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Dear Future Girlfriend, RE: Team Jerseys

December 8th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

I’m swamped at the gig today, so I don’t have much time to write an in depth post. Unfortunately, I also wasn’t able to record the Sixteenth Edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast. But you all can still listen to the Fifteenth Edition at the bottom of the post, if you haven’t already. Also there is a link for you to submit a question I can consider for the next podcast. I encourage those who haven’t yet to just take a chance and listen, they’re quick, 20 minutes, and if you enjoy the blog, I have a feeling you’ll enjoy the Poppin’ Questions Podcast.

Now, onto this week’s letter to my future girlfriend.

Dear Future Girlfriend Whose Name I Don’t Know Yet,

RE: Team Jerseys

My brother and his girlfriend are huge New York Giants fans. The biggest New York Giants fans I know. Every Sunday they invite close friends and family over to watch the Giants play, and they go to at least one home game every season. When the Giants beat the Patriots to win the Super Bowl a few years back, my brother even cried. Granted part of his emotions were fueled by all the red and blue jell-o shots his girlfriend kept serving throughout the game, but still, I have rarely seen a man more joyous than my brother was on that night.

Anyway.

One of the big things about game day in their apartment is all the Giants fans who come must wear a specific team jersey. Each of them take a persona of a player. My brother has included his girlfriend to partake in this ritual. She wears the jersey of Ahmad Bradshaw, the Giants running back. From the outside looking in, I think this is love. My brother’s girlfriend rocks her jersey proud, and my brother looks at her with pride. Seriously, it’s adorable stuff.

But future girlfriend, whose name I don’t know, don’t ever think I want you to wear the jersey of another man. Not in basketball, not in baseball, not in hockey, not in soccer, and not in football.

For the purposes of this letter, let’s just stick to football.

This season the NFL has been advertising all these new NFL jerseys specifically made to fit the contours of a woman’s body. Have you seen the commercial? It starts with a montage of women throwing their boyfriends jersey back to them, and at the end shows a woman wearing one of the new female-friendly jersey. I will admit, it’s a cool idea, but I will also admit it makes me uncomfortable.

Why does it make me uncomfortable?

Good question.

Here’s the thing, I’m not against a woman wearing a jersey of her favorite team or even her favorite player, but when that guy is still alive making incredible plays every Sunday, as well as millions of dollars, and I see you cheering for him and gushing about how great he is to all our mutual friends every time we gather on Sunday, it makes me a little uncomfortable. More than a little uncomfortable if he’s some guy you went to school with and used to tutor in a Humanities class. I mean, what happens when he comes to town and he sees your beautiful self walking down the street wearing his jersey? If I were him, I’d happily sign your jersey and put my phone number underneath so you can call me later.

But I’m not him, I’m me, a fan of football who is only moderately good at the two-hand touch version of the game. I’ve somehow gotten over the fact that you marvel at a bunch of men on our television screen doing things I cannot do on my best day, but wearing the jersey of one of those men, I don’t know. I’m just not there yet. I need more time.

The only jersey I will allow you to rock is one of these customized NFL jerseys that allow you to put my last name  on the back (or your last name, whatever, I know we’re not married yet), just make sure it’s a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey because any other team (okay the Giants are also an exception) will be tossed. You are also allowed to wear a jersey of a player who is no longer playing or alive. Those are also okay, as are other pieces of team regalia, i.e. hats, sweats, and jackets. Oh, you can also wear a woman’s t-shirt of my favorite team, along with some panties in team colors and hi-heels in similar colorways. That would be awesome, but unfortunately one girl already did that for me, so you would kind of being stealing from her playbook. Sorry.

I hope you take seriously my request for you to not ever wear the jersey of another active player, even my favorite ones like Troy Polamalu, Hines Ward, and soon-to-be favorite player, Lamar Woodley. I’m all in support of other girls wearing their jerseys to show their solidarity to their own team or their man’s team, but you don’t need to go to such lengths for me, baby. Really, there’s no need.

Your Man,

Jozen

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The Process: Yo, this morning’s workout sucked.

If you’d like a question to be considered for the sixteenth edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast I’m recording tonight, click here. But for now the FIFTEENTH EDITION of the POPPIN’ QUESTIONS PODCAST is up! Listen here, please!

