My title
Home > game, s#x, women > Why I Can’t Trust A Woman Who Doesn’t Own Toys

Why I Can’t Trust A Woman Who Doesn’t Own Toys

December 7th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

This is one of those posts that I have to tell my mom not to read, and my sister, and any other members of my family. So please, uncles, aunts, grandparents, sis, cousins, if you’ve gotten this far, go to another window please? Please?

As for the rest of you, who aren’t my family, this is a post I’ve wanted to write since the weekend, but been hesitant to do so. The reason: it’s basically something only I would come up with. Well, not only I, most other men might feel a similar way. Matter of fact, when I called up a couple of my boys to bounce the idea off of them, they understood my logic completely. A couple of my female friends also said the thought, though fairly typical of the mind of a man, wasn’t the most absurd thing they’ve ever heard.

So now I’m comfortable enough to break down why I don’t trust women who don’t own toys, and when I say toys, I mean the type only allowed for women 18 and older.

Now, I can’t say a woman who owns toys and my inability to trust her has always been a theory of mine, largely because I’ve never been one to think about whether a woman does or does not one. I just assume most women do. . Remember when I talked about the “your-d*ck-can’t-do-this-2000”? Here’s a reminder. What I basically said back then is it’s all good to own a couple of toys, even the “Terminator 2” type of toys, but we needn’t bring them out all the time. Some of those things can be, ummm, imposing.

But what boggles my mind is the women who don’t own one at all. Like, seriously. Grown women, who are single (I would consider those who are in a relationship, but I’m not really talking about them today), what gives, because I’m judging.

Men, all men, except liars and virgins, will admit they’re big into self love, but unlike women, we don’t need those prosthetic doohickey thing-a-ma-jigs. Some quality internet, maybe some lotion, a box of tissues, and we’re good. Women, on the other hand, are not so nice with their hands from what I’ve heard. They need something a little bit more, so what’s up with the women aren’t shelling out however much it costs to get that “more” I speak of.

A woman can’t tell me she enjoys getting it in as much as a man does then turn around and tell me she doesn’t own toys. How am I supposed to believe her? Her credibility is shot, because here’s the first thing I think she’s lying about: This idea that she actually enjoys getting it in as much as she says she does. A woman who says she’s a freak but has no aid is like a person telling me they’re prepared for a fire in their apartment, but they don’t own an extinguisher.

I enjoy getting it in as much as I say I do, but sometimes I can’t do that with a woman, which is why I have a pretty damn good Internet signal in my home! That’s how you know I’m telling the truth. But this girl is telling me she loves to get it in and she has nothing there for her to help her when she goes to bed alone at night? Then obviously she doesn’t, right? I mean, what can she possibly know about herself if she hasn’t explored herself? I understand toys are used for fantasy, and from what women tell me, they’re nothing like reality, but I still believe a woman who owns a toy knows a little bit about what she likes than a woman who doesn’t own one.

Here’s what else I believe about women who own toys:

Those women are self-sufficient, capable of getting theirs without the aid of a man. As for the woman who brags about her mythical man-like sex drive but doesn’t own something that can help in her time of need, well I’m just going to assume it’s because she never has a time of need a man can’t demand.

In other words, she’s getting so much of the real thing, the need for a toy is practically obsolete. Now for a woman who is in a relationship, hey, this makes perfect sense. I’ve saved more than a few women some money on the cost of batteries, so I understand. But the women who are single, talking about they need it five times a week, and they don’t own someting that can help them out? Man, I don’t even want to look at their Recent Calls log.

I know both these theories are probably ridiculous, and maybe even slightly offensive, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I really hope what I  just wrote empowers the woman hesitant to make an investment into some sort of pleasure aid. Specifically the single woman out there,  longing for, ummm, that release. Men like me find women who own these things perfectly normal and healthy. I’m cool with it. Just try to avoid buying one of those, “your-d*ck-can’t-do-this-2000″‘s.


The Process: Woke up extra early to workout this morning, things are going well. I’m flying home in a week though, and I hate flying. Who has some tips on how to overcome that fear of flying? I’m interested.

