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What A Man Might Do When His Woman Stops Laughing

September 23rd, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

I don’t think all men cheat. I used to, as recently as a couple of months ago as a matter of fact, but then I woke up and realized all that was a belief. I had no actual proof all men cheated. Why would I believe such a thing? I could easily believe something different. So I did.

These days, I don’t put the act of cheating beyond any man, but I don’t automatically think a man will cheat. I do think men have it in them to do so. And if they ever do, I know exactly the type of woman with whom he’ll do it. Now before I reveal her, understand, this is a theory I have. Just a theory. I don’t know if this is true or not, but I do know a thing or two about cheating, seeing as I’ve done it once or twice in my life. I say that with no pride in my heart, just stating the facts.

But who knows? I could still have no idea whether or not any of this is true. Like I said, it’s just a theory, but I’ll give it a shot anyway.

If a man ever cheats, the type of woman he will do it with is the woman who will laugh at all of the jokes his girlfriend or wife used to laugh at. I know it seems preposterous, but bare with me.

I really can’t put my finger on what it is about a woman’s laugh that makes it so addictive to a man’s ears. Men aren’t asking to be considered comedians, but I don’t know one man who doesn’t think he’s funny, and I really don’t know any man who doesn’t want to be funny to his woman. A man’s jokes are the new giant c*ck (excuse my French); every man thinks he has them, and they always want to show them off. When they meet a woman they can’t get from good looks alone, they know their ability to be funny might do the trick. Even more true is the woman who laughs at his jokes. The more she likes him, the more she laughs. Every man knows that.

And the less she likes him, the less she laughs. Every man knows that too.

Not to quote rappers or anything, but to quote the rapper Scarface, “You wanna go out, and try find that smiling face…”

I heard that line four years ago, in a song called “Girl You Know”. It always struck a deep chord with me because it pointed to what I felt was at the core of what most men are searching for when their relationship isn’t what it used to be. This is not to say it’s right, because it isn’t right. As a matter of fact, it’s wrong to step out of a relationship in search of anything missing from said relationship, but it doesn’t change the fact that people still do it. So instead of trying to figure out something that has been going on in relationships for as long as relationships existed (stepping out of them), let’s instead figure out what brings a person to step out.

Another smiling face.

Every man remembers the jokes his woman laughed at the hardest. He saves them for the future lulls of silence between her and him. When that moment comes, he’ll bring the joke back up just to see her chuckle or smile the way she did when she first heard it. They also remember the joke for the other girls who might come around later, when his girl at home has stopped laughing at them.

I know this sounds crazy, like a joke even, that all a woman needs to do to keep a man is laugh at his jokes, but my point is not about the jokes so much as it is about the man who says them. He never was a comedian, but he loved it when his woman used to make him feel like one; when she used to laugh at all his jokes. Instead these days, he’s just saying “Damn, it was just a joke.” And she’s saying, “Well it wasn’t funny.” So now all those lulls of silence he used to fill with wisecracks and quick wit will no longer be filled with anything, and the search for a smiling face will pick back up where it last left off.

Real Quick: If you haven’t already (but thank you to those who have), I would really appreciate if you take a look at the post I wrote, “Was It Something I Said.” I’m asking readers to leave a comment with a couple of their favorite quotes I wrote. This is for a special project I’m working on, not for vanity reasons, so your help is greatly appreciated. Click here for more.

Also, in case you haven’t heard, the FIFTH edition of The Poppin’ Questions Podcast is up and can be streamed or downloaded. Click here to do one or the other.

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  • Rio

    Ooh. Another ‘smiling face’. I see what you’re getting at here with that…somewhat valid theory. Good post!

  • Jen

    I’ve been with my husband for 20 years and there is no doubt in my mind that he has never cheated on me. I’ve never really thought of it as a key to our successful marriage, but we laugh together (at each other) all the time. We are both kinda stupid so it’s not hard for us to do.

    I think you may be on to something.

  • http://www.uncletypewriter.com Stereo

    Makes perfect sense to me.

    The same principle can be applied to women who cheat too. She’s most likely to step out with a dude who notices the things about her that her partner has long since ceased complimenting or mentioning. It’s always nice to be reminded that you’re still desirable/funny/appealing.

    Men and women alike are shameless pursuers of an ego stroke.

  • Anominous Mistake

    Without ego, there is nothing. Without (obvious) appreciation, the ego can easily dwindle to nothing. Sad, but true.
    But then again, stop recycling old jokes! :p Get a notepad, and write some funnies.

  • http://bubblyblackgirl.wordpress.com Renae

    After all, “laughter is the sound happy makes”.

  • http://twentysomething83.wordpress.com Tricia

    I wonder if that goes both ways? Women do enjoy men who make them laugh, and probably tend to choose those men over classically attractive ones. If a woman’s man stops making her laugh does she go looking for one who does?

  • Keia

    Remember, men need laughter sometimes more than food. — Anna Fellows Johnston

  • Atych Dave

    Good post. I think you’re onto something, but I’d say maybe it’s a little bit more complex. I think it comes down to the woman who appreciates a man for things he like to be appreciated for. Sense of humor is obviously a big one because if you’re not super good-looking for most men Plan B is to be witty or funny. But if the guy prides himself on being sensitive, or very smart, or thuggish, even if it’s not his best trait, he’s going to get good feeling from the woman that sees that with a fresh eye and appreciates it more.