Categories: Dear Future Girlfriend Tags:
  • Blue32

    Jozen, baby, you have issues…lol But it’s ok.

  • leressa

    Jozen.. what happens when you meet “future girlfriend who’s name you don’t know yet” and she just happens to be a sports fan in her own right and is doing none of this to impress you but because she truely likes the game and has her own favorite players and such? As a female football fan.. I love to watch the game rooting on my favorite players and wear jerseys and stuff but I would LOVE to watch my man play a game of football with his boys way more. My “future boyfriend who’s name I don’t know yet” could certainly count on my cheering him on on the sidelines like a giddy highschool cheerleader rooting for him as if HE was the star player on my fantasy football team because guess what… HE is MY star player. I said all of that to basically say we like them… but we love you and whatever you do will be way more impressive!!!

  • Pdkirkl

    If she’s a REAL fan, she’ll probably tell you to go kick rocks with this nonsense!

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  • http://twitter.com/kindasweetish Aisha

    dead and buried after reading this post…lmao, I can’t with you Jozen lol. Back to work…

  • Kayla

    Jozen, I would only wear a jersey with your name on the back to BED!!!

  • Miss.Riss

    As usual, a very lighthearted and entertaining post! I love these Future Girlfriend Letters.

    I love the idea of the Jersey with your last name on it (when married), cause it’s all about being a team!

  • A Diva State of Mind

    Are you serious? This is hilarious! As a HUGE football fan, I wish someone would try to tell me what time jersey I can wear and whose name can be on the back. I will wear the jersey of the team and player I like! :) If I had a boyfriend that feels the way you do, he’d just have to deal with it.

  • Chicgrl98

    Love It..as always great blog, and the Steeler Jersey makes it even better!!!

  • Ashley

    I grew up being a football cheerleader so I LOVE the game!!! Ray Lewis is my favorite player and when he plays I wear his jersey and some socks and cheer him on from my bedroom (If I go elsewhere to cheer for the Ravens, I will wear either my hand painted Michael Oher tee or my hand painted Ray Lewis tee). My boyfriend is just going to have to deal with the fact that during football season my Sunday afternoons/nights and Monday nights are spent watching the game. I have a Falcons jersey as well so I will rock that when they play

  • Nadira Rae

    Dude, it’s football. There’s no “baby, you can’t wear the jersey of any active player while we’re together” in football! LOL…get a grip sir. E-A-G-L-E-S!!!

  • http://nifermusings.blogspot.com Jen

    Hate to break it to you, but no guy is going to come between me and my #12 Patriots jersey. Not even you Giants fans!

  • Janelle

    you should be happy she even owns a jersey, it means she’s a REAL football fan and the not the fake kind that tries to like it for her man.

  • Pdkirkl

    My husband and I actually own t-shirts and jerseys with “Team Henry” on them. We like to wear them on game nights when we’re whooping ass in spades! 😉

  • http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com/ inmycomfortzone

    Something wrong if you’re jealous your woman wearing the jersey of another man. Just my opinion. Not related to jerseys, but I once had a t-shirt that said all I got for valentine’s was this T-shirt. And my new boyfriend, at the time, thought my last boyfriend had bought it for me. And was taken aback to see me with it on, while with him. lol. I bought it for myself, from old navy after it had gone on sale for like $1.97. It was oversized and I wore it as a night shirt. I guess I could see his point, but wuteva.

  • Kae-Toya

    Jozen you have more issues than a Vogue subscription……………….lol

  • Anonymous

    Complete co-sign. As a matter of fact, once a boy passes age 12, his jerseys shouldn’t have anyone else’s name on the back. Call it insecure and/or childish. I don’t care and I have my admittedly sick reasons for this stance.

  • Ashleybaca

    Victories Secret NFL collection… no names just sexiness 😉

  • ANicoleS

    Hilarious, but cute.

  • http://bleedorangexxx.blogspot.com/ Gia

    bullshit . i grew up with the eagles and nets . i knew more about football and basketball than a few of my ex’s .

    jerseys are played out anyway 😉

  • Tmaria

    It will always be me and my Eagles jersey, no exceptions and I’m not talking about these new fru fru one’s from Vickey’s. Wear yours, I’ll wear mines and let the trash talk begin.

  • Just sayin.

    I know this is a joke… but what’s the point of this blog? What are you really trying to get at?