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Just Because We Know Their Middle Name, Doesn’t Mean Anything

October 26th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Without fail, it always happens. I write about hooking up with a person quickly (one week!) or randomly, and someone in the comments section says it’s the kind of behavior that leads to the spread of STIs. All the time, someone is trying to educate me on the hazards of sleeping with someone I barely know or don’t know beyond a two-week period of time.

Well, can someone explain to me how the period of time we choose to wait before we sleep with someone increases or decreases our chances of getting an STI? I’m just wondering when this new science became a part of the sex education curriculum. It had to be after my time because I remember taking sex education in elementary school, middle school, high school, and even college (Human Sexuality 101, great course!) and I don’t ever remember being told sleeping with someone quickly will increase my chances of getting an STI and taking my time to sleep with someone will decrease my chances of getting an STI.

I know a woman, she’s a family friend of mine, who contracted HIV from her husband. There are a lot of these stories out there of people who catch something from people with whom they’re committed. And I am supposed to believe because I know this person I’m safer than if I didn’t know them?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand promiscuous behavior is risky behavior, but I also know trusting someone blindly is also a risk. Maybe it’s a risk we’re more willing to take because it’s not the trust that we’re blinded by, but rather, the love for the person we trust that hinders our ability to see what could be some telltale signs.

I don’t know what it is, but I do know people need to stop demonizing those who choose to have a healthy sex life, and just do so more frequently than others. Anyone who looks back at my blog will see I am a champion of safe sex, that I do care about my sexual health. Hell, I’ve even thought about looking to become a safe sex educator on a voluntary basis. Imagine that, right? A safe sex educator who enjoys having sex. I never met one of those.

When I think about the way I was educated about safe sex, the biggest issue I have with it in retrospect was that it was attached with a value system. Abstinence was king, and hell, it still remains the case, but if we’re talking about sex, more so safe sex, then why are talking about abstinence? Not to say it’s unrealistic or shouldn’t be taught, but let’s also teach these kids who are going to ignore abstinence how to enjoy sex safely; the beauty of it and how there’s nothing more satisfying than good sex with the necessary protection. Yet, for as many times as I have said that, I still get these people who want to preach to me about this made up method of contraception called “taking the time getting to know someone”.

All taking the time getting to know someone does is make us let down our guard and allow people who probably are hiding something to hide their business out in the open. We think because we know our partners middle name and their phone number by heart, we’re safe. We’re paying attention to the things they’re saying, and not paying attention to the things they’re not saying. That’s how people get caught up, by trusting someone so much, we start making decisions with our hearts and not our heads.

It’s true I haven’t slept with someone with whom I’m in a relationship for a while now, and maybe that makes some folks uneasy. But I’ve done so safely. What scares me is all the people who have been sleeping with one person with whom they’re in a relationship, and have not done so safely.

Let’s be honest folks, folks are not honest. Trust is not a condom. The sooner we learn that, the safer we’ll be.

——————————————————————————————

THE PROCESS

Went for the run of my life today and did some push weight exercises. Feeling great. Oh, also, be on the lookout for a new Comments Section Guideline. A lot of you all have gotten out of control, so now it’s time to reign it in a little bit.

The NINTH Edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast is now up! Click here to listen

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  • shay

    I agree with this blog completely. I know a few people who have contracted something from a significant other and just keep saying “I thought I knew them”. I do think people try and justify their “sexual negligence” with the amount of time they knew the person but in reality, this doesn’t make a difference. As long as you are going about your sexual endeavors safely and making sure that you are getting yourself checked, then go right on with what you are doing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=602376154 JC Cox

    I agree completely…Great post as always.

  • http://twitter.com/danni82 Danni

    Eh, I’m a believer in both parties getting tested for everything, and I do mean everything, before the condoms come off in a monogamous relationship. I wanna know whether or not you’re diabetic before you remove that sucka. Rough territory,yes, but it’s the only way you can really be sure nowadays.

    Other than that, though, I completely feel you with this post.

