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Five S*x and Dating New Year’s Resolutions I Hope I Stick To

December 27th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Did you all miss me? Good. It’s nice to be missed.

When I returned home for the holidays, I had intentions of maintaining the blog, but after last Monday’s post, I fell ill and decided to take the week off. The break was necessary and even though it was the longest amount of time I ever went without posting, I felt it was for the best.

But now, with one full day left before I head back to New York City, I’m getting back into the swing of things.

And so today we begin anew. Like I do every Monday, I’m kicking things off with a list of five dating/sex resolutions I plan to abide by once the clock strikes 12 a.m. on January 1, 2011. Most of these resolutions won’t be sudden changes in behavior, as these are things I’ve kind of outgrown, but apt to regress to from time to time. Though I’m not necessarily a big believer in the idea of resolutions, I do feel another year is a clean slate, one in which I have a chance to do things differently. So with that being said, here are five things I’m going to do (or stop doing) regarding sex and dating in 2011.

NO MORE DATING WOMEN I WOULDN’T SLEEP WITH

Not to say I’ve made this a habit of mine in the past, but I want to make it a point that from now on I’m not doing any recreational dating. What is recreational dating? Well, it’s going out on a date just because I want the company of another person or as a courtesy, if a woman asked me out on a date, I would say yes. But now, no longer. Before I say yes in 2011, I’m going to assess whether or not I would want to share my bed with her, if I can’t see myself doing that, I won’t see myself sharing a dinner table with her. Oh, and by the way, please understand I am not saying every woman I go out on a date with has to sleep with me. Some of my commenters love to twist my words around to mean something I don’t mean.

NO MORE SLEEPING WITH WOMEN I WOULDN’T DATE

Now this is something I have made a habit of, recreational s*x. No longer. Just like I’m not going to date someone I wouldn’t sleep with, I’m not sleeping with someone I wouldn’t date. Men are especially guilty of sleeping with someone for the sake of a good story to tell, but honestly, I’ve told enough stories. It’s time for me to switch it up a little bit and start being way more selective about who I lay down with, not to say I wasn’t picky before. I’m just saying, I’m going to pick a little differently.

NO MORE TEXTING IN ALL CAPS

I’m not one of those people who is opposed to texting back and forth with someone. People who complain about someone texting too much get on my nerves more than a person who texts too much. But, I have grown to appreciate the sound of a person’s voice instead of their constant abbreviations of the word “you”. That being said, I’m no longer carrying on conversations via text if I get the urge to yell at the person. If I have something to text them in all caps, I’m dialing their number instead to chew them out.

NO SLEEPOVERS ON SCHOOL NIGHTS

Ever since I started working out in the mornings, my mornings have been more important than ever. I’m one of those people who enjoys getting up before the sun, working, eating a big breakfast, doing some writing. That’s been my thing for a while now, and even though I have still been able to accomplish my routine when I have slept over someone else’s, it’s never quite the same. Something about it is always slightly out of whack. That being said, no more sleeping over someone’s place Sun-Thurs, unless I don’t have to go to work the day after one of those days.

NO MORE LONG DISTANCE COURTING/DATING

By now, it’s well documented that I am not a fan of long distance relationships. Yet and still, whenever I go out of town, I somehow manage to meet someone and connect with them on a genuine level. What ends up happening is we keep in touch, and eventually make plans to see each other again. I’ve done this now enough times to know, I don’t want to do it again. This is not to say the people I already have met out of town are off the board. This is more like saying, in 2011, I’m not adding anymore area codes to the Rolodex. Nothing has been more frustrating than meeting great people who don’t live anywhere near where I live.

So there it is folks, my five new year’s resolutions when it comes to dating/sex. Feel free to share yours in the comments, and again, welcome back everyone. I missed y’all.

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The Process: Worked out with mixed results while I was sick, but staying at it.

So goes the blog, so goes the Poppin’ Questions Podcast. It’s back up this Wednesday, feel free to hit me with a question for consideration here.

