The Five Friends Every Woman Has
I don’t date girls who don’t have friends. The kind of woman I prefer has a healthy social life and healthy relationships with other women not related to her. Something about women with friends puts me at ease, and maybe it’s because I have plenty of male friends in my life, so the balance of her own friends is important.
Whatever it is, a woman with friends is always at the top of my list, and through the years I have learned when dating a woman exactly what kind of friend she is going to have. Some women won’t have all five members of this team, but all women will have at least one or two of these women. Here they are…
THE FRIEND WHO IS DEFINITELY AS FINE AS OUR GIRLFRIEND
Because all girls have a tendency to think all of their friends are pretty, she really can’t see the one who gives her a run for her money. Here’s a hint: Whenever a man is talking about inviting some friends to join us for any kind of get-together or outing, she is the first one he suggests to invite. He’s probably not going to do anything with her, because that would be just wrong, but still, we like having her around. And don’t even ask him if he would date the fine girlfriend if he could. He absolutely would.
THE FRIEND WHO OBVIOUSLY LIKES ME BUT MY GIRL IS NOT PAYING ATTENTION
Hello!? Do we not hear the girl laughing at all my jokes and agreeing with everything I say? For some reason when a woman gets into a relationship with a guy, she forgets that once upon a time her man was a stone-cold mack. Meanwhile, her friend sees what the girlfriend used to see but doesn’t see anymore. This is the girl men like having around just as much as the fine friend, because we need someone to laugh at our jokes since our girlfriend stopped doing so like a month ago.
THE FRIEND WITH THE COOL BOYFRIEND WE WOULD HANG OUT WITH BUT FEEL AWKWARD ASKING IF HE WOULD WANT TO HANG OUT
All men know the girl who has a boyfriend we like hanging out with. As it turns out, we have common interests like Ultimate Fighter, Eastbound and Down, Dexter, and Sportscenter. Even more telling, since we’re both dating girls who are friends with each other, we obviously have a similar type which means if we were two single dudes who met, we would be kicking it, but since our girlfriends introduced us to each other, we have to act like we don’t want to hang out until our girlfriends are trying to hang out. We show our true feelings every time the girlfriend with the cool boyfriend doesn’t bring him over when she comes over. We’ll come out of our room and be like, “Where’s your man?” She’ll tell us she just wanted to hang out with our girlfriend one-on-one, and we will go back in our room and continue to play the computer on Madden ’11.
THE FRIEND WITH THE ONGOING MAN PROBLEMS
She is the worst. I have nothing more to say about her because none of it would be nice.
THE FRIEND WE HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH
I complain about my boys whenever they act up or get on my nerves, but I never suggest I should cut them off. My girlfriend on the other hand is constantly questioning why she is still friends with a particular friend of hers, and every time she asks me, I can do nothing but shrug my shoulders, which then makes me look like I don’t care, which then makes me look like I’m not listening, which then gets on my nerves. So, the next time my girlfriend leaves her email open, I’m going to get on her computer, email her friend with one simple message; “We’re not friends anymore.” My girlfriend will thank me later.
Executed the new workout regimen I received from my trainer this morning. Nine different exercises first thing in the morning, and I’m still sore from our first session on Saturday. Oh also got me on a new diet. No sugar or breads and stuff for six days; seventh day I can eat whatever I want. Here we go…
The EIGHTH Edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast is now up, so please click here to listen