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Five Things Women Lie About Regarding S*x

November 15th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

The other night, a female friend and I were having a very candid discussion about s*x. It was one of those talks where if outsiders were listening in, they would blush. We weren’t delving into each others history or being nosy about each others experiences, but we were definitely letting our thoughts hang out there and asking questions with no filter.

I was grateful for the conversation, because her woman’s perspective helped give me a better insight into what goes on with a female when she is having s*x. The other thing it revealed to me was how often women lie about things related to s*x. One thing I have learned over time is the reason why men enjoy s*x more than women (and I absolutely believe this is true) is because men are more open and honest about what they want and what they like. Women, on the other hand, lie, a lot about, and mostly it’s in the name of protecting a man’s ego.

Well some of us men out there are tied of these lies as well as others. We’re big boys now, we can take the honesty. As a matter of fact, we would really prefer to hear it. After I talked to my female friend, I talked to my boy ER and wrapped with him about the five most common lies we’ve heard women tell us regarding sex. Here they are. We hope to never hear them again.

“IT WAS GREAT BUT I DIDN’T HAVE AN ORGASM”

I’m glad women are no longer faking about having the big O, but honestly, ladies, we don’t need the back handed compliment. Men don’t compute this because we don’t equate non-orgasm s*x with good s*x. If a woman didn’t make us have an orgasm she wasn’t great. To be honest, she could have been better. Now, men, we don’t need to be told “it could have been better”, some of us might get offended or be sensitive. But we definitely don’t need to be told it was great, that’s not encouraging, it doesn’t make us want to work harder. So instead of saying, “It was great, but I didn’t have an orgasm” try this: “It was great, let’s do it again.”

FAKE CLIMAXING

For those who don’t understand the difference between the Big O and climaxing, Google. As for the rest of us who do understand the difference, cut out the theatrics ladies. I’m a man who appreciates dynamics. I like a woman who knows how to build up to a yell and come down to a whimper. But a woman who keeps the volume on 10? Man, they annoy me, like inner city kids on the subway who turn their mp3 players all the way up. We all have a volume control, let’s use it. Don’t make me think I’m doing my job from the moment I enter the workplace. A good boss isn’t going to give me a raise just because I came in on time on the first day. Quit saying at the lop of your lungs, “This is soooooooooo good.” I know what so good is, and it comes out in the form of incomplete, clipped, sentences. “THIS……………………..IS!……………………..SO!……………………..”

“YOU’RE THE ONLY GUY WHO’S EVER HAD THIS PROBLEM”

It’s happened to me before. A woman’s ready to go, and I’m not ready to go. She’s being all seductive and I’m into it but I’m just not responding the way I need to be responding. So she says it’s okay, but then says how strange it is because she’s never seen that happen before. I had one girl tell me every guy she’s been with was always ready, no matter what. I just assumed she used to date p*rn stars because a normal but healthy guy like me definitely has his moments when he’s not ready. I believe it happens to the best of women, because some men get so wrapped up in anticipation they psych themselves out (might write more about this later), and thus they’re unprepared for the big moment. So ladies if this hasn’t happened to you, yet, well, might want to make a man wait some time. For the ladies it has happened to, quit lying and saying it hasn’t.

THE LAST TIME THEY HAD S*X

Lying about the number of partners she’s had is so 1990s. The new lie is lying about the number of months that’s gone by without having s*x. The most I will believe a woman has gone without s*x is three months, and I will only believe her if she tells me it was due to her undergoing a human experiment where they took regular people and sat them in their own igloos for three months to see what they would do. Other than that, I’m sorry I don’t believe it. It’s summer, and she’s trying to tell me the last time she got some it was under the sweet glow of Christmas lights? Please. Not only do I not believe her, I honestly don’t care. It didn’t feel different. I have never been with a woman and been able to say to myself, “Damn, this girl has been on a five-month hiatus.”

