Since I’m not in a relationship, there are things I want to write about but often can’t because, well, I’m not actually going through it. Anyone who’s followed this blog knows I place a premium on writing about things I’m either going through or have gone through.
But there are some things I want to write about even if I’m not going through them right at this moment. They’re certain issues or points of conversation I’m sure I will have with my girlfriend of the future. I don’t know what she looks like (well, maybe I do). I have no idea what she will bring to the table, and I definitely can’t predict the contentious points of our relationship. but I know at some point I will be in a relationship and at some point, certain things will come up.
What I want to start doing is getting in front of these issues now, before she even comes into my life. We can certainly talk about them at some point, but I do believe these letters I write to her will be a good starting point for the conversation.
So future girlfriend who I don’t know yet, I’m going to need you to read these letters carefully. They’re not all the answers to the test, but they’re definitely a helpful study guide.
Well, what do you know? I had a topic all lined up to write about this morning, and then I open up my inbox. Inside was an email from a reader who found out the man she’s been seeing is still active on a couple of dating sites. To add more context, they’ve been seeing each other for two years and he has a history of lying.
What made her question interesting was not that she asked the typical stuff like, “Do you think he’s cheating on me?” or “How do I confront him about this?” (One more thing: a friend of hers who goes to the same dating sites is the one who tipped her to her man’s activity). She actually doesn’t believe her man is cheating, and however naive she may be for believing so, I still think her question was an interesting one:
She asks, What else is a man looking for when he is looking for women?
That’s a great question, so let me lay out not one, but five things a man can be looking for in women outside of the one with whom he is in a relationship.
For the past ten years, I have always improvised the way I spend my Thanksgiving holiday. It’s been this way since my freshman year of college when my Mom and I decided Christmas would be the holiday for which I would come home and my Thanksgivings would be spent either working or joining up with friends and distant family living on the East Coast.
Some years have been great, like the past two I have spent with my boys, coming together like the brothers we are. Another year I spent with my closest female friend in New York City where we stayed at my brother’s. Then of course there were a couple of girlfriends whose families took me in for the holiday. Always interesting.
But when I think about all the Thanksgivings I spent away from my family, none of them resonate with me more than the first one, my freshman year.
The girl is fwine, man.
That’s wine with an eff in front of it.
That means not sick.
This girl is sick.
So why we acting, like she isn’t?
Just going to stand there with a dime on your arm.
Looking like you got change to spare.
Acting like she’s cool.
She don’t need no public displays of affection.
She ain’t even into that anyway.
Better hold her hand, dude.
Do something, dude.
Before she start acting like she ain’t into that with some other dude.
Like it’s false to assume women don’t talk about sex as much as men do, it’s false to think all men do is talk about sex or women. When it comes to women, men talk about everything. Yes, even relationships. We swap stories, talk about women we have yet to meet, who was fine, who was ugly, who was a freak, who was a prude, the ones who got away, the ones who won’t go away, the ones we want to stay, the ones we want to leave.
But men also talk about more than women, more than sex.
Last week I wrote a post on how some women aren’t interesting and some women asked me how to keep a man interested. The best answer I can give is engaging conversation about things other than typical relationship talk (whatever that is).
From Thursday to Sunday, a few of my boys and I got together to celebrate life. We had a steak dinner, a Celtics game, parties, a three-hour commute from Boston to NYC, and an hour-long exodus from Harlem to Brooklyn. All the while, my boys and I discussed a gamut of things. Women were of course a hot topic. But here are five other things my boys and I talked about over the weekend.
My head feels like someone is practicing drums inside of it right now. I can barely move, barely talk, and it’s freezing here in Boston.
So considering I’m recovering from my wild night here in the Bean, I have nothing substantial to say about anything. Instead, I’d much rather pose a question to my female readers (as always male readers are welcomed and encouraged to chime in) about a dilemma I would like some clarity on. Please leave them in the comments and remember, don’t curse or bad mouth people lest you want your comment to go in the virtual trash bin.
Women need to come up with a new line.
This whole “He’s only interested in one thing” line is old news.
I’ve been hearing it way too much and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only man. The fact is — and I said this on Twitter yesterday — some men are interested in only one thing because the woman is not that interesting.
Have we ever thought of such a thing?
So today, I received some very good news, but I won’t be sharing it on UIGM. For those who want to know what it is, you can hit me on the side and I might let you know. The keyword in the last sentence being “might.”
That being said, I won’t be writing a post today. I just want to enjoy my good news. What I have decided to do instead is just post up the Poppin’ Questions Podcast for your listening pleasure. So click on this link here and go to the Poppin’ Questions Podcast page to listen or download the THIRTEENTH Edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast.
And for those who really want to read something I wrote, check out the recap I wrote about the conversation between Cornel West and Jay-Z. The two of them sat down with Paul Holdengraber at the New York Public Library on Monday to discuss Jay’s book, Decoded. Any fans of hip-hop or Jay-Z should get it because it’s a truly beautiful book and a fun read.
Here’s the link: “Five Things We Learned About Jay-Z’s New Book At The New York Public Library”
As per my usual steez, comments are turned off. Feel free to leave feedback on the podcast over at the podcast page.
Thank you to everyone who continues to support me.
Anytime I write two s*xually related posts two days in a row, the claws come out. People start complaining my blog is about nothing more than s*x. They say all I care about is getting women in bed. I don’t want a relationship, etc.
Well, all I ask is for any reader who feels like writing such a comment today, please email it to me instead, because today, once again, I’m writing a post about s*x. It’s nothing perverse, just something i want to get off my chest. So, to those who feel like saying something else about my writing about s*x, please find a way to take it out of the comments section because in there, I want to stay on topic.
Now, let’s get started shall we?
The other night, a female friend and I were having a very candid discussion about s*x. It was one of those talks where if outsiders were listening in, they would blush. We weren’t delving into each others history or being nosy about each others experiences, but we were definitely letting our thoughts hang out there and asking questions with no filter.
I was grateful for the conversation, because her woman’s perspective helped give me a better insight into what goes on with a female when she is having s*x. The other thing it revealed to me was how often women lie about things related to s*x. One thing I have learned over time is the reason why men enjoy s*x more than women (and I absolutely believe this is true) is because men are more open and honest about what they want and what they like. Women, on the other hand, lie, a lot about, and mostly it’s in the name of protecting a man’s ego.
Well some of us men out there are tied of these lies as well as others. We’re big boys now, we can take the honesty. As a matter of fact, we would really prefer to hear it. After I talked to my female friend, I talked to my boy ER and wrapped with him about the five most common lies we’ve heard women tell us regarding sex. Here they are. We hope to never hear them again.