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How A Man Waits For The Woman To Come Around

October 21st, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

About two weeks ago, I wrote a post telling women the optimum time she should sleep with a guy she is dating is one week. A few women agreed, most women disagreed. The polarizing points of view made for an interesting conversation in the comments section, which is always entertaining for other readers and I to read. It was obvious the amount of wait time people apply to their relationships was not uniformed.

Everyone had their idea of how much time should pass, and their own reasons why it was the optimal time for them. But for the women who disagreed with my proposed length of time, allow me to show how a man waits for the woman of his affection to come around. What you are about to read is a completely unscientific analysis, broken down on n a week by week basis over the period of one month.

Week One: Taking Care Of Himself

So the woman thinks a week is way too soon to give it up to this guy she really likes. The guy really likes her too and wants no one else but her so the first week is the height of his focus. He’s still all about being with her, and as a result, ever since he’s met her, he’s held off on the other women he was seeing. He’s no longer answering their late night phone calls, and he’s declining all offers on the table because he’s focused on this current girl. So how is he holding up? Pretty good, because what he’s doing every night is taking care of himself before he goes to bed. And who is he thinking about? Well, when men reach a certain age, they have built up enough fantasies to go back to those, so he has a plethora of experiences to choose from.  The girl he’s definitely not thinking about every night he takes care of himself? The girl he’s dating. Take that for what you will, ladies.

Week Two: Taking Care of Himself Again, But Now With Assistance

Just so we’re clear, all the times given are compounded by at least a week or so. This was the week when he was just trying to get on the radar of the woman he is now dating; the woman who is making him wait. So let’s just assume, for the sake of this post, that what is now two weeks he’s been waiting for her has now been at least four weeks since he has gotten any. During the first week, he was doing just fine, but this second week is all bad. He’s now entertaining at least one of those offers he declined in the first week. In other words, he is now once again sleeping with an old flame or an old sex buddy. He’s not doing this because he dislikes the current girl he’s dating — the girl who has made him wait for two weeks now — he’s doing it because he understands she needs a little more time. Since he likes her too, he wants to respect that time and not get distracted by his raging hormones, so he curbs them by sleeping with a girl he used to sleep with.

Three Weeks: Someone New

You know how a girl who has been with her boyfriend for three years will question whether or not he wants to spend the rest of his life with her? Well when a girl makes a guy chase him for three weeks, he begins to wonder if she likes him at all, especially if he’s done everything right. So now what happens? He officially starts liking someone else. Does he still like this girl who has made him wait three weeks? Of course he does. It’s just some early infatuation going on, so he can easily shift those feelings he had for three-week girl to a new woman and like two girls at the same time. Personally, I don’t think any woman who makes me wait three weeks is interested in me, but if I’m still around I think maybe there’s a shot, but obviously I can’t bet the house on her. So instead, I balance out my feelings for the girl of the past three weeks with a new girl and start seeing what the lay of the land is over there. Ladies, take note. If the optimal time for a man is a week, the optimal time for a woman is two weeks. Take any longer to take action on a good guy and watch him become a good guy for someone else too.

Four Weeks: Text Message Status

How can one get cut out of someone’s life without being completely cut out? Text messaging, that’s how. All that calling the guy used to do, the sweet emails he used to send. Those are all gone. Four weeks in and the woman he was so into is still giving him the first date treatment? Ladies, please. It’s not that men don’t have time for that. They don’t have the pride for it. Maybe two weeks in this was a game he was willing to play, a light scrimmage if you will, but now, he’s ready for a real game, with pads and everything, yet she’s still talking about some two hand touch. See, a man like me doesn’t chase sex, he chases girls that he likes. If a woman makes me wait four weeks, I just think she doesn’t really like me back, so I’m moving on, but with some semblance of hope. So I stay in touch with her, not by email, not by calling, not by asking if we can hang out. I just send her a quick text that says, “hi stranger.” If she responds back, a chance remains, If she doesn’t, I knew I never had one in the first place.



A banana and some mixed nuts is the ultimate snack, just FYI. Oh, and the American dream is 20 minutes of jump rope followed by some stairs.

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  • Rebelle

    Ridiculous…….but hey thats your view point.

