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Chivalry For Women, A Five Item Guide

October 25th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her…Listen to me, kid. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she’s a selfish broad and all you’re seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast. — Sonny, from A Bronx Tale

Greatest. Lesson. Ever.

It’s about chivalry ladies. Men don’t demand it, but we appreciate it. For the women who already know the deal, save the “I already do all this” comments and come back tomorrow. Also, while men do recognize how good some of you are to us, it never hurts to do things like unlock our car door for us. Here’s five more things I thought would be awfully chivalrous of ladies. Enjoy!


I have talked about this before, how inconvenient it is to share a shower with a woman because for some reason their bodies are biologically fit to tolerate water so hot we can brew tea in the bathroom. While I understand I’m a man and I should be able to take a little pain, I’m sorry, hot water burns and I’m not trying to come out of the shower looking like I slept on a bed of hot coals. Ladies, compromise so we can wash your back. Please? Thanks.


I have a real simple rule about this and I would like to start applying it. If we finish, and she’s on top, I’ll get the towels. But if I finish on top, in any position, she gets the towels. I think this is fair.


While I certainly can make my bed on my own, it’s always great to see a woman do it, especially when I’m getting out of the shower. Even if she grabs the other side of the blanket, it’s much appreciated. A woman did this for me recently. She’s the best.


Even though I hate falling asleep in front of a woman, I still do it and every now and then I date a woman who seems to have a problem with it. As a matter of fact, I think I wrote about the time a girl broke up with me and the argument stemmed from my falling asleep during Lord of The Rings. What’s the big deal, ladies? I can’t ever recall seeing a woman fall asleep and shaking her talking about, “Wake up.” What? Who does that? Better question. Why are we doing that? I’ll watch the movie in the morning.


Know the knots, ladies. I know how to tie a tie, with my eyes closed, so don’t try to write  a comment about how a man should tie his own ties. I tie plenty of them on my own. Tying a tie on another person is some real skill, so any woman who can do it is definitely noteworthy if only because tying ties are such a man thing. For a woman to know how to tie a tie says she likes to help her man out every now and then. What’s wrong with a woman saying, “Come here.”? Then following it up with, “Windsor or small knot?” I’ll tell you what’s wrong. Absolutely nothing. These are the kind of moments I fantasize about.



Did a weigh in and measurement progress report on Saturday and definitely lost where I needed to and gained where I wanted to, this process seems to be working. Missed church on Wednesday and Sunday though. Mission is to go on Wednesday.

The NINTH Edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast is now up! Click here to listen

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  • Rebelle

    Thumbs up I agree esp the sleep part, sleep is sacred. Ill cut you if you wake me up for nothing, so I respect the sleep.

  • The Divine Miss E

    Awww I love tying the tie! Ladies, you get points when you know how to do it (TWSS)… Why not?!

  • Anonymous

    I see I need to learn how to tie a tie…other than that? I’m golden! LMAO

  • Briana

    Swear watched that scene in A Bronx Tale when I was 14 and it stuck. Done it ever sense. Makes all the difference.

  • Bunny.

    I never knew that about Men && hot water, because Lord KNOWS i have that heat on blast in the shower!! Good to know.

    And I have never seen A Bronx Tale, but I did happen to see that clip on a TV show and it always stuck with me. But nowadays everything [well, a lot of] cars are electronic with the remote… what do you do then?

  • Love Jones

    Ahhh I LOVE IT! The sleep thing goes both ways. I remember my ex tried to wake me up and I mushed him in the face, and the next morning when we got into an argument he tried to use that as one of his excuses to be mad. SMH

    No matter how many times I learn how to tie a tie I seem to always forget. I’ll perfect it one day.

  • Miss. Riss

    Note to self: learn how to tie a tie

    2 thumbs up for the Bronx Tale quote. That is one my favorite movies ever!!!

  • kr

    Here’s one to add to the list: clear the dishes, especially if I cook for you. Again, it’s a small thing and not one I expect you to do all the time. But I can think of few “little things” that a woman has done for me that have been more relaxing and brought that little smirk to my face than a woman saying “sit still, baby, I’ll get those.”

