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Girls You Shouldn’t Fall For: The Girl No One Likes Edition

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but if not, here we go.

During my high school years, every now and then I would go after school to visit my mom at her workplace. Whenever I or my sister walked into the restaurant where she was a waitress, we were always given the royal treatment. Anything we wanted from the menu; virgin smoothies on deck from the bartender; warm hellos from the entire staff. During those visits, my sister and I would always feel like we were VIPs, and it was all because of one thing: everyone at work liked my mother.

That ability, to be liked, is one of the most important qualities I need in any woman with whom I get into a relationship. I don’t need a woman with a large circle of friends, I don’t need to date miss popularity, but I also don’t want to date the woman no one else seems to like. I’m talking about the woman who no matter how many friends she has, no matter her social and family circle, she still is viewed as the “weird” one.

“Weird” for those who don’t know, is a euphemism other people use to describe someone they don’t really like. They get along with them, but they honestly don’t know why or how. It’s as though they became friends with this person by accident or the person just persisted their way into the circle. As a result, the girl is always jockeying for some sort of respect or genuine inclusion into the group. If her friends are getting together for drinks or a birthday, she’s a little worried she will be forgotten. She throws get-togethers herself, and is constantly checking the evite to see if everyone RSVP’d because she’s not so sure everyone will come.

This is the girl you don’t want to fall for, and for any girl who is reading this, the same can be said for guys.

Whenever I date a woman, I always try to get a sense of where a girl’s standing is amongst her group of friends. There’s nothing real scientific about my data gathering, I just observe. Is she the one everyone is calling for some sort of support and to share some good news? If so, she’s a keeper. Is she the one who is getting called for a ride but the girl who is asking for a ride is staying at another mutual friend’s pad? If so, pump brakes. I know we would like to all believe it should only matter what we think of the person we’re dating, but unless we’re going to be one of those reclusive couples, I need someone who plays well with others, not just me.

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  • sunt97

    You still have to be cautious of the one that everyone is calling. That means they will be calling when she is with you. There can be too much of a good thing either way. You need to find a happy balance because there is bound to be someone you know that thinks of you as “weird” and that person is not sure why they are friends.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  • Shay

    I agree with this viewpoint. It’s nice to know that your mate is liked by a majority of people and not categorized as the weird friend that’s always there. When you see how your mate’s friends view her/him, you get a better idea of how she will be viewed amongst your friends or anyone you may bring them around.

  • Bkhallwayloiterer

    im one of those i dont wan to be like that but, its just a pattern. and frankly i dont know where to start to fix it. so sucks to be me.

  • Aries_Rose

    “As a result, the girl is always jockeying for some sort of respect or genuine inclusion into the group” –A thousand times yes!!! First let me say, I agree, it’s kind of hard to date people who are uhmm…what you described. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be included, but if you don’t fit in, you gotta get in somewhere else. I have a weird friend, and honestly, sometimes they can be clingy because they know their position, but they still want to be treated like the existing friends in the circle. Dating somebody like this doesn’t really work for me either.

  • ASmith

    I always wonder if these individuals are cognizant of this. I mean if you’re always this girl/guy, then you may get to a point that you think this is just how it is — that this is normal.

  • just.chill

    I agree. It’s been told to me that I should never trust a girl without girlfriends. When I asked my homegirls the reason behind that thinking, most replied with “because they must have done their past girlfriends wrong”… and for the most part it’s true. If a girl can’t get along with people, let alone other girls, I wouldn’t want to get along with her either.

  • A.S.

    I must be missing something or misinterpreting your words because this entry almost comes off as superficial.

    What if you like her, Jozen?

    I have a hard time believing that you would know how a woman’s friends perceive her before wanting to date her. That’s something that may take some time to figure out, I think. Certainly, it’s possible to find a woman attractive, engaging, intelligent, etc without knowing all of that information. I do believe that a woman’s relationship with her friends may reveal a lot, but perhaps in some cases, she just needs some new friends, a new social circle? Perhaps they don’t have chemistry and shouldn’t be hanging out with each other. There could be a another group of people who enjoy her friendship.

    If a woman is not liked by her group of friends then that may say something about her ability to chose friends–now that’s a valid argument! However, to say that you don’t want to date a woman just because she’s not liked by a specific group of people sounds weak.

  • A.S.

    I thought the article was about women who actually have “friends,” but aren’t liked as much as their friends’ other homegirls?

    Yes, many times women who don’t have girlfriends have a past of cattiness, back stabbing, etc., but this isn’t true all the time. It’s possible to be good friend material and not have a circle of close friends. Good friends are hard to find. IMO, it’s no different than finding a romantic partner. I think it’s important to know WHY a woman has little-to-no friends rather than just jumping to conclusions about her past.

    Admittedly, I am being defensive because their was a time in my life (high school) when I didn’t have any friends and it had nothing to do with how I treated my friends years earlier. I was gel tight with a lot of girls, but we grew apart–we didn’t “fall out.” It had everything to do with having different interests and preoccupations. This followed me in college. There were girls who invited me to join them, wanted to befriend me and I often turned them down. They were nice, but I we didn’t have chemistry and I didn’t see myself growing close to them. As a result, I could only count the number of my friends on one hand and I spent a lot of time alone to the point where people assumed I had no friends even though I did.