  • Don’t believe you

    Getting to know someone and waiting can help reduce your chances of contracting an STD. Sometimes I feel you make these ridiculous posts to justify your reckless behavior. The more people you sleep with greatly increases your chances of getting a STD. Anytime you have sex with someone you take a risk. Stop with this madness. This post is not great. Do you all even know the meaning of what “great” is? Is this your way of letting women know that you are not interested in having a relationship right now and would rather fuck? If that is the case just say it.

  • http://twitter.com/funms funmi

    Great post…a lot of people need to read this so they can stop judging and assuming that if you sleep with someone too soon, you are at a high risk of getting any STI…….

    and like you said ” Trust is not a condom. The sooner we learn that, the safer we’ll be”

  • http://alovelydai.blogspot.com Alovelydai

    Perhaps whoever wrote that comment should re-read the title of your blog. Until I got married I was a single person safely enjoying life free to do as I pleased. I’m sure you are doing the same.

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  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/2FXR3MIN4X7L4RZG2O7Q7LRGHI Scarlett D

    Oh Jozen, I do love you (I don’t love you, I love your doggy style blog) and I understand the exasperation that comes with the immediate jump to casual sex = STIs; but let’s not go completely off the reservation.

    Irresponsible sex leads to STIs and the more time you get to know someone the higher the chance that you are comfortable talking to them about getting tested. The more time you have to trust their words and let them show their true self. The more chance that you are making a conscious decision to swap body fluids and possible become coparents with a person as opposed to letting your hormones take the reins and conveniently forget about consequences in the moment. More time allows him to perhaps stop effing someone else, then get tested, THEN eff you. How many STI test results get back within 6 days? I think the answer that you’re looking for is none.

    Sex with a partner that you are comfortable with, that you know beyond “they fine” is safer in general. That’s just a side effect of more time spent getting to know each other…you find out more stuff about them and are able to ask more personal questions without feeling like you’re line stepping.

    I’m not saying that you can’t go have all the random sex you want. Do what you do. But let’s not pretend that sex with unknown men (or a man that you’ve known for a week) has NO correlation with STIs. It does. Because there is no way that that man was tested since the time you met him and today. And irresponsible sex to me is sex without a test and a condom and a mutual agreement.

  • http://sinnamonnights.blogspot.com/ Sinnamon

    Well said Jozen. I always thought the idea of practicing safe sex the first time you sleep with someone and then going condomless once you get into a relationship was silly. If they had something before, they still have it six months later if they haven’t done anything about it. Somehow people connect enjoying sex with the wrong things when really the people not enjoying sex just aren’t doing it right.

  • recent reader

    You are assuming that only men are allowed to view sex as a pleasurable part of life in which they choose to engage with whomever they deem fit with. WOMEN do the same….and are not sluts for it. If the behavior is healthy, done with the right mind set, done maturely, done with honesty, and yes maybe sometimes done with someone you met 1 week ago, what difference does it make? Sex has no “right” or “wrong” rules or guidelines so who are we to judge his behavior.
    That judgement only further perpetuates sex as a taboo/shameful behavior…THAT causes people not to want to talk openly about it…THAT causes people to hide and be ashamed of things…THAT is when people engage in behavior they may not be comfortable with but are too afraid to speak up….and THAT is when you are at risk from contracting something from a partner

    just a thought…

  • http://twitter.com/Assata_R Assata

    “Getting to know someone and waiting can help reduce your chances of contracting an STD.”

    How?

  • Jbn

    Jozen stop trying to justify your promiscuous behavior. Bottom line= getting to know someone would/should involve both parties getting tested for STDS. Sleeping with someone in 1 week time is all wrong every way u look at it.

  • Nadira Rae

    “That’s how people get caught up, by trusting someone so much, we start to making decisions with our hearts and not our heads”

    Seriously people…..WAKE UP!!! When will everyone realize that no matter how well you may THINK you know someone, you only know them as well as they ALLOW you to know them. The truth could be revealed weeks, months, or years down the line…it doesn’t matter. Sex, in itself is a RISK, I don’t care if you’re married, committed, doing it casually….whatever. The risk is that YOU ARE HAVING SEX. No amount of time is going to negate that fact. Therefore, be responsible, make informed decisions, and use a condom. That is all.

