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Dear Future Girlfriend, RE: Facebook Profile Pictures

November 30th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Since I’m not in a relationship, there are things I want to write about but often can’t because, well, I’m not actually going through it. Anyone who’s followed this blog knows I place a premium on writing about things I’m either going through or have gone through.

But there are some things I want to write about even if I’m not going through them right at this moment. They’re certain issues or points of conversation I’m sure I will have with my girlfriend of the future. I don’t know what she looks like (well, maybe I do). I have no idea what she will bring to the table, and I definitely can’t predict the contentious points of our relationship. but I know at some point I will be in a relationship and at some point, certain things will come up.

What I want to start doing is getting in front of these issues now, before she even comes into my life. We can certainly talk about them at some point, but I do believe these letters I write to her will be a good starting point for the conversation.

So future girlfriend who I don’t know yet, I’m going to need you to read these letters carefully. They’re not all the answers to the test, but they’re definitely a helpful study guide.

Dear Future Girlfriend Whose Name I Don’t Know Yet,

RE: Facebook Profile Pictures

I once dated a girl who was seemingly perfect in every way. This was long before you came into my life. She was a bit of a nag, and kind of seemed like she was in a rush to get into a relationship, especially on Facebook, but outside of those two particular issues, she was awesome; a real gem.

But one day she crossed the line. She decided it would be cool to just post a picture the two of us took on her Facebook profile. and get this, she posted it as her profile picture! When I told her to take it down, she objected. I said she had to take it down, she had no choice. When she asked why, I said because I was through dating her and therefore the picture of us together was nothing more than a lie.

Yeah, I know, I used to be messed up back then.

Anyway, here was my issue with her posting up a picture of us on Facebook as her profile pic:

She was showing off.

She had a lot of friends, on Facbeook that is, and so I knew her profile pic was a carefully maintained vanity project. Shoot, I know mine is and I refuse to let myself be used for the purpose of showing off the fact that they’re in a relationship. If it sounds unreasonable, trust me it isn’t because if anyone knows the art of Facebook profile curating, it’s me.

A couple of years before the girl I just told you about, I was guilty of showing off my happiness to a bunch of people, via There was the vacation I went on with an ex-girlfriend of mine years ago. We went to Cancun, stayed in these plush accommodations, the whole nine. So of course we took a gaggle of pictures. Pictures in our swimsuits, pictures of us chilling together on the beach, eating breakfast, laying by the pool. The very next week, of course I wanted to see the pictures on Facebook, so we posted them up, leaving them on our profiles for the duration of our relationship.

Then there was the ex-girlfriend after her. For years I kept up a couple of pictures we took together on my Facebook profile. Even after we broke up.

But today, all those pictures are gone. What prompted their removal? Well, they say hindsight is 20/20, and when I think back to my motive for posting up those Facebook pictures, I realize all I really wanted to do was show off these pretty girls I was calling my girlfriend. That was it. These girls were the equivalent of a rapper’s platinum chain, and I was the rapper, guilty of lifting them up and holding them up so the whole world can see. In essence, I might as well have been putting my thumbs up to my ears, palms facing the camera, and sticking my tongue out. Posting up those pictures was my way of saying to the world, “Look what I got, suckers!”

Now I’m with you, and trust me when I say, you’re the prettiest woman I have ever dated. I would love to show you off, but can we just settle on posting up our relationship status instead of putting all these pictures of us posing for the cameras? It’s not like I’m hiding the relationship, it’s just, pictures mean a little bit more to me than they used to. Look at the pictures of me and my boys. A lot of those were taken years ago, back when we were into showing off our good times. But we’ve grown out of that, and I hope you have too.

Candids are cool. We can let other people take pictures of us dancing, laughing, hugging, maybe even kissing, but none of this business where we ask one of our friends or complete strangers if they can take a picture of us with some scenic view in the background. I mean, those are okay too, but let’s not post them on Facebook. Instead, let’s frame them up and put them at our desk at work or on the shelves in our apartments. Let’s use them as our wallpaper on our phone. Hell, let’s even use them as each other’s caller ID photo. But outsourcing them to the rest of the world to our Facebook friends, the majority of whom we don’t know? Come on, girl. Let’s not and say we did.

Like I said, I’m not trying to hide what we have, I just want what we have to be what we have, not what everyone else has on their time lines. Besides, look at the photos of your friends who do post their couple pics all the time. Doesn’t that look corny to you?

I promise you, baby; when we get married, I won’t even hesitate to post up the wedding pics. We’re probably going to hire an expensive photographer to take the pictures, so we might as well. But until that day comes, let’s keep most of the pictures we take to ourselves and our real friends.

Your Man,



The Process: Day two of the new gig, feels good to be back in a routine, and of course, still sticking with the workout. Now I’m doing reps though to save some time in the morning.

The FOURTEENTH Edition of the POPPIN’ QUESTIONS PODCAST is now UP! Click here to listen.

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  • Guest

    I will say even though you claim you are not trying to hide it. You are: from people on facebook. If you wouldn’t care if people who went onto her computer saw the pictures or entered her room and saw pictures, why would you care if people on facebook saw them? That’s because you know it’s very unlikely that people will have a chance to see these pictures unless it’s a very very close friend. If you want no pictures on FB that is saying you’re trying to limit the people that know about you two. FB has a lot of privacy settings and you can set who sees what. So you can set it to that only your “friends” see them. Now I think it’s another issue if either one of you are “friends” with people you don’t know. Otherwise, what’s the problem of just a few pictures? Not saying you have to have a ton of albums, but a few pictures is saying that this person means something to you just like every other person you have in your albums. I only put up pictures of family members and friends, not strangers, so to tell your gf not to out up any would be like saying you are not a part of that group, of the people who mean most to me. It is also saying you don’t expect it to last very long. You should be proud to show off your gf… not to say “hey look I have a gf”… but to say ” I care about my gf that’s why i’m including her.”The only other circumstance is if you have no pictures at all posted except for yourself. Then you can actually say you like to keep things private. But even saying your pictures with your guys are old doesn’t count because you didn’t take them off just like you took off the pictures with your ex girlfriends.