Once A Cheater…Always A Guy Who May Get It Right The Next Time
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I’m different than most guys.
I have this whole blog where I confess to a lot of my mistakes I made in the past. As a matter of fact, I think I write more about how bad of a boyfriend I was more than I write about how good of a boyfriend I was, even though all of my exes would probably say I’m not as bad as I make myself out to be. Call it accountability, call it humility, or call it something else, but I’m more than aware of the fact that the reason my blog stands out is because not too many men are going to say they have done things I have done.
The reason why? Some men would much rather learn the lessons of their past ways on their own than deal with a woman in the present who discredits him for what he did to someone else. We made a mistake and the last thing we want a woman to tell us is if we made it once, we’re bound to make it again.
Women have definitely said it to me when I told them I cheated in the past. They said once a cheater always a cheater. Were some of them right? Yes. Were some of them wrong? Yes. So now that we know it’s not entirely some self-fulfilling prophecy, what to make of a man’s past?
Well, I for one would certainly start with suggesting no person should hold a person’s past against them. More importantly, don’t grill them on why they made certain decisions long before the present day. While I definitely think asking me questions about a past is legitimate, I fully expect the answers to not be held against me in the future.
The person who has made mistakes in their past is more comforting than the person who has never made any. Call me crazy, but if I had to take a chance on a girl who has never cheated and a girl who has, I would definitely pick the one who has. It’s not that I prefer my girls flawed, but I don’t believe in perfection, or at least, perfection for a lifetime. Give me the woman who knows what it’s like to do something she shouldn’t have done and has learned from her actions, over the woman who (allegedly!) has never made a mistake in her past relationships.
Besides, if I’m being completely honest, I probably wouldn’t believe the woman who claims to have done no wrong. The idea of a single woman who has never made a mistake, whether caught or unknown to the men in her past, is something like Santa Claus to me. I know it sounds like the words of someone who is cynical, but why should I believe anything different because she says so? Please. Too many women do not extend the same benefit of the doubt to men.
Skepticism is understood, but distrust and pessimism is a deal breaker. If I wanted to be with a woman who didn’t trust me I would have stayed with the girls whose trust I violated. I also certainly don’t want to be with a woman who feels as though I’m some special project she can take on; to treat me like a man who has a problem and sees herself as a solution. Such behavior is right up there with the women who believe I won’t change at all. I have learned from my mistakes on my own, and the reason I would want to be in a relationship again is because I’m ready to apply what I have learned and be better than I used to be.
I don’t need a girlfriend to be my boyfriend tutor. I need a girlfriend to respect me as her boyfriend and recognize that in spite of my past, I’m someone different. Do not mistake my ability to talk openly about past mistakes as a nonchalant attitude towards those mistakes. It’s like men who have been to jail and why they can talk so openly about what they did to land there, because they got caught and they learned. Just because I know I’m capable of cheating doesn’t mean I want to do it.
A lot of women will say not all men cheat, but where are the women who meet a man who cheats and believes not all men stay the same and make the same mistakes? We shouldn’t forget before history repeats itself, it has to be made.
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