  • streetz

    I cant wait for women to bomb this with the ‘watchu mean we gotta be chivalrous?!” comments, lol…

    This is a hot post!

    #1 – I hate taking tandem showers. I feel like I get more accomplished being in the shower alone (not in that way). I’ve done it before and its cool, but I just feel like its an inconvenience. A bath/jacuzzi is another story

    Making the bed after we get up, especially if its your bed and not hers, would be my part 2 to the bronx Tale theory of female chivalry. I think its so sexy to see women take care of the bed. To me it shows that they care, and want your room (and yyou in turn) looking right!

    The tie thing I never thought about. At first I didn’t agree, but I fux with it!

  • Dani Bee

    That scene has stuck with me too…and what I have done is now I reach over and actully open the door since it’s already unlocked…that works

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  • Linda

    you open the door for him from inside the car.

  • Bunny.

    Trueee! Why didn’t I think of this?? I just watched where she unlocked it for him, so sweet! …now all i need are those tie lessons.

  • Maiah

    Really, this is an incredible post. And I plan on learning how to tie a tie immediately.

  • Me

    a little confused about the car lock thing… nowadays its all about automatic locks. Am i suppose to reach over the car and unlock his door when I can simply click the button on my side?
    one dude, told my I should reach over and literally pull the handle to open the door for them. Come on now. Im all about chivalry but thats just seems like its reaching

  • Bunny.

    This is now the plan in soon execution, thanks!

  • Blaire

    I love “A Bronx Tale”, so I’ve done the open the door thing from time to time!

    My only BUT is that when I feel like I’m being more chivalrous than the man; in that case I leave!

  • Half a hero

    I was a bit disappointed in the 5 item guide! I think that all men agree that:
    we would like to passengers sometimes (NOT DRIVE),
    get a seat on public trans. after a long day of work,
    not have to make a decision on where we are going and what we are doing,
    Watch the game in solitude,
    And leave the SEAT UP!

  • Truth

    I feel like he can sleep at his house but if hes at my house I need to be entertained so WAKE UP! Note 2 Self: Stop waking guys up or just tell them to leave!

    Glad to see the comments section back to normal…

  • Aisha

    Lmao @ the shower!! I thought my ex was strange, but I guess not. And my dad started making me unlock the door for him at age 8…I think that was pushing it lol, but I remember that scene in A Bronx Tale. I will open the door and I’m just aight at tying ties, but I do it! Great post!

  • guest

    two words jozen….momma’s boy.

  • v4c

    LAUGHED OUT LOUD at the blazing shower part! Guilty as charged! I don’t really get the clean-up part. Def make the bed if it isn’t yours. Def let a brotha nap. And I DEF need to learn how to tie a tie. I’ve been shown numerous times and it just won’t stick! I am ashamed…

    Let’s also add:

    – Maybe he wants/needs something too: Call him while you’re in the drive through line, yell from the kitchen, offer some of your food, ask for his clothes while ironing your own clothes…
    – Entertain yourself if he’s busy: If he’s working on something unexpectedly, had to take an emergency call, etc., grab a magazine. Flip to a channel you like. Call a friend. But don’t sit around looking bored or aggitated…huffin and puffin…rolling your eyes. Not cool.

  • Gem

    Hmmm I thought the rule was whoever’s on top gets the towel. Due to uh…gravity reasons. Maybe that’s just my house.

    Don’t know how to tie a tie, but I rack up points on the shirt-sleeve buttons!

  • SolidCelly

    After reading this I am feeling like a pretty damn amazing girlfriend! LOL

  • Alovelydai

    Great post. I’d like to add….Let us do things for you.Whenever I ask my hubby if he needs/wants anything his 1st answer is always, “Naw I got it.” Of course I do for him anyway but being receptive is a plus.

  • call me mo

    wow…ladies, listen up. jozen knows what hes talking about. dudes take the bronx tale rule seriously.

    i once when on a date and didn’t adhere…when the dude got in the car he was madd pouty. when i asked him whats wrong he’s like “you disappointed me” and just shook his head.

    i didnt hear from him until a couple weeks later when i called him. i asked him why his interest seemed to just fade overnight…it was then that i first heard of the bronx tale rule.

    take heed.