SHE WON’T DO A THREESOME BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T LOOK AT GIRLS LIKE THAT

Really? REALLY!? This girl expects me to believe she doesn’t assess other women by the way they look? Then why is she always telling me her friends are pretty? Even more telling, why do some fine women hang out with nothing but other fine women? Let me guess, because they have nice personalities? No, it’s because they like to go out and party and they don’t want to go out with any girls who can’t bat their eyelashes and make the doorman open up the velvet rope. Most women I would kiss hang out with other women I would kiss, and I don’t think it’s by coincidence. She has the same taste in women I have, so why does she act like she doesn’t see what I see in other women.

Ladies, there is a perfectly acceptable answer for those women who just aren’t interested in a three-way naked tango and I’m going to give it to you so that from now on, men don’t have to be given the same tired spiel. Here it is: “No, I don’t want to have a threesome because that’s not me. That’s not what I do. But I do know two girls who are like that, here are their phone numbers.”

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The Process: Thinking about growing out my mustache, just to start more conversations.

The TWELFTH Edition of the POPPIN’ QUESTIONS PODCAST is now UP! Click here to listen.

Categories: Five Things, s#x, women Tags:
  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ taut_7

    hilarious yet true. i never understood what the point is of anyone faking an orgasm or climax is. it’s not helping anyone. matter of fact you’re doing yourself a bigger disservice than the person’s ego you’re trying to protect.

  • http://sepiabrown.wordpress.com Sepia Brown

    “She has the same taste in women I have, so why does she act like she doesn’t see what I see in other women.”

    [This!!!]

    Signed,
    Tall Enough

  • leressa

    LOVE IT!!!! I especially loved….”Don’t make me think I’m doing my job from the moment I enter the workplace.” That ish right there is PRICELESS!!!! You are sooo right about the fact that when it’s good those words come out in incomplete, clipped sentences… where is the “love it ” button when you need one!!! The only thing I would dissagree with it the amount of time since she last had sex part. I am currently on a 3mth hiatus.. unfortunately with no end date in sight. I have been soo busy with work, school, kids, blah, blah, blah that I haven’t met anyone I wanted to hook up with.. I work from home so I DEFINATELY need to get out of the house more because at this point.. the only person who might be in line to get some is the UPS man..lol

  • TherylDenise

    What’s with the asterisk in “s*x?” LOL. To comment on being honest about the big “O”, now 1st I have to tell you, but then I have to be careful of your sensitivity to the issue and risk an unnecessary argument? Um, no. Lol. I have not yet seen a man that could really handle that type of honesty and NOT let it disturb the relationship. It’s like a man telling his girl she needs to lose weight….it may be true, but the aftermath is not worth all the trouble. Lol

  • Bina

    You took the last quote right out of my mouth! Anyhoot. I’m sorry that you find non-orgasm sex to be bad sex. And I’m about to good The Big O and Climax lol

  • Aries_Rose

    As I am getting older (older not “old” lol) I am definitely feeling this post 100%. First of all, as a woman, who the hell wants to just lay on their back unsatisfied and after that, have to pretend you enjoyed something you didn’t? Speak up, ask and you shall receive! And I’m with you. I don’t ask questions about a guy’s body count or past activity and I don’t expect to be asked those questions either! Truth be told, I want to know that you’re healthy. I could care less about the details, out of sight, out of mind.

    And I don’t know if your female friend told you this, but the women who tell these lies to these men have their friends on speed dial. As soon as dude leaves, the conversation usually starts off with “Girlll you’re not gonna believe this ish!” Lol, well maybe that’s not all females who’ve had bad encounters, but I’ll let you decide on the number that do this! Good post!

  • Mouf Peace

    the longest i went without sex was almost two years, 1 year and 6-7 months actually. so, believe it. and lol to the threesome. i check out girls all the time, but i still could never have a threesome, mostly ‘cuz i’m selfish haha.

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  • http://twitter.com/lolasmalls Lola Smalls

    Whoa! FilipinoCupid.com huh? What’s going with the ads on your site?

  • Tiggums McGhee

    By far the funniest and truest thing I’ve read in a minute! Keep it up as usual Jozen.

  • Ebonnejust

    I encourage you to open your mind up when a woman tells you they’ve gone longer than three months. A woman who is looking for a relationship is not about to lay down with just anybody to get her rocks off. Yes, we have urges but a lot of women are holding out for the total package when seeking an intimate partner.