    I think the other situation is being able to be someone or something you’re not. I think this also plays into what I just explained. A lot of times when people know us well, we can’t even pretend to have a certain trait that maybe we want to develop or explore because the person we’re with starts asking questions, either getting suspicious or thinking we’re being silly. When you’re dealing with someone else, especially someone new, you can explore different sides of yourself that you haven’t or don’t feel comfortable trying with the person you’re with. At the end of the day all roads lead to self-confidence and assurance which can lead to other things…

  • http://womanofcolor.wordpress.com brownivyx

    Interesting theory…I have to admit, I’m looking at the comments to see if the men are in concurrence, lol.

  • goalawal

    Anyone else think jozen is about to get himself a girlfriend like really soon?

  • Starita34

    @Renae
    I see what you did there and I approve this message.

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ MadScientist7

    i actually agree with this theory. not the cheating part but the laughing part. i love a woman with a sense of humor. more importantly i love a woman who’s sense of humor is aligned with mine. she gets my jokes, i get hers. i love to see a woman laugh and smile.

  • Violet

    Great post!

    @goalawal Pictures down. Laughs secured. Hmmmm….

  • http://www.girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com doowaditty

    love this because coincidentally (or not) one of my top three favorite posts you wrote was the one titled “on laughing”

  • B*

    To me what you’re really saying is the feeling associated with the woman’s attention toward the man. And like one commenter^ said, it has to do with feeling appreciated and getting his ego stroked. However, this goes both ways, and it’s ridiculous to have that be a reason/excuse (or permission) to cheat. Communication is pretty simple, and if it was addressed it could be dealt with and amended — if only that is what he truly wanted.

    BUT, in an [adult] relationship, it isn’t going to always be about getting the ego stroked when he/she wants it to be (or all the time). It is foolish and childish to think that it would be. Therefore, if that’s all the person is after, they aren’t truly ready for a relationship. They need to keep playing the field.

  • Aries_Rose

    I guess I never would have looked at it from this perspective, but I’m feeling the overall message. I love to laugh and I think I can be funny since I spend a lot of my time laughing with the people around me. Just using my friends and co-workers as an example, if they suddenly stopped laughing at what I was saying or being cold when I was trying to cheer them up with a joke, I would definitely feel like something was wrong. And if this pattern continued, I would defintely think the something wrong had to do with me.

    This post also reflects what scares me about relationships. What do you do when you get to a point where the honeymoon phase is over and what made the two of you vibe before doesn’t work anymore? I think some men (and women) don’t know what to do and end up seeking out someone else, which is kind of-sort of, what it seems like you were getting at. Nice post.

  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

    “If a man ever cheats, the type of woman he will do it with is the woman who will laugh at all of the jokes his girlfriend or wife used to laugh at. I know it seems preposterous, but bare with me.”

    It actually doesn’t. I’ve heard countless men talk about how the other girl makes him feel more alive by laughing at his jokes and/or being more fun than his current girl.

    Yup, it doesn’t excuse anything but, it’s real…

  • Akilah Garnett

    I love this post. I don’t think it’s a theory I believe this is the truth.

    “If a man ever cheats, the type of woman he will do it with is the woman who will laugh at all the jokes his girlfriend or wife used to laugh at.”

    I don’t think that’s the only reason why he will cheat but partly, yes. People who cheat, I believe, have that notion “what u won’t do someone else will”.

    So the reason why I believe this “laughter theory” is the truth is because of my parents….

    My parents have been married for 31 years and my mom always laughs at my dad’s jokes. These jokes can be funny as hell and some can be sooo corny, but she laughs at them all. My mom said to me one time,”if I ever stopped laughing, that’s when I know my relationship with your father is over”.

    I can still hear her saying that to me so clearly and she was serious too. My parents marriage was not all peaches and cream by far, but there friendship within their marriage is solid. 31 years and they are still together 🙂 maybe laughter is a big part of the secret to a long happy relationship. Hopefully I will have what my parents have one day.

    Good post.

  • lchecks

    Love this! Right on time.

  • Nynos81

    insightful post Jozen

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  • islandgirl

    You are dead on with this….Great Post!

  • http://www.bostonlatinotv.com La Eve!

    VERY VERY True. Great job.

  • vk

    the last paragraph was so relatable. damn yes.

  • Scoox

    My sister and her boyfriend are in a great relationship, and have been so for nearly 8 years. The key? They both have a great sense of humour. After a while the physical side inevitably takes a back seat, and there needs to be an intellectual connection for the relationship to be healthy. I don’t think there’s such thing as “cheating”, it’s more a search for what’s missing in your current relationship when you feel there’s no way you can ever get it from within your current relationship. We do it all the time when we purchase products: Buying an iPhone today doesn’t mean you must use iPhone for the rest of your life even if something better comes your way. Call me sceptical but I think it’s unrealistic to expect most relationship to work.