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My Mom Is Now Concerned I Don’t Have A Girlfriend

November 5th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Well, maybe “concerned” isn’t the right word. My mom isn’t concerned about the issue of me being single, but the other day her and I were having a heart-to-heart about life, mine specifically.

I was telling her how I was handling everything concerning my career, my finances, and my health. There were some areas of my life I felt good about; others, not so much. Her response was typically encouraging of a mother, but she caught me off guard when she said, “I do think you would feel better about some things if you had a significant other in your life.”

My mother has never ever said such a thing to me.

From the time when I was a kid coming home from kindergarten talking about some girl I like, my mom has always known I like girls. A lot. She’s never really had a hands on approach in my relationships unless I’ve asked her for advice, which never really was until my ex-girlfriend moved in with me. Other than those times, when it comes to me and women, my mom has always let her son make her own mistakes, knowing good and well I’ll make them early and often, but my heart is good and I will learn from them.

Since I’ve always been attracted to the opposite sex my mother has also never had to push on me finding a girlfriend or finding a girl I like. She knows no matter how busy life gets, I’ll always make time for the company of a woman. As a matter of fact, after my ex and I broke up, my mom was the first person to tell me to take a break from relationships. She said I had my fill and I could use some time to myself, enjoying the life of a single person.

I took her advice but now I’m thinking — and with the phone conversation we had, she’s proving it to be true — I’ve taken her advice too literally. Or is it for too long I have taken her advice?

I don’t know if my mom’s question means my bachelor ways have gotten out of control. As a matter of fact, I don’t think they have. I think my bachelor life is pretty typical of all bachelors, whether they live in a big city or a small one. People may think it’s somewhat of a tall tale, but trust me, it’s really no different than many men we know. If we add up all the years I’ve been single — two, going on three — it still won’t compare to all the years I spent going from one girlfriend to the next.

My mom knows that. She knows how much I’ve enjoyed this single life I live and how rewarding it’s been to my growth as a human being, but I also think maybe she sees something I’m missing that I don’t and though I don’t know if she’s right or not, I can’t say she doesn’t have a point.

I have been single for a couple of years now, and I would be lying if I said it has never concerned me or I haven’t thought about it. Of course I think about it, especially as I approach 30, because as I’ve said before, when I was 10 years younger, I could have sworn by now I would be married.

When I met my ex I thought I was on that track, only to mess it up, which makes me think, “Was I on the track and did I derail myself?” So yeah, those thoughts are prevalent. But never ever have I been so concerned with finding a girlfriend to the point where I put it on a list of priorities. Nor do I put staying single on that list of priorities. I don’t ever want to be proactive about either. My mother doesn’t want me to be either, at least I don’t think that’s what she was saying to me the other day when she said maybe a girlfriend would do me some good.

It was just a suggestion by her, but I must admit, I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.


The Process: Still on the diet, the workout though is going horribly this week. I’m going to Miami for the first time this weekend, I’ll get back on it next week when I return.

The ELEVENTH Edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast is now up! BRAND NEW EPISODE! Click

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  • Talia

    moms is just wanting some more grandchildren to play with. after all, you did say you are approaching 30. the older we get, the more mothers will say anything to tenderize our hearts. get us all kinds of soft, so by the second date with whomever, we are discussing car seats and breast pumps. sounds like a bit of that momma trickery, if you ask me. #dontfallforit.

  • Keith Reed

    You’re good, Jozen. What your mother said to you ias as much, if not more, about timing and about her than it is about you.

    You’re approaching 30, right? That was about the time I first heard my mother chime in on my relationship life (or more to the point, my lack of a serious one). One day she was the same woman who never took an active interest in my relationships at all (despite the fact that I gave her two grandkids by the same woman when I was in my early 20s). The next, she was hinting that I should consider a wife since every time we talked, I was eating fast food. Then, it was subtle hints. Today she just blurts out questions that start with “When” and end with “wife” whenever I see her.

    Her sisters, my aunts, have given me the most plausible explanation and this probably applies to you. I’m my mother’s only child and as she gains in age and health problems appear, she worries about her mortality. She wants her son to be OK, and while it’s misguided to think that some woman is going to come along and be the motherly presence that she was (I’ve even told her “women my age don’t do that”), telling me that she wants me to get hitched is just her way of saying she doesn’t want me to be alone in the world.

    You’ll be fine being single as long as that makes good sense for you, and your mother will be fine with that, too.

  • Scarlett D

    His mom reads his blog, I guarantee she isn’t thinking that he’s “holed up in [his] apartment day/night, writing/working [his] life away” LOL!

    I think you were onto something with the grandbabies and his general happiness though…

  • Melle Mel

    I swear it’s this nearing 30 that does it to people! I just went through a similar self analysis about how at this age I thought I’d be married – and for all intents and purposes should be married. But here I am inching up on 30 and single and trying to make sure I don’t go into check list mode.

    Your mom was right – it’s important to be single for a time. And while I’m not quite living the single life I’m glad I didn’t rush into another relationship. On the other hand there are pieces to life that are that much sweeter when shared with that special person.

  • Jinx The Chase

    I get what your mom is saying. Having a good s/o in your life who is supportive and that you click with adds more than I think people are willing to admit. There is NOTHING like that, absolutely NOTHING.

    Glad she gave you something to think about. Cheers for moms!!!

  • Eleanore

    Stay single and enjoy it…until you stop enjoying. Then do something about it. Until then, life is about enjoying where you are. No timetables

  • Shacrista

    My dad and I had a similar conversation this summer. He blatantly said I need a man, something I never thought he would say, ever. No father wants to see his baby girl grow up and be alone, but dang daddy!! I’ve only been single for a year and a half, but I’m also getting closer to 30. It’ll happen in due time. I’m enjoying being single and as you said, I’m not being proactive about being single, but I’m also not being proactive about finding somebody. It’ll come when the time is right.