  • http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com/ sunt97

    Ok 1-4 cool, but I am a loud one, but I have learned to tone it down. Numba 5 is too funny. Yeah I will check a girl and say things like, “wow, look at her butt, look at her boobs or she is really pretty”, but I’ll will pass on putting my mouth on any part of her body that is not her cheek, forehead and hand, and the latter 2 is saved for family and close friends only when the situation warrants it.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

  • wahoo4uva

    EXACTLY!

  • BoomShots

    For all types of reasons women feel a pressure to lie about their sexuality. Some claim it is the male ego which I can’t really counter because I don’t have sex with dudes. I too have been frustrated by some women sexual perspective but I realize that their is a strong undercurrent in our society who seeks to punish women for any liberal display of sexuality. Especially if it threatens male dominance plus some women think being non-sexual is somehow a virtue.

    As a society we are still to a large degree sexually immature. While female sexuality is where most of that is reflected. There are many men who co-sign to many of the lies outlined here because it reinforces many of their same misguided beliefs. Not too many people really have frank discussions about their sexual relationships anyway. They so often spend too much time concerned that their partner might not think too well of them. Healthy sexuality begins in the thoughts and

  • NAHANA426

    Alright Jozen…kudos for bringing these candid issues to the forefront. I think being honest about sex is a key way to have useful dialogue between men and women. Because let’s be honest, if we (men & women) aren’t satisfied sexually, we aren’t happy. But this dialogue can be a bit precarious, because ultimately women and men are socialized to believe women shouldn’t want sex. They are relegated to objects that motivate sex. Both parties have to be clear about and comfortable with who they are sexually before they can please each other. And even then they should still be flexible and willing to accommodate something that may be out of their usual comfort zone. That is where the selflessness about sex comes in.It shouldn’t just be “I want this and I like that”.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1295360001 Sherry Rouse

    umm… i’ve gone months w/o sex and it was my choosing. to believe that nothing over 3 months is feasible, is childish at best. as for the Big-O issue… I’ve also had sex and not had an orgasm and still enjoyed myself. the problem with many men is they’re so focused on getting a woman to the Big-O… they miss all the good, important stuff in-between. sex is not all about the orgasm and while it is amazing to have the big-o… it’s not all it’s about.

    #3… umm… what if you are the first guy that she’s had that experience with? she’s supposed to lie for your benefit? sounds like a bruised ego indeed…

  • half a hero

    When my girl and I 1st hooked up and started doing it she made all these noises as if the louder the better! It was like she was trying to hard or something. As time went on I found that the “Big O” was not happening for her by me or any before me. Being a guy this was a blow to the ego but its one that you have to live with! It did make me wonder was it me, her or the both of us;yet, I am still in love with her 3 years later.

  • Zzzzz

    Guys also lie about the last time they’ve had sex. They try to make it seem like they’ve been holding out for a while when that’s not true at all. Women can definitely do that. My record is a year and a half!

    Jozen, it’d be great if you could post your thoughts about men not being ready to go. Women usually take this personally, so it’d be nice to hear about it from a male perspective.

  • Isnevereasy

    I think that its more fun getting there. Sometimes it just happens and other times it takes hours and maybe days. When you find that right partner its just fun exploring each others bodies. I think the climax is not as important as the road map to get there. It just needs to be a two way street. “No, I don’t want to have a threesome because that’s not me. That’s not what I do. But I do know two girls who are like that, here are their phone numbers.” You took the words right out of my mouth! Its like to hear that people men and women ( especially women) since we are the gate keepers to the “gate of life” are respecting our bodies and only allowing people who we know and trust enter that realm. I gone over year after my heart was broken from my divorce without sex…I try a one night stay and now I know why it called “Dirty Sex” it was fun…So now when I met a guy I’m interested in I ask them “Want is your best sex organ?…. It’s your Brain!

  • http://twitter.com/caribbeanBleu Jinx The Chase

    No need to lie, or exaggerate, in my world. Especially not about sex.

  • Procrastigirl

    I know this is pretty old, but I’m going to say I won’t have a threesome and its not because I don’t think girls are my thing, I won’t have a threesome because my man is mine, and I don’t share. I’m not generally the jealous type, but that might turn me jealous and I don’t want to go there.