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He’s Only Interested In One Thing Because She’s Not That Interesting

November 18th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

That’s it.

Women need to come up with a new line.

This whole “He’s only interested in one thing” line is old news.

I’ve been hearing it way too much and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only man. The fact is — and I said this on Twitter yesterday — some men are interested in only one thing because the woman is not that interesting.

Have we ever thought of such a thing?

Seriously.

Think about it.

More than one way to skin a cat. More than one way to get a man, like, try being interesting beyond the bedroom.

These women out here talking about, “He’s only interested in one thing.”

He got that one thing.

He’s out.

Shrug shoulders. Let it slide.

But why aren’t you a little bit bothered, a little introspective. Think all women who get chose are not interesting, on some vanilla with no syrup stuff? Wrong. They got chose because they were next level interesting. And yeah, that’s relative — we like what we like and that changes from man to man — but I’ve seen women attract flocks.

Want to know? They had the interesting syrup dripping from their pores.

I met women who I only wanted to sleep with, only to end up falling for them because they talked about themselves in a way I found — what’s the word I’m looking for? — oh yeah, interesting.

I mean, sure, maybe he has another woman.

Maybe the s*x was bad.

Maybe he doesn’t live in the same town and was only looking for a fling before he went back.

But it could also maybe. Possibly. Sort of. Kind of. Theoretically. Be. You. Yes, you my lady, are not that interesting.

POSSIBLY!

I don’t know. Just a theory.

So ladies, want to try some humble pie? My brothers and I have been eating it for years and it tastes like facts we have to face; facts like we’re not God’s gift just because we don’t put our hands on a woman.

Ladies, bring something more to the table than a resume filled with things you did that have nothing to do with keeping a man happy.  Expect me to be engaged because of a mortgage. Mortgage my interest.

Make a man laugh. Make a man think. Make a man speak.

Every time a man doesn’t get the woman he wants he wonders what was he missing. What could he have done to get the girl who turned him down? Then he applies it to the next woman. Men evolve.

I think I said it before, but in case I have, we should all hear it again. I think women mature faster than men, but I also think women stop maturing before men.

These women think if a man didn’t want them, something was  wrong with him. He just didn’t see how interesting she was.

But what if he did see it?

There just wasn’t much there, there.

No more biting my tongue. Holding back for the sake of a woman’s feelings is over. The best way to eliminate the women I don’t want anymore, ignore them. Treat them like they treat the guys they don’t want. They’re not interested in him, so they act the part by not returning phone calls, text messages, and giving dry, one-word answers via chat.

I’m going to start doing the same.

Women understand: S*x may be on top of a man’s list of priorities, but it for d*mn sure isn’t the whole list.

We have a list of things we want in a woman too. Some of us want a woman who can cook. Some of us want a woman who knows how to look good. Some of us want a woman who hits the gym. But all of us want a woman who is interesting.

That’s the item on the list with stars by it.

Funny how I get all these questions from women asking me what constitutes “bad s*x”, but never get any questions as to how they can be more interesting to a man. “When a man who I find attractive approaches me, what kind of things can I do to keep him locked into the conversation?”

Why I ain’t ever heard a woman ask me that question?

Then again, maybe it’s better I don’t get that question.

I wouldn’t know the answer.

——————————————————————————————

The Process: Still on cloud 9 from yesterday’s news, going to Boston to visit two members of the DB but coming back Saturday for the best party all year. GRITS AND BISCUITS!

The THIRTEENTH Edition of the POPPIN’ QUESTIONS PODCAST is now UP! Click here to listen.

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  • http://twitter.com/bossbibs bibs

    i hate it when youre being too honest.LOL

  • http://www.aconversationbycandlelight.blogspot.com Erica

    My goodness….all this before noon!?! I get the feeling this was def. prompted by something or someone. *side eye*~

    I’m actually pretty interesting and still felt the wrath of that!

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ taut_7

    “Funny how I get all these questions from women asking me what constitutes “bad s*x”, but never get any questions as to how they can be more interesting to a man. I never hear a woman ask me, “When a man who I find attractive approaches me, what kind of things can I do to keep him locked into the conversation?””

    truth.com

    a lot of women that i encounter believe that because they have a vagina that that makes them interesting. it really doesn’t. every other woman has a vagina too. what makes you stand out and titillating? a lot of women (not to generalize) fail to realize that it takes an actual personality to get a man to want more from you.

  • Anike Love

    Yep, this sounds about right! And there isn’t one universal theme that can keep a guy locked into a conversation. One guy can love talking about the Tea Party, while another guy can go onnnn and onnnn about the Quidditch game he just played last night. The only common denominator is you, so at the end of the day, you’ve got to bring more than one type of convo to the table!

