A New Vow of Celibacy
To hear others tell it, I use this blog to talk about sex. A lot. Though I don’t think it’s an entirely accurate assessment, I do know I talk about sex frequently.
It is because of this frequency many people in the comments and those who meet me in real life usually suggest I’m some sort of insatiable freak who will sleep with every woman I meet. And that is not true! I will not sleep with every woman I meet because not every woman I meet will let me sleep with them. DUH! But I digress…
What frustrates me most when people speak on my speaking about my sex life is when they want to give me the same song and dance I’ve heard a million times about the importance of safe sex. As though I don’t know it, and I don’t practice it. So what I have decided to do is publicly declare what I call a new vow of celibacy for myself and any woman I sleep with moving forward. Here it is:
There will absolutely, positively, under no circumstances, be any unprotected sex between me and another woman unless said woman is the woman I will marry. Until I get married, I’m wearing a condom every. Single. Time. It doesn’t matter if we are in a committed relationship and only sleeping with each other; a sign of my devotion won’t be measured by the privilege of letting me go in bare. It doesn’t matter if we’re somewhere condoms are not; we will stop, find some, and pick up where we left off.
Read My Words: UNTIL I GET MARRIED NO UNPROTECTED SEX
Now I can already hear people saying, “What did you do before?” I know, I know. I sound like the McDonald’s commercial when they were promoting their crispy chicken McNuggets were all white meat, as though they used to be something else entirely. But I tell you no lies when I say — since I’ve been out of a relationship especially — wearing a condom has always been rule number one for me before any sort of engagement.
So why the promise for public display? Well, because if there’s one thing I care about, it’s safe sex, not only because it’s the right thing to do, but it feels damn good. Not to quote rappers, but to quote rapper Lil Wayne (of all people) “safe sex is great sex”.
I’m not ashamed to admit I have engaged in unprotected sex in my lifetime, but what I am ashamed to admit is how stupid I felt afterward. Anyone who has ever done it knows the euphoria of unprotected sex is mere minutes compared to the lingering questions that stay with us afterward — questions like, What the hell did I just do that for? And what really bothers me is the question isn’t rhetorical because the answer usually is, Oh, yeah, I did it because I have no self control.
Eventually, self control no longer became an issue for me because these days I can honestly say, I’ve found a way to enjoy safe sex as though it was unprotected sex.
A lot of men talk about how much they hate sex with a condom. A lot of women say they don’t like the way it feels. In a match up of best physical experiences, the flesh-to-flesh one will beat the latex-to-flesh one every time. Every. Time. But, in my opinion, the victor only wins by a narrow margin, so narrow in fact, I can actually deal with the second place experience if only for the peace of mind I will have afterward.
I’m tired of the bum wrap men get when it comes to safe sex. We’re always treated as a group of people who don’t want to be bothered by such a thing. But I’ll tell you what I don’t want to be bothered with: The worry that comes along with unprotected sex.
So I’m saying it here and now for everyone to read: Not only do I vow to never have unprotected sex with a woman until I get married, I’m going to love every bit of it. No more acting like wearing a condom is a hassle because that hassle is nothing compared to the one we have to go through as we’re awaiting STD results or figuring out how we’re going to take care of children we weren’t prepared to have. The act of putting on a condom shouldn’t be treated like a chore, it should be treated like an essential accessory to a great time. Believe me when I say, I’ve made a lot of vows in my lifetime and broken them, but this vow is different because unlike the others, I think I’m going to actually enjoy staying true to it more than I would enjoy breaking it.
Health: Avoided Popeye’s despite a serious craving for it. But is it safe to eat once a month?
Finances: Spent $7 today.