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For Quiet Girls Who Do It Like Their Parents Are In The Other Room

November 16th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Anytime I write two s*xually related posts two days in a row, the claws come out. People start complaining my blog is about nothing more than s*x. They say all I care about is getting women in bed. I don’t want a relationship, etc.

Well, all I ask is for any reader who feels like writing such a comment today, please email it to me instead, because today, once again, I’m writing a post about s*x. It’s nothing perverse, just something i want to get off my chest. So, to those who feel like saying something else about my writing about s*x, please find a way to take it out of the comments section because in there, I want to stay on topic.

Now, let’s get started shall we?

Quiet girls. In the bedroom. The ones who don’t say much, if anything at all when they’re getting it on with a man. Why do these women exist? Better question: How do these women exist?

Honest, I want to hear from the women who know they’re the quiet type (ladies who aren’t can chime in too). Comment away please and let me know what this is about and why do we think it’s sexy? Is it me and my brethren who just aren’t doing the job, or did someone a long time ago sign off on this? Speak up ladies, because I know I’m not the only man who wants to know what’s with the silent treatment. We’re listening.

No man necessarily needs opera singers, but we definitely don’t want girls who sound like nap time. As a matter of fact, I can safely gather no man prefers the latter. Don’t believe me? Ask a man what he prefers, if he says a woman who doesn’t vocalize her appreciation for what he’s doing I’ll buy him a box set of silent films.

If being quiet during s*x was the hot thing to do, why have I never swapped stories with a man who has a fetish for it? Search on the Internet for any type of fetish and there is sure to be an entire adult movie series based around it, but I’m pretty sure there is not an entire line of adult movies made where women are silent. I’m pretty sure I have never seen a series entitled MILFS, and the “M” stands for Mutes.

Before I continue: Mom, if you’re reading this, can you please stop here? Thanks.

When I was growing up, the cable provider in my city carried this pay-per-view movie channel. Channel 41. Every night at 10:30, Channel 41 would cut right into a movie like Braveheart and go straight to the Spice Channel until 6 a.m. Now of course, my family didn’t carry the pay-per-view channel, so watching anything on Channel 41 was pretty much impossible. Everything was scrambled; elbows looked liked heads and heads looked like knees. At best, a man could get 30 seconds of clear picture, but those moments were rare. For the most part, the picture made it feel like my brain was on drugs. But what the Spice Channel lacked in picture it made up for in clear, sobering sound. The sound was crystal clear and as a young man, all I cared about was hearing what these women were saying.

If my Mom just read that, I’m definitely grounded when I come home for the holidays.

Want to know what the beautiful thing is about being an adult and having my own place? Long as my volume’s not at the level where my neighbors could hear, I can listen to adult films as loud as I want. Ditto for when I actually have real women come over. She can make as much noise as she wants, and my hats off to the women who take advantage of such freedoms. To the women who still get it on like their parents are in the other room, what gives?

The biggest problem men have with quiet women is they make us feel like we’re not doing our jobs. Even worse, sometimes they even make us feel like we’re not doing what they want to be doing. I’m not trying to make light of forcing s*x onto anyone, those news narratives disgust me to the core whenever I hear about it. But I would be lying if I said it doesn’t freak me out when I’m trying my hardest to make a woman sound like a cat who got its tail stepped on and instead she sounds like a cat drinking milk. Quiet women make me wish I asked them to sign a consent form before we got started, and I know plenty of men who feel the same way.

If it’s not uncertainty about permission, then it’s definitely uncertainty about performance. Usually when I ask a woman if it feels good, the question is rhetorical. I just want to hear her say it while panting heavily at the same time. But if the woman is quiet, the question is not rhetorical, I honestly want to know if it feels good, and anytime I’ve asked a quiet woman this question they look at me crazy. “Of course you are,” they say. And I’m thinking, “Well can I get a sign? Leave a scratch or something just so after we’re done I know you were here.”

Women need to understand, it’s the sounds they make that keep a man coming back. We can factor in other things, like how she feels and yes, even tastes, but s*x is a very sensory thing for men, so women need to lock us in with more than just the sense of touch, sight, taste, and smell. We need the fifth sense too. The sound. When we’re by ourselves, thinking back to the last woman we had, yeah, we can close our eyes and remember what she looked like, but like Channel 41, the sound of her is going to resonate most.


