My title
Home > Advice From Hot Girls > Advice From Hot Girls: The Readers Edition

Advice From Hot Girls: The Readers Edition

September 29th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Welcome everyone, to my humility. “Advice From Hot Girls” is a new series I’m adding to UIGM for the sake of changing the plenty I don’t know about women, to the plenty I do know; the plenty I need to learn about women, to the plenty I learned.

As many readers have told me, the UIGM comment section is just as engaging and fun to read as my posts. So I decided to marry my lack of knowledge about the opposite sex with the remarkable candor of my readers, and thus “Advice From Hot Girls” was born. Here’s how it works:

I will ask one question or lay out a dilemma I am having with the opposite sex. Then I go on a rant to give the question context, and ask you all to offer me the best answer or solution, which you all will leave in the comment section. And don’t worry about what I’m going to do with the advice or answers given. If it’s good I’ll put it into practice, and rest assured, probably blog about what happened as a result.

Oh and to my male readers, don’t leave. Stay and you might learn something too.

Now, without further ado, my first dilemma I need a woman’s take on.

HOW DO I TELL A WOMAN SHE SUCKS IN BED WITHOUT HURTING HER FEELINGS?

Ladies, let’s face it. Some of you are not good in bed. And I know you all know this because I’m pretty sure every one of you believe you’re better in bed than all of your friends. Combined. So therefore, you also know or at least have to figure one of your friends isn’t good in bed. Right?

Right.

Now, let’s say I slept with that girl. The friend of yours who isn’t good. And let’s also say, to avoid any cliche answers, I have done everything I could to work with her and nothing seems to be working. Maybe I don’t want to tell her she sucks in bed (because not only is that relative, it’s also mean), but I do feel it’s necessary for me to express to this girl that however good she thinks she is, it’s only in her imagination.

Of course, some might say I could just show she’s not good in bed by just not sleeping with her anymore, but we all know how women get when a man is no longer interested in sleeping with them. They start suspecting it’s because of another woman. But sometimes, it isn’t (as I have stated before). Sometimes, it’s the very woman we’re sleeping with who has affected a man’s libido to the point where he doesn’t want to do it anymore. So how do men tell a woman such a thing?

I thought about this yesterday after I wrote my post where I vowed to never have unprotected sex until I get married. One of the biggest myths about condoms people like to perpetuate to avoid wearing them is a man can’t achieve a climax with one on. But that is just not true. What is true is a man can’t achieve a climax when he is with a woman whose skills in bed are sub-par. If a man can achieve a climax with a condom on, then what’s the reason he can’t, especially if he is using the same brand he’s always used?

If your answer to the question is, “Well, he probably can’t reach his climax because his partner isn’t bringing her A game, or her well runneth dry often”, you’re thinking like I’m thinking. I would like to know how to tell her this so when I do decide to stop sleeping with her she doesn’t think the problem is another woman, she knows the problem is her.

Oh and one more thing before I open up the floor to answers/suggestions: You can be real. You can be nice. But I would really appreciate it if we can try to maintain a combination of the two. Imagine this was you (fellas, your girl) we were talking about, how would you (fellas, your girl) like to be told you’re (fellas, she’s) not great in bed?

Thanks in advance!

——————————————————————————————

THE PROCESS

Health: Drank a smoothie for dinner, still haven’t done one push-up. The goal is 150/day in a month. Must start asap.

Career: Now jobless, but finding a new gig and freelance opportunities. As a result, sent my resume to several publications for consideration, one of them is a VERY BIG DEAL. Pray for me on all of them, but I won’t be mad if you give some extra prayer to the VERY BIG DEAL.

Real Quick: The SIXTH edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast is now up. Click here to listen

Categories: Advice From Hot Girls Tags:
  • Danielle

    O totally agree with Danni and Ggoalawal. I always ask what do you like, i.e. what position do you like, do you want the stepkids looked after, should I use two hands instead of one? I pay attention because I want you to pay attention to what I tell you. I’m past the age where I’m just having sex to have sex. I want it to be outstanding for both of us. Whether it be a quickie or a marathon.