  • Genetta

    wow! People go hard in the paint in your comment section Jozen. For the most part, I love your post, every once in awhile I give you the side eye. I happen to think you make some good points, great post.

  • Omgitzher54

    Yea…about that…you can still get an STD with a condom! Look it up folks! I love sex just as the much as the next person and enjoy a very healthy sex life, but I do realize even with a condom your never 100% safe. So yes, the more partners you have or the more partners they have (whichever is the case) the more liability on your behalf. So, I would suggest honesty at all times :) Naive I guess, but so is the other way [thinking that just because your wearing a condom your superman (or woman as I’d like to think ha!)]

  • http://twitter.com/danni82 Danni

    How exactly does getting to know someone before having sex reduce your risk of contracting an STD? Explain this one to us, please. I don’t say that to be saracastic, either. I genuinely mean it. I’d like to hear the other side of the argument, because I just can’t see it at the moment.

    Clearly, this post wasn’t an attempt to promote promiscuous activity. His argument is that waiting until you’ve gotten to know someone better in no way makes it safer to have sex with them. That STD will still be there regardless if you have sex with them one week or 6 months after you’ve met them.

    I am not a Jozen-can-do-no-wrong commenter. I have disagreed with this cat on many occasions. But on this post, he speaks truth. The notion that waiting until you “get to know someone” to have sex makes it “safer” is beyond superficial.

  • http://twitter.com/joZZyFRESH Jocelyn

    the idea that some people get all frazzled by someone else’s opinion makes me feel like they are arguing the point to prove to themselves they are right.

    It’s true the more partners you have the higher the risk for you to get an STI; but if you are aware of that (as you clearly are), more power to you.

  • Ania04

    While it is perfectly fine to disagree with the writer’s post, you could have stated your rebuttal without attacking THE WRITER. If you wish to tell Jozen your opinion of his “bedroom antics,” just simply send him a message.
    As an avid “undercover’ reader, I think this type of post reflects the reason why now there will be guidelines to the comments section of this blog.

    –> Before this gets out of line, I am NOT attacking you as an individual, but simply pointing out that we could all learn from Bambi at times.
    (For those of you, too young to remember: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”)

  • Kady

    Ok Jozen, I really think you need to put things in prospective a little bit.
    I understand that some comments have gotten under your skin and maybe your
    feeling misunderstood but at the end of the day, we all need to be
    reasonable. Sure just waiting 2 months to get intimate with someone does not
    mean you wont get an STI but if you combine that with other things that
    could happen over 2 months, getting to know someone, possible getting
    tested, all those things can lead to better (safer) decisions. Sure some
    people get HIV from there Husbands but that’s not the norm, most people are
    catching it from risky, promiscuous behavior. While I respect your opinion,
    you really shouldn’t try to blur the lines of facts and reason just because
    you’re great with words.

    Your blog is probably at its all time popularity based on the blog awards
    and such, so maybe its time to take a step back and look at who your
    audience. It’s probably changed quite a bit from the beginning. Your writing
    about adult things from a grown man prospective but I just worry that there
    might be young women (read under 24) reading this blog, who may not have the
    maturity to really take your advice without the fine print. And that’s where
    your commenters come in, there kinda like the fine print to say “you can do
    what Jozen says, but be prepared for ….XYZ”. I don’t see anything wrong with
    that, and I don’t see how you can get offended by dissenting comments on a
    topic you bring up. (Of course I’m not supporting blatant disrespect)

    To be honest the whole 1 week rule is personally a turn off for me, I’m not
    down with sleeping with anyone within 1 week (reads: met Sunday, get it in
    on Saturday), but that’s because I am looking for a more meaningful
    relationship (metal connection). But I’ve also had conversations with men
    who say the same exact thing you do, they refuse to wait pass 1 month, 2
    months etc. I had one guy tell me, that by the time the girl he was dating
    was ready, he had to break it to her that he had moved on with someone else.
    A lot of what is posted on here is absolute realness and I can’t disagree
    with your truth, but I literally do not know one single person who is in a
    serious relationship with someone they slept with in 1 week. It is
    absolutely possible… but in reality, I think that’s casual dating behavior,
    not relationship seeking behavior.