The Process: A lot of people wondering why I’m putting an asterisk in s*x. It’s to prevent us from getting blocked at the workplace and keep our search results clean. Oh, and I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from working out this morning. Anyone have some tips on how to nurse it back to health?

Tomorrow we record a new podcast, but the TWELFTH Edition of the POPPIN’ QUESTIONS PODCAST is now UP! Click here to listen.

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  • Guest

    OMG! I had that channel too!! lol

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  • sunt97

    A good sigh, moan or groan seems to always work. I get the giggles which usually warrants and explanation but then is later found sweet and endearing. If someone is too quiet, trust she is thinking about what to wear tomorrow or making some sort of list in her head. Usually a grocery list for me. You shouldn’t have to ask a woman how does it feel or even wait for her to say it on her own. Her body should be doing all the reacting and you should know by that. And heat and a massage always work for my neck.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  • maxfab

    Okay I’ve never slept with a woman so I may be totally off-base here, but I think quietness is either a sign that the woman is not completely comfortable with her sexuality or a #swindle.
    Some women don’t think it’s ladylike to be really into sex. These are the women who consider themselves “good girls”. They think that if they’re too “freaky” or too vocal the man will think they’ve had “too much” sex and be turned off by their hoetastic ways. They don’t allow themselves to really let go so that they can continue to consider themselves good girls.
    Then there are the women who are really into sex but want to pretend that they’re not so that they can #swindle the man into thinking they’re virgin-esque.

  • Jubilance

    Actually this isn’t just something women are guilty of.

    The last guy I’ve pillowfought with were super-quiet…like barely any heavy breathing. It was a totally new experience for me, & I wasn’t comfy at all, because I had no idea if he enjoyed what I was doing. Of course he told me he did…but without some positive reinforcement in the moment, I just felt self-conscious and I couldn’t fully let go & get into it. Its probably the worst sex I’ve ever had, even though the technique was good, the lack of active participation was an issue for me.

  • She’s too Much

    Lmao (Before I comment ….on this post..I read this blog everyday..Im only 20 so yea I’m still a newbie with stuff like this) I’m kinda quite no b/c I dont wanna say dirty Sh*t n and moan and stuff I just scared my boyfriend might think its weird..

  • Lex

    OMG lol i can remember stumbling upon the spice channel as well lol .. But i am a screamer … if i am ready to go you will know you can just hear it lol … i to had to deal with a slient partner and was TOTALLY turned off !!!! I was like what the hell … I agree with you Jozen ladies and fellas be vocal let your partner know how good it really is !!!

  • Gucci2520

    I sooo Luvv this one!!!! Keep up the good work.

  • Jen

    Just like guys get self-conscious, I think girls do too. Some (probably not all) quiet girls may just be self-conscious about the noises she makes or considers making in the bedroom. Especially because guys are going to revisit those sounds over and over.

  • myrna orvam

    Great post Jozen. I am very vocal and so is the guy I am seeing. Not only are we vocal but dirty talk is a routine part of our activities. I did date a guy a looonng time ago that for all the gifts he was given (read:well endowed) he was not a very imaginative lover and quiet. The quiet part drove me mad. I agree with you that sex..good sex..involves all the senses.

  • Qiana McKoy

    I started my sexual adventures as the quiet girl – as I got more into it and figured out what I liked and didn’t like, became more comfortable with being sexual and enjoying sex, I became more vocal during the act. I think what it really all boils down to is your comfort level – self-comfort and how comfortable you are with your sexual partner. Another thing is personality – if you’re normally a quiet or reserved person in social situations, then it’s likely that your bedroom demeanor will match that. For me, some really aggressive talking (and then trying to use words that don’t really make sense) using “inside voices” is better than getting loud moans, screams and yells.

  • Erica

    “No man necessarily needs opera singers, but we definitely don’t want girls who sound like nap time.”


    I normally dont love your sex posts…but this one is def a fav!!!!