  • TheLeoGrl

    Ahhh, and just when I thought you couldn’t get any shallower….you’ll be writing this blog with this title for a LOOOOOOOOOONG time, LOL, but I”ll keep reading, it’s a growing process for you and I’m gonna be along for the ride until you grow up!

  • maria

    “As a result, the girl is always jockeying for some sort of respect or genuine inclusion into the group. If her friends are getting together for drinks or a birthday, she’s a little worried she will be forgotten. She throws get-togethers herself, and is constantly checking the evite to see if everyone RSVP’d because she’s not so sure everyone will come.”

    it doesn’t seem so much that the type of girl you’re talking about is weird but more that she’s insecure. which might also be the type of girl to look out for.

  • Leogoddess

    I am the one that everyone is calling, iving advice and doing favors. I’m a natural born leader, can’t be helped and part of why he loves me. My friends respect my relationship and have backed up somewhat, I appreciate it. We all get along, no problems here.

  • Mood Indigo

    meh…the word friendship is used so loosely these days. For me it’s not so much whether or not she’s a charmer, but if she has any girlfriends she opens up to and can be vulnerable with…i.e. trusts as well as women who value her in the same way. If she doesn’t, it could speak of problems. Other than poor behavior, it could reflect poor insight in choosing friends, having trust issues, or having some warped sense of what friendship is about. Some people have friends to spare, are always invited out, but are still lonely inside. I need a woman who can form and maintain a long and lasting relationships that go beyond just ‘hanging out.’

  • fijime

    I’m wondering if you have so many rules and guidelines to follow when you choose your guy friends. You really seem to over-analyze and complicate things. I thought that’s what females do….

    If you meet a girl and you have a great time with her and are attracted to her, then go for it. Forget the rules.

  • coco

    Letme see if I can break it down to the point Jozen was trying to make. My mother used to say to me when I was younger, “Those that show themselves to be friendly, have friends.” As an adult I understand what she was trying to impart. Who wants to be involved with someone who isn’t known to be a friend? Someone who is always on the outside, distrustful, standoffish and just plain rude or mean? You’ve seen the type of woman that other women don’t like but because she thinks every woman is competition and views as a threat. I’ve met women who were taught by their mothers to steer clear of other women; one woman told me her mother told her, you don’t need any friends, especially if you have a man. Another told me, I have acqaintances, not friends, because I don’t trust other women or I have been back stabbed, etc. I had a supervisor tell me her mother told her and her sisters that they didn’t need any friends, there was three of them and they had each other. Wow. So, for some women, it’s not their fault entirely.
    But I don’t let them off the hook; as an adult they need to cultivate relationships with other women.
    I remember watching an episode of the bachelor and there was a particular woman who just could not get along with the other women, was catty, felt everyone was picking on her and were jealous and was therefore an outcast. When the bachelor introduced her to his family, their concern was that very thing, that she had such a hard time getting along with the other girls; they felt it was a character flaw.
    That aside, I don’t know what I would do without my circle of sisters. I have different circles of friends, some I see and chat with regularly and others less often but the friendship, trust and bond is there. It is hard to cultivate good relationships but women should do it. I understand why this is important to Jozen; there is a lot to be said about a women, other women like; it is not enough that he likes her. I am still amazed at the number of women who are standoffish. When I walk across the college campus where I work or walk into Macy’s or stroll down the street, I greet and smile at women, especially black women. Yet, many women avoid eye contact, look away or some look just plain mean, like they are mad at the world. I don’t get it. Those who have friends, show themselves to be friendly.

  • A.S.

    I think you make some good points about women who avoid friendships with other women. Of course, that’s not what the post was about.
    If a girl is “always jockeying for some sort of respect or genuine inclusion into the group” or is worried that she will be forgotten at get-togethers and is throwing poorly attended parties, then that means she’s interested in being sociable with other women.

    Where are you getting the idea that the women Jozen spoke of does not want to make friends with other women?

    In the post, Jozen talked about women who failed at having meaningful friendships because they were supposedly “weird” and not liked. In your comment, you discuss women who did NOT want friendship. BIG difference!

    As an aside, I’ve always been bothered by the notion that if a woman has little-to-no friends it is because she doesn’t want friends. I can speak on this personally and say that is not true. I went to an all women’s college partially because I wanted to develop close friendships and have a sister circle. Of course, making that happened turned out to be harder than I expected.

  • mango

    wow, very shallow post.

  • peink

    I hope that your “friend” had the good sense to de”friend” you.

  • Megs

    I couldn’t agree more with this post..

    also beware of the girls who have no’s a bad sign

  • Guest

    What attracts you is your preferences. Everyone has their own preferences. You can’t tell others who to like, dislike, prefer, and believe in. That would only defeat an individual’s freedom to choose who they want as a partner. What one works for you may not work for others. At least you’re aware of what type of girl you like, dislike, & or prefer. To each his own.

  • Abast

    How in the world did you ever come up with this theory of superficial preference of girls who have the biggest social status in her circle. I honestly think its so shallow to judge a person just because of there friend circle “status”, honestly what if they just have shitty friends and are not appreciated. If I was I guy I would want a strong independent women who doesnt care what a social circle or others may think of her. Also what you may think of as “weird” may be perfectly normal to another group. I would advice to examine your sociological thinking strategies and grow up.