    I absolutely say keep keeping it real, but also let the commenter’s get
    their piece in. I know this is your blog, but it’s really a discussion forum
    and a lot of these discussions really need to be had. I just feel like
    you’re so caught up in the Mans POV that you totally dismiss the Woman’s POV
    as being ridiculous and nonsensical.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/2FXR3MIN4X7L4RZG2O7Q7LRGHI Scarlett D

    Cosign, it’s called healthy debate, not attack or fall all over Jozen section…how about if you don’t have anything of value to add to the DISCUSSION don’t say it at all?

    And save your comments on Jozen’s “bedroom antics” unless Jozen asks you for them. You may read some of his thoughts, but you don’t know that man.

  • 05girl

    I see what your saying, but don’t the facts support that higher partners = higher risk, even with condoms? And so I must assume that the person that is going to smush after 1 week is going to go through more sexual partners than the person that waits 3 months.

    and this line.. “What scares me is all the people who have been sleeping with one person with whom they’re in a relationship, and have not done so safely.” Insert eyeroll here. Yes, folks should use a condom, all the time. However, this line just comes across as BS and not from a place of geniune concern.

  • Ashley

    interesting post.
    “trust is not a condom” loved that.

  • Kady

    Well thanks to my Droid for the awful formatting.

  • http://twitter.com/kindasweetish Aisha

    Jozen, you don’t have to justify your sex life to any of us commenters. You are a responsible man and I’m really glad you started the conversation with your “one week” rule about sex. Even though I don’t think I will ever have sex with a man I met a week ago, I like where you have taken this conversation. Americans have always seemed to be “scared” of sex (I blame the Puritans lol) and when I took sex ed in high school, all it involved was the lady screaming at us showing pictures of the diseases we’ll get from sex. I know I am not the only one with that experience…that doesn’t really make sex seem enjoyable and my parents didn’t really unveil that myth either. When I took Human Sexuality (I agree, great course) I changed my point of view. I totally plan on being very transparent with my kids when it comes to sex. Safe sex is safe sex and stop believing that just cause dude has been sticking around and telling you things “he’s never told anyone else” doesn’t mean he is being forthcoming or that he cares about you or that he doesn’t have an STD. Take control of your sex life, as Jozen clearly has, and that’s really all that matters. No guarantees in life, just live it the way you want.

  • Patty

    Well said Mr.!!!!!!! I hope that the haters that inspired this entry read it and eat their own words.

  • v4c

    LOL…I KNOW people ARE NOT disputing the very reason the doctor discusses risk factors with patients before giving the STD test! LMBO! No matter how you slice it, it is MORE RISKY to have multiple partners. Is that the only way to contract anything? No. But, it does NOT negate that fact. Like it…or not. Agree…or not. Act accordingly…or not. Regardless of your stance, it does not change the fact that this fact is indeed a fact. Especially since condoms break, magically disappear, and do not protect you from ALL STD’s. I mean, do you…but don’t try to trivialize the facts.

    Yes, trust is not absolute protection…but neither is a condom. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t shoot to have either present when you’re doing the “adult dance”. I’m just sayin…

  • Nynos81

    Irresponsible sex does increase one’s chances of contracting an STD. That said, having sex with partners you are not committed to does not necessarily mean you’re having irresponsible sex. Being responsible means taking precautions and using the necessary protection: condoms. You can easily catch an STD from someone you’re in a committed relationship with after you’ve decided this person is “safe” and chosen not to use condoms. And it seems to me that if you choose to have sex with someone you’re not committed to, you are MORE likely to use that kind of protection. Which is responsible behavior.
    My choices regarding who I lay down with may be different from Jozen’s but that doesn’t make his behavior less responsible.