  • Andrea Brown

    “See, a man like me doesn’t chase sex, he chases girls that he likes. If a woman makes me wait four weeks, I just think she doesn’t really like me back, so I’m moving on, but with some semblance of hope.”

    I think this is the basis of the issue. Men & women (generally) view & relate to sex differently. The way I show a guy that I LIKE him is not through sex. To me, sex is way more intimate than that…and I’m not sure how intimate you can get in 4 weeks.

  • Jessica

    FUNNY because it’s true

  • Soul_Sunnie

    Sooo…If I want to show a guy I like him and am interested in dating him, I basically have two weeks to sleep with him or he’s a gone…lol. Hmmm…definitely not advice, I’d give to my little sister or any other woman with some self respect. I guess it’s a case by case basic on how long it takes you ease into intimacy. I’m not saying make the brotha wait a year but dang, that’s not a lot of time to get know someone before you start sharing the goodies. Is this for every date you have or for someone you just want to date exclusively?

  • Sanchezmeli

    This is the exact point why I remain single. If a man, thinks four weeks is too much time to wait and he can’t stay focused on one person for more than two weeks then imagine three years down the road. Smh!

  • Randomtask2005

    Women…please understand that its not about the sex itself. Its about the fact that you leave us on hold waiting for someone better. If by 4 weeks you haven’t made a choice to commit to him, there obviously wont be any commitment because you dont want it. Dont blame men for being pushy when women leave us hanging for long periods of time. Its a simple truth, if you aren’t interested in me then I’ll go find someone who is.

  • paloma

    Ditto Sanchezmeli!

  • Jahna

    This is just as ridiculous as the 1st post. Why do I have to show that I like a man by having sex with him? At 4 weeks, you don’t even know a person! People are still putting their best foot forward, and trying to minimize their flaws. Giving myself to someone not just physically, but emotionally, and spiritually as well is something that I can NEVER get back. Please excuse me if I choose to wait longer than a month to decide whether that someone is worth it.

  • Superwoman

    what Soul_Sunnie says – i mean, REALLY guys….4 weeks.

  • BubblyBlackGirl

    Why does my having sex with you have to mean that I’m interested in you? If we use your logic and say that sex equates to a commitment, then that’s surely a decision that I’ll need more than 4 weeks to decide upon. Listen, if you truly want the woman you’re pursuing, and by want I mean want her to be more than booty call, then you’d wait until she’s ready to go there with you. But if you’re already hollering next after 2 weeks! Then I guess you weren’t good enough for her to begin with.

  • tavia

    while i appreciate your candor and “realness,” and understand that everyone has their own way of doing things, if this is how “most” men are approaching dating and potentially finding their life partner… i’m completely cool with remaining single.

  • Taurusitalia

    LOL!!! I enjoyed this one too Jozen!!

    But here is some food for thought…& Ladies will understand me…So lets say we (the ladies) try it your way…& bang within that 1-2 week range (at least do something sexual)…& then the guy bounces! And we liked the guy!!! Umm what are we suppose to think then??? (For argument sake everything is good, chemistry, connection, sex, etc. is all good lol) Granted you are probably not the only guy that thinks like this, but after making mistakes of giving it up too soon & get no love in return, Um yea, there will be plenty of women & men, still in the land of singledom, since none of us can get it right! I just choke everything up to timing! Cuz there is no right or wrong way to proceed. Ugh!

  • JC

    Again this is not to be taken as gospel…but lets be honest here…by the first date women know (and I’m a woman) WE know if we are going to be sleeping with the guy. This post is just an inside look at what probably goes through his head when we don’t give up the goods.

    When you think of sex as a physical act that is separate from your emotional feelings it makes sense.
    Do I think men and women should go around assuming that after 4 weeks if sex hasn’t happened that person isn’t interested in a relationship?…No I don’t…as I stated with the first post communication must happen. If your dating someone, and sparks are flying but you are resisting…don’t be coy just be honest. Share your reasons. If the guy wants to hang around and wait cool…if not…so be it.

  • Sanchezmeli

    ::clapping:: Well said.

  • Love Jones

    Sooo basically I’m going to be single my whole life b/c I’m not about to have sex with someone I LIKE after a week or two or even six months. I don’t even know you! For all I know you could have a crazy ex, 5 kids by 5 different women, or some type of disease.

