i know this is stupid for me to assume but i thought that maybe, when you’re older … hour long phn convos are more than outta your system. it’s nice to be able to have something to talk about that long on the phone withs omeone but i always felt that if i wanted to talk to someone that bad, i’d just SEE THEM in person.

  • Truth

    All I thought while reading this is….BULL!

    Men prefer to TEXT than to TALK bc they can text 10 girls and the same time whereas if he actually calls you he has to devote that time frame to only u and cant multi-task between women! And whats even more rude is when ur the girl whose on the phone with a man who decides to text in your ear!

    I miss those innocent days of talking on the phone til the sun comes up even when u know u have to get up early~ #GoodTimes

  • Danni

    LOL very good points, Jozen. I can definitely agree with you that it’s a bit silly to assume that the lack of phone calls automatically means a person isn’t interested. Have to admit I’ve made this assumption a few times before.

    Somebody made a good point earlier on in the comments, though. It’s more about consistency than it is the actual phone call/text (or FB message, or tweet, or BBM). If you start getting to know each other with those 1-2 hour conversations once a week, you better be ready to keep it up, cuz girls like that ish. Same with those “how u doin” text messages. Gotta keep em coming. If all that stuff starts to falter, it looks like you’ve lost interest, even if you haven’t.

  • **inquiring mind**

    LOL… talking vs texting… the new world conundrum.

    I don’t get the big deal. I feel like it’s simple… do what is most confortable to you, but don’t be afraid to compromise = versatility. Myself, being a MAJOR talker and HEYLLA silly/sarcastic all the time, it just makes way more sense to talk to those who I can’t see. I mean do you have any idea how many times I have to text “no no that was a joke, why would I want you to kill yo’self” because text messages don’t always convey your intent.

    I definitely agree there should be an understanding. If I like to talk and you like to text, than some give and take is gonna have to take place and some comfort zones breeched. Not to mention, nothing is sexer to me than turning (out) a everyday texter into a late night phone chexer lol… Talking is GUUUUUUD people.

  • BoomShots

    Being that a major factor in my appeal to women is my conversational skills, I am and will forever be a devoted to the hour long phone calls if we are not face to face. Conversations offer me an opportunity to exercise my wit and also gives me an insight into a woman’s mind, how she thinks and how she expresses herself, for me those things are invaluable. IMs and texts do not offer the same level of verbal interplay that I find so appealing: satire, ridicule and puns are too easily lost

    On the other hand, the too frequent phone calls, IMS and texts way too intrusive. I am usually invisible on IM and having avoided texting for years, I am still very reluctant to use it beyond short informational exchanges. So while I may love to talk to a woman, I am not in the mood for a conversation whenever or wherever. I am actually interested in hearing what she has to say and responding in kind, I am not able to do that if I am in the middle of something else.

    The downside of all this technolgical accessibility is sense from some folks that because they can, they will contact you whenever they feel like it and you should be responsive immediately. Not going to happen!!
    There is only one woman who gets my immediate response, Mom, my parents are seniors and retired. Their calls are always possible emergencies.

    All that “miss you” IMing, text and midday phone calls can be a little bit of overkill in my book. Savor some of it a little, let it build up, maybe if it build up to the right intensity you may decide to meet me for lunch or more; having dinner at your place or mine and someone spending the night. Whatever happened to building desire…well its not going to happen with all that access.

  • **inquiring mind**

    @**inquiring mind**
    y’all know I can spell *comfortable… don’t trip!

  • http://counterfake.net KitKatCuty84

    @MadScientist7
    This is precisely why, if I like the guy, I demand phone convos. If you’d prefer the in-person thing Jozen is suggesting, that’s cool too, but if you want me to put any effort at all into dating you, than I require a little of your undivided attention. If you can’t offer that in person or over the phone, then what’s the point of interacting at all?

    Being an English major who’s trained to read the subtext and context, denotative and connotative meanings of words, sometimes texting can be too nerve-wracking and can add an element of confusion and room for miscommunication that you don’t have when you can hear inflection and tone of voice.