If you’d like a question to be considered for the sixteenth edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast I’m recording tonight, click here. But for now the FIFTEENTH EDITION of the POPPIN’ QUESTIONS PODCAST is up! Listen here, please!

Categories: game, s#x, women Tags:
  • Katie Garton

    for flying: be extra tired so you can fall asleep before take off. It’s great. And make a great playlist!

  • Anonymous

    This is my first time commenting here. Very interesting post.

    A more accurate gauge, I believe, is how often a woman gets off on her own. The whole thing about women not being as good with their hands? Not an absolute. In the time it takes some women to reach for and rev up a toy, other women can be halfway to glory with nothing but well-placed fingers and an active imagination.

  • JustSaying

    Interesting post! I do get the logic behind it, but I think the metric you use (the toy) to determine the “self-sufficiency” of a woman is off base. There are plenty of woman who do not need toys to get it in, and several of us are just as nice with our hands (or shower heads) as men are. Quite simply, it’s just a matter of taste. So, perhaps you mean “Why I don’t trust a woman who doesn’t masturbate” ? 🙂

  • Danibee

    Agreed…not every one needs a toy fingers can def get the job done and sometimes faster

  • guest

    TOTALLY ~ hands and showerheads are really all we need…

  • maxfab

    Hmmm I’m almost with you on this. If you say you can’t trust a woman who doesn’t “paint her nails” as we say over at my blog, you get a 100% co-sign from me. Women who don’t self-pleasure (actually and men too) are suspect to me.
    However, as someone said upthread, it’s a myth that we ladies need toys for that purpose. Personally I own toys, but they tend to only come out on special occasions. My near-daily nail painting sessions tend to be au naturel and they get the job done nicely.

  • Reecie

    I pretty much agree with what the other ladies said upthread.

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention Until I Get Married » Why I Can’t Trust A Woman Who Doesn’t Own Toys --

  • Truth

    Very interesting post. I disagree though. Just because you have a high sex drive doesn’t mean you have to satisfy that appetite with a man or a toy. I know we are all sinners and we choose our own vice but there are times I’ve opted not to satisfy my desires in order to overcome my flesh. Just bc a woman isn’t having sex all over town or using a bullet to get off doesn’t mean she can’t be trusted. Speaking for myself I do have a high sex drive and I’m not one to partake in casual sex and yes there are times I’ve resulted to self fulfilling acts however it’s not something I would do on a regular basis. I would tend to feel bad bc masturbation is a sin. I don’t want to be dependent upon a toy to satisfy me always knowing full well a man can’t compete with a family pack of double AA copper top batteries. No since in gettng used to battery operated toys bc I can’t practice self control.

  • Scarlett D

    Masturbation is a sin? I’m gonna need references…

    I could definitively correlate not masturbating to repression. Not even a terribly negative view of repression, you can call it “self control” if it’s more positive for you. I know I was offended when I was called repressed in these comments.

    But ok, the girl who won’t masturbate (with or without mechanical aid), is more “controlled” in her desires – therefore can not claim the “freak of the week” title that she is in Jozen’s post. If you’re claiming that you need it 5 times a week, but hold back to once a month, then you’re sorta blowing smoke re: the I’m so insatiable, now aren’t you? Not every woman, or man for that matter, needs to bone three times a week. Just find a compatible partner and all will be gravy.

  • Scarlett D

    The ladies said it. Change this to “Why I Can’t Trust a Woman Who Doesn’t Masturbate (to be a Freak)” and I’m with you 100%.

    Not that those that don’t double click their mouse on a regular are not to be trusted in general or are bad sexual partners, they just have a lower desire IMO. I know that without a Him in my life, the amount of batteries needed has dropped SIGNIFICANTLY, desire can wax and wane. Praise be to a shower head though 🙂

  • Selomé

    Totally agree with the comment beneath this, your idea of female masturbation is clearly limited. Women don’t need prosthetics to satisfy themselves, and due to our genitalia, it could be argued that women are forced to be better with their hands than you seem to think they are.

