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Respecting The Women Who Just Want To Get Laid

October 22nd, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

I never understand why women tell a man they never did something they just did with him. When are they going to realize he never believes her when she says that, and more importantly, he never really cared if she did in the first place?

Sometimes I feel like females empower themselves not by demanding to be treated like the fairer sex that we all recognize they are, but rather, by just not being treated like or looked upon as some sort of h*e. They like to say things like, “I’m not like those other girls.” Thus tearing down “those other girls” just so they can look better or be treated a certain way. But here’s the thing about “those other girls”, they’re talking to another man and saying the exact same thing. Apparently, they’re not like those other girls either.

Women may start maturing faster than men, but some days I swear they also stop maturing faster than men. They have this image of a man sitting in some strip club, throwing money at a woman who is willing to get naked all in the name of paying rent, and all women care about is making sure a man doesn’t treat her like that girl.

Call me ridiculous, but I cannot stress to women enough how much I, and other men, do not hold it against a woman who just wants to get laid. I feel like I’ve said this before and yet I constantly talk to women who say they’re not like that because women like that never get a man.

Shut up.

You know what type of women never get a man? Virgins and women who act like virgins.

No disrespect to virgins. I don’t mean to knock them down, but I’m for damn sure not about to put them on a pedestal higher than non-virgins. Does anyone ever notice how women who say something like, “I just need to get laid” usually follow that phrase up with this phrase: “I’m a grown woman.”

Only grown women are comfortable with the idea of casual sex (and only grown women understand the importance of protecting themselves when they do). The fact of the matter is — and this is something I really want everyone to understand — most men already assume a woman has done things like have a one night stand, slept with someone on the first night or the first date, is nasty in the bedroom, had too much to drink one night and made a bad decision, smoked weed, got laid with a native while on vacation, cheated on a boyfriend or husband, dated a man for money, only likes guys with muscles, wants a man to pay all the bills even if she can do it herself, etc. There is absolutely nothing a woman can say to convince a man she hasn’t done some things her man would be ashamed to hear, doesn’t have some thoughts she would be ashamed to share out, and just because he doesn’t ask about those things, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Why do we think he’s not asking? BECAUSE HE ASSUMES THAT SHE HAS DONE THOSE THINGS!

When I was in college, I never had a chance to go on Spring Break, but a lot of my boys did and the stories they came back with were absolutely crazy. But guess who was always on the other side of those stories? Women. I always found it funny the way a man would describe his Spring Break in vivid detail, with a lot of references to women they met and partied with. When I asked women what they did for their Spring Break, details were always sparse, and men were never mentioned. Therefore I came to one conclusion: While it may be true some men lie about what they do, it’s definitely true some women lie about what they don’t do.

Everyone likes to misconstrue permiscious behavior as some sort of tell-tale sign they’re not ready to be in a relationship. I laugh at such elementary, obtuse thinking. There is never a time when I am not hoping the woman I meet is the woman I marry. I’m a romantic like that. But there’s also never a time where I’m not hoping she doesn’t want to just get laid and wants me to do it. I’m a freak like that. And last but not least, there’s never a time where I am not hoping I can’t get both women in one. I’m a dreamer like that.

Now of course, someone is going to comment today and say if I believe every woman I meet has done something like sleep with a man within one week or the same night of meeting him, then obviously I have no respect for women in general. But that would be extremely short sighted because I know I don’t treat any woman like I have no respect for her. Matter of fact, I don’t think any woman who has dealt with me can say I disrespected them out right. Treated them differently than what they would like? Maybe, but it was never done disrespectfully. I respect and recognize all women as good women first, I just hope they’re the type of good woman who likes to do things the same way I like to do things. If she doesn’t I can respect that. But if she does, I can respect that too.

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  • Solidcelly

    GOOD READ

  • Truth

    You know what type of women never get a man? Virgins and women who act like virgins.

  • Truth

    Im appauled by that comment. Thats horrible!

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/2FXR3MIN4X7L4RZG2O7Q7LRGHI Scarlett D

    *sigh* I know you’re just a man, but I hate it when you prove it…my hope meter is so greatly depleted…

    “I, and other men, do not hold it against a woman who just wants to get laid.” *cough* bullsh!t *cough* Regardless, that’s your opinion to have. Same as it’s my prerogative to only want to have chex with my husband.