    If this is your view (all men, not just Jozen) though it’s cool. Just don’t complain when you catch your daughter in bed with some boy you met a few hours ago after he picked her up so they could go watch a movie. She’s got to show she’s interested.

  • TwentyTwo

    I’m sorry, but any woman who follows this advice will be opening herself up to a lot of grief. Sleep with a man when you are ready and when you have had time to assess his intentions. Otherwise, you’ll have done nothing but satisfy his (and perhaps your) curiousity and that’s about it. You will not have established a relationship. You will not have a man you are dating. You will just have a man you are sleeping with. It’s called dating – it’s an action. Do that first, then decide whether this person (male or female) is worth that level with you.

  • Lovely 1

    Jozen, you are entitled to your opinion and that’s cool and all but 4 weeks is not going to work! For some ladies it’s like a catch 22; if you do it to quick, he gets bore and moves on to the next one, if you too slow to do it, then you’re not interested in the person, so what gives! Damn if you do and damn if you don’t! So to me you have to do what is best for you. I would already assume that he is sleeping with someone else to begin with in the beginning, so therefore, he should wait until the lady is ready. I wouldn’t say wait forever like 6 months or do it early as the 4 weeks, but she should wait until she is ready and comfortable to do it and when she does…baby it’s on! LOL But if he moves on to someone else, then oh well, that’s his loss on something that could have been the bomb if he waited for a minute. But to each his own…

  • Eleanore

    I think you left out something critical in your timeline. How often are you and Lady seeing each other during that period. That matters a lot. A week feels right if I’ve seen you 3-4 times. If that many visit is spread over a month, well then that feels right-er. To me, it isn’t the amount of time, it’s how we’ve used that time.


  • Marie

    Dear Jozen,

    Let me begin by saying that I absolutely love the candor in your writing. Between yesterday’s and today’s posts, my respect for you has heightened tremendously. Just this week I sat down with my girls over dinner and explained to them that when I’m really feeling a man, beyond his looks or anything else superficial, I will make him wait. Why? Because I don’t want to mess anything up on my end by having sex too soon. Long ago, I kept it real with myself and decided that I tend to get more attached to people after sex–even when I don’t want to be. For that reason, if I really connect with a man, I will hold off so that I don’t lose my pace or head in the relationship. In the meantime though, if there’s an old hook-up available, I’ll sleep with him to distract any urges to sleep with Mr. Right (Now). So your point about sleeping with an ex or whomever while you wait couldn’t be more spot-on and logical.

    Here’s where I’m lost–and don’t take this personally because I feel like it’s more of a general condition than it is something that’s idiosyncratic to you–if a woman were to take this perspective and say “I can’t wait for this man to really want to do X with me or feel X about me, so I’m gonna go talk to the next man in the meantime and start to do X with him and feel X about him,” many times she would be told to slow down or take her time. Essentially, we have all heard about girls who jump from one guy to the next if the last guy isn’t working out and we’ve all heard people say “she just needs to take some time, slow down, etc. instead of looking for substance in every party” With men though, if girl A isn’t working out in their timing, it’s okay to jump to girl B. Did you ever think about how relationships would work out if a man–like all those “busy women” out there– also decided maybe he needs to take his time and not jump so quickly to the next woman for whatever reason? Perhaps you could find that on week five or six, she gives up the best cookies you’ve ever had. In life. So on top of her amazing personality that you have now come to adore, you have “slap-a-hand-away-from-my-cookies” benefits as well. Worth the wait. (They don’t say love is patient for nothing.)

    I guess I say this all to say, satisfy yourself sexually with whatever side chick you need for the time being, but don’t start looking for someone new to LIKE immediately just because you haven’t been fed yet. Just because a girl doesn’t give it up as quickly as you’d like doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you at all–it could mean the opposite. Sex and “liking” are two different things. Make sense?

  • Cali

    “Week One… he’s held off on the other women he was seeing. He’s no longer answering their late night phone calls, and he’s declining all offers on the table because he’s focused on this current girl.”

    THIS is the funniest thing I’ve read all month 🙂 Seriously, that’s some unicorn sh*t Jozen, LOL! I have yet to meet a man who cuts everyone else off @ the beginning of something new – I believe men do plenty of juggling up front, & probably keep the juggling going until they’re forced to give it up by circumstance (moving in, etc). But it’s a nice thought… about as nice as this entire post being geared toward the man’s pleasure at the expense of the female’s dignity/judgment/feelings. MESS!