  • Aries_Rose

    I would have to say I’m not into jungle screams, but in some instances silence is a KILLER and this is one. It would be like someone pouring out there heart to me verbally and in response, I say nothing. They would probably think I wasn’t feeling them.

    One of the other commenters mentioned that it has to do with comfort level, which I think may be more of the reason for silence than not enjoying it. As you mentioned yesterday, women fake it sometimes when they don’t enjoy it. But when you’re uncomfortable, you’re mind is going a mile a minute thinking about what’s happening, what’ll happen after, etc. I also think silence can reflect a need to be in control of ourselves @ all times and not let loose. I guess what it boils down to is being comfortable with whoever you’re sleeping with so you don’t care about letting loose.

  • taut_7

    you know what matter more than noise to me? facial expressions and breathing patterns. maybe that’s just me.

  • Princess0889

    I’m a self confessed screamer/dirty talker during most of my sexual encounters. Some one in the comment said quite people in general are probably going to be quite during sex and I’m am proof of that being completely false among other ladies I know.
    I think most women don’t wanna be loud or vocal because they don’t wanna be seen as some kind of porn star or hoe but thought like that come from women who are a little sexually unsure and insecure. Sometimes and I mean sometimes we get speechless (in a good way)from the ecstasy we are feeling at which point you should probably see if she’s having some kind of bodily signal to let you know it’s good or great. I do have to say that some forms of sex and/or foreplay will make me quite and utterly speechless if performed well.

  • The_Real_Rana

    The few times (like 2) that I have been silent was because it was just simply not working for me. Not sure what he was doing, but I was to confused to make noise. However, in general I cannot imagine being totally silent and its good. Hell when you eat some good food you end up making a noise!!!

    Great post, I like the s*x post!! They are entertaining!!

  • Blushblog

    i agree..i cant imagine a guy being uber quiet..he’s never as loud as me..but that hissing sound…like when he’s drawing his breath in-between his teeth while holding me in a still position is golden…I’m working on quieting down just a ex said that his cousin heard us when walking up to the house…i can only imagine what i was saying, but I never wanted to see him face to face after that..i dont wanna go quiet…but i’d like to keep it within the 4 walls…

  • Trayrific

    Silence is not golden when it comes to sealing the deal. I’m definitely vocal and while I try not to outright scream (ya know, if it’s REAL good, lol), the guy I’m with will definitely know I’m enjoying myself. On another note, it’s interesting how some women have commented about being vocal equates to being “loose” or a “hoe”. Interesting. I never thought about it like that and I don’t really see the connection. But I’ve always imagined that men like a woman to make noise rather than silence when it comes to s*x.

  • Aisha

    I’m not quiet 98% of the time, but the 2% has been because I wasn’t feeling it and I was hoping my silence would help him realize he needed to try something new (this was a long long long long time ago)…it didn’t work and I broke up with him the next week.

  • Boom

    Damn, and here I thought all kids watched The Fuzz

  • half a hero

    I am kind of torn because when my girl and I first started to do the DANCE she was really loud and voice-stress but come to find out that she was not coming at all. It was like she had seen to many “flicks” and thought thats what ALL guys like… Not ya boy!

    It turned out that she was making all these loud noises; screams, scratching and moaning but 15 minutes into it dry like cotton mouth.

  • Ash

    Im semi-quiet in bed….because A. If the guy is bad & he’s doing all this talking…I’m gonna be quiet…cause he needs to cut the crap…or B. Im just enjoying it until i reach my big “O”..& I don’t the need to be extra loud with things…

  • Southern Poise

    That’s exactly what I said. Throwing me off my concentration. lol

  • guest

    I used to be quiet. I think I started quiet because family members would be in the house and my boyfriend and I never had a place to ourselves. It just felt more natural to be quiet after not be able to make noise. I think I felt self conscious about making noises. Later on, I was with a guy that asked me to make noise, I had been drinking some so I wasn’t as shy, and neither of us had family members in the house… so I let it out… and do every time now. So tell them it makes it better for you, and if she cares at all about you enjoying it just as much as she is, she will try it. Give positive feedback ; )

  • Jinx The Chase

    Quiet? Being quiet is not for sex. That is all. ROFL.