    Yeah, I’m hollarin’ like a hit dog but another Quaalude, I’ll love ya in the morning.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/2FXR3MIN4X7L4RZG2O7Q7LRGHI Scarlett D

    It’s appalling, but it’s truth. So take ya medicine. It is what it is. Find you a partner that doesn’t believe it, that’s all there is to it.

  • streetz

    LMAO ppl gonna get pissed bec u droppin gems.

    I will say that a LOT of men judge women if they know they boned a lot of dudes… or dudes they know. its natural. Some dont care but a LOT do!

  • Preach

    Tabernacle!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/SweetTea86 Theresa McGowan

    “Only grown women are comfortable with the idea of casual sex (and only grown women understand the importance of protecting themselves when they do).”I agree. In my opinion a grown woman knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to get it, regardless of how others will view her. This isn’t to say she’s lawless, she just she knows she can’t control what others think of her so she doesn’t spend too much time worrying about what others think. She does what she feels whole heartedly is right and if someone wants to call her a hoe she doesn’t let it negatively affect her perception of herself. She doesn’t live paralyzed by the fear of being labeled anything be it bitch, hoe etc. She won’t be shamed for an action she felt was right at the time.

  • Lyrikalbutterfli

    Sooo… let me get this straight. I can basically screw who I want, when I want, I just make sure I use protection and I’ll still get a man who’ll respect me and won’t judge me, because sure it’s alright, because I just wanna get laid. *side eye*

  • Nadira Rae

    Great post…I know this comments section is gonna be enfuego lol. Even though most women won’t admit it openly (or at least not openly to men), we can be just as sexual as ya’ll are, if not more (at times). Of course there are double standards in place based on classic gender roles/ expectations, but why shouldn’t women be able to enjoy sex just as much as men….we’re ALL sexual beings right (not just males)? For the most part girls/ women are taught to kind of repress/ shy away from their sexual nature, while men/ boys are taught to embrace theirs. It’s really fucked up if you think about it because essentially we’re taught to kind of deny a piece of ourselves. I could go on and on about this, but the bottom line is that there is no shame in being a woman and enjoying sex. It doesn’t mean you’re out smashing every man moving….that’s where we, as responsible adults, use our discretion as to what we may want to engage in and with whom (and in whatever timeframe we choose). There are lots of single women out there…and yes, we like to be ‘fed’ too lol.

  • BoomShots

    I am not too sure if I totally agree with Jozen’s view. Philosophically I would agree but I know enough that there are way too many men whether too insecure or just petty who will rub a woman’s sexuality in her face. I know I draw the line at professional sex workers as potential life partner as a one time sex partner, the line is blurred.

    I like women who are comfortable with their sexuality and have never really felt those more demure acting women. The whole chaste woman deal, I have no tolerance for, not that I want you to be crass or vulgar about it either but I am often amazed at the sexual immaturity displayed by some grown women. So just know when we get together as men, a common line of comedy is one of us imitating some woman saying “I haven’t done this before” or “I don’t do this with just anyone”.

  • http://www.thewellversed.com AS

    “So just know when we get together as men, a common line of comedy is one of us imitating some woman saying “I haven’t done this before” or “I don’t do this with just anyone.”

    PREACH!

    And ladies, you don’t want a man that’s going to throw things in your face. Just a word to the wise…

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/2FXR3MIN4X7L4RZG2O7Q7LRGHI Scarlett D

    It’s easy to forget when you’re a man…trust, women don’t forget…
    #itsamansworld

    “I can basically screw who I want, when I want, I just make sure I use protection and I’ll still get a man who’ll respect me and won’t judge me, because sure it’s alright, because I just wanna get laid. ” <–This IS their reality. #sadtruth

    Man I hate this salty @ss tone I've got today…guess ya hit a nerve Jozen.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/2FXR3MIN4X7L4RZG2O7Q7LRGHI Scarlett D

    ::Disclaimer-I realize, this is just me, I haven’t chosen the most common lifestyle and you did say “most women” and it’s not even a counter point really, still…I’m compelled to speak::

    I’ll admit all day that I’m “sexual”. Sexual as I’ll get out. SuperSexual if you will. Doesn’t mean that I’m less of a “grown woman” because I chose not to do the grownup with people that aren’t my husband. (I’m no saint, not trying to claim that status, but conventional sex is reserved for my husband dot period).