  • NY’s Best

    My girl and I been together for 5 years, 3 kids and her sex is not the best but we are still together. I have never told her but she may feel the same way about me. She gets dry all the time thats what I dont like. Jozen your writing is the best you need a book out. GOOD LUCK Bruh.

  • http://loveh8relate.com Sway

    Hey Joz,

    Maybe I’m too late on this post but I do agree with some of the people above-clearly you must like the girl cuz I know how some guys are: if you didn’t care, you would’ve bounced already…or maybe you are just a really nice guy. “Teaching” her while in the act could work but may not…

    Be sure to have this convo DURING the next pillow talk opportunity you get!

    I suggest that you have the conversation with her by first asking her what she likes about when you guys are intimate. Then ask her if there is anything she wishes you would do differently or if there’s anything she likes that you would do more. Tell her to be honest with you.

    Why? This not only opens up lines of communication, it makes her feel like you value her. By you even asking shows her that you are considerate of her feelings and care about her wants. Assure her you will keep doing the things she likes.

    If she feels the same for you as you do her, then she will automatically want to know what she can do to please you and I can almost guarantee she will ask you the same questions in return. (If she doesn’t, then maybe she is self centered!)
    And then there is your chance!

    First tell her the positives (hopefully there are some). If so, then tell how good certain things she does makes you feel. Adjectives like “amazing”, “off-the-hook”, “unbelievable” should suffice :-). Then tell her the things you would like more of. Ex:

    “I would love it if you_______________________” (hey I’m not filling in the blank that’s for you to do..lol)

    “It turns me on when you/I___________________”

    You know why this will work?

    Because firstly, you have her attention. She already has assurance from you that you want to and will continue pleasing her so she most likely wants to do the same for you.
    Secondly, you have told her what you wanted without offending her. If all in the conversation has gone well up to this point, then she can’t be offended because all you’ve done is noted her positives and gave her some “adjustments” to work on and she did the same for you.

    To lighten things up for yourself look at this conversation as “The Sex Progress Report” (don’t tell her that of course). If all goes well, then you will definitely have something to look forward to the next time you all do the deed. 🙂

    Sway

  • http://loveh8relate.com Sway

    Oh and have at my Alma Mater tonight….Go Bison!!!

  • http://loveh8relate.com Sway

    Have FUN at my alma mater tonight…Go BISON!

  • http://yesijukebox.blogspot.com Yesi Jukebox

    Jozen,
    I think this is a very hard topic to bring up and most likely you’re going to hurt the girl’s feelings no matter how you say what you want to say. I suggest talking about it away from the bedroom. Just let her know that you’d like to try some new things, don’t tell her you’re not satisfied sexually. That just sounds like everything is wrong and it will hurt her. I don’t agree with the others that say if she isn’t willing to explore she must not be into you. She may be a prude, or hasn’t experienced a lot in that department which would make her shy to spice it up. If this is a girl that you like, be patient. If you don’t see a relationship blomossing then it’s time to cut her out.

  • Daniel E. Rodgers

    I learned that you can always count on yourself but it’s always to have that special someone there with you.

  • zy

    Maybe it’s just me but if you’ve done everything possible to show her what you like and how you like it, yet she still isn’t rocking it like you want her to, there are a couple of issues going on here… either you really haven’t tried everything possible to show her what you want (some people think they’re articulating things well in the bedroom when really, they’re not) or… you’re not a good teacher and maybe she just needs more guidance (it’s possible you may need to actually SHOW her what you want/how you want it and be specific, everyone learns on a different curve) or… she’s got inhibitions holding her back in the bedroom and she can’t really cut lose like she wants to (in which case, you need to sit down and talk about that to figure out how to loosen her up) or… maybe she’s just not into you enough to really care whether or not you’re enjoying her. maybe she’s just trying to get off with very little effort on her part… it is possible. with all that said, if she’s someone you really care for and want to be with, your feelings for her make the sex better. now don’t get me wrong… no one wants to be having subpar sex however, if you’re really into someone, you’re going to have the patience to teach them what you like and to learn their body as well. not everyone is going to blow your mind the first run out or the second but hell, if she cares enough for you, she’s gonna want to make you holler at some point. imjustsayin.