  • Coolbaby2001us

    I blame other commenters in filling up your head telling you that everything you write is great. If you had gotten constructive criticism you would know what to edit and to post up. This is some straight bullshit. You know damn well that if you had sex with someone within a month you would lose interest. Stop with this madness. Sometimes you write good shit and other times (like this one) you are completely off. Leave the crack alone!!

  • Goalawal

    With only 7 comments on today’s post i’m guessing ppl either didn’t agree w/ the post or they didn’t want to comment in agreement. Well, let me make a few points.

    1. If you sleep w/ us(ME) in less than 7days i’m NOT gonna think ur a hoe…OH NO… I’m just gonna look at u as an adult that likes me… that was so high school!
    2. making a guy wait weeks – months doesn’t mean anything to a man. if he had good intentions 4 u then that is what u will get… U actually tend to lose him cos he might feel like ur not interested
    3. Unfortunately SEX is a big way a guy feels wanted by a woman and like jozen said in a post a while ago… what better way to compliment me than to want to have sex w/ me.
    4. Too much relevance is put on the time of giving up the “yams”… REMEMBER… SEX will get me interested but your PERSONALITY /PERSON IS what will make stick w/ YOU..
    5. If i’m waiting 4 months or however and ur a fucking PLAIN JANE- U better jump off a fucking roof… U made me wait only 2 lie in bed, not meet me half way, not be able to take the D, have less than average head game or fcuk the shit outta me..OH NO
    6. A lot of naysayers are acting like they’ve never been extremely attracted to a person either cos of their sexiness or intellect. If your a woman and will let trey songz, idris or whatever celebrity hit it then am sorry.. u by default agree to this post…

  • Greg Dragon

    To all women on here going on about “why you need to get my booty just for me to show I like you”, please do not catch amnesia when you’re blogging about being the girl left behind and other gems like “my plain girlfriends are getting all the men what about me?” I’m just saying, if you don’t want a man’s reality (which is this post) then don’t ask for it.

    For everyone of you dissenters there are 3 girls ready to party by week 2. You can call them hos but they’re engaged hos after the jump. UMAD?

  • Jinx The Chase

    LOL, if this is the post you were talking about Twitter I’m glad you went ahead and posted it anyway.

    I just think to each their own. For every chick who won’t give in, there’s always another who will. For some sex is this spiritual connection between two people who care about each other, for others it can be but isn’t all the time.

    My s/o put me on to some of the inner workings of a male brain, and while he may not necessarily represent Jozen or any other man, I’d like to think he knows more about being a man than I do rofl.

    Whether we like it or not men view us sexually. Everyone here is grown, we should all know this by now. We also view men sexually, maybe not at the same rate, but if I go out on a date with a dude it’s because I already know I’m physically attracted to him. I mean…………… let’s be real here.

  • Nn

    lmao! u r a mess

  • Nn

    LOL! this post is str8 BS!

  • Danni

    Well said.

  • Laeve!

    Jozen…your posts are sometimes insightul, outrageous but always funny. Your words are indicative of your youth. Women are not making men wait. We want sex just as much as the next person. We need to weed out the men that simply want to hit it and quit it. No woman wants to get run over and dumped by a man truck after he gets his load off! Bump that…I decide when you get it…and if you can’t wait…the move along….men who rush women are a turn off.

  • Laeve!

    so…women make the choice to commit? So there by if a man has sex with me he is committing to me? Now that is a joke right? How about the man and the women talk together about whether the want to commit? men and women these days have to have several talks about Birth Control and STDs before they have sex. two weeks is soon to bring that up.

  • Laeve!

    JC…if a woman has accepted a date for you…she has already decided she wants to sleep with you…then it’s up to the man to show what his true intentions are. Great post!

  • Laeve!

    JC…if a woman has accepted a date for you…she has already decided she wants to sleep with you…then it’s up to the man to show what his true intentions are. Great post!