    I don’t see it as repression, I’m not repressing myself. I’m doing what’s best for me. Are you repressing yourself when you choose not to rob a store or eat an entire bacon explosion (Google it, it’s disgusting to me, but some people dig it). Sure you may WANT that iPad right now, instead of next month when you can afford it. Or you may WANT to polish off an entire chocolate cake, but you’re an adult that realized that your actions have consequences. So you do what you deem to be best for you. Which IMO is when anyone should have sex. When they feel that it is right thing for them AND their partner.

    If I were a guy I wouldn’t want that clingy, please-don’t-leave-me-I-know-I’m-probably-boring-you-by-not-effing-you-by-week-three chex anyway. o_0 WACK SAUCE. Give it to me cause you want to, not to keep me. It’s not keeping me no how.

    I embrace my sexuality fully. But it’s MY sexuality. You only get it if I give it to you. And so far, no one has deserved it in it’s entirety.

  • Rebelle

    Women like that may get men, yes to fuck them but to get married to them so yea. keep on walking with that one.

  • Trayrific

    I totally agree w/ you Nadira! Well said!

  • Trayrific

    Jozen, I’m new to your site. Great posts, love your point of view.

    I’m seeing sort of theme with the women that have been commenting on this post. Ladies, why are we scared/nervous/anxious that our past sexual escapades (however many that is) will be discovered by whatever guy we’re dating? I say this b/c of the notions of NOT wanting to be referred to/seen as a “hoe” b/c the guy will probably not respect the woman (I’m paraphrasing).

    I’ll say this…I’ve had sex w/ quite a few men. Not in the hundreds or anything like that, lol, but definitely in the 20s…maybe 25? I’m not ashamed of this… I like sex! Is it bad that I like sex? Nope not at all. I began having it a young age (I do regret that), but b/c I started young, I’ve had my share of it. I’m in my early 30s now and I am in a committed relationship (2 yrs). So my point is, I’ve had a lot of sex and I’m in a relationship. This current boyfriend is my 5th long-term relationship since I’ve began dating (started dating at age 16).

    I have ALWAYS kept my sexual relations under wraps. Why? It’s no one’s business! lol! I only share it if I want to share it. I recently told a BEST friend of mine how many guys I’ve been with and she was shocked b/c she had no idea. Why wouldn’t I tell her even if she’s one of my best friends? B/c honestly, she doesn’t need to know all that. We talk about sex, etc, but I’ve just never felt the need (until a recently) to share how many men I’ve actually been with.

    My point is, if we’re all keeping our sexual relations to ourselves, then we (ladies) shouldn’t have to worry about being disrespected by a man given our sexual past. He doesn’t have to know the numbers. If he asks, well that’s on us to divulge that info if we want. Personally, I NEVER ask a man how many women he’s been with…I don’t care. Why? Because he’s with me and that’s all I care about. The only thing I can see sharing in regards to a sexual past is if someone contracted a disease. I def would share that if I had one, and I would hope a man would do the same. Other than that, there’s no need to know other details. Maybe I’m crazy, but I haven’t had any probably getting respect from the men I’ve been with.

  • Nadira Rae

    Please realize that there is no statement in my comment that says women who don’t choose to have sex aren’t ‘grown’. The woman who chooses to have sex is no more ‘grown’ than the woman that doesn’t….they just made different decisions. My whole point was that it’s YOUR body- do with it what you will because YOU want to, not because of anyone else. Not because of some dumb ass Steve Harvey rule or because you think it will make a man like you. Do (or don’t do) what you want because it’s really YOUR truth and that’s the decision YOU want to make. Life is too damn short to be living by someone else’s rules. Your choices clearly work for you and you apparently have your reasons for why you don’t have casual sex- EXCELLENT! Keep doing that because it’s what you want to do, but if what you want changes- do it.

    Regarding my ‘repression’ statement I was referring to societal norms, in general, about women not being taught to embrace their sexuality the way men are. It’s a fact. Take masturbation for example: with boys it’s seen as normal, healthy behavior that’s expected around puberty. It’s nature, simple biology, anatomy- it’s supposed to happen. However, girls are going through those same hormonal and bodily changes, but what are we taught (if anything is taught or discussed at all)- it’s wrong, nasty, unladylike…don’t do it. WTF???? So that shame and just ignorance of not knowing your body etc stays with you as you get older- you don’t know what YOU want because you were never given an option. You were just told what you shouldn’t want or do (not ‘you’ specifically, just a woman in general). You may not have experienced this, but trust me there are definitely women out there that have. I didn’t mean that because some choose not to have sex, that they’re repressed. I’m talking about something much deeper than that and why some women are kind of programmed when it comes to sexuality.

