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The Two Dates Every Woman Should Go On, As Suggested By A Man

October 14th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

As I like to remind people every now and then, just because I write about my relationships doesn’t make me a know-it-all about all relationships. I am no expert, I am just experienced, and based on my experiences I make suggestions to other men and women are trying to find their way through the magical land of single-dom.

Today’s suggestion comes at the behest of my experiences with being two types of men to various women I met. Either I am the man they want or I am the man they don’t want (and when I say “don’t want” I really mean “don’t see”; I haven’t heard a “not interested” in regards to me since high school, but I digress.). Knowing what it’s like to be both men is what has prompted me to share with women a crazy idea I think they should all try if they’re emotionally, mentally, and physically available to do so. Here it is:

Every woman should go out on two different dates; one with the man they really want to go out with and one with the man who really wants to go out with them but they’re not really interested in. At the end of those dates, decide which guy they enjoyed the most, and then go out with him for a second date.

For the guy she really wants to date, she should ask him out, but not in some formal way. Just offer up the opportunity to spend some time together and see what he says. If he says no, then clearly he’s not interested, thus making the date with the guy she isn’t feeling all the more easier to enjoy. If the guy she likes says yes, she can see if he’s all she’s hyped him up to be in her head. There is also the added bonus of the guy she likes getting to know her and realizing he might like her too.

I know it seems crazy for me to propose a woman asking a man out, but seeing as women do it so rarely, it’s a great way to let a man know she’s interested. Most men don’t know what to do with this sort of attention, so if she asks someone who does know how to handle it like a gentlemen, she has a winner.

The other possible loophole in this experiment is there will be some bias towards the guy the girl she already likes. Understandable concern, but if she likes the guy already than bias is already being given, except with no real tangible reason. If anything, this experiment is meant to loosen up the bias she has built up in her head towards the object of her affection because she is also making room for the guy for whom no bias is given.

Going out with the guy who is interested in her but she isn’t really interested in can initially be used to help gain some perspective on the guy she really wants. But the important thing for a woman to do is open up her mind to the possibility that this guy she isn’t really feeling could be a guy she is feeling. I am not saying she should try to like the guy; if she doesn’t like him one date is all it’s going to take to figure out why that is. The way I see it, we’re so quick to tell a person who likes us, “You don’t know me” and to that I usually say, “Well, I don’t know you enough to not like you either.”

There have been plenty of times where I am the guy a woman likes and she has no idea why. Fortunately, some of these women who are interested in me had the gumption to ask me out, and unfortunately some of them discovered I wasn’t all that I was cracked up to be. Then there are the times where I was the guy a woman really wasn’t feeling, but she decided to take a chance on me anyway only to find out, hey, I’m pretty good company.

All women should go out on two dates to give both guys a chance and then at the decide at the end who gets date number two, just so they can find out why they like one guy and equally important, why they don’t like the other guy.

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  • http://twitter.com/danni82 Danni

    I’m feeling this one, at least in theory.

  • shay

    i actually did this. It turned out that the guy i did like was cool on date #1 but on date #2 i wasn’t interested in him that way anymore. As for going out with a guy i wasn’t interested in, he turned out to be cool but I still don’t really see myself being with him.

    Although it is very true that women rarely ask men out on dates these days, I do. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that because if you just sit around waiting for him, chances are things may never happen. You have to be able to go after what you want instead of thinking about the “what if’s”.

  • Udz

    So…Jozen, what if the guy says “don’t date me unless I’m the best looking guy you’ve ever dated”? lol. Jokes. This gave me a lot to think about.

  • E. Renee

    I totally agree. Sometimes women only want to date who they think they can marry. But dating should be fun and a way to meet new people. In turn, you find out more about what you like and don’t like. Because many times, women think we like one thing but it turns out we like another…who knew???

  • wahoo4uva

    You’re on a roll this week. Great suggestion! I hope I have the opportunity to be pleasantly surprised by someone I almost sleep on. Actually, thinking about what’s happening with me now, it may be about to come up, but I digress….

