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But His Boys Won’t Take Care of Him When He’s Sick

November 2nd, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

As I predicted, Howard Homecoming 2010 was another memorable weekend for the life books, even if it was the most miserable one for me personally.

I wasn’t prepared for the cold front that came blowing through D.C. and so, within hours of arriving in D.C., I felt my throat tighten up and the congestion getting out of control. What made things worse, I had no proper attire to keep me warm for the evenings. I had no coat, no jacket — at least not one that went with what I was wearing — so I just knew this cold I was starting to have was only going to get worse. Not because I lacked the wardrobe and the meds to fight it; not because I had to attend the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert rally the next day, all day (you can read the two write-ups I did on it here and here); not because I knew each night I was there, I was going to be out late, which meant a serious lack of rest; the biggest reason I knew my cold was going to get worse before it got better is because I was with my boys all weekend, and the last thing any of them was going to do was nurse me back to health.

When I wrote last week about valuing and cherishing the role my boys play in my life since being single, I hope I didn’t come off as spiteful towards women. My boys truly do mean everything to me, and will always be in my life, so of course I will never let a woman come in between our bond, but it doesn’t mean the two relationships — the one with my boys and the one with whatever woman I end up with — can’t co-exist. I need both, for entirely different reasons, and it’s something I learned over the weekend when I was sick.

See, my boys are going to see the runny nose and just tell me to get a tissue. If they have a box of their own, they’ll say I can get a couple, but they won’t give me the whole box and buy another one for me before the end of the weekend. We’ll pull up to McDonald’s and they’ll ask me if I want anything, knowing good and well the Hi-C Orange McDonald’s serves does not qualify as my necessary dose of Vitamin C and I shouldn’t be eating anything but soup. They’ll wake me up when I’m taking a nap so I can get ready to roll out with them, and if I ask to borrow a jacket, they’ll assess if it’s one of the ones they wanted to wear before they say yes. They will hear me coughing, blowing my nose, and talking in a raspy voice, and still say, “Man, come to his happy hour, there’s mad girls up in here.”

If any of this is reading like some attack on my boys, understand this is far from it. I know exactly how my boys are, and I love them all of the same. Matter of fact, if any of them did anything different from the things I just described, I would be so shocked, I would ask them if they were sick. We’re men, for better or for worse, and unless we’re in some life-threatening situation, we tell each other to “man up”. Hell, I don’t think I even asked any of my boys if they had some tissue.

We don’t do things women do for us when we get sick. A man isn’t giving another man his scarf, but a woman will take hers off and give it to him. A man isn’t putting his hands on another man’s forehead to see if he has a fever, so much as he’s saying, “Damn, you really do sound sick.”. A man isn’t bringing him the best chicken soup in town, so much as he’s talking about the chicken soup his mom used to make. These are things only a woman will do for a man. These are things only a man can expect a woman to do. We care about our boys as much as we do the most important people in our life, but we know better than to think they’ll take care of us when we’re sick because we think they’ll suck at it.

Women, on the other hand, don’t suck at taking care of a man when he’s sick. Women are great at taking care of a man when he’s sick because they make him feel like it’s okay to be sick. They say what he has has been going around a lot lately, and instead of saying “Man up” they say “Lay down.” Like his boys know how to have his back when a fight is about to go down, his woman knows how to have his back when his lung sounds like it’s about to be coughed up.

Any man out there will say a life without his male friends is empty, but if he’s honest, he will admit a life without a female friend is not a healthy one to live.


The Process: Still haven’t worked out, as I’m getting over this cold. Needless to say it’s been an off week. I have to get better before I hit Miami this weekend. Speaking of…UIGM readers who live in Miami, hit me up. I need tour guides cause it’s going to be my first time there. Oh and vote today!

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  • Kae-Toya

    Love Love Love this………………………lol lol My guy friends are like that, my ex showed up at my house last week just randomly hear why—————-> I have some really bad skin and i know you will have something to put on it. lol lol

  • Lex

    Amen !!! I tell my man this all the time … I know he loves his boys but in the end i am the one who takes care of you when your sick!!! Great point jozen

  • Southern Poise

    Nice. Can’t ‘live’ in this life without the women, the true nurturers God man creatures. God made women to cater to your softer side, and we love every minute of it. Get well soon!

  • sugahoneyicedtea

    Here’s some e-chicken soup, and some e-tissues.(hey it’s the thought that counts lol) I hope you get well soon. Miami, get ready for Josen..

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  • blakladyj

    You did look pretty cold when I saw u on saturday, lol

  • Qiana McKoy

    Great post! I’m pretty sure my boyfriend would agree with you – I’m the first person he calls when he starts to get sick. I’ll tell you the same thing I tell him – load up on your Vitamin C intake (not orange juice, the pills – 3 every 3 hours), drink plenty of water, and REST. Theraflu will also knock out any cold, and will soothe your throat if it is scratchy. Also make sure to eat – that’s important. Your body can’t fight a cold without fuel. Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

  • Streetz

    Classic. Men will def be like “Damn dog..” and keep it at that. Female friends and S/Os will always know what to do. Gotta love it!

  • AlesiaMichelle

    I agree with this post, but I must confess that we ladies do tease you guys just a little when you are sick. Guys always act like they are on their death bed over a cold! lol But you guys look so pitiful that we are compelled to nurse you back to health. lol

  • AnnMarie

    Love the post Jozen. I hope you feel better by the time you get to Miami. Don’t worry about any cold fronts if any thing bring an umbrella. We’ve had a couple of rainy spells. Hope to see you at Liv!

  • Miss Malorie

    Hope you feel better soon! I’m a Miami resident, but a new one, and don’t know of a whole heck of a lot of spots lol. Hope you have a great time! Apparently, there’s supposed to be a cold front coming through this weekend… I doubt that will affect Miami much, but have a sweater, just in case. No repeats of this story you just told all of us lol.

  • Cheekie

    Aw, this was cute! And so, so, true.

    Wow, I actually just took my first trip to Miami a couple weeks ago and it was fabulous. Hope you have fun!

  • recent reader

    I get it…but I’m not a fan of labeling women as good “caretakers” Some of us (raise my hand) don’t necessarily have that instinct…or not a strong one at least. I’m just as likely to tell my man or any man they look and sound terrible (that is me acknowledging they are sick), hand them a tissue and keep it moving.

    Why not expect more from your friends. You may not always have a girl to take care of you….but you should always have your boys right? Wouldn’t they want you better faster so as to capitalize on their time with you?