Chivalry For Women, A Five Item Guide
Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her…Listen to me, kid. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she’s a selfish broad and all you’re seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast. — Sonny, from A Bronx Tale
Greatest. Lesson. Ever.
It’s about chivalry ladies. Men don’t demand it, but we appreciate it. For the women who already know the deal, save the “I already do all this” comments and come back tomorrow. Also, while men do recognize how good some of you are to us, it never hurts to do things like unlock our car door for us. Here’s five more things I thought would be awfully chivalrous of ladies. Enjoy!
COOL DOWN THAT HOT WATER ACTION IF WE’RE TAKING A SHOWER TOGETHER
I have talked about this before, how inconvenient it is to share a shower with a woman because for some reason their bodies are biologically fit to tolerate water so hot we can brew tea in the bathroom. While I understand I’m a man and I should be able to take a little pain, I’m sorry, hot water burns and I’m not trying to come out of the shower looking like I slept on a bed of hot coals. Ladies, compromise so we can wash your back. Please? Thanks.
CLEAN UP THE MESS AFTER WE’VE DONE THE ADULT DANCE
I have a real simple rule about this and I would like to start applying it. If we finish, and she’s on top, I’ll get the towels. But if I finish on top, in any position, she gets the towels. I think this is fair.
MAKE THE BED
While I certainly can make my bed on my own, it’s always great to see a woman do it, especially when I’m getting out of the shower. Even if she grabs the other side of the blanket, it’s much appreciated. A woman did this for me recently. She’s the best.
LET ME FALL ASLEEP
Even though I hate falling asleep in front of a woman, I still do it and every now and then I date a woman who seems to have a problem with it. As a matter of fact, I think I wrote about the time a girl broke up with me and the argument stemmed from my falling asleep during Lord of The Rings. What’s the big deal, ladies? I can’t ever recall seeing a woman fall asleep and shaking her talking about, “Wake up.” What? Who does that? Better question. Why are we doing that? I’ll watch the movie in the morning.
TIE OUR TIE EVERY NOW AND THEN
Know the knots, ladies. I know how to tie a tie, with my eyes closed, so don’t try to write a comment about how a man should tie his own ties. I tie plenty of them on my own. Tying a tie on another person is some real skill, so any woman who can do it is definitely noteworthy if only because tying ties are such a man thing. For a woman to know how to tie a tie says she likes to help her man out every now and then. What’s wrong with a woman saying, “Come here.”? Then following it up with, “Windsor or small knot?” I’ll tell you what’s wrong. Absolutely nothing. These are the kind of moments I fantasize about.
Did a weigh in and measurement progress report on Saturday and definitely lost where I needed to and gained where I wanted to, this process seems to be working. Missed church on Wednesday and Sunday though. Mission is to go on Wednesday.
The NINTH Edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast is now up! Click here to listen