  • http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com/ sunt97

    Who said s**x has to be the only thing he wants. He might be into a chick because she can throw down in the kitchen, she is into sports and always has tickets to a game, she has a sense of humor that is a reflection of your own. S*x does not always have to be the only thing a guy wants from a gal.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

  • Anike Love

    It’s tough though to just come out and say that, especially if the person hasn’t explicitly said they’re interested (even if you know they are). It goes something like this:

    Guy I’m not interested in: Hi Anike, how are you?
    Me: I’m fine, you?
    GINII: I’m good. Isn’t the weather great?
    Me: Yup, it is…*crickets*

    And we’re still having the same conversation Where in that convo does it seem appropriate for me to just be like, “Hey GINII, in case you were wondering, I’m not interested in you!” Then they come back with a, “Who said I was interested in YOU, I’m just seeing how you’re doing.” Burnnnn….

    It’s a lot easier to ignore text or calls and hope they get the message. Maybe I could interject somewhere that I’m going to the movies with my boyfriend I don’t have. I guess it’s a way of passively letting them down.

  • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com/ Reecie

    this was a good post and makes a lot of sense. kudos.

  • Aries_Rose

    Lol I think I might have to agree with you. My friends (both male/female) and I have been discussing relationships and how they start and we came to the conclusions that the best ones come from people who can be around each other like friends. In other words, they find each other INTERESTING and because of that, they want to spend more time together.

    When I was younger, I used to think that my looks and accomplishments were enough…I didn’t think I had to put in work because I was “Aries_Rose” and that should be enough. A part of it was me also being guarded and being worried about the outcome and not focusing on the here and now. But now I understand that if you have no personality, if you’re not willing to laugh and have fun, if you don’t know anything beyond Nicki Minaj lyrics, then why would someone find you interesting? I’ve come to realize that nobody is a complete bore, but we just have to be open to being ourselves.

  • Sunni

    “Women, on the other hand….man, a lot of you all just think if a man didn’t want you, there was something wrong with him.”

    Ahhhhh….Women and their delusions of grandeur. I had a funny conversation with a male friend of mine this morning about his ex-girlfriend and all of her self-proclaimed greatness. There is nothing wrong with self-love and self-worth, but I love myself enough to remove the rose colored glassses, take a look in the mirror, and be honest with myself. Every man I have gone out with did not think I was interesting. And, oh, well…I moved on just like they did. In today’s society where delusions of granduer is encouraged, I constantly remind myself to reject narcissism; embrace humility and reality.

  • http://twitter.com/wlosssinglegirl Single Girl

    Interesting…and true…

  • BoomShots

    I could join in and pile on the ladies but I would be unfair. Having spent a lot of time around women, I can say they spend way more time than men worrying about personal shortcomings when it comes to men they found appealing than most men do. I think what happens is that for most women the biggest challenge is making the necessary change. They are not the hunters it is not as intuitive to them to learn how to change the game.

    Even the most progressive of women still holds on to the fairy tale that one day that man will come along and sweep her off her feet because he will find everything about her truly enchanting and irresistible. Every guy that does not do that is affirmed in their mind as not being the one. Reality does not support that belief but it does nothing to alter the fantasy. It is usually later in life that women become more aggressive about their relationships or sometimes never at all.
    Most women will probably deny what I have stated because our interactions reinforce their beliefs. No matter how a woman is she is forever being pursued by some man, so even if she really in not that interesting she still as appeal. Men on the other hand or forced to think of ways to change how we operate if we want different results. It plays out for us every day in live and living color when the girl we want chooses the guy with that thing we don’t have, so we have to compensate by either acquiring that thing or getting something else equally as alluring. A much simpler equation.

  • sunkissed

    Well,well,well… Welcome back. This one got me thinking..

  • http://twitter.com/Diggame Darryl Frierson

    You hit the nail on the head brethren!!

  • http://www.max-logic.com/ maxfab

    “What he told me was that I needed to learn how to market myself. He said that it wasn’t good enough for me to have all these great qualities, but that I needed to learn how to display them for men to be interested in me beyond what I look like.”

    This is real talk.

  • http://www.max-logic.com/ maxfab

    I’m of two minds on this. On the one hand, I would never say that we don’t all need to be interesting; although I think this is the first time I’ve ever read about a man putting any kind of importance on how interesting a woman is. But yeah – interesting is something we all should strive for. I fully support that.

    On the other hand I think if a man just wants a beats he’s just taking a beat regardless of how interesting the woman is.