Oh and RIP Teena Marie.

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  • Kayla

    I’m glad you’re back, missed the blog and podcast. The blog always amazing.

  • Kady

    Welcome back! Jozen is that boyfriend that disappears on holidays and Birthdays :-p

    Somehow none of my possible resolutions are dating related, dating is just so unpredictable its hard to make these rules and stick to them. #5 is a must thought, no long distance EVER!!!

  • Kristi

    Love this list Jozen – especially number 2 (just made that resolution myself actually)….but I beg of you, reconsider #5. I habitually meet men outside of my area code too (actually, that’s usually the only place I meet them – surrounded by a bunch of duds up here) so I totally get you on that, BUT! if you have a real, authentic, connection with someone why would you want to stifle the possibility for that being a really rad relationship because of some list you made up in 2010? Also, sometimes those other area code relationships aren’t meant to be “the one” kind of encounters….you are just supposed to learn something from them/the exchange and carry on….until you meet again. Well, in my opinion anyway.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brittany-House/737925716 Brittany House

    Great post as always. I am feeling you on every post but #1. I am a true believer that people serve certain purposes in your life. Maybe dating someone that you initially might not sleep with could possibly turn into someone you will. I just don’t think that sex should be a determining factor.

  • Miss Melodee

    I love it Jozen! I took a vow with same principles applied since my bday and been sticking to it since! Honestly its more rewarding and fulfilling…no explanation needed! Kudos and my hats off to you!
    ~Worth the wait

  • Kema

    I think I will do the first resolution and not date guys that I wouldnt sleep with. 🙂

  • Diyah

    Actually i think long distance relationships will help out with #4. As I get older, i’m also starting to appreciate my morning routine of getting things done before the sun’s up. When I’m in a distance relationship, I can plan better, when we’re together, we’re together. When we’re not, I can grind without any real distractions. Just my opinion

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  • http://www.aconversationbycandlelight.blogspot.com Erica

    Missed you! (aww, it must feel nice to know you are missed!) anywho…loved this. BUT…(not that i am mistaking “no more dating women I wouldn’t sleep with” for you saying you MUST sleep with women you date) I think it could be a little problematic to cut off the possibility to get to know someone because of a first or even second impression. Isn’t it so alluring when you get to know someone and are shockingly and pleasantly surprised, realizing you totally pegged them wrong. I am the queen of saying I just “know” when there is good chemistry between me and another, yet, I’m single
    soo…..def shouldn’t be closing myself off like that.

    Also, while I get the impression with this list that you are in it to win it this up-coming year and have a long-lasting relationship, I think that there is such potential in the whole “women in other area codes”. Then again, I believe in distance.

    Finally, does this list really matter? Nope! ( I saw mockingly like a child). That’s the thing about meeting someone life changing…all lists go out the window! They interrupt your life (i.e. your morning routine totally wrecked) and you watch in amazement because you love every minute of it!

    We’ll see though!

  • Doesn’t Matter

    With number two it sounds like you’re finally growing up.

  • Trayrific

    I totally agree w/ you on all of these, particularly #5. I know for me, I’m not a long-distance person. The idea of having a boyfriend hundreds of miles away doesn’t excite me at all. I don’t care what sort of connection you may have w/ that person, a LDR is challenging if you’re the type of person that enjoys spending a lot of (reasonable) time w/ your significant other. I say stick to this resolution if you are that type of person. I know there are people who enjoy LDRs b/c deep down, they may be the type to really enjoy having a lot of space/private time to themselves when in a relationship. I definitely enjoy having my space, but I also really enjoy spending time w/ my significant other. And I don’t want to jump on a plane/train to do that, but that’s just me. 🙂

  • Florida Evans

    Oh my god, you are so frickin particular and fussy. No more sleeping over on school nights? LMAO. Because you have to work out in the morning? You are probably one of those guys who shaves his chest and gets manicures. And thanks for telling me how to spot a guy like you in the club. The next time a spot one of you I’m going to make sure I accidentally spill my drink on you.