  • LL

    maybe you should tell her to check out this blog…

  • SwwooWoopBlooded

    @LL
    LMFAO I love it.

  • tnoise

    Ok, I can’t read all of these comments so I apologize if I’m being repetitive; but in my experience I have found that a man’s enjoyment is usually very closely related to the woman’s “enthusiasm”. And the enthusiasm sometimes has a hard time coming out if the person is: lazy, selfish, shy, or inhibited in bed. But, have you tried to actually truly drive HER crazy, make sure her well does not run dry and focus on what she likes? Perhaps it could be the indirect offensive play that’s needed. I just have trouble believing that you’ve tried it all. It seems like you’ve already decided that she sucks and you just want to let her know, unequivocally that it’s not you, it’s her. That doesn’t seem totally fair. Now granted, I suppose “better” lovers may not require as much coaxing and effort on your part, but I believe that damn near everyone has potential to be a great lover, it just has to be brought out of them.
    So I say, go back in there, dig your heels in the ground and approach the encounter with more determination! She’s sure to be very grateful and her actions in bed should show it…that way, she’ll have you to thank for turning her out once and for all…and she would have finally joined the ranks of the “better sexers” in the world 😉

    Now, if that fails…then just go with the cookie-cutter “we don’t mesh well” approach….she’s a lost cause

  • **inquiring mind**

    LOL… I asked one of my homeys about this, just to like see what he would do and he said if it’s because she’s aint’ hold water *cough* or she’s just not participating “tell him (you Jozen) to EAT THAT (CAT)”… I died. I must say that does change the game up. Jozen, maybe you should consider if you haven’t… don’t throw in the towel just yet eh. Bwahahahaha!

  • http://www.avenue8.com MissMina

    So I’m really late and I don’t know if this was suggested. But maybe you could break the ice by putting the spotlight on yourself first. Something like, “I know we haven’t reached the full potential of what we could do together yet so is there anything that you would like for me to do differently in bed? And don’t pull any punches, I can take it.” And then brace yourself, because what if she’s off somewhere asking her girls how to break the news to you? Not a personal blow, but she may be bad bc she’s just not into it. Anyway, get her to really be blunt and honest so that your bluntness will also be warranted.

    And then hopefully and probably, she will reciprocate and want you to be equally as frank. I mean, who wouldn’t take the opportunity to get some good feedback?

  • http://www.avenue8.com MissMina

    @Sway
    Ok so I see I almost echoed what you said. So that’s at least two votes for the reverse psychology! Good Luck Jozen

  • Cristina

    People tend to do what they have done with someone else and maybe that’s not floating your boat. Tell her what you like. Show her what you like. Ask her about what she likes, what feels better for her… that will get her talking as well. Don’t be afraid to do it DURING SEX too… why don’t we try this.. or I really like when you do ______, how about you _________. Of course how well you like her will have an impact on how open or comfortable she is (unless she’s drunk). Or she may not be very experienced. Having a conversation with a demonstration, is a good thing. Also keep in mind, maybe she thinks what your doing is not right… by having that what do you like, is this better, you’ll have her bounces the question off you too and you can show her the better way.

  • Cali

    **agrees w/ Danni**

  • Elle for short

    If she is not moist enough in the southern parts, maybe you should spend more time warming her up.They also make products that can take of that. If you are not feeling the actual sex act, I say should have a conversation about bad sex without pointing fingers. The conversation should be general and you guys will learn how to improve your sex life….. Or you guys and play a sex game to explore sex together. Maybe a game of truth or dare.. truths are answering sexual questions and dare preforming a sexual act. The key is to not hurt her self esteem, but make her feel more comfortable with opening up to you sexually. The more comfortable and the more she trusts you, is more the open she will become in the bedroom.