  • http://twitter.com/sothankful8508 Nadia Woods

    From chivalry to sti’s..quite a jump Josen 😉

  • A Diva State of Mind

    I don’t agree with the idea that someone should have sex with another only a week as briefly stated in this post and in a previous post, but I do agree with your point here. Whether you knew someone for a week or a year, you still are a risk of catching a STI if you don’t protect yourself. I also think that school should be teaching about safe sex. These days, kids are going to do what kids want to do, so at least educate them on how to be safe if they choose to not practice abstinence.

  • Islandgirl145

    I just want to say that my professor in college who taught Human Sexuality 101 was an incredible professor! She taught safe sex and she enjoyed sex too. I gained so much knowledge from that class from safe sex, to sex positions, and to sex in our American culture. I agree with this post Jozen completely! My high school only taught abstinence, but still had plenty of teenage pregnancies…if only they had taught us to enjoy sex safely.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_CETCDJDLDJ3ICXSRWAX6S4JVGQ secretkisses

    Great post!
    Jozen, the majority of people in this world are judgmental. Including myself. I agree with your post. Many people need to start thinking and stop looking at how others live their lives ( on what they do and who they do it with). And worry about themselves.
    I always question WHY do people have to tell someone how they should live their life. Can anyone please explain to me. And this relate to many different things( converting one to a religion, telling a women not to be too sexual).

    “We’re paying attention to the things they’re saying, and not paying attention to the things they’re not saying”
    Exactly. You cant trust just anyone.I always believe that people only pay attention to the things they want to know or hear. Leaving out ” little things” that can determine the things that can be a “secret”.

    Overall great post Jozen.

  • http://readlivingthislife.blogspot.com Ziggy

    No one said you’re supposed to blindly trust the person you’re with and ignore all the red flags they are flashing in your face. 20 years ito a marriage, if your gut is telling you (s)he is stepping out, then you’re probably right. I knew a lady who was with her boyfriend 2 years at the time and asked him to get tested before they had sex (she did the same), and every 6 months during that time, she had him get tested, and she did the same. when I asked her if he went for it, she said if he didnt like it, he could get to steppin’ if he didnt like it bc her health was paramount, and I say good for her for standing up to herself. i lost track of her after that time but something tells me she still does this or would do it w a new partner.

    The idea is to continue to use your judgement, just bc you’re inloved w someone, doesn’t mean they get a free pass, and you shouldnt give them one. Yes, women who’ve been married for years have contracted HIV from their husbands, but I would venture to say if we really looked at statistics, the number of people getting it from practicing unsafe sex in casual relationships is probably greater. But definitely, JUST being in a relationship does not protect you.

    What it all comes down to is RESPONSIBILITY for yourself and others. If you’re gonna cheat, for God’s sake, ladies and gentlemen, use a condom, every time. Tho that doesnt protect you from herpes or HPV or or or. So you might wanna think about that one. Get tested, ask your partners to get tested. Personally, if you wanna sleep w the whole world, Jozen, I don’t really care, I believe in a healthy sex life, but more importantly I believe in a RESPONSIBLE, SAFE, HEALTHY sex life. Just that people’s opionions about what safe sex is differ greatly (point in case, most people dont use protection during oral sex; that’s unsafe sex. point in case #2; not getting tested on a regular basis, to me, that’s unsafe sex, bc you are potentially passing along god knows what to anyone you may sleep with. Which is one of my reasons of saying, one week is too little to get to know someone and have all these conversations. On the flip side, yes, people need sex. So just be responsible about it.)

  • Anike Love

    1) As a former safer sex educator, I think you should DEFINITELY consider volunteering as a sex educator. There need to be more men in the field anyway so you all can talk about er3ct!ons and ej@culat!ons in safe spaces. Just make sure you’re comfortable with rolling condoms over wooden penises aka “Mr. Woody”! :-p

    2) I don’t equate having multiple sex partners with unsafe sex. I think it’s more about knowing a person’s sexual history, getting tested together (which may or may not be a priority depending on if you’re going at it unprotected…getting tested before getting down can technically be considered safe sex!)

