This isn’t about you. Not you either. This is about all of yous. The girls with whom I once shared my dreams and now are no longer around to see them come true.
As I think about what’s next, and I stay true to the belief that whatever it is it’s going to be great, I think about all of you who knew me then. You girls who let me tell them about my moves and my goals, but for whatever reason, aren’t around to see such things happen. I couldn’t have done it without you, but in a weird way I did.
Welcome everyone, to my humility. “Advice From Hot Girls” is a new series I’m adding to UIGM for the sake of changing the plenty I don’t know about women, to the plenty I do know; the plenty I need to learn about women, to the plenty I learned.
As many readers have told me, the UIGM comment section is just as engaging and fun to read as my posts. So I decided to marry my lack of knowledge about the opposite sex with the remarkable candor of my readers, and thus “Advice From Hot Girls” was born. Here’s how it works:
I will ask one question or lay out a dilemma I am having with the opposite sex. Then I go on a rant to give the question context, and ask you all to offer me the best answer or solution, which you all will leave in the comment section. And don’t worry about what I’m going to do with the advice or answers given. If it’s good I’ll put it into practice, and rest assured, probably blog about what happened as a result.
Oh and to my male readers, don’t leave. Stay and you might learn something too.
Now, without further ado, my first dilemma I need a woman’s take on.
To hear others tell it, I use this blog to talk about sex. A lot. Though I don’t think it’s an entirely accurate assessment, I do know I talk about sex frequently.
It is because of this frequency many people in the comments and those who meet me in real life usually suggest I’m some sort of insatiable freak who will sleep with every woman I meet. And that is not true! I will not sleep with every woman I meet because not every woman I meet will let me sleep with them. DUH! But I digress…
What frustrates me most when people speak on my speaking about my sex life is when they want to give me the same song and dance I’ve heard a million times about the importance of safe sex. As though I don’t know it, and I don’t practice it. So what I have decided to do is publicly declare what I call a new vow of celibacy for myself and any woman I sleep with moving forward. Here it is:
I understand women understand, but I don’t know to what extent.
This was the sentiment I felt after reading the comments on last week’s post, “So She Wants To Get Married”. A lot of the women who commented said they could understand what some men mean when they say they want to establish themselves before they get married, especially after I listed the laundry list of issues I have that prevent me from doing so. So for some, I’m glad I could clear things up, and for the others who still felt a woman can help a man overcome all of the things I listed, it’s been duly noted. But it still doesn’t make me any more comfortable with the idea of being a woman’s husband. And when I thought more about what I wrote last week, I realized I’m not even really prepared to be a woman’s boyfriend.
On this week’s Poppin’ Questions Podcast, a reader wrote to me about a guy she’s been dating for over two years who has told her (assuming on more than one occasion) he wants to marry her, but first, he wants to establish himself. It confuses her because she has always believed when a man wants to get married, he will do so, established or not. Never mind the fact that she doesn’t mention in the question whether or not she’s ready to get married. We’re just going to assume so.
I answered the question on the podcast, so at any point in time you all are more than welcome to listen to my two cents, but I wanted to create a post about it, for two reasons. The first is I actually get some version of this question in my Formspring quite often. Every week a woman writes to me and asks why her man can’t just pop the question? Why must he wait until he’s established? These questions are what leads me into the second reason for writing this post.
At least one man ought to try and explain what other men mean when they say they want to establish themselves before they get married. I’m going to give it my best shot right now.
I don’t think all men cheat. I used to, as recently as a couple of months ago as a matter of fact, but then I woke up and realized all that was a belief. I had no actual proof all men cheated. Why would I believe such a thing? I could easily believe something different. So I did.
These days, I don’t put the act of cheating beyond any man, but I don’t automatically think a man will cheat. I do think men have it in them to do so. And if they ever do, I know exactly the type of woman with whom he’ll do it. Now before I reveal her, understand, this is a theory I have. Just a theory. I don’t know if this is true or not, but I do know a thing or two about cheating, seeing as I’ve done it once or twice in my life. I say that with no pride in my heart, just stating the facts.
But who knows? I could still have no idea whether or not any of this is true. Like I said, it’s just a theory, but I’ll give it a shot anyway.
Well, damn. I suppose if I’m writing about it, it’s a big deal, right?
I mean, they’re just pictures of my ex and I back when we were together. They’d been lying in my profile pics album, pushed way to the back, beyond all the Obama pics I used to post when he was seeking election. They were getting old and not about to go back to profile pic status anytime soon, so I took them down. No big deal, right?
No big deal. But maybe, a move worth thinking (and thus writing) about.
Two interviews I did with other artists, and one interview someone else did with me. Here they go…
Bilal and I talked about his new album Airtight’s Revenge, but the real interesting part is where he talks about Love For Sale. For those who follow Bilal, Love For Sale was a bootlegged album that never saw the light of day, but man is it good. Anyway, click here to read our discussion about that album and other things.
N.E.R.D. and I talked about their new album, Nothing back in the Summer, but the interview is just now running on GlobalGrind.com. And when I say N.E.R.D., I do mean mostly Pharrell. Guy is pretty deep and we had a good talk about the meaning behind his group’s new album, coming out soon. Click here to read it.
Hercampus.com is a cool lifestyle website dedicated to the female college student. Apparently they have campus correspondents all around the country, and a young woman by the name of Amber Brown from Rider University was smart enough to reach out and interview me. Click here to check out what kind of advice I give to young co-eds around the country.
To the women who are reading this: Do not for one second believe the title of this post is about to offer up some suggestions as to what other things can be substituted for giving up the good stuff. There is absolutely no substitute for the good stuff, at least not one a woman can provide. I can provide it on my own, but that’s neither here nor there.
Here’s what today’s post about: Figuring out ways I can tell a woman really likes me besides having sex with me. I’ve slept with quite a few woman who afterward treated me no different than a girl who has never even thought about sleeping with me. Not all sex is about feelings, sometimes it’s recreational, and I know that will many of my potential commentators saying things like, “That’s what’s wrong with the world,” but there’s a lot of things with the world so let’s just avoid that part of the conversation.
Instead, let’s talk about how sex has become so commonplace today (not a bad thing) that women now need to find other ways to show they really, really like a guy. So she gave me some good stuff. Great. But how do I know she really likes me? Well, here’s five other things she can do to show me she likes me.