Dear Future Girlfriend, RE: Team Jerseys
I’m swamped at the gig today, so I don’t have much time to write an in depth post. Unfortunately, I also wasn’t able to record the Sixteenth Edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast. But you all can still listen to the Fifteenth Edition at the bottom of the post, if you haven’t already. Also there is a link for you to submit a question I can consider for the next podcast. I encourage those who haven’t yet to just take a chance and listen, they’re quick, 20 minutes, and if you enjoy the blog, I have a feeling you’ll enjoy the Poppin’ Questions Podcast.
Now, onto this week’s letter to my future girlfriend.
Dear Future Girlfriend Whose Name I Don’t Know Yet,
RE: Team Jerseys
My brother and his girlfriend are huge New York Giants fans. The biggest New York Giants fans I know. Every Sunday they invite close friends and family over to watch the Giants play, and they go to at least one home game every season. When the Giants beat the Patriots to win the Super Bowl a few years back, my brother even cried. Granted part of his emotions were fueled by all the red and blue jell-o shots his girlfriend kept serving throughout the game, but still, I have rarely seen a man more joyous than my brother was on that night.
One of the big things about game day in their apartment is all the Giants fans who come must wear a specific team jersey. Each of them take a persona of a player. My brother has included his girlfriend to partake in this ritual. She wears the jersey of Ahmad Bradshaw, the Giants running back. From the outside looking in, I think this is love. My brother’s girlfriend rocks her jersey proud, and my brother looks at her with pride. Seriously, it’s adorable stuff.
But future girlfriend, whose name I don’t know, don’t ever think I want you to wear the jersey of another man. Not in basketball, not in baseball, not in hockey, not in soccer, and not in football.
For the purposes of this letter, let’s just stick to football.
This season the NFL has been advertising all these new NFL jerseys specifically made to fit the contours of a woman’s body. Have you seen the commercial? It starts with a montage of women throwing their boyfriends jersey back to them, and at the end shows a woman wearing one of the new female-friendly jersey. I will admit, it’s a cool idea, but I will also admit it makes me uncomfortable.
Why does it make me uncomfortable?
Here’s the thing, I’m not against a woman wearing a jersey of her favorite team or even her favorite player, but when that guy is still alive making incredible plays every Sunday, as well as millions of dollars, and I see you cheering for him and gushing about how great he is to all our mutual friends every time we gather on Sunday, it makes me a little uncomfortable. More than a little uncomfortable if he’s some guy you went to school with and used to tutor in a Humanities class. I mean, what happens when he comes to town and he sees your beautiful self walking down the street wearing his jersey? If I were him, I’d happily sign your jersey and put my phone number underneath so you can call me later.
But I’m not him, I’m me, a fan of football who is only moderately good at the two-hand touch version of the game. I’ve somehow gotten over the fact that you marvel at a bunch of men on our television screen doing things I cannot do on my best day, but wearing the jersey of one of those men, I don’t know. I’m just not there yet. I need more time.
The only jersey I will allow you to rock is one of these customized NFL jerseys that allow you to put my last name on the back (or your last name, whatever, I know we’re not married yet), just make sure it’s a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey because any other team (okay the Giants are also an exception) will be tossed. You are also allowed to wear a jersey of a player who is no longer playing or alive. Those are also okay, as are other pieces of team regalia, i.e. hats, sweats, and jackets. Oh, you can also wear a woman’s t-shirt of my favorite team, along with some panties in team colors and hi-heels in similar colorways. That would be awesome, but unfortunately one girl already did that for me, so you would kind of being stealing from her playbook. Sorry.
I hope you take seriously my request for you to not ever wear the jersey of another active player, even my favorite ones like Troy Polamalu, Hines Ward, and soon-to-be favorite player, Lamar Woodley. I’m all in support of other girls wearing their jerseys to show their solidarity to their own team or their man’s team, but you don’t need to go to such lengths for me, baby. Really, there’s no need.
The Process: Yo, this morning’s workout sucked.
If you’d like a question to be considered for the sixteenth edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast I’m recording tonight, click here. But for now the FIFTEENTH EDITION of the POPPIN’ QUESTIONS PODCAST is up! Listen here, please!