If there’s one thing I’ve been blessed to experience as a single man, it’s dating different types of women, even women who weren’t my type. Dating has become a spice of sorts for my life, and without it, I wouldn’t say life would be bland (I’m sure married folks have plenty of spice in their life), but it would certainly taste a lot different in ways I probably wouldn’t enjoy.
As I think about dating and getting older, I continue to find more and more women I want to date. Since I know I can’t date them all, I have come up with a bucket list of some sorts in my head. This list is not at all definitive, matter of fact, it’s very flexible. I know I’m not in complete control of my dating destiny, but I do feel I have some say. So here it is, five types of women I feel every man should date, with the understanding that I have already dated some of these types.
This week, Jozen gives a woman some advice on how to get comfortable with talking dirty to her man and answers four more questions
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I’ve talked before about dating women who go to the gym almost obsessively and how though I appreciated their efforts, it gave me some sort of complex.
For a long time, I worked out from the comforts of my home, but I only did the type of exercises I thought everyone did. They were the typical push-ups and sit-ups, nothing more, nothing less. As it turned out, those workouts were effective, and I did start to see some results, but that was almost four years ago, and I only kept it up for probably eight months.
Then, when I was in a relationship with a gym rat, I joined the gym too, only to stop going two months after. Once the gym sessions stopped, working out from home altogether stopped, and for about two years, I let myself go.
But this year, since October, as anyone who reads my process updates knows, I’ve been on a new health and fitness kick. I’m eating differently, exercising six days a week, and it’s made a huge impact on not only the way I feel physically, but it’s also affected my thinking about a lot of other things, including the kind of women I would like to date.
We’re talking about cheating, aren’t we? We’re talking about being with someone we shouldn’t be with because we’re already with someone else. We agree this is wrong, that if we were to partake in something on the side, trust is gone, and so is the relationship.
It’s a guilty indulgence, a selfish act. Cheating, whether it’s emotional or physical is wrong on any level.
But have we ever thought that maybe, possibly, this person we began seeing while we were seeing someone else was the person with whom we were actually in love? And if that is the case, have we done something wrong if we eventually make the decision to break off things with the one we’re with to be with the one we want?
I’m swamped at the gig today, so I don’t have much time to write an in depth post. Unfortunately, I also wasn’t able to record the Sixteenth Edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast. But you all can still listen to the Fifteenth Edition at the bottom of the post, if you haven’t already. Also there is a link for you to submit a question I can consider for the next podcast. I encourage those who haven’t yet to just take a chance and listen, they’re quick, 20 minutes, and if you enjoy the blog, I have a feeling you’ll enjoy the Poppin’ Questions Podcast.
Now, onto this week’s letter to my future girlfriend.
This is one of those posts that I have to tell my mom not to read, and my sister, and any other members of my family. So please, uncles, aunts, grandparents, sis, cousins, if you’ve gotten this far, go to another window please? Please?
As for the rest of you, who aren’t my family, this is a post I’ve wanted to write since the weekend, but been hesitant to do so. The reason: it’s basically something only I would come up with. Well, not only I, most other men might feel a similar way. Matter of fact, when I called up a couple of my boys to bounce the idea off of them, they understood my logic completely. A couple of my female friends also said the thought, though fairly typical of the mind of a man, wasn’t the most absurd thing they’ve ever heard.
So now I’m comfortable enough to break down why I don’t trust women who don’t own toys, and when I say toys, I mean the type only allowed for women 18 and older.
What’s great about the new gig is the opportunity I have to cover hip-hop extensively, specifically current hip-hop. I’m a man who appreciates the genre’s history; as someone who grew up a jazz fan first and foremost, maintaining my awareness for a music’s history has always been extremely important. But I’m not one of those listeners who longs for hip-hop to be what it used to be. I like the evolution of it and I appreciate what artists are doing today with it.
One thing I have noticed this year is the way hip-hop has been tailored beyond it’s traditional environments. Used to be the music was for the streets, trunks of cars, the club, and pre-game warm-ups. When hip-hop wanted to be something for the ladies, it was always slightly pandering. But these days, I think the formula of making a song for specific environments has either gone away or expanded, because now there are a lot of albums people can play in a lot of different places and it sounds perfectly appropriate.
The bedroom is a perfect example.
Similar to a list I’ve done before, but scaled down for the purpose of being succinct, here are five albums I have either played or can imagine being played in the background of a good old fashioned make out session. This list is by no means an authoritative one, just something I culled together for the purpose of today’s post, so anyone who wants to say I forgot one, shut up in advance and just write it down in the comments section. I’d love to hear other people’s suggestions. For those who have never heard the selections listed, I urge you to do so. All of them are good. I wouldn’t list them otherwise.
The other night, I was having a discussion with one of my female friends and of course we were talking about male-female relationships. We went over the typical stuff, adding in bits and pieces of our own experiences to back up our theories. There were moments we disagreed and moments where we enlightened one another to a new thought or a new theory. All of it, good stuff.
Of course, there was one part of the conversation I wanted to extract and write about at length here. It was the matter of how every man and woman would like to claim their gender is so easy, and it’s the opposite gender’s fault for overcomplicating whatever it is they want or desire. I’ve been guilty of saying men are simple, and women over think our species. Women, as my friend proved the other night when we were talking, are guilty of thinking the same thing about themselves. They’re simple, they’re really easy, but men always have to over think stuff.
But during our conversation I had a thought: Maybe neither s*x is as easy as we make ourselves out to be.
Okay folks, one more time. I just can’t help it, so let me explain something before I get into today’s post.
The guy who writes the “F*ck Yeah Menswear” Tumblr (check out the latest ones if you haven’t already) keeps posting up gems, inspiring me to try to do it myself, for creative purposes only. These days, everyone talks about originality, wanting to be innovative, and not realizing sometimes their innovation sucks.
People always ask me, how did I find my voice, and I tell them the first thing I did was read a lot more than I wrote. Nowadays, I write a lot more than I read and the voice with which I write is a combination of influences I’ve acquired over the years. But I still stay in search of more voices, more writing, and when I see some truly great work, I can’t help but want to take a bit of it for myself and see what their magic is to create more magic for myself. It’s kind of like the way all great jazz players study the Charlie Parker Omnibook.
And I know all of this may sound like some unnecessary explanation for writing in this form, but I want to be clear: It’s never cool to copy a writer’s work word for word (as I have previously explained) but there is nothing wrong with letting other work influence your own.
Today, another post inspired by the great work of the anonymous writer at “Fuck Yeah Menswear”. Whoever you are, if you’re reading this, keep doing your thing, dude.
The first gig I had out of college was as a fact-checker at VIBE Magazine. To this day I remember the email asking me if I was interested, the look on my mom and sister’s face when I told them. The dance I did in front of my mirror when I realized it was going to happen.
I started in the summer of 2004, and for those first eight months, no one could tell me I didn’t have the coolest job in the world. There I was, this fresh-faced college graduate who came from a small town called Seaside, in California, now living this big city dream working at one of the best music magazines in the country. What made it all the more sweeter is I was doing exactly what I told people I would be doing; working at VIBE, writing about music.
But eight months passed, and like every person in my generation of strivers, my ambition was getting the best of me. I began to want more opportunities, more looks (what we call “stories” in our industry), more of everything. The job wasn’t providing me with such things, so what was once a dream come true became a bitter reality. Compounded with that, was a woman I was dating at the time, coincidentally going through the same thing as me.