  • Mischa

    I think when it comes to love, sex and relationships, it’s all a game of chance. Where 2 people are involved, there are no guarantees. Alot of us ladies are playing the waiting game because we want to properly vet the guy, make sure he has no holes in his story and he’s not crazy. This would be fine in a perfect world. But 3 weeks, 3 months or 3 years make no difference because we can never safely place our bets on a person. Just ask anyone who has found out their long term man has been cheating, or the girl who dated her man for 4 years, got married only to have the marriage break up in less than a year. Yet there are some women who might tell you they gave it up in the first week and 10 years later they are still together-A game of chance, but not everyone likes to gamble.
    The point is not to feel pressured into having sex. Do it when it feels right for you.

  • Love Jones

    “If your a woman and will let trey songz, idris or whatever celebrity hit it then am sorry.. u by default agree to this post…” This is true…lol

  • Anike Love

    “You can call them hos but they’re engaged hos after the jump. UMAD? ”

    Please, I need some empirical evidence to back THIS statement up. And then I’ll run a test of statistical test of significance to determine whether I should fail to reject the null hypothesis which tells me that there is insufficient evidence to conclude that there is not a difference in engagement rates between the “ho’s” and the “no’s”

  • Anike Love

    Idris isssssss fine but…I don’t know, I’m still not that open to let a guy, “hit it” (why such violence, how about “make sweet music to it”) no matter how fine he is. Maybe I’m just not driven by sex in that way…I feel like it’s gotta be deeper!

  • secretkisses

    I completely agree with you but
    If its an Ex boyfriend.. iill make him wait. 🙂
    Plus if he doesn’t want to wait around then it shows he doesn’t like me enough to “wait”
    It clearly shows .. mm what he really wanted.

  • SatinDoll82

    Obviously you took Research Statistics…lol Fuh-Nee

  • Lady J

    Jozen, way to elicit conversation! Indeed, a good journalist, albeit risky in his assertions, is conscious of what sort of commentary/perspectives will interest readers. You’ve succeeded at most at that. While I respect “a” male’s perspective, I just wouldn’t know what to do with myself if all men thought like this. For your own sake, I do hope that this is a persona, and not reflective of your own, “real life,” “big boy” perspective. Yeeeaah, that would be unfortunate.

    Perhaps insecurity or lack of discernment would lead a guy, or any one for that matter, to think that a woman was not into him. Granted, women are all different, but, there are some overlapping qualities that I believe are very transparent regarding indications as to whether or not a woman is feeling a guy. Chances are that if you are dating a woman over a certain age, and it takes you an unfathomable amount of time to determine whether or not she is into you, it’s probably reflective of you and not her.

    At what point is there a need to be adults and discuss sexual history and expectation prior to having sex with someone. I find it utterly mind-blowing that in 2010, there is not more discussion about HIV status and the like. Sex has never been “that” great for anyone. Or wouldn’t it suck, if you’ve prided yourself on being a successful, single, fatherless man for so long, as you were trying to be the best you, (or whatever) and you impregnate a “less than desirable” woman “off the humble.” Cute. But, it happens though, I’m most certain.

    Besides, “dating” is non-committal, unless otherwise stipulated by a mutual agreement. With that said, if a woman opted to date more than one guy at a time, and she happened to have an interest in each, should she sleep with them all within the same month, as determined by this oh-so-insightful timeline. That way, maybe she could keep them around long enough for them to figure out that the suggestive body language and morning texts before having sex, was most certainly universal language for duh-I-like-you.

    Better yet, my recommendation is that we all go back to the sophomoric gesture of writing little notes that read, “do you like me check yes or no.” For real, we can alter the protocol and make it a bit more comprehensive, by perhaps adding a “why” field. But, let’s keep it simple enough for you to get it. And so, for “big boys” that want to date “big girls,” perhaps this timeline is no longer applicable to you.

    I enjoyed the read, and as you suggested, the comments that followed as well, thanks. (please forgive any typos lol)

  • coco

    This is BS. Do you honestly believe a woman who gives instant sex is more girlfriend/mate/wife material than a woman who is more cautious? You are delusional.

  • coco

    You are a pig. Based on your comments over the months, I feel sorry for any woman who gets involved with you even in the most remote way. What a potty mouth. So disrepectful. You are not even friend material. You don’t respect women, as a matter of fact, it is clear there is something in your background that shows you despise women. Get some help.