  • Single Girl

    Learn to tie a tie is classic. Nice post. -SG

  • kb

    I’ve never seen that movie…but once, when I was in high school, my mom’s long-time boyfriend picked me up from school and took me to dinner. My mom and my sister had gone out without me, and he knew I felt bad for being left out. Anywho, when we finished dinner and walked back to his car, he let me in, and I reached over and unlocked his door– just because it seemed like the polite thing to do, lol. I will never forget… he turned, looked at me and said, “Kay, I really appreciate that, and any guy you date in the future will, too.” I think I was around 15 at the time, because it was a while before any guy I dated drove me anywhere. He actually taught me a lot about guys that I still remember to this day (and not in a perverted way, just real-life lessons).

  • Top5

    I live by the BRONX TALE RULE….

  • Youwho

    Leave the seat up? Seriously? When you have good aim, you wont have to but it up in the first place.

    Denied! lol

  • Cali

    LMAO, funny for various reasons – oh, Jozen…

    As someone pointed out earlier, the car door thing is kinda old fashioned @ this point w/ auto locks. Furthermore I’ve rarely had a dude chivalrous enough to open the door for me, but maybe that’s just my luck. I do remember popping the lock for an old bf or 2 back in the day, so that’s not unusual…

    Unless you’re ballin’ & have a nice layout, the showering together thing sounds cuter than it actually is – I’m good keeping that solo…

    Cleaning up after – this one made me LOL. I have yet to be w/ a guy who didn’t either have a towel handy & wipe up himself, or he’s good enough to pop in the bathroom & grab one. If he’s done his job properly (**clears throat**), I get to lay there & quiver a bit longer – I’m in no condition to get up & get anything! LOLOL

    I’ll give making the bed a pass… why would falling asleep ever be a problem?? Only a strange chick would get mad if you fell asleep on a movie… & yes, I can tie a tie but only the standard way 🙂

  • Ettenation

    WOW!!!!!!!!!! I thought I was the only woman that was teaching her brothers this very important lesson, if she too lazy to unlock the freaking door she is selfish, trifiling and should be left single.

  • Angela Deruise Roby

    I dont get that.

    Please take a damn nap….unless I want to get some, you may get left on the couch.

  • Half Pint

    As always great post Jozen. So I’ve tried the reach over and open the door thing but ahem I am barely 5ft tall and it was kind of embarrassing trying to reach over to the far side of the car without spilling myself all over the driver seat and trying to get myself back to my side so that he could get in. Unbeknown to me I’ve been racking up points with making the bed, clearing the dishes when he makes me dinner and driving once in a while. I thought those were normal things to do!

  • Alberto3206

    Its not literally about the lock. Its the idea.

  • Jinx The Chase


    And this is why we don’t shower together. We’ve done it maybe twice, and it’s always a complaint that I have the water too hot. I’ll pass on this one rofl.


    Can’t remember the last time I did this. And I don’t think I wanna start. Call it spoiled but meh, it is what it is.


    No problem with this, I grew up making my bed.


    I’ll be the first to say I have a bad habit of being annoying if he falls asleep and I’m wide awake. I’m honestly working on that, and trying to be more considerate because he doesn’t do it to me.


    Might consider this. Not today though lol.

  • Miss Malorie

    Ever since I saw that movie (one of my favorites!), I have always done this, for the most part whenever anyone rides with me. I’d never thought about it before. I don’t really care whether someone already in the car opens my door for me, but a certain mister I know still walks me downstairs (when I’m leaving his place) and waits until I open my car door before we hug goodbye. It’s been almost 2 years of this, and he only hasn’t done it once 🙂

    And why aren’t you men able to handle hot water? I always have to turn the hot water down, lol. And when I tried to make the bed, I got told not to, damn it. Lol.

  • Love Jones

    I think it’s more so the matter of OPENING his door for him from the inside. I like to reach over and pull the handle to open the door. I feel like it’s the least I can go seeing how he opened my door and closed it. It’s a sweet gesture in my opinion.

