The Process Begins Now
I understand women understand, but I don’t know to what extent.
This was the sentiment I felt after reading the comments on last week’s post, “So She Wants To Get Married”. A lot of the women who commented said they could understand what some men mean when they say they want to establish themselves before they get married, especially after I listed the laundry list of issues I have that prevent me from doing so. So for some, I’m glad I could clear things up, and for the others who still felt a woman can help a man overcome all of the things I listed, it’s been duly noted. But it still doesn’t make me any more comfortable with the idea of being a woman’s husband. And when I thought more about what I wrote last week, I realized I’m not even really prepared to be a woman’s boyfriend.
As most know, I’ve been single for two, going on three years. It’s been real. It’s been fun. It’s been revealing. I think where I’m at now is a point where I can see the benefit of having a good woman in my life. The freedom of being single has allowed me to do some great things I always wanted to do, and I can certainly continue to live like this, but who am I kidding? The consistency of one woman isn’t such a bad life.
The only problem is, me, which I kind of pointed out last week.
When I was writing Friday’s post, I wasn’t only trying to come to the defense of all those guys who tell their women they want to establish themselves before they get married. While I hope I did a somewhat good job of speaking on their behalf, the man for whom I was really speaking was me.
A few weeks ago I wrote about how I was too busy to be in a relationship. Then, a few days later, I wrote about how I was now at a place in my life where it was more important to have a girl friend, than a girlfriend. Can anyone else tell how self-reflective I am these days? When I read both posts, and the one I wrote on Friday, it kind of hit me that I need help, and not in some clinical way.
I need to help myself just become a better all around version of myself.
Whenever I write something a woman likes to read, she will say something like, “You’re growing up.” Whenever I write something a woman doesn’t like to read, she’ll say, “You need to grow up.” Men even do the same thing sometimes. They feel like being a new man is wiping away any evidence of being the man they used to be.
Well, I kind of like the man I am now and I hope some of those qualities stay with me as I journey into the man I become. But still, there are some things I want to improve on and I think it’s important for people to bear witness to these strides so they can better understand what other men might mean when they say they need to do the same thing. I don’t think I’m a spokesperson for all men, but I know I am a reflection of a lot of them. I also know I am single, and now more than ever, in a great position to establishing myself before any woman comes in my life on a full time basis.
If I were to list the assets I can bring into a relationship at this point, they would include the following:
Good home cooking
Good other things I won’t mention because my Mom is reading this
And that’s about it.
I honestly think I’m a great guy, but as I said last week, there’s a whole list of issues I have, and so today I want to take a step forward in changing those things. Why should I wait until a woman walks through my door to do such things?
Men really, really do mean it when they say they need to establish themselves before they settle down, and unfortunately so many men don’t reveal exactly what that means. They throw it out there and don’t interpret it for their woman or for anyone else. So then women are confused about the whole process. They think it’s some excuse for a man to be with more girls, or they think he’s just trying to save up enough money to get her the ring she wants, as I suggested last week.
Well, it’s actually about so much more.
Over the weekend, when I was thinking about what I wrote on Friday, and thinking about the things I can bring to a relationship now, I wrote another list. This, a list of areas in which I want to improve upon.
So starting today, this blog is not only going to be focused on relationships with women, but also a better relationship with myself. I don’t know what that looks like exactly, but I do know this is THE PROCESS; a journey to not just finding the woman I want to be with, but finding the man I want to be for myself.
Since I started this blog, all these women ask me about what it means when a man has to establish himself before he gets married and in my answers, I realized I was projecting a process I had yet to undergo myself. Then I woke up one day last week, looked in the mirror and said to my reflection, “If you know what these men mean, why are you just telling it to people? Why aren’t you showing it too?”
So here is where it starts, people. The process begins now.