  • http://www.teaandsuch.blogspot.com Tea

    “As a matter of fact, I’ll just put it on record now and say I don’t want to date a girl who has time to talk for an hour or so anytime between the hours of 6 a.m. and 11 p.m. And if she does have that time, she needs to elect to spend it with me in person.”

    I could be going off on a limb, but seems like you’re just making up new reasons to NOT date someone. I’m biased because while I don’t have time to talk on the phone either, I really do enjoy it. And if we’re being honest, it’s takes a lot less effort than face-to-face communication. I can do it in my sweats, hair looking like whatever and curled up on my bed flipping through TV channels. If we’re out, I’m likely in heels, face painted, hair just so… factor in travel time, etc. I’m not saying face-to-face isn’t awesome and/or necessary, I’m just saying it would be nice to make some room for phone conversation.

    Also, I’ve seen my mom and steppops work the phone conversation model pretty well. They’ve been married for about 14 years. She works days, he works nights and this set-up is fairly new. (They don’t tell you this, but til death do us part includes night shifts.) My parents spend the majority of their time together talking on the phone and that works for them. It’s a good thing they don’t have these rules about NOT talking on the phone because then they would never get any QT.

  • Maria

    A phone call is not like giving flowers. I dislike purely “textual relationships”. We can use technology to arrange meet ups but sometimes it is easier to pick up the phone. We don’t have to be on the phone for hours on end but I don’t want you texting or BBim’ing be all day either. Technology is good for something’s but has enabled people to forget their manners for other things. i.e. breaking up over text. Pick up the phone or do it in person because one of the two is going to happen shortly thereafter.

    I have noticed, men 27 and under text and/or BBim all day and night rarely picking up the phone. Those between 28 and 33 use a combination of the phone and technology. Those over 33 use the phone or meet up in person and rarely text. I always find this to be so funny but rarely have I been proven wrong. Fortunately, all of these men use email which is the easiest way for me to communicate during work hours. After business hours it’s the phone, face to face or minimal texting.

    At the end of the day, I would much rather be face to face so I can give you my undivided attention which means not taking calls, texting or checking my phone while I am with you. In this day and age, giving someone your undivided attention is the new flowers.

  • http://whatsonmymind09.blogspot.com M. Hendricks

    Talking on the phone is almost foreign nowadays. With texting and BBMs and then there is Facebook and Twitter that takes the intimacy out of getting to know someone. Actually meeting to hang out and chit-chat…is rare. Everyone wants to spend time in the house. Get out the house sometimes! I honestly judge a man’s ginuwine interest if he texts me all the time. I don’t take you seriously if that is all you can do. Hell I’m waiting on the day when hand-written notes make a comeback!! I’m excited about that day to come!!!

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ MadScientist7

    @KitKatCuty84 face to face interaction is fine with me as well. i just don’t see the point of spending long periods of time on the phone. i’ve never been a phone person and this is before text, IMs, BBMs, gchat, etc.

  • Leah

    @M. Hendricks
    I do handwritten notes. :-)

    On another note… am I the only one who, at times, wonders if some of these commenters are ghosts from Jozen’s past? Some of these comments sound so personal sometimes. LOL!

  • **inquiring mind**

    @Leah
    No you not! I’ve had one of Jozen’s “girls” on in HARD on me one time… seriously, don’t tell on yo’self booboo LOL.

  • MsPrincessKey

    @Maria I have to completely agree with you on this one.

    It is such a rare occasion for people to give their undivided attention to another person. I see couples out all the time checking their phones, having conversations on the phone, and texting all while their partner is sitting their looking bored to tears. Nothing will ever replace having someone complete attention, which is what is necessary for a phone conversation.

  • Leah

    @**inquiring mind**
    OMG I am over here cracking up!!!! LOL!!!!! That’s hilarious! Whew. Okay, well I’m glad it’s not just me. I’ve been wondering that for a minute now, but didn’t want to step on any toes since I’m fairly new. LOL

  • **inquiring mind**

    @Leah
    Step on toes? o_O boooooo! This is an open forum, any one that takes stuff seriously on here (myself included- lol #selfsnitching<<<—- that's a joke) needs to get a grip. I mean, it should be about discussion not all extra emotional. And on that note, (insert disclaimer symbol) if any of Jozen's "women" (girls is degrading) does get pissed about what's being said you should definitely go in on the likes of myself or Leah or whomever… #FIRSTammendmentSTANDup (lol)

  • Maria

    @MsPrincessK

    I remember watching this couple on a date. As he talked she was fiddling with her phone and looking at her watch. When she talked he zoned off and drank his beer. There were only a few moments they seemed engaged in one another. Even if you are boring me to no end I do my best to stay engaged.