    BOTTOM LINE: again, do what YOU want….but don’t knock somebody else just because what they choose to do or believe is different

  • http://twitter.com/danni82 Danni

    Open-minded Jozen rears his head again! I really wish women would make an attempt to think in terms of gray, instead of just black and white, when it comes to feminine sexuality. Nobody said drop your draws for every male “7″ with a peen, but damn. Can we stop with these outdated notions already? Get it through your head, there are plenty of so-called “hoes” who are married to men, and I mean good men, too. Just like there are plenty of “good girls” still searching for their Mr. Right…at 45. There is no right or wrong when it comes to this. Just chicks who think/behave differently (and get wifed up quicker) than you.

  • http://twitter.com/caribbeanBleu Jinx The Chase

    I don’t have time for men who don’t understand my POV on just wanting to get laid sometimes. They can keep their double standards and illogical judgement to themselves, because they get straight ignored. Not only them but also the women that share their sentiment.

    I always have a *Kanyeshrug* waiting for them. ;)

  • http://www.corettaselegantevents.blogspot.com CorettaJG

    I know for a FACT that this statement by Jozen is a lie. Just one example: http://www.iamworththewait.com/wtwr/. This particular virgin is getting married to an awesome man next week.

  • wahoo4uva

    “Matter of fact, I don’t think any woman who has dealt with me can say I disrespected them out right. Treated them differently than what they would like? Maybe, but it was never done disrespectfully.”

    Jozen. You’ve cheated on your girlfriend. I’m guessing that treatment was different than she wanted. It was also BLATANT disrespect.

  • http://fabulouslysingle.tumblr.com Trish

    I respect that you will respect women regardless of their beliefs. But know that there are also women out there who aren’t virgins but also don’t feel the need to get laid all the time but still be ALL WOMAN. A grown up one, at that.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/2FXR3MIN4X7L4RZG2O7Q7LRGHI Scarlett D

    Nadira, my comment wasn’t aimed at you at all. I understand what you were saying and we’re really on the same page. Just some of your words sparked a fire in me that led me to comment, thus I linked a reply to your thread.

    Thanks for the additional words though, like I said we’re really on the same page, I’m diggin all that you said…

  • Esquire

    Enjoyed bits and pieces of this post, but did see some re-used material from the past (i.e. the whole paragraph about male/female spring break stories, pretty sure that was a cut and paste from a previous entry, if not verbatim, pretty close- you’ve been caught, lol, i tease…)

    But anyways, I wholeheartedly agree with the general sentiment of this entry, but also think that a lot of men are intimidated/get nervous by women who make their intentions known…

    Case and point, I hit up a “friend” and said “sooo, do you want to have sex?” His immediate response was “WhoAa!! That’s waz st8 4ward.” Then followed by “When?” Then followed by a whole thirty minute back and forth about why all of sudden, where was this coming from, blah.blah.blah.

    So although men may say they appreciate a women who are direct, so such as yourself go so far and say you even “respect women who just want to get laid;” I don’t think many know how to handle it when a women puts it out there in black and white.

  • Danigurl207

    Well I for one, have sex whenever I want. Also I can’t imagine not having sex with my husband before we get married. We have to talk-talk about it. I’m not trying to discover that you are trying to gnaw off my clitoris during the honeymoon. Or that you touch me like a randy 14 yr old. I have no problem with people who want to wait and I just chose not too. To each its own.

  • Erica

    Here you go on the virgins again….sigh….

    I’m starting to wonder if you have some kind of complex with them. The statement was disrespectful. Highly. It implies that women not having sex are not of value because they are not having sex. Which further would imply that you are patriarchal or at least have some pretty patriarchal notions. Not to mention, the statement just isn’t statistically solid. Think about that.

    For you to be so open-minded on so many things and call yourself a romantic these notions about women and sex is going to really hold you back from finding real genuine women and genuine love.

    You definitely should learn how to respect women who are promiscuous without berating those that are not.

    *kanyeshrug*

  • Nadira Rae

    It’s cool, I’m always up for a healthy debate. I, like you, just felt compelled to respond, and I just didn’t want anyone to misconstrue what I wrote. You’re right though…I think we are on the same page (just different viewpoints). Thanks for sharing.

  • Erica

    Here you go on the virgins again….sigh….

