We’re Talking About Sleeping With Women With No Nose
Two days ago, I called up my boy to discuss with him yesterday’s post. This was before the piece was published. What I often do is call up at least one of my friends to bounce an idea off them, not for the sake of approval, but to get a better sense of how well it resonates to men besides myself.
As anybody who read yesterday’s post already knows, I wrote about this idea that a lot of women have somewhat of an egotistical attitude about their bedroom skills. And it’s because of this egotistical attitude that they do not know how to take a man’s compliments whenever he speaks highly of those skills. When I asked my boy his thoughts they were kind of jumbled and non-descript, a lot of “yeah, I feel you” and “mmm hmmm.”
Last night, the same friend calls me and soon as I pick up the phone he says, “Yo, man, my bad. I had a girl here so I couldn’t really get into the conversation like I wanted to, but man, you were spitting some gems last night, let me tell you…” From there, my friend went on his own mini rant on the topic I wrote about, which segued into a conversation about other past experiences with other women. It was the conversation he wanted to have the night before but because he was in the company of a female, he had to refrain until he was free.
I can relate to my friend’s dilemma. When I lived with my ex, anytime a friend of mine called I would either ignore the call or pick up the phone and tell them I would call them later. The reason? Nine times out of 10, my boys were calling me to tell me about something they did with another woman or share their thoughts on a situation relating to women. In order for me to really let loose and share my own thoughts about what they had to say, I always felt like I had to be away from my ex. I couldn’t talk the kind of stuff I wanted to talk in the company of a woman out of respect for her ears, but in retrospect I’m wondering if my approach was too extreme?
Men love to BS just like women do, but a lot of times, we don’t BS about the same things women BS about. As the comedian Patrice O’Neal points out in one of his stand up acts, men like to BS about stupid stuff like whether or not they would have sex with a woman who has no nose. As a result, sometimes our BS has the potential to be so disrespectful, if our mothers heard us, they would ground us for two weeks and try to encourage us to find a new group of friends.
When men talk amongst men, and there are no females around to listen, we take the filter off, we refer to women in ways that should be illegal, and if another man can say this doesn’t apply to them, more power to them. But as for me and my boys, sometimes the things we say are no classier than a BET Uncut video. To put it in perspective for the women reading this, she should imagine the most uncensored conversation she has ever had with a man, then imagine a conversation 100 times more profane and bile. Once she can recall it, she then needs to imagine a conversation even worse than that.
This is not to say men can’t have civil conversation amongst ourselves, or need to constantly refer to women in a disrespectful manner, sometimes the fact is, we just don’t want to be proper for the sake of being proper. Yes, I know we probably shouldn’t say things the way we say them, but if it’s just us, why can’t we? And an even more pressing question I have is, if I’m in a committed relationship with a woman, at what point can I start taking off my filter in her presence? Maybe never?
I have always said that sometimes the reason why men are the on their Ps and Qs in front of a woman is because estrogen — through osmosis — has the ability to render men slightly soft. In other words, even if a woman told a man he could say whatever he wanted however he wanted to his friends when she is around, he would still stop short of going full tilt. I sometimes compare it to this hypothetical situation: If my woman said it was completely fine for me to pleasure myself in front of her, I still think I would go into the bathroom and the lock the door to do so by myself. The fact is, I just don’t feel comfortable doing certain things in her presence, and talking BS is one of them.
Not only do I feel uncomfortable with saying exactly how I feel about certain things in front of a woman, I honestly don’t think most women could handle everything men say. What if my friend called me up and wanted me to get his honest thoughts on a situation he has going on with some woman and I wanted to keep it one hundred percent with him? Could I do that in front of a woman, especially a woman I live with, without her judging me? Can I talk to my boy and bring up past experiences I’ve had in the presence of a woman I am presently dating without her getting offended?
I suppose if the tables were turned I wouldn’t want to hear everything my woman says to one of her friends, but the way I would avoid that is encourage her to talk in private or go into the other room myself. Problem is, sometimes, a woman gets suspicious when a man wants to have conversations in the other room, and to a degree, I understand.
But if it’s my friend who calls, and he has something to get off his chest, and in turn it encourages me to get a few things off my chest, I’m sorry but I need to take the call in the other room. She should just trust a man on this, because I don’t know one woman who wants to listen in on a conversation between two men trading stories about the most unusual vocal sounds they’ve ever heard a woman make in the bedroom or why they would or would not sleep with a woman who has no nose.
The Process: Been slipping on my daily intake of Fish Oil, but finally took a teaspoon today.
XXLMag.com Business: If you get a chance, check out this special package my colleagues and I did on “The 50 Greatest Dr. Dre Beats Of All Time”. Lots of fun with his.
THE SIXTEENTH EDITION of the POPPIN’ QUESTIONS PODCAST! Listen here, please! Also, if you’d like to submit a question for consideration in the seventeenth edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast, which I will record tonight, click here.