  • http://natashasjourney-natasha.blogspot.com Natasha

    @Danni
    I agree I made those assumptions too. For the most part my assumptions where correct, the guy really didn’t care lol. I mean he is at home and he is tells me I am doing nothing. I am like ok well if you feel like talking I will call so we can talk. I call and the phone just rings. But as soon as I text I get a reply right away? It is not the case with every guy and I will be sensative to that in the future. I just feel that technology has helped people who are emotionally disconnected have social lives!

    @inquiring mind
    You hit it on the nail sis! We have to do what feel natural to us. I was going to make the same point. I am sensative so if someone is joking I am like “what” and they are like “calm down” LOL! Then I need to understand all the codes like lls, and lmk, girl it is not my thing.

    @Maria
    I was going to make the age point. That is my observation too about age! This is why I LOVE older men because the phone was their only option other than picking you up and taking you to the movies! Younger guys it’s tough for me because other than attraction we don’t click.

    I will let a guy know up front that I perfer conversations vs. texts. That is a great point Jozen. I do BBM, text, etc. but it is not a crutch for me. Face to face is an lost art. I talked to a guy years ago for weeks and he never asked me on a date. But wanted to know when I was available to chat online. His excuse was he worked a lot, but oddly enough he was always online. When I am too busy to meet face to face I want to talk on the phone. If we are too busy to talk then text! When someone says how was your weekend I am not the person that says ” oh great”. I will say what happened Friday, Saturday and Sunday hahaha. Even if I did not go any where I will talk about finally cleaning my closet because I had time.

    Texting for me is when someone does not have the time to talk or you do not have that much to say. Thanks for writing the phone conversation post Jozen:)

  • livinglife

    This post really speaks to me. I am definitely guilty of thinking the guy who calls everyday is more interested in a guy who texts. I’ve actually discontinued communication with a number of guys who only texted me. To me, texting is too informal and it shouldn’t be a way of getting to know someone. And when first meeting you, I don’t necessarily feel comfortable hanging out at my or your place and in case it turns out that I don’t like you, I’d rather not go on a date. Phone conversations is the way to go to get to know a guy for me. While a person can lie over the phone, texting just seems like an easier avenue for that. I also feel like a person can create a persona that is nothing like the actual person that they are through texts. Again, that’s possible over the phone but I feel like I can get a better feel of a person over the phone. And people can take things said out of context through texts more than over the phone. But this was definitely an interesting read and I’ll def take what you said into consideration in the future.

  • Maria

    @Natasha

    I rememer I was dating this guy, 35 (*8 years older than I*) and he texted me a day or so after we met. I thought on no is he a texter!! I texted him back and then finally he called me and I was like YES!! He uses the phone. He told me he doesnt text alot, instead he uses the phone or emails. Double Yes!! We only texted randomly. Other than that it was on the phone (he even had my work number!!) or face to face.

    The phone is not a bad thing. It is not flowers but can get you extra points over those text only people :)

  • http://thingsilove-sharms.tumblr.com Sharms

    I voted for you :) :) I really love this blog

  • VonBherAnn

    Texting has taken a lot of people away from being capable of having honest-to-god conversations any more, whether by phone or in person. I will be so happy the day I find a man who’d rather talk to me on the phone than spend all night texting me. I’m the kind of person who needs voice inflection in my conversations, tonality and flow. I’ve had too many texting conversations go south because I couldn’t get a feel for what the person actually meant by something they wrote. Tone can be so easily mis-read, and I’ve kicked a few guys to the curb for texting because I’m thinking, “Am I not even worth a damn phone call?”

    Not pinpointing anyone in particular, but this whole texting phenomenon has got me feeling like folks just can’t be bothered to hit “talk” instead of “send.” We’re not that damn busy that we can’t talk, and if you got time to hang out face-to-face, you got time to talk on the phone. Just sayin’.

