For the past couple of weeks, I have been getting a lot of questions from readers about where I stand on the role religion plays in relationships. Some folks ask me if I think people from two different faiths can make it work, others ask me if I’m a believer in the idea that a couple who prays together, stays together; even the importance of being equally yolked has popped up in my Formspring. All of these questions are good ones, for which I don’t have a straightforward answer.
The way I see it, the way I always have seen relationships, is akin to the separation of church and state. And I guess, that is an answer in and of itself, so I can’t say my stance is entirely indifferent. As a matter of fact, I suppose much like non-believing is a belief, my doesn’t-matter philosophy is a point of view to which I subscribe on the whole religion/relationships issue.
Before I get into today’s post, I have some business to speak on.
Today I discovered some guy has taken a number of my blog posts and literally cut and pasted them onto his blog without attributing them to me or giving me any sort of credit. Of course, Jermaine moved swiftly on reaching out to the appropriate people and sending out a cease and desist, so we’re taking care of it as we speak. And let that be a warning to anyone else who feels like plagiarizing my work and passing it off as their own. My partner and I will go after you swiftly and do anything within our power to make sure you take down the copied posts immediately.
I don’t know exactly when it happened, and the title of this post is somewhat misleading, because I don’t know exactly how it happened. At some point, calling a woman crazy became more insulting, more dangerous than calling her the b-word.
This revelation didn’t occur to me via the hard way. It’s not like I called a woman crazy recently, then had to use my defense skills against a kitchen knife. No. The whole, “don’t ever call a woman crazy” thing has kind of been this trending mantra I’ve picked up on within the last year or so through various conversations with women who swear they’re not crazy. Meanwhile, the way women have taken the b-word and turned into some sort of weird term of empowerment, is also something I’ve noticed.
Like I said, I really don’t know when the reversal of these words took place, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess why.
I don’t know if I’ve ever gone on record to declare the physical quality I find most attractive in a woman, so let me do so right now. It’s her face. And according to an article I read in The New York Times this past Sunday, this is the case for a lot of men, at least when it comes to finding a long term partner.
“More Than Just A Pretty Face: Men’s Priority Shifts Towards Bodily Attractiveness in Short-Term Versus Long-Term Mating Contexts” was a study written by two graduated students and a professor (two women, one man) at the University of Texas at Austin. In a sampling of 375 heterosexual students, women treated face and body alike. Meanwhile, 25 percent of the men chose to see the body when told to consider the person as a long term partner, compared with 51 percent who chose to see the body when considering a short-term partner.
All I could say after reading that is, “Duh.” Here’s why.
Movies, baby. Love watching them, but not really in a critical sense. I don’t like to evaluate performances, plots, and production values. If the movie sucks, it sucks and I just go watch another one. The reason I watch movies is to escape in them. I enjoy being in a theater, turning off my phone and being entertained for 90 or so minutes without the distractions of the oustide world.
The movies I especially like are the ones with strong male characters who I can relate to or aspire to be like in some way or another. When I was growing up, watching Jean Claude Van Damme movies made me want to take karate classes (Bloodsport anyone?). Larenz Tate’s character in Love Jones made me feel like being a writer was cool. I even remember how watching Turner & Hooch, staring Tom Hanks as a cop who has a dog for a partner, moved my Pop so much, he ended up bringing home a dog of his own.
And so it is with that thought I present a list of five movie characters I want to be like in real life.
Well, maybe “concerned” isn’t the right word. My mom isn’t concerned about the issue of me being single, but the other day her and I were having a heart-to-heart about life, mine specifically.
I was telling her how I was handling everything concerning my career, my finances, and my health. There were some areas of my life I felt good about; others, not so much. Her response was typically encouraging of a mother, but she caught me off guard when she said, “I do think you would feel better about some things if you had a significant other in your life.”
My mother has never ever said such a thing to me.
ED: NOTE: In my pursuit to evolve UntilIGetMarried.com into something that doesn’t resemble other (great!) relationship/lifestyle sites, I am starting a brand new interview series with comedians entitled, “The Funny Thing About…”. I like comedy. I like talking about relationships. So I decided to marry the two by asking comedians what makes them laugh about relationships and all the stuff that goes with it. They don’t have to be funny, just insightful. To kick things off, I start with one of my favorite comedians, Kevin Hart.
Most people are going to recognize Hart for his memorable cameo in “40 Year Old Virgin” or more recently his role as the funeral director in Chris Rock’s “Death At A Funeral”, or maybe his hilarious eBay commercials. But Hart is his most funny when he’s doing his stand-up.
For those who have never seen his stand up specials, “Grown Little Man” and the more recent, “Seriously Funny”, do yourself a favor and watch them immediately. Hart’s comedy touches on his family, most often his relationship with his woman and children. One of my favorite Hart jokes is when he’s talking about how he hates when his woman always wants to argue with him while she’s naked. Calling from his hotel while on his “Laugh At My Pain” tour, Hart broke down the funny things about women, love, dating, and other relationship topics for UIGM. Read on, enjoy, then click on the link at the bottom to find out if and when Hart is hitting your city on his “Laugh At My Pain” tour.
One of the worst arguments I ever got into with an ex-girlfriend of mine was over another girl I said was cute. My ex swore up and down she had the face of a horse, I thought she had the a** of a horse and her face was fine. But our disagreement wasn’t so much about how pretty this girl was or wasn’t.
What really got me fired up and took our argument to near break up levels was when she tried to use my opinion of this one girl we clearly disagreed on and use it as ammo to say something about the girlfriends who came before her. She said, “Well, I would really hate to see what type of girls you dated before me.”
I. Went. Off.
Please check out an interview I did with Phylicia Rashad on her role in Tyler Perry’s “For Colored Girls”.
Click here to read
As I predicted, Howard Homecoming 2010 was another memorable weekend for the life books, even if it was the most miserable one for me personally.
I wasn’t prepared for the cold front that came blowing through D.C. and so, within hours of arriving in D.C., I felt my throat tighten up and the congestion getting out of control. What made things worse, I had no proper attire to keep me warm for the evenings. I had no coat, no jacket — at least not one that went with what I was wearing — so I just knew this cold I was starting to have was only going to get worse. Not because I lacked the wardrobe and the meds to fight it; not because I had to attend the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert rally the next day, all day (you can read the two write-ups I did on it here and here); not because I knew each night I was there, I was going to be out late, which meant a serious lack of rest; the biggest reason I knew my cold was going to get worse before it got better is because I was with my boys all weekend, and the last thing any of them was going to do was nurse me back to health.