    3) No censorship here!! Now, if people start just talking out of the sides of their nexks, then oh yeah, they get the black box. But it’s a blog and I’m pretty sure you don’t write to be PC. After all, your whole point of letting the commentators discuss without you interjecting is to allow us to take control (pun intended. You’re invited to step down from your blog cloud and discuss with us blog mortals whenever you like! :-)

    ANNDDDDD LASTLY,

    4) People are gonna say what they’re gonna say. Doesn’t mean they won’t be back to read tomorrow, so clearly, you’re doing SOMETHING right!

  • Thinkani

    First, let me say I enjoy reading your blog. Whether I agree or disagree with you, I can say you always give me reason to think. I think you are totally correct, knowing a person for a longer does not mean that you are any better protected from STDs. I think people need to think more about what is irresponsible sexual behavior, it is not using protection, not asking questions, not answering questions. It is not defined by not setting a time frame that is socially acceptable before sleeping with someone. If you and your partner talked about it, and are comfortable with taking the next step, then go for it.

  • Reeseruiz

    I’m not sure I agree here. Maturity can’t be measured in years… it’s measured in personality and wisdom. I’ve met an awful lot of mature 16-year-olds. I’ve also met a lot of immature 40-year-olds. You just cannot put a measure on maturity that way.

    That said, Jozen is speaking the truth. If you find someone you make a connection with (whether spiritually, physically, mentally, etc), there’s not really a reason to wait. You get it out there. If it works out, you continue on with the dating/relationships. If it doesn’t, then you know right away you didnt connect.

    Jozen isn’t saying that he’s picking up hookers on a street corner. He’s saying he’s sleeping with women who in some way he likes. You’re assuming all ‘like’ turns to ‘love’. Or that by waiting more than week the woman will be less of a slut.

    I agree whole-heartedly with Jozen. When I met my now fiancee, we slept together on the third or fourth date. It worked for us at the time. I’ve also slept with a guy on the fourth date where it didn’t work out.

    You can plan this crap out. You never know what’s going to happen (and if you say you DO know, or that the guy RESPECTS you more for waiting, you’re just lying to yourself). It’s not a game and no one’s POV is being dismissed. It’s all about how you look at it.

  • Kady

    I’m a little confused by this reply:

    I don’t think I made any implication that women who sleep with a man within a week are slut. I simple said its not for me based on what I am looking for. I personally know what works for me, its not about the man and when his respect comes into play, its about when I’m comfortable and feel I know the person well enough to take that next step.

    I also don’t understand how I implied that Jozen was picking up hookers off the street, so I’m not going to address that. But just so everyone is clear, “I do not think Jozen picks up hookers off the street!”

    All I was saying about the 1 week plan is that I don’t know anyone who it has worked for. But from a logical point of view the numbers would be in your favor if you decide to bang 50 people a year (I’m speaking general, not you specifically).

  • Miss.Riss

    I agree with you, but I guess that is to be expected since I’ve never commented on your sex life.

    I’ve realized awhile ago that there is no perfect ” formulaor timeline ” for a successful or safe relationship. People cheat and lie and do all sorts of stuff to the people they ” love “. It’s almost safer to mess around with people you are less familar with because both people are on guard and are looking out for self. As opposed to feeling so comfortable that you don’t bother to ask the important questions. Everyone has thier own opinions on what to and not to do when it comes to feeling comfortable in thier relationships. Doesn’t mean we all have to go by the same book.

  • Aries_Rose

    I look @ this whole 1 week thing like this: as a woman it’s not something I’m thrilled to hear about, but I don’t dismiss it as the truth! Bottom line, I will never know how a man thinks and since Jozen is a guy, I’m going to take his point as somewhat of a fact. Jozen is talking about how men look @ sex and as women, we often tie sex and emotions together, something a lot of us honestly can’t help. I think this is why the one week thing has a lot of people in the comments section going in!