  • Dapdunlap

    are we not allowed to say “sex” on this post? is that profanity?

  • Dani B.

    its funny i was just talking to my friend about this same thing yesterday and I pretty much said the same thing…yeah guys are gonna come at us for sex its natural but its up to us to show them something else to keep them interested. if not oh well lets hope you’re at least good in bed cause it would suck to be a double lame

  • Candace Tyler

    I like this post. For many reasons, but one I’ve never read a man write about needing an interesting woman.
    The thing that makes this complicated is that “interesting” is relative while you may think a woman that’s into Star Wars may be interesting that same woman could bore the hell out of someone else.
    So, I think what women (and men) need to do is be yourself, follow your passions and be interested in something other than sex.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000019772518 Andwah Thomas

    Church…absolute church. Based on my experiences a woman’s typical thought process goes something like this…”He looks like a keeper, let me see what he’s about.” 5 mins later…one of two thoughts…”Yeah he could get it.” or “I want nothing to do with this man.” A man’s typical thought process goes something like this…”Yeah I’d hit that, let me see if I can.” 10 mins later…one of two thoughts…”Damn I think she has some substance to her, she may be a keeper.” or “She has absolutely nothing going on personality wise, but I’m still gonna see if I could hit that.” Basically Jozen is dead on with this one, if you have more to offer than one thing then a man will want more from you than one thing. If all you have to offer is that one thing, that’s the one thing a man will want from you. Simple enough…to me anyway.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/2FXR3MIN4X7L4RZG2O7Q7LRGHI Scarlett D

    Google tracks stuff like that and it can get this site banned from your job site. It’s easier if we just use euphemisms or asterisks. You are “allowed”, but the substitutions are appreciated.

    Signed: Not the Management but I listen and ish
    (See what I did there, you still knew what I meant, right? And no c*ck blocking from Google…dang, did it again…)

  • 100grand

    Attraction happens on many levels.attraction doesn’t guarantee satisfaction,it guarantees attraction.one night,one conversation,one encounter can obliterate any and all attraction. Interest holds attention and may enhance attraction. I will only date a woman im attracted to.if its only sexually,then we explore that realm of attraction and if any other sparks of interest develop then that is explored too. There’s no obligation to be interested after the sexual attraction is experienced. No one should be demonized as a womanizer for that either unless false promises are being made. Most times when a guys really liking a girl, her self worth becomes so uplifted that in most cases she’ll view the man as less than and seek someone ‘better’. Its a slippery slope. Discovering the right person for oneself at a given point in their life allows for the moment to be honored without forethought into what the relationship should or could be. Ppl need to stop projecting deals and embrace the reality. Sex is illusive as it can over-enthuse one to miss the particulars. In a more wholesome paradigm sex would only be explored after a mutual love has developed. Not an end all life long til death do u part love.but the basics or caring for and respecting ones partner. I would also venture to say that the simple criteria of a mutual love would also check alot of std at the root.

  • http://twitter.com/MsKrisr Kris

    Truth.com. Great post, well written. Ladies it just maybe you! I say “you” cause I’m married, so I must be somewhat interesting. Atleast at times!! LOL

  • http://www.girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com Mouf Peace

    lol love. and i totally agree. i also think it can go both ways as well.

  • KitKatCuty84

    Eh, I don’t really agree. I know plenty of interesting women who meet interesting men and, because either one or both isn’t interested in settling down, it doesn’t turn into more. I personally have accepted this. If there are men trying to marry or even settle down and have a steady girlfriend, I’m not meeting them. I’m meeting dudes who “just got out of something serious and aren’t looking to get back into anything right now”, or some other brush off when commitment looms. I’m cool with it. I’ll enjoy the sex, keep my heart out of it, and keep it moving, just like they do. I’ve decided the double-standard that used to exist where only guys can do this won’t apply to me and I’ll enjoy men physically while not offering anything emotionally and go about my business. If I never settle down, I still count my life as a win. I used to say maybe I’d meet these illusive ready-to-settle-down guys, but I’d rather concede he’s not around (me, at least), and be surprised if he ever does come out of hiding. 🙂

  • http://www.realtalk123.com AlesiaMichelle

    What about the guy that doesn’t take the time to find out if a girl is in fact interesting? Because I think that is far more common than a guy turning down “just s*x” lol. Also, I think the interesting girls end up getting put to the side over the “just s*x” girls… imho

  • JL

    My boyfriend has admitted that I am the first truly “interesting” girl he has dated and the first he considers to be as smart as he, if not smarter. Most of his previous ladies were “pretty and kind”, but not brilliant, outspoken or hilarious (yeah, I’m claiming them all…and he has cosigned!). He also has stated that the reason a lot of his past situations failed was because the women bored him. To that, I say, if you purchase a pretty picture and hang it in your house…don’t get mad when it doesn’t sing! Now, interesting is relative and a woman shouldn’t take it too personal that a man doesn’t find her facinating…but I think people of BOTH genders (cause Lord knows I dated some handsome men who were as witty as fossils) should work on honing their conversational skills and humor if they want to make it in the dating game. My man and I never have gaps in conversation, we crack each other up and we challenge one another. The mutual physical attraction was a non-negotiable to get to the point where we discovered the personality alignment, but having that is just priceless. Find someone who loves your mind and (s)he’ll love you hard.