  • KitKatCuty84

    I have three, and never in my life has a man’s sex drive been able to match mine. 😉

  • BoomShots

    I am in agreement with the idea you are trying to get across not necessarily the specifics. In the sense that I would agree that men or women who are single and uninvolved who claim not to masturbate whether with toys or manually are possibly sexually repressed or not too interested in sex at all. Based on my own experience, the women who tended to better sexually not only knew their bodies but were comfortable expressing their sexuality.

    The women who were sexually awkward were more likely to not know themselves sexually or just had not much of an interest in sex. The former you can change, the latter is something I think is part of the human condition.

    Many of us love sex and would probably do it as often as we can and allow ourselves to get as freaky as we are allowed. But there are many people out here who really don’t care that much about sex and can take it or leave it. They oftentimes feel very pressured to engage in sexual activity as a means to an end and generally don’t enjoy it. So they pretend because they understand that it is part of the attraction game and if tehy do not partake they will lose out.

    It is my hope that we can get to a place where those folks don’t feel pressured to pretend that they are really that into it and just seek others who share that view. We don’t have to ridicule them though, they are just different not freaks.

  • Coolbaby2001us

    I totally agree. Stay up the night before as long as possible so you can sleep on the plane. If I eat anything with sugar it puts me to sleep.

  • Jeannepaige

    Not sure I agree with this one. I don’t own any toys, and let me be the first to say, no man can do to me what I can do to myself with my hands. I just never liked the idea of something plastic- I prefer the feel of flesh, be it me or a partner. I would say when I masturbate, I am %200 satisfied with what I am able to do.

  • Scarlett D


  • Roni

    I agree that you should change this title to “…can’t trust a woman who doesn’t self-pleasure”. The toys are not needed. Nothing I can buy at F Street (or fill in whatever local adult toy store you have near you) can satisfy me more than me. I am wonderful with my hands.

  • Synita McClary

    i agree with others who say… u just missed the mark with this one…. not all women use toys to masturbate…… the fingers are wonderful and free…..

  • Kema

    It makes sense that he believe that you NEED a toy / fake d***. I think most men believe we are trying to replace their equipment when we self pleasure.

    As for me I do like a toy but it never has to enter in order for me to get the most out of it. bullet anyone?!!!

    I went to the ‘store’ with my SO the other day and he kept picking out these ridiculous objects that he thought I would enjoy. lol!

  • Anonymous

    Just because a woman doesn’t have toys doesn’t mean she doesn’t have hands and women who use their hands are much better at sex than women who don’t because we know exactly where everything is.

    I think you should asks if she touches herself, not if she uses a man-made battery-powered object to do so. For real.

  • Anonymous

    I must agree with the rest: I do a Damn good job with my fingers! And that is without having them enter me. I love to get it in and right now my drive is higher than my SO. Just this morning I pleasured myself with him lying right beside me. All I needed was am image and I was good.

    BTW: I also have I strong internet signal in my home.

  • Kemz

    I’m reeaaallll nice with my fingers/hands. I have my beloved toy but nothing is quicker, more convenient or more guaranteed than my fingers. I dunno whachutalmbout.


    “As for me I do like a toy but it never has to enter in order for me to get the most out of it. bullet anyone?!!!”

    Totally agreed, a toy is not a must. Can be a plus, but not necessary.

  • Scarlett D

    Good point…we can’t expect them to know what we like physically unless we show them (especially since we are all so different). Most times when s*x is discussed, it focuses on pen!s in vag!na. Some men obviously think peen in poon is the only, or ultimate way, to a woman’s orgasm. We need to educate the masses…#TheCl!t’sWhereIt’sAt

  • Scarlett D

    True, I love a toy, I prefer them. But if I’m under a time constraint? Fingers it is, quick and dirty, nothing to carry with me, hide, or clean up (besides me lol).

  • mademoiselle

    it has not been mentioned very much but the “internet” works for a loooot of ladies too *wink* lol

  • Kneal

    Man, you’re never gonna find a wife.