    I really took the original post as an “okay ladies this is what it is for men” and you can do with the information what you want. I believe it to be true, but will I be jumping in bed after a week? I doubt it, but that’s my personal choice. Some men might take it, and others might do what Jozen said and leave it. And as far as safe sex goes, hey, either way you need to protect yourself cause you honestly just never know!

    While I won’t always agree with Jozen’s views , the blog makes for good discussions between my friends and I so I’ll continue to support and comment respectfully.

  • Jae

    just a thought: those who comment on your sexual habits and claim that sleeping with someone you haven’t known for long is risky probably don’t mean that you’re more likely to get an STI from someone you don’t know well…instead, they probably mean that engaging in sex with people you haven’t known for very long probably leads to a greater accumulation of sexual partners over time, simply because your screening process is short. which (safe or not) would in fact put you at greater risk of STI’s just because you’ve been exposed to more people, not necessarily because you knew those people for a short period of time. it isn’t the behavior itself that people are probably commenting on so much as what the implications are likely to be as a result.

  • Doesn’t Matter

    Unless test results come back within a week anyone hopping in bed so quick is playing with fire.

  • B.Walk

    RE sex: STD’s come from having unprotected sex not from having multiple partners or sleeping with someone within a week. Bottom line!

    RE new rule for the comment section: It’s about time!! I read this blog to get inside the mind of a bachelor (Jozen) and for entertainment purposes only. I don’t agree with half the stuff Jozen says, but I respect it because it’s a guy’s point of view.

    Women:RE fussing about this whole 1 week thing and every other post they don’t agree with: in case you forgot men are from mars and women are from venus. we cant make Jozen (men for that matter) change their minds because we talk big stuff in the comment section. their isn’t really a debate on our part. this blog is how he feels. period. case closed. end of story. that’s all she (he) wrote.

    @Jozen i meant to leave this comment the other day but i forgot: “you know what type of women never get a man? virgins and women who act like virgins” i think its a shame that in this day and age that the things that should be look upon highly, society marks as a black sheep. ie. virginity

  • Ms Lady

    I slept with my fiancee 3 nights after we met… We have the strongest relationship. It never hindered our progress, it only strengthened it. We had been having straight mind sex for the previous 72 hours, our mental and spiritual connection was crazy! So when we actually discovered that our sexual connection was JUST AS monumental, we were ecstatic. He just kept on saying to me for weeks and weeks to come “Who sent you??”. Although what he and I have is extremely rare, I understand that we are an anomaly and sleeping with someone that soon hardly ever develops into a growing relationship. But it can happen.

  • KP

    Nevermind all this ping pong banter over this post. It’s his opinion based off of his experience. If yours differ, so be it. If you’re grown, you’ll do as you please anyway and take the good with the bad.

    PS- Big shout to Dr. Stewart @ HU.

  • http://twitter.com/CKHerm2 CKHerm2

    I think Jozen hit it on the head. The time period doesn’t add up to an STI. What constitutes healthy/safe sex practices seem to be the core of the debate in the comments section. The “waiting period” is argued as a filtering process while the “get it in crew” advocates asking questions up front and talking about sex openly as the way to go. The only sure way to avoid STIs is for both partners to be tested. How many of the readers required every single person they’ve ever slept with to show some paperwork? Don’t worry… I’ll wait. In the instances that you didn’t require the paperwork, what kind of validation did you use? Their word? Your comfort level? A combination of the two?

    If you’re not getting tested regularly, all sexual adventures are risky regardless of the time period so stop pushing the hype about waiting and start asking about the paperwork.

  • http://deephoneydc.blogspot.com deep.honey

    @Jbn: I totally agree. Too many folks are hooking up without getting tested first, which is insane, if you believe the stats on Blacks and new HIV infections, particularly in D.C. Condoms are not made of titanium, and they can always slip off.