  • Rachel

    I don’t get it? Why would I open the door when he can open it more easily from the outside? Am I missing something…maybe British cars are different…

    But lol on the shower bit, and the ties…I do ties better than most men…my dad used to make me do his every morning because I was so good- benefits of school uniform I guess!

    Great post!

  • Mouf Peace

    the unlocking the door scene, the quintessential “keeper” test haha gotta love that movie. just hard nowadays because of the whole automatic lock deal. is there a new age alternative to this?

    and i agree with gem up there. i figure if if the guy is on top he should grab the towel, and if the girl is on top she should grab the towel for the same reason: gravity lol. kinda hard getting up to clean up when you’re making a mess along the way.

  • Amanda R. Trinity

    i think its sexy to watch a guy sleep…I love how they half wake up and try to play it off like they aren’t…The man is tired…let him rest, hell ladies, garb a blanket and snuggle up next to him

    As far as the rest of the list…Im with you…jozen…i need to master the art of tying it on him and not on myself first…lol…And by the way if we are showering…we arent washing each other…lol maybe after…but *shrugs*

  • Samantha

    Hmm, Most of them are fair points, I often fuss over my man (and previously make similar efforts when dating), but the whole car thing I thinks its a little silly to judge a date on a woman’s reaction.

    1) Am I not devaluing his chivalry by doing exactly the same back.

    2) I’m five foot, small frame, if I’m dressed up all pretty, this can possibly restrict my movement. Its hard for me to reach the other door in these big ass american cars, without being rather unglamorous and over stretching to reach it.

    3) If he’s alrdy got his keys out, why doesn’t he just hit “unlock” on both doors as he opens my side?

  • Danah

    lol @ hit unlock … that what I always say. I get why they want you to do it but in 2010 leaning over to open a door is virtually obsolete. I can press the unlock button on my side and accomplish the same thing. Now if they said open the door thats a diff thing (which most women myself incl prob wouldnt do)

  • blakladyj

    Ehhh not feeling the list but I can add one…If you’re giving a massage and ur using lotion or oil make sure you warm it up first and not put cold lotion the the person’s back, lol

  • Sanchezmeli


    I’ll pass on the unlocking the door part. I mean c’mon some of these center consoles are humongous and are in the way. My arms aren’t that long to reach to the driver side unless I’m my ass is sitting on the middle console and digging my heels on the passenger door to push myself a little closer and reach over. Not trying to make him mad, you know how you men can get with your whip.

    I’ll clean up the mess, let him sleep (as long as he’s not snoring) or else I’m waking his ass up for real. I dont need a orchestra playing in the middle of a good movie. SMH! I can also do the beds and not keep the water on extreme hot.

  • Anonymous

    LMAO!!! I swear, I just heard that “brew tea” comment recently! I never realized how hot I like the water until he started complaining it was too hot… I still think he’s a wuss for wanting it turned down to luke warm but I oblige…lol

    All the rest were on point. I ALWAYS make sure to unlock his door for him when we get into the car, it just seems like the natural thing to do… as for the whole falling asleep issue… why would that be an issue? if anything, i think it’s kinda cute and i have a tendency to make him put his head on my lap if he’s dozed off…

    i just have to get the tie down… i’ll probably choke him a couple times practicing. LOL

  • ilovehandles

    omg! question! what if they have one of those fancy cars that unlock when they touch them? whenever a guy opens the door for me i feel like a fool sitting there because there’s really no button to lift while i sit there

  • Rebelle

    I personally dont like people waking me up prematurely its annoying, and you feel groggy and jet lagged. I absolutely hate it, plus it has been in my experience after an orgasm or two……….. if he wants to talk he has got 10minutes because I will be sleeping.

  • Kae-Toya

    come on girl I will make him a plate I’m not offering some of my food, you know all your going to get back is half a fork………….lol

  • Kae-Toya

    We like Jozen and his mommas boy self. He works hard, keeps up his commitments ie this blog, he can freak you down when needed, keep you focused on your focus, he is family orientated………………ok he gets a lil over sexed at times, but its evident that when he loves he loves deep.