    “If she’s all she’s hyped him up to be in her head” particularly resonated with me. I’ve only recently come to the realization that someone I’ve been really into for way too long is not as great as the version of him I created in imagination. I had evidence all along and overlooked it, having hope I’d get to see the romanticized version of him I imagined. It’s crazy how we delude ourselves!

    People can surprise you when given a chance. I encourage everyone to try your method. Women and DEFINITELY men, whom I suspect do this just a little bit less because you all tend to be particularly influenced by physical appearance and base who you’ll entertain on that. YES, women do it too. I think men do it more.

  • Anonymous

    EQUAL OPPORTUNITY DATING… lol I’m feeling this :-) being an equal opportunist myself, I do encourage my single friends n family to do the same. My girls are always clownin me n saying I’m too cute to be with who ever. Now I have gone out with some doozies, like a guy that was cross-eyed and I got headaches tryna look him in the eyes but he had a great personality LMAO my girls used to ill on me for that one. I went out with a guy who had a stutter n not that great to look at, but he was such a sweetheart n was very persistant on wanting to take me out. My girls had a ball with the jokes on that one. LMAO.

    Good post… I’m gonna ask a guy out, that’s something I haven’t done outside of a relationship.

  • Spchrist3

    I don’t agree with “going out with someone you are not interested in,” it is no fun to be led on…

  • http://twitter.com/kindasweetish Aisha

    I’ve done this before, neither worked out. I learned what you said though…what I like. I don’t know if I would do it again.

  • Anike Love

    Definitely a good idea…unfortunately, even when I’ve tried to go out with the guy who I’m not really feeling, I end up still not liking him. Heck, I’ve gone out with guys I’ve been all “hyped up in the head” about, and realized I didn’t like them either lol. But that’s the fun part of dating I guess!

  • Koikekojima

    process????

  • http://twitter.com/caribbeanBleu Jinx The Chase

    I don’t think I’ve ever done this before. For the most part I feel like when I don’t like someone right away if we become friends that’s a way of getting to know them, and possibly becoming attracted to them.

    I just wouldn’t wanna waste time with someone I’m not really feeling like that.

  • Chloe

    Having been a girl who has asked guys out before, my personal experience has taught me that it never works out (for me). Plenty of these dudes accepted a first date, but there was never a second, because they were fundamentally just not that into me like that. I am a firm believer that if a dude really wants it, he will go after it, no matter what his circumstances. I will do my part – make it clear I’m interested, give him the digits – but the next move is his, not mine.

    As for dating a dude that I’m not that impressed with at first – also a failure. I don’t regret doing it and will continue to because I’ve met some nice guys and made some good friends, but nothing has ever come of one of these dates.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=668083450 Nadia Imiss Jman Woods

    Interesting theory..

  • JustCallMeTes

    I never thought about it like that before. Why not give the guy a shot, even if I’m not feeling him as much as he may be feeling me? Good points Jozen :)

  • http://twitter.com/fixedwater Jonessy

    I think the point is to go on A Date, not keep dating, “with someone you are not interested in.” Note: he didn’t say date someone you don’t like at all. That would be painful for both parties. I’ve done it and been pleasantly surprised a few times, but if I am still not interested, I make sure to pay my own way – to avoid confusion. And do not entertain future advances. I say be honest but gentle.

  • http://twitter.com/hey__ma madeleine lindsey

    this is the perfect post!

  • http://twitter.com/InADash Dash

    I agree. I wasn’t really into going out with this guy but I went anyway just bc he went so hard (in a good, non-stalkerish way) and I didn’t wanna be witch. 10 months later we’re still going strong. So ladies, he might surprise you.

  • http://www.nicolen275.blogspot.com Nicole

    Sounds like one of my social experiement.

  • Zzzzz

    Great advice. I had the opportunity to do this one time, but I didn’t take it. I had a huge crush on this guy, but his friend had a huge crush on me. Ideally, I wanted to date both of them. But things were more complicated because they were friends, so I had to pick who I wanted to date. I ended up with the friend who had a huge crush on me. And after giving him a chance, I realized what an awesome guy he is, and we’re still together after a year and a half. I feel as if I made the right choice, and I don’t regret it.