  • love

    I needed this also…funny I never thought of this..thanks for enlightening me 😉

  • Jewel

    Why must ANY woman *market* herself for a man to be interested in him?? I think it all boils down to motives. She should do it for HERSELF, and if any man in passing notices and is smart enough to appreciate it (and its value), then he’s found himself a winner. After all, what diamond or sapphire have you ever seen sparkling with the intent of catching someone’s eye, attention or “interest”??

  • Meg

    I would agree with this in terms of men. It is easier to have an unemotional hook up with a dude I don’t find interesting or I think doesn’t have potential for some reason. The more I enjoy his personality, the harder it is not to start thinking about the what ifs of a relationship, which can make everything complicated.

    However, I’m not sure if I agree that interesting is at the top of a man’s list for what he wants. Some men, yes. But I am consistently surprised by how many interesting, smart men date women who don’t seem to have much going on upstairs (not being a hater – just accepting Jozen’s thesis that there are plenty of uninteresting women out there). In fact, all of my most boring acquaintances are in relationships, whereas I know many intelligent, funny, well-traveled, great conversationalist, attractive women who struggle to find a man. (I know plenty who have men, as well, but I would say that on average, my less interesting acquaintances are doing better in the man department than my more interesting.)

    I can certainly buy that maybe a man doesn’t want more because the woman isn’t interesting, but I think there are a lot of other things on the list that may sometimes trump interesting.

  • Janelle

    I actually like this post Jozen. Not because you brought up a good point. Well you did bring up a great point. I think I enjoyed this post the most because a lot of men don’t know how to handle an interesting woman. Some men have trouble starting a conversation to figure out more about a woman. We are so complex and multi-faceted. I find that some men just don’t know how to pull interesting things out of a woman to begin with. Overall great post it made me think of some exes and how they didn’t get to see how interesting I was completely. I am sorry but it takes more than a few months to figure someone out as a person, this is because we are women

  • BoomShots

    How interesting are you if someone else has to pull it out of you?
    The key to being interesting is simply taking an interest in other people. Interesting is relative but it is relative to how much interest you express in another person. You may have interesting thoughts, views and experiences but if you don’t interact with another person as far as they know you have nothing to offer.
    You wanna know the least interesting person in a room, the one who makes no effort to find out anything about others. If the only people who know how interesting are in your head, think about living outside your head for awhile. It might be a revelation.

  • http://twitter.com/lhautevie Little Miss Sunshine

    great post.

    I certainly think this is two sided coin. One one hand women put a lot of stake in looking good because what we see and hear 99% of the time is how a woman should look/ get down in bed/ cook/ etc etc etc- so a lot of women think they’ve got to do all of this all the time or else be alone. That’s just tiring. I think if women heard this sentiment a lot more from men you’d see a change.

    Personally, I agree. Both for men on women and women on men. A man that I consider to be interesting, captivating, intelligent, and quick-witted is a man that turns me on AND makes em want to keep him around.

  • JasonL

    “….it takes more than a few months to figure someone out as a person..”

    Really? That’s not true, AT ALL! If it takes a few months for someone to figure someone out, or for them to know that you are interesting, then you are indeed a borning person! I know immediately when I talk to a chick if I want to talk to her again..

  • JasonL

    **boring**

  • http://twitter.com/hey__ma madeleine lindsey

    what’s the difference between “not interesting” and shy?

  • http://pastthevelvetrope.wordpress.com Mimi

    Maybe s*x was bad… but we’re all adults.. A man only being interested in one thing is only a problem if the one thing he has to offer or wants isn’t that great. Men seem to underestimate the importance of s*x on women’s lists as well. I know a few dudes that seem like theyre MAINLY interested in one thing… it’s just too bad that their sex is wretched so that’s why they get the side-eye to the one thing. If it were great, hell, I’d play along.

  • http://twitter.com/caribbeanBleu Jinx The Chase

    It’s so true sometimes rofl. SO TRUE.