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The Optimum Time A Woman Should Sleep With A Guy She Is Dating

Let me be clear, this post is not my attempt to get a woman to sleep with me or any other man she is dating before she is ready. I have said it before and I will say it again, a woman should not sleep with any man until she is comfortable doing so.

But with every day she lets pass without giving up any “insert-word-that-rhymes-with-pass-here”, she must understand the effects it’s having on the guy she is dating. Make a man wait, and the anxiety starts to build because the more a man likes a woman, the more pressure he puts on himself to perform well. Once that anxiety kicks in, he starts getting a virgin mentality. Sure he’s been with other women, but he’s never been with her and he starts to feel like he’s been waiting for her his whole life and when she’s finally ready to do it, he doesn’t know what to do, in a figurative sense and sometimes in a literal sense.

So, how do we avoid such a catastrophe? By sleeping with the guy at the optimum time. What time is that?

ONE WEEK

One week, ladies. That’s the optimum time to sleep with the guy you’re dating. I know it seems soon, and again, not saying a woman should do it if she feels uncomfortable. But what I am saying is if she really likes the guy, and she really wants the guy she likes to be good in bed, she should consider finding a way to get comfortable quickly, preferably within the week. The clock is ticking.

When a woman makes a man wait, she’s taking the edge off of him. Things like emotions start to soften up a man’s animal instincts, and he slowly goes from a beast in the jungle, to some exhibit in a zoo. It’s what I call emotional captivity and ladies, trust me, you don’t want a man to perform in emotional captivity.

No man approaches a woman he doesn’t want to sleep with, so the attraction man seeks in a woman needs to be full-bodied, almost forbidden, like Eve’s apple. If ladies thought about it, they would understand Adam wanted the apple when it was shiny and new and fresh. Had Eve made Adam wait to take the apple, it would have started to soften, developed brown spots, and pretty soon, turned into apple sauce. Now I never met Adam, but I’m pretty sure it would have been easier to resist apple sauce than it would an apple.

Men enjoy the thrill of the chase, but all men eventually grow tired of never catching what they’re chasing. A woman thinks a man needs to keep him hunting in order to keep him around, but she’s wrong. She needs to keep him fed and she needs to feed him quickly and she needs to know from the moment he’s introduced himself, he’s starving. That’s why he’s there. If she wants him too, then what’s the hold up? Sure we have plenty of time, and if I care about the girl, none of it is wasted when I’m spending it with her, but it’s still having it’s effect on him.

What I find most fascinating is how women undersell and oversell the privilege to sleep with them. A woman will make a man wait  because she thinks he has plenty of other women to sleep with, so she figures, let him get worn out on those other girls. That’s how she oversells the privilege, because she thinks he’ll come back. She undersells the privilege by being passive aggressive; she does less, he responds with more.

Both cases are extremely short-sighted, which is not to say they’re not effective, they’re just old tactics men are beginning to tire of.

When a man says he wants a woman, he wants her ASAN. That’s not ASAP, that’s ASAN — As Soon As Now. And even more important, do women not see the other women around her? He certainly does, and in spite of all them, he still came up to her. Of course he could probably go home with other girls, but he wants her and he wants her ASAN.

He doesn’t want it right away because he’s impatient, he wants it right away because he is in the zone necessary to perform at the height of his abilities. For men, sex is a physical act akin to sports, so like any athlete who has fresh legs and is ready to go in the game, he can’t get burnt out in a coach’s meeting or sitting on the bench. He. Must. Go.

Besides, why would a woman want a guy who is not completely ready to go when it’s time to go?

Women need to stop worrying about when they will let a man have them, and start worrying about how they want to be had. If a woman is dating a guy she knows she likes, she needs to give that guy a test drive ASAN because if a man can’t perform to her liking coming fresh off the lot, it’s safe to say, he won’t be able to perform later. This, she needs to know too.

The best way to find that out? Sleep with him within a week, because it’s when the apple is still ripe and the man is most hungry. Put another way: For all the talk women give about wanting to satisfy their man, and the things they do to satisfy him, they always seem to miss the thing that satisfies men most. Satisfying her; and sure some of us can do it later (me), but for others, the best time is probably now (me, again). The clock is ticking.

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THE PROCESS

Been falling off with the push-ups, but I am starting to drink more tea. That count? Don’t know.