  • goldfish

    “I’ve saved more than a few women some money on the cost of batteries”- LOL

  • Aussiemade

    Interesting post..
    Your premise is “most women own a toy or two”. Those that don’t, you conclude their integrity is questionable OR they lack sufficient raw oyster in their diet.
    Dude, ONLY TWO options??? Come now, let us reason saith the Lord!
    Jozen we must explore other viable options… for example.
    A woman at the ripe young age of 26 who has never KNOWN a man, never been kissed, decided in high school she will give up dating in exchange for the right to be courted by a suitable man.
    Hush now! I can see your temporal lobe in overdrive with thoughts of “oh she must be fugly!”
    Young women have been duped to give up treating their bodies as secret gardens in exchange for that of public parks, where any man and his dog stop by to urinate and be on their way to something or someone more important.
    What if this woman dreams of a noble young knight who will one day, climb mountains and surrender to the wrath of Mother Nature. All, in pursuit of a heart beat who was destined before the beginning of time, to beat alongside his.
    This woman anticipating the ONE who is to come, does not wish to desensitize her body or her spirit, lest his touch lose it enchantment to capture ALL of her.
    For many a women have given up on the one who is to come, they simply ceased believing!
    The young knight can no longer feel the heart that beats from afar.
    When he finally ascends the tower to claim his inheritance, all that is left is a heart depleted, broken, abandoned, abused, and neglected.
    Thieves and masquerades had come and laid their claim, and over the sands of time what she saw in front of her was not a noble knight, but a mere man. Void of the magic and chivalry that was foretold in the good book.
    Jozen what about her? Will she not be spared from the confinements of your 2 conclusions as to why she does not bear arms.. oops! I beg your pardon, toys!

  • BoomShots

    You forgot to add “..and they lived happily ever after…”

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention Until I Get Married » Why I Can’t Trust A Woman Who Doesn’t Own Toys --

  • Molocoy

    I rarely masturbate and don’t own a sex toy!!
    And no, I am not sexually suppressed either!
    It just happens that I always have the “real thing” at hand. And even if I don’t, I wait until I get it.
    Similarly not all men masturbate and watch porn. Doesn’t mean they don’t like sex.

    Just open your mind!

  • Pingback: Get In Touch With Yourself…Literally « Searching For Satisfaction()

  • Esparra1014

    Totally agree! Toys are not necessary…..I can count on one hand how many times I’ve actually used one…I prefer my fingers if I doing myself but I do enjoy having someone use a toy on me….that’s always exciting!

  • Leahlarue

    Okay, I can’t believe what I just read. Jozen, I hope you’re kidding… or at least half-way kidding. Or just running your mouth…

    For the record, I don’t need a toy, I have two perfectly good sets of index and middle fingers, and when necessary, I have ring fingers, pinkies and thumbs, too. Until December 31st (because I took a New Year’s oath… LOL), I masturbated at least once a day. I never used toys and I never missed a thing. 🙂

    And one last thing: I prefer my fingers to toys… sometimes, I even prefer my fingers to a man. Quicker, more targeted, no hitting or missing, straight to the point, climax, anddddddd sleep. Sweet sleep. 🙂

  • bootypopper

    “The best sex I’ve ever had was with myself” –Amber Rose. and how true. While I do own a lot of toys, cold plastic does not feel as good as warm skin. I’d rather just pleasure myself with my hand and save penetration for the real thing.

  • Guest

    The real freaks know how to make use of what they have as toys, rather then just sticking to the same ol vibrator that those girls you are talking about do.

    You don’t need to purchase sometime at a sex shop in order to play with “toys” at home…get my drift? 😉 …
    but that’s not something a girl will straight out and just tell any man

    On another note, if you can find amusement out of watching porn while moving your hand up and down, why can’t women get off from watching porn while moving our fingers in and out?
    I will say there’s is a lot more we can do (more motions) with our vaginas, as well as other holes, then you can do with your penis. So should us women believe that men who say they can stay faithful and content for long lengths of time from just jerking off is actually true? Isn’t a good portion of it the imagination while doing the act? Picturing it while watching it? Why couldn’t that work the same for woman?

  • Capecia

    dont you know that a woman can achieve an orgasm without penetration (clitoral stimulation alone)???????????????? Also, if said, freak of the week, is beating it up herself, it’s just gonna be too loose to blow a human man’s mind…or maybe that’s a myth…? but those kegel exercises are to keep it tight…a 2000 just doesnt seem like what you’d wanna be doin…