Man Seeks Girl Friend
Mentally, the break from writing has been good for me. I needed to not only relax my writing chops, but also my brain; I needed to think about life, what I need, what I want. All this work for the past month had me in a tailspin of sorts; had me thinking crazy things like, I need a girlfriend.
I actually was thinking that’s what I needed. A girlfriend. Can you believe that? Then I thought I was too busy to be in a relationship, which sucked because for years a girlfriend for me was never an issue. If I wanted one, I got one, and I don’t mean to make it sound like I would just pick one off a lot. I’m just saying, finding a woman to be in a relationship with has never really been an issue, until it was when the work started piling up.
But eventually, by yesterday when I was thinking about what I was going to write about for the first time in like five days, I finally came to a breakthrough of sorts. I realize exactly what I need in my life from the opposite sex and I’m happy to say, it’s not sex (although that is great), it’s really just friendship.
This past weekend, I used a woman. She is a friend of mine who came to visit me for the weekend and I told her the second day here that I was using her. But I wasn’t using her for sex or money or some other trivial reason. I was using her for what I can only describe as her comforting presence.
I’m not one of those guys who does well with female friendships. I’m actually quite bad at them because I find they are quite demanding in a lot of cases, especially if one let’s their female friend down. Whenever I flake on my boys, there’s never hard feelings, but let me not come through for a woman when she needs me and I know there’s a good chance we’re not friends anymore for like, two weeks.
But I find myself watning to change that about me, and being a better friend to more women so in return I can have more women friends. Before my friend came to visit me this past weekend, another good friend of mine back home came to visit me with her sister about three weeks ago. I remember telling her the second night she was here how nice it was she came out to visit, and though I was talking about her and her sister specifically, I also know it was a much needed dose of estrogen in my place.
We all know relationships take work, so when I was speaking about being too busy to be in a relationship, I don’t think I meant it as some blanket statement where I was too busy for females. I’m not too busy to hang out with a girl, and actually I would love to do it more often because I think the balance of a female presence is the thing I was missing most in my life.
The way I was spending my time, it was either by myself or with my boys, and don’t get me wrong, I love to do both. My boys are like my lifeblood and the time with myself allows me to work towards my goals with a clear head. So what can a woman do for me?
Well, take a look at the comments from the previous two weeks when I was writing about this busy life I was living. A common refrain I read from my female commentators was I need balance. They were saying life is more than just about a career, and though they were understanding of my passion to succeed on the work front, they were reminding me that life is more than deadlines and word counts. Those were the kind of things I needed to hear.
When I hung out with some of my female friends, it was a relief to talk about something other than work. My friend who visited me this weekend didn’t hear me talk about work much at all. Actually, I’m pretty sure the only time she heard about it was when I was talking to (who else?) my dad. Meanwhile, the conversations with my mother have been about me taking the time to go back to church twice a week and I even talked to my sister briefly who sent me pictures of family and asked me how I was doing outside of work. Speaking of my sister, a story:
I remember earlier this year, when she was pregnant, I had lost my valid ID and needed to get a new one. Thing was, my expired license was serving its purpose. I don’t drive in New York City (I am licensed to do so in California), so all I really need my ID for is access to 18-21-and-over spots so I could review shows and attend industry functions. Because my expired license was getting the job done, I was in no rush to get my ID and not only that, the process was going to take me away from my job for too many hours, so I kept on putting it off. Finally my Mom, for what seemed like the 100th time asked me if I got my new ID. I told her I didn’t. She said, “You know your sister says you need to hurry up and get your ID. She said, ‘If he wants to see his niece, he needs to get a legal ID so he could get on a plane.'”
I was at the DMV the next day.
See? The women, once again, reminding me about the other important things in life.
So I’m just going to admit it here and now. I need a girl friend. Not a girlfriend. A girl friend. Sure, maybe it can grow into something more, as I definitely still apply certain standards to my female friends that I do my girlfriends, namely that they remain superficially attractive because a great deal of my female friends are and I just can’t relax my standards on that front. But yeah, a girl friend would be nice. Someone who will let me use them and use me in return not for sex nor for money, just for fun.