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  • Cusp Zodiac

    I think Jozen was saying do what you feel comfortable doing. How easily some forget this is called “Until I Get Married”, not “I Am Happily Married and This is How I Got Here”. Please be mindful that this is a person (with feelings) writing this and there is no need for (harsh) virtual threats. I am offended that some people are so sensitive. Shame on you!

    I slept with my current boyfriend after 1 week (our 4th date). It was completely out of character for me, I have been called a prude in the past. It has been nearly 3 years and we still have that same attraction/chemistry. In the past, I made other guys wait…up to 8 months, and nothing ever came of it. The moral of the story is to do what works for you.

  • Elouise

    For the most part this makes honest to goodness sense, but im left a little confused about your chosen time frame. So, I’m wondering, by one week do you mean a week after a couple has been exclusive after dating for a while, and can officially say, hey this is my gf, or this is my bf, typa thing…..Or a week in the sense that, I met you last Sunday and it’s now 12:00 a.m on a Saturday night so I can let you hit it in about 60 seconds, and its all good? lol

  • Anike Love

    @Cusp Zodiac

    Geez, ya’ll were talking for only a week and had already been on FOUR DATES?!?! Geez, you need to write a post about that cuz that chemistry must have been super strong lol

  • Tmaria

    When I read “One week, ladies.” my mouth literally fell open and if I wasn’t sitting in a semi-quiet cubicle I would have burst out in laughter. Instead I kept reading and thinking, I he cant be serious as I laughed to myself. Yup he is just playing, very funny, HAHAHAHA

  • Kady

    @Nadira Rae
    *slaps hand off bag* Forget the bag woman, he needs it ASAN!!!!

  • Danni

    @MsCee

    Couldn’t agree more.

  • Kendra

    Wow! LMAO…at your post and the comments…don’t know whether to get you the contact information for my girl who does PR or Ron Artest’s therapist…lol:-) Personally, my first thought was…isn’t this the kind of behavior that’s responsible for the increase in HIV cases in the New York/DC area amongst African American women? However, I completely understand that you’re not advocating irresponsible intimate encounters…not totally. And to be honest, I think that you are a very brave man…allowing your readers to experience your journey/process of growth and as we grow…as we evolve…our perspective changes and when you circle back to this topic a year or two from now…maybe…just maybe you will be at a place in your life where you realize that the best sex…I mean the best…mind blowing…toe curling…sex…is always with the one you love…the one you’ve taken time to form a bond with…but I think you already know that:-) Oh and you had to laugh at the comment about you smoking “tea bags”…ROTFL! Goodnight my friend…

  • SwwooWoopBlooded

    @michaela
    No women don’t. I’m not on earth to submit to the whims of others. That’s nowhere near substantive or 50/50. Its not about me playing his game to keep him at all, nor the other way around. You should have come to understand that at this point in your life.

    And people keep saying “we’ve all done before” but never does that make it the thing to do. Will following this philosophy result in strong relationships? More than likely not. And that is all that matters.

    Jozen never answers questions -_- but I wonder how many of his strong relationships began with sex the first week.

    I don’t think this was well thought out or we explained in spite of his elaborate analogies.

    Peace and Abundance

  • SwwooWoopBlooded

    @v4c
    “most situations must be played by the rules…not the exceptions to them.”
    OMFG if only people understood this! Life would be so much better. But that’s too logical for most…

  • http://istherainbowenough.blogspot.com Pascalle

    “Women need to stop worrying about when they will let a man have them, and start worrying about how they want to be had. If a woman is dating a guy she knows she likes, she needs to give that guy a test drive ASAN because if a man can’t perform to her liking coming fresh off the lot, it’s safe to say, he won’t be able to perform later. This, she needs to know too.”

    CHURCH. Tabernacle! I appreciate and approve this post because I’m not into waiting. I’m a female and I rarely regret getting sex out of the way. It’s the elephant in the room, I don’t give it so much power as to dictate the entire mood of a flirtation heading towards whatever. So let’s see what you got! – is my motto. And “ASAN” that’s a great new phrase for my mental Rolodex. Keep em coming Jozen!

