The Five Things Men Talk About When We’re Not Talking About Women
Like it’s false to assume women don’t talk about sex as much as men do, it’s false to think all men do is talk about sex or women. When it comes to women, men talk about everything. Yes, even relationships. We swap stories, talk about women we have yet to meet, who was fine, who was ugly, who was a freak, who was a prude, the ones who got away, the ones who won’t go away, the ones we want to stay, the ones we want to leave.
But men also talk about more than women, more than sex.
Last week I wrote a post on how some women aren’t interesting and some women asked me how to keep a man interested. The best answer I can give is engaging conversation about things other than typical relationship talk (whatever that is).
From Thursday to Sunday, a few of my boys and I got together to celebrate life. We had a steak dinner, a Celtics game, parties, a three-hour commute from Boston to NYC, and an hour-long exodus from Harlem to Brooklyn. All the while, my boys and I discussed a gamut of things. Women were of course a hot topic. But here are five other things my boys and I talked about over the weekend.
I’ve been on this new eating regimen for about four weeks. When I went to visit my boys, I was worried they would clown me for it. As it turns out, much like I have been doing myself, all of my boys have been changing up their eating habits. When I was in Boston, my boy took me to a great salad spot. My other boy showed me some Vitamin C pills he’s been taking and outlined the merits of MSM powder. When we had our steak dinner, we definitely chowed down, but didn’t pig out. The highlight was when one of my boys came over to my crib. Usually, he goes down to the deli to get a sub sandwich. This time? “Hey, is it cool if I get one of these oranges you have over here?”
JOKES…ON EACH OTHER
It’s a prerequisite for my crew. If you can’t take someone joking on your shoes, jeans, shirt, coat, hat, whatever, you can’t hang with us. I can’t count how many times we’ve invited outsiders to roll with us, and the look on their faces when we start cracking on them. It’s classic school-yard stuff, but we relish every moment of it. When the four of my boys were going back and forth on the train ride to Brooklyn, we were laughing so hard, people around us were smiling.
BOOKS WE’RE READING/SHOWS WE’RE WATCHING/MUSIC WE’RE LISTENING TO
A friend of mine showed me a book he’s reading entitled, The Last Playboy: The High Life of Pirfirio Rubirosa. I’ll be picking that up. We also watched an episode of the FX comedy, “The League” about a group of men who play fantasy football together. And on the car ride to New York, I played my advanced copy of Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy for them to hear for the first time. They’ll be picking that up today.
There’s a scene in the movie Low Down Dirty Shame where Jada Pinkett-Smith and Keenen Ivory Wayans — who play two close, platonic friends — debate who would win in a fight, Muhammad Ali or Mike Tyson. It’s a great example of how men actually talk to each other, no wonder their characters end up together. Men debate these types of things all the time. At dinner before the Celtics game we went to, my boys and I were debating who the best centers in the NBA (Hakeem Olajuwon was a favorite), if Michael Vick will win MVP this year, and what would happen if Bo Jackson did Mixed Martial Arts.
MEMORIES OF PAST TIMES SPENT/THE FUTURE OF MORE TIME SPENT
Ever since our boy Trey was killed in a car accident earlier this year, there hasn’t been one time my boys and I spent together where his name and his memory didn’t come up. I strongly believe women and men do something similar if someone in their group is taken prematurely, but I wanted to write it here anyway because I don’t think some folks understand the love and the pain a whole group can carry when they lose someone.. We miss our friend individually, but I always think we miss him more collectively.
On the second night in Boston, as we were headed to a party, my boy asked me and our other boy where we want to be in five years and we talked a lot about big picture stuff. But a day later, when we were on the road, we started talking about Trey and it prompted me to bring up the five year convo. I said to my boy, “You know yesterday when you asked me that question, I had a hard time answering it. But honestly, when I really think about it, I think we’re all successful and going to remain that way. I’m not worried about buying some big house, or attaining a certain title at the job before the five years is up. I just want us to all be alive and able to hang out like this. I remember that’s why I cried so hard at Trey’s funeral because it hit me, the idea that this could happen again, and I just don’t want it to. Like, never again.”
Yeah, I know, the moment was a bit dramatic. But when a man gets around the men to whom he is closest, he’ll open up, talk about what’s really going on. We’re not always talking about hook-ups and hollering. Sometimes, we talk about life lived as men. We call it the good word and we give it out to good friends.
The Process: For the past week, women who have given me hugs are feeling the changes in my body. This workout process is intense but little by little, I see why it’s been worth it.
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