  • coco

    I am convinced you write these kind of posts to get a rise out of women and to get a laugh out of the comments. You know you wrong.

  • Namia20

    Jozen seriously!!

  • Dash

    ROFL. This a list that is only pertinent to you (and maybe your friends). All men simply can’t be this horrid. (and they’re not)

  • Brown Eyes

    Frankly this article makes men come across very immature

  • Aisha

    Ok, Jozen, you seem like a good, caring man and it’s obvious that sex conveys level of interest for you…cool. A week, 4 weeks…doesn’t really matter because timing really depends on the couple. Now, if you tell the girl in whatever your allotted time period is about your values (i.e. sex sex sex) and she bounces or tells you that isn’t happening we can cut out weeks 2-4. Just say what it is…COMMUNICATE!! I don’t see why this is not part of your plan rather than your actions being left up to interpretation through a subjective lens (the woman). This sounds like a tricky game, but if you communicate everyone is aware. Honestly this doesn’t sound like a commitment minded post and that’s cool…I think most people are responding based upon relationship status. All ya gotta do is tell the girl and give her the option to choose you or not instead of this “hi stranger” mess. As far as the girl on the side, a friend of mine kept a girl on the side for like the first few months while he was dating his now wife because she told him Day 1 what she was about. He definitely still liked her and when his like grew to more he ended it with the side girl. At some point you gotta stop letting your dick do the directing and I think you said before you want a woman that will basically keep you from ever thinking about cheating. That’s what my friend found. You value sex (it’s like #1) so it must be the same for your future wife. Ain’t mad at that, but if your interest is being held by the girl giving you sex…simply because she’s given you sex…well, then stick with her until you can’t anymore. To each his own…

  • Kandi-Coated

    LMAO…boy stop. Engaged…naw, their sitting in the line at the clinic, or making late night, I’m “late” phone calls, you better hope she’s not dating two or three guys at a time, cause she’s f*cking ALL of ya’ll, waiting for the dummy that’s going to wife her up, cause she “LIKED” them soooo much. The whole thinking of this post was high school mentality.

  • Ondrea_3

    Funny. My guy didn’t get any until a month and a half after we started dating and it was not planned then. We talked about it recently and he told me he would have waited it out if I had made him wait longer than that. He said that everything else about me was what he wanted so he wasn’t going to blow it just to get some quick tale from someone else who would probably not be good for anything else.

  • Brwn_Butterfly80

    That’s bull. It is about the sex itself and you know it. Call a spade a spade and just say that it is what it is. The fact that I may make a guy wait does not mean that I’m waiting for someone better. It means that I’m waiting until I get to know him better. It doesn’t mean that I’m not interested. It means that I need to see what else you’re bringing to the table besides your looks and your penis size. You guys need nelp.

  • CHicks

    This just shows how much people place an emphasis on sex. Women do it out of ritual. Men do it out of attraction. We feel that if you aren’t willing to return the favor, there is no attraction. Women know whether they wanna sleep with someone the first time they meet them. All that waiting stuff is ritual.

  • CoCo Creative

    i’m chuckling to myself @ all the women on this post up in arms. relax mamas. i think ur anger is misdirected. this post probably summoned some bad experiences in your life that you wish u could take back – but let’s not disparage Jozen for his honesty. i sincerely believe that these are the facts of male sex psyche. but this doesn’t take away our right to choose for ourselves ladies! the key is to define your dating experience for yourself. do only what you feel, and what makes you happy. Jozen has just given us his impression of what happens when we choose (and choose not to). and i appreciate it.

    ladies take back your autonomy and learn to LISTEN and appreciate the “yang” perspective – and more importantly not be threatened by it. in a way, this empowers us. if you like someone but don’t want to take it there physically, Jozen’s break down allows us to nip any confusion in the bud. tell the man, “listen i really do like you and know that in a couple of weeks, if sex hasn’t happened, you may lose interest. i wouldn’t be pleased but i have to respect your right to choose just as i’m asking you to respect mine. if ur getting restless – talk to me. or if waiting isn’t your twist, we can be friends until our pages align” i think any man will respect the hell out of you for that. and whatever’s in the cards will be or not be, sex or no sex.

    let’s open ur minds people. opinions aren’t weapons, they’re gifts. 🙂