Five Reasons Other Than S*x He Still Talks To Other Women
Well, what do you know? I had a topic all lined up to write about this morning, and then I open up my inbox. Inside was an email from a reader who found out the man she’s been seeing is still active on a couple of dating sites. To add more context, they’ve been seeing each other for two years and he has a history of lying.
What made her question interesting was not that she asked the typical stuff like, “Do you think he’s cheating on me?” or “How do I confront him about this?” (One more thing: a friend of hers who goes to the same dating sites is the one who tipped her to her man’s activity). She actually doesn’t believe her man is cheating, and however naive she may be for believing so, I still think her question was an interesting one:
She asks, What else is a man looking for when he is looking for women?
That’s a great question, so let me lay out not one, but five things a man can be looking for in women outside of the one with whom he is in a relationship.
A COMMON INTEREST
Within the nuances of self, we all are different, but some of us like to go for people who are explicitly and boldly different. We date our polar opposites; people who are into different things than we are or who come from a different background than we do. They live a life in a different world, and we appreciate the contrast. But, when we go back to our lairs, set free in our own world, we find there the people whom are most familiar, people just like us. We may not want to date them. We may not want to hook up with them. But we certainly enjoy hanging out with them.
A NEW LAUGH AT HIS OLD JOKES
I’ve said this before, I’ll say it again: outside of making a woman scream or moan or say his name at the top of her lungs, making a woman laugh is music to a man’s ears. Every man has a couple of jokes in his repertoire and they usually guarantee at least a smile. The problem is, sometimes they’re all he has, and he can only say them so much to his main woman before she starts finishing the joke for him. So every now and then, he likes to go out with his buddies and meet a new woman whose name he doesn’t know and tell her the same joke. He likes to see a new set of teeth, hear a new giggle, and even if she doesn’t think it’s funny, a new set of eyes rolling at what he just said. Is this really that bad? Can’t a man make another woman laugh without being labeled a cheater? Of course I can keep my member in my pants, but I’ll be damned if I hold back a good joke.
SHE’S A BETTER COOK
I know this may sound sketchy, but hear me out. Since I’ve been single, I’ve had the opportunity to take advantage of a lot of foodie calls. Women have cooked so many meals for me, it’s fair to call me a dinner wh*re. Shall the day come when I get into a relationship, guess what I’m not giving up? Those foodie calls. I’m sorry, girlfriend I don’t have yet. It’s just too many good meals being cooked by too many good female friends of mine to be all, “I’m sorry I can no longer come over for the steak and shrimp meal you make once a month because I have a girlfriend.” Not happening. Even if my woman at home makes a good steak and shrimp meal, why can’t I have two? That question is rhetorical because I’m going to have two. Remember, I’m eating, not cheating (no pun intended).
SHE’S A FRIEND WITH WHOM I GO WAY BACK
This is a sketchy area for some couples, but I truly do believe if I have a friend of the opposite sex who has been in my life longer than the girlfriend with whom I’m in a current relationship, I should be able to keep my friend. Now, when can said friendship go under review? Good question. Here’s what else I believe: A girlfriend of mine can voice her issue concerning my female friend after we have been together for as long as the female friend and I were friends when my relationship began. Make sense? In other words, a girlfriend of 8 months cannot take issue with my girl friend of 8 years.
There is absolutely no greater equalizer amongst men than a fine woman. A man can be poor, have nothing to his name; not a car, not a dime, not a reservation, not a name on the list. But if he has a pretty woman on his arm, doors open up, things are on the house, and though a pretty woman can’t make a car magically appear, the man waiting for his car at valet still wishes he had the woman who is on the arm of the man hailing down a cab. When a man has a pretty woman in his life, he’s not letting her go. She’s his entryway into places and social circles he probably can’t get into otherwise. What’s the difference between the fine friend and the fine girlfriend we have at home? Well, they both can be a headache. We just don’t have to deal with one of them all the time.
The Process: Today, I start my new gig. I’m the new editor for XXL’s website, XXLMag.com. You know what that means? Go there. Now. Later. Often. Thanks in advance!
The FOURTEENTH Edition of the POPPIN’ QUESTIONS PODCAST is now UP! Click here to listen.