  • http://spchrist.blogspot.com spchrist3

    I agree technology has ruined dating. I keep bumping into women that love to text instead of call. I don’t like to text so it never seems to work out.

  • L. Dejean

    Good post…i tend to like to text over talking on the phone cause if i’m nervous or upset, you can hear it in my voice & sometimes, i don’t feel like i’m expressing myself correctly but i will talk on the phone but i value being face to face more.

  • SimplyBeatiful

    Hi, I’m a woman AND I CAN’T STAND THE PHONE.

    I would much rather see you face to face and talk to (maybe not talk to you and just enjoy your energy).

    Lets to Starbucks, how about some ice cream something where we can see and vibe with each other. Once I get REAL comfortable with you I’m looking at my phone like um, why is he on my phone and not at my house.

  • http://natashasjourney-natasha.blogspot.com Natasha

    @Maria
    “It is not flowers but can get you extra points over those text only people”
    Co-sign!

    See, you are on point with the age thing. Age is more of a factor then people are willing to admit it does. I am 32 so I was just brought up in a different time.

  • Fine.Amazon

    @BoomShots

    Yay!!! …what BoomShots said. My sentiments exactly :-)

  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

    Definitely not a phone person. If it’s just a quick convo, I rather text. If it’s a long convo, I’d rather be in person. If either are not possible (such as long distance), I guess I’ll have to get on the phone. Phones make my ears sweat over a period of time and that’s uncomfortable, so it better be some damn good convo for me to even consider being in the phone for hours, lol.

  • MoodIndigo

    The pace of professional life has sped up exponentially since the advent of the cell phone. For those of us in our 20s/early 30s on our grind, every second counts. I share the sentiment that a woman who gets me on the phone is definitely special to me. I’m not going to give it up at first though until I know she’s worth it. Time is the one thing in life you can’t get back.

  • hamptonUcritic@gmail.com

    great read jozen!!! i’m a phone person, texter, in person person. I can do it all. But phone calls are special these days .. oddly enough :)

  • Vonzell

    Wow I think you are right. Good point that if there’s “no time” to see each other in person, than there shouldn’t be to talk on the phone. I enjoy talking on the phone, but real life conversation pwns the telephone.

  • citygirl22

    Everyone has made some great points, but I feel that we are mixing apples and oranges without one important ingredient: the time/stage of the relationship. When major distance is not a factor, the appropriateness of each form of communication depends not only on each person’s preference, but on “where you are” with each other. Texts can be great because they are easy-breezy, devoid of pressure. Phone calls are the best way to cover basic ground and get a sense of one’s personality, mentality and general sensibility. In person meetings provide a deeper level of interaction, and reveal the presence or absence of the (all-important) chemistry. None of these forms of communication should replace each other, but rather complement each other.

    When I am first getting to know someone, I do not mind a text or email to the effect of “it was nice meeting you,” “hey I hope you’re well,” and/or a casual, “we should hang out sometime.” But it NEEDS to be followed up by something. If a man does not call me for in-person conversation within 1-2 weeks of us meeting, then I presume one of several things:

    a) he’s not interested
    b) he’s not interested in anything beyond a physical (sexual) interaction
    c) he is conversationally inept
    d) he is passive/aggressive or lacking in confidence
    e) he already has someone, or is otherwise emotionally unavailable

    Phone conversation is the primary means by which I like to get to know someone, UNTIL I feel natural and comfortable with the idea of going on a date. Again, if an in-person meeting is not suggested within 1-2 weeks of phone conversations, I will presume one of the above.

    Once we are already seeing each other, it’s OK for a man to revert (to some extent) to calling and texting. There is nothing wrong with these, but they shouldn’t replace in-person interaction otherwise he will quickly get put into the friendzone or the no-zone.

    I’ve heard it said, and I believe it, that MEN ARE SEDUCED BY WHAT THEY SEE… WOMEN ARE SEDUCED BY WHAT THEY HEAR. A man who calls does not necessarily know how to treat a lady any better, but he may be tapping into what is a woman’s primal need for communication, which is essential to starting and maintaining any successful relationship.