  • Jessica C

    Everyone has there own way of doing things when it comes to relationships, sex, and etc. There is not a “timeline” set in stone that everyone should live their lives by, one situation that works for one couple, will not work for the other. Basically, if you have someone who thinks like you, weither it be waiting, or doing it the first night you meet, there shouldnt be any problems. For example, I have had plenty of good times in my single life. I will not say that I was a prude, and I will not say that I was easy, but I did what I wanted to do, when I felt like doing it. When I met my husband, I new right away the type of guy that he was, he loved sex, actually, that was one of the first things that he said to me when we met. But with that being said, my husband thinks like me, we have the same interests, same goals, needless to say, we slept together the night we met. Im not saying that this was a good or bad idea, but it is what it is. Im not saying that everyone should go out and have sex with everyone that you have things in common with, all I am saying that I didnt make sex an issue. I wanted him, he wanted me, and that was that. Say what you want about me. But my husband and I have been together since that day. We have been together for seven years, married for 2 1/2. That’s just the way it happened for me.

  • heather heslup

    Totally agree with Cusp Zodiac

  • sg

    I gotta speak up here… cause eventhough it’s exciting in so many ways when you meet someone new, I stick to safety first. As a reproductive health worker who sees a lot of positive STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection–the new acronym) results, my health is more important than some ass. Remember: the most common symptom of an STI is no symptom at all.

    So before I sleep with someone I make sure my partners are tested first and have them show me the results. I get tested regularly as well. And yes…. there have been some men who have felt insulted by me setting that boundary which is just fine cause everyone gets to have their own opinion and for obvious reasons those relationship don’t end up working out in the long run.

    On the other hand, there have been men who have had no problem getting tested and took my concerns to heart. In those situations, the communication is more mature, the relationship is stronger and there is a mutual respect and responsibility shared for one another.

    Seriously folks, we gotta stop acting like we’re brand new and start having these conversations with each other.

    Ok… I’m getting off my soap box now.

    Peace and Be well

  • http://www.nicolen275.blogspot.com Nicole

    I’m not sure how to feel about this post. Most of me agrees, because of the just terrible experiences I have had that let me know I need to cut my loses and keep it moving. I’ve been surprised and stayed to find out more.

  • Doesn’t Matter
  • Doesn’t Matter

    The Millionaire Matchmaker would have some words for you Jozen.

  • PYT

    wow… this explains some things for me

  • Alexis

    Yeah right! A week…puhleaze! Then why is it when he does get it within that first week or two, he’s gone. And you know I just want to know what happened to self-control? Get it together!

  • http://www.multipleheart.wordpress.com JC

    I don’t think the post is meant to be an absolute. I think it is meant to be a different way of seeing things.

  • http://www.dashofreality.wordpress.com Dash

    ROFL

  • Rachel

    Interesting post. I was discussing this with my girlfriend yesterday. She recently met someone that she really liked and wasn’t ready to sleep with him after the 3rd date. One week sounds too soon. I strongly believe that if a man is really into a girl, he’ll wait for however long it takes. Still, well written and interesting.

  • choklatechick

    Don’t know how I feel about this. I’m inclined to say “hell no, too soon”. I do think that. But I’ve had two separate situations where I didn’t give it up for about 6 months (maybe more). Once I finally decided to have sex with these nameless gentlemen, I never heard from them again (after several dates and endless phone conversations). So, I guess you’re damned if you do, and your damned if you don’t. There are no rules, so we’ll go crazy trying to figure them out. We’re just human. Be free…whatever that means for you.

  • wahoo4uva

    I think I love you. Marry me.

    : )

  • citygirl22

    This post and most of the comments have me ROFLMAO. I do agree with JC, though, that it is simply a different way of looking at things. Sure, 1 week is a rather short time… but when you really think about it, aren’t all timeframes completely arbitrary?

    “No man approaches a woman he doesn’t want to sleep with, so the attraction man seeks in a woman needs to be full-bodied, almost forbidden, like Eve’s apple.”

    WOW. There is no way to ensure that a man will stick around after a week, just like there is no way to ensure that he will stick around after a month, or 3 months, or 6. But there surely is a way to drive someone away. I know this personally, painfully, because a few years ago I met someone really special and held out on physical intimacy in lieu of a deeper relationship. His boy (a friend of mine) even TOLD me, “he wants to be with you, but he is afraid you will make him wait to sleep with you.”

    That someone special is now married, to the one who apparently gave herself completely much sooner. I’m not saying I endorse the 1 week proposition– but I do agree that women may need to re-examine how much we are willing to trust, be open with and share with a man with whom we are trying to connect on a deeper level.

    Awesome post.

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