Just Because We Know Their Middle Name, Doesn’t Mean Anything
Without fail, it always happens. I write about hooking up with a person quickly (one week!) or randomly, and someone in the comments section says it’s the kind of behavior that leads to the spread of STIs. All the time, someone is trying to educate me on the hazards of sleeping with someone I barely know or don’t know beyond a two-week period of time.
Well, can someone explain to me how the period of time we choose to wait before we sleep with someone increases or decreases our chances of getting an STI? I’m just wondering when this new science became a part of the sex education curriculum. It had to be after my time because I remember taking sex education in elementary school, middle school, high school, and even college (Human Sexuality 101, great course!) and I don’t ever remember being told sleeping with someone quickly will increase my chances of getting an STI and taking my time to sleep with someone will decrease my chances of getting an STI.
I know a woman, she’s a family friend of mine, who contracted HIV from her husband. There are a lot of these stories out there of people who catch something from people with whom they’re committed. And I am supposed to believe because I know this person I’m safer than if I didn’t know them?
Don’t get me wrong, I understand promiscuous behavior is risky behavior, but I also know trusting someone blindly is also a risk. Maybe it’s a risk we’re more willing to take because it’s not the trust that we’re blinded by, but rather, the love for the person we trust that hinders our ability to see what could be some telltale signs.
I don’t know what it is, but I do know people need to stop demonizing those who choose to have a healthy sex life, and just do so more frequently than others. Anyone who looks back at my blog will see I am a champion of safe sex, that I do care about my sexual health. Hell, I’ve even thought about looking to become a safe sex educator on a voluntary basis. Imagine that, right? A safe sex educator who enjoys having sex. I never met one of those.
When I think about the way I was educated about safe sex, the biggest issue I have with it in retrospect was that it was attached with a value system. Abstinence was king, and hell, it still remains the case, but if we’re talking about sex, more so safe sex, then why are talking about abstinence? Not to say it’s unrealistic or shouldn’t be taught, but let’s also teach these kids who are going to ignore abstinence how to enjoy sex safely; the beauty of it and how there’s nothing more satisfying than good sex with the necessary protection. Yet, for as many times as I have said that, I still get these people who want to preach to me about this made up method of contraception called “taking the time getting to know someone”.
All taking the time getting to know someone does is make us let down our guard and allow people who probably are hiding something to hide their business out in the open. We think because we know our partners middle name and their phone number by heart, we’re safe. We’re paying attention to the things they’re saying, and not paying attention to the things they’re not saying. That’s how people get caught up, by trusting someone so much, we start making decisions with our hearts and not our heads.
It’s true I haven’t slept with someone with whom I’m in a relationship for a while now, and maybe that makes some folks uneasy. But I’ve done so safely. What scares me is all the people who have been sleeping with one person with whom they’re in a relationship, and have not done so safely.
Let’s be honest folks, folks are not honest. Trust is not a condom. The sooner we learn that, the safer we’ll be.
Went for the run of my life today and did some push weight exercises. Feeling great. Oh, also, be on the lookout for a new Comments Section Guideline. A lot of you all have gotten out of control, so now it’s time to reign it in a little bit.
The NINTH Edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast is now up! Click here to listen