    I’m starting to wonder if you have some kind of complex with them. The statement was disrespectful. Highly. It implies that women not having sex are not of value because they are not having sex. Which further would imply that you are patriarchal or at least have some pretty patriarchal notions . Not to mention, it just isn’t statistically solid. Think about that.

    For you to be so open-minded on so many things and call yourself a romantic these notions about women and sex is going to really hold you back from finding real genuine women and genuine love.

    *kanyeshrug*

  • Miso

    “most men already assume a woman has done things like have a one night stand, slept with someone on the first night or the first date, is nasty in the bedroom, had too much to drink one night and made a bad decision, smoked weed, got laid with a native while on vacation, cheated on a boyfriend or husband, dated a man for money, only likes guys with muscles, wants a man to pay all the bills even if she can do it herself, etc. There is absolutely nothing a woman can say to convince a man she hasn’t done some things her man would be ashamed to hear, doesn’t have some thoughts she would be ashamed to share out, and just because he doesn’t ask about those things, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Why do we think he’s not asking? BECAUSE HE ASSUMES THAT SHE HAS DONE THOSE THINGS!”

    Why would you even want to be with a woman that you think these things of? It seems like you are basically putting all women down as just hoes. If you treat a woman with respect and not looking for the next lay then it might be easier to not view relationships and women in these aspects.

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  • TheLeoGrl

    “There is never a time when I am not hoping the woman I meet is the woman I marry. I’m a romantic like that. But there’s also never a time where I’m not hoping she doesn’t want to just get laid and wants me to do it. I’m a freak like that. And last but not least, there’s never a time where I am not hoping I can’t get both women in one. I’m a dreamer like that.”

    PRICELESS!!!!

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  • Miranda

    See that’s the problem! I see where you’re coming from, but I think you dismissed the part about women “acting like virgins”. Just because you’re having sex doesn’t mean you’re promiscuous just like being a virgin doesn’t automatically make you “pure”. The virgin-whore paradigm is leading people (women in particular obviously) to down play what they want or have done (i.e. act like virgins) for fear of being called a hoe and being unable to get a man.

  • Miranda

    I definitely agree that sex shouldn’t be used as a bargain to save a relationship and keep someone around. Further, yes, it is YOUR sexuality, but sex (or the acts that follow) is an exchange between 2 people and not 1 person giving away their sexuality. Also, self control is important, but how can you compare having sex to criminal acts and greed?? Rather extreme, no?

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/2FXR3MIN4X7L4RZG2O7Q7LRGHI Scarlett D

    “but sex (or the acts that follow) is an exchange between 2 people and not 1 person giving away their sexuality.” I am completely in agreement with this statement, which is why I am so guarded as to whom I share this with. I embrace my sexuality to the max.

    Extreme indeed. But what can you possibly compare sex to? I went extreme intentionally. Cause even in the most extreme cases, it still doesn’t compare to the urge we have to copulate. Or is that just me?

  • citygirl22

    “Only grown women are comfortable with the idea of casual sex…”

    I couldn’t disagree more, Jozen. This is a misappropriation of what “grown” actually means. The fact that SOME women who are mature, empowered and confident are also comfortable with casual sex DOES NOT MEAN that every woman who is having casual sex is grown (which your statement implies).

    There are plenty of tweens, teens, young adults and irresponsible, immature, insecure, selfish, unstable, low self-esteem or otherwise unhealthy adults who have PLENTY of casual sex (one need only watch Maury, or Jerry, or observe who stumbles out of the club on any given weekend night in a major metro area). Just as there are many balanced, self-valuing, mature adults who are less casual with regard to intimacy. Please don’t confuse being cavalier with being grown.

  • Annalise

    I have a man…and he is the only one that I have ever been with…people look at me like really… I’ve even been told you are supposed to “shop around”… that’s appalling! If I love someone…and am attracted to them sexually, emotionally, spiritually, etc… then why would I “shop around”… also, if I date someone and am not attracted to them in ways other than sex…why would I do myself the dishonor of sleeping with them when I know that we won’t stay together? I must be a hopeless romantic that believes that sex was meant to be an act of love between two people that love each other and are staying together. If a man ever once accused me of lying about my sex history because he just finds it hard to believe that someone might have just only slept with one person… I’d be inclined to slap him. However, really, that’s just a statement that is very reflective on the society we live in… people really do, for the most part, sleep with a lot of other people… my friends still call me a virgin because I haven’t slept with more than three different men.