My title
Home > dating, guys, women > The No That Really Means No

The No That Really Means No

January 13th, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

Big shout out to a friend of mine who just asked for my take on some situation she has with a guy. It’s because of her I’m inspired to this post, which I might add is going to be short like yesterdays cause I’m busy.

Ladies, are you struggling to find a way to tell some guy in your life it isn’t going to happen, not in your lifetime, not in their lifetime, and if they come out looking the same way in their next lifetime, that lifetime too? Well, here’s what you have to say to him.

The reason why I don’t want to sleep with you is because I’m not sexually attracted to you. I tried to picture myself having sex with you, because I do like you as a person and you’re doing all the things I like guys to do, but I just can’t picture it. I tried and I can’t.

If you want to throw a “sorry” in at the end, feel free, but keep everything else. Memorize this and use it, because honestly, it’s the only kind of “no” a man understands.

Men want to sleep with 99 percent of the women they choose to approach. If a man is at a supermarket, and every single line checkout lane is equally long, the next criteria he uses to make his decision is which cashier is the one he would most likely sleep with. If we’re at a party, there are only two types of women we talk to: The girl with the friend we want to sleep with and her friend.

Sleepability is one of the biggest criteria men use to date or interact with a woman. This is a brutally honest fact about the character of most men, so if women know that, why would they not be brutally honest back? Don’t tell a man not interested, that’s not honest, that’s vague. A woman who says “not interested” is leaving too much room for interpretation and if a man really wants something, he will interpret the situation to work for him.

Tell a man why you’re not interested, and do it quickly. Because men are aggressive by nature, we can appreciate an aggressive no, even if it’s only in retrospect. For women who care about things like compassion, the less she knows about a man the easier it should be for her to say to him, “I’m not interested in you because I’m not attracted to you.” Take it from a man who has been shut down for such a reason, there’s no defense against such brutally honest logic.

When it comes to the truth, it’s always best to keep it real and keep it whole.

Categories: dating, guys, women Tags:
  • Mikael Short

    I may have to use this… great advice, Jozen! Thanks!

  • Anonymous

    I would agree that being straight forward and honest is probably the best route to take. It would work on me definitely but I think more and more we are socialized to not be straight forward and honest with each other. So much so that truth is an offense. Plus most “I am not interested in you sexually” have proven to be ” I am not interested in you sexually, now.” I have encountered too many women who have circled back.

  • Miss Cristine ♥

    I know this to be true … Once I stopped being aggressive, we slept together.

  • Aisha

    You’re right Jozen. 6 months this dude kept persisting and I even appeased him and went to dinner thinking he would just leave me alone (i know…not smart). when he asked for a second i just said “no i’m not physically attracted to you”. Never heard from him again…

  • Aries_Rose

    I’m glad you wrote this! Seriously, I’ve been told by friends I should give guys a chance knowing in my heart of hearts I was just being nice and not even remotely interested. Long story short, being nice only made it worse and if I would have been honest from the jump, I could have saved some time and possibly spared some of dude’s feelings.

  • southern_bella

    such great advice, per usu. ur friend must ask some really brilliant questions. she’s prolly a really dope & super nice person. 😉

  • Mz. Shaw

    I feel this way RIGHT NOW about somebody and i’m trying to find a way to tell him. Thanks Jozen!!

  • LL

    i told this to a friend of mine who wanted to potentially date me and i just said “i’m sorry but you arent my type and im just not attracted to you in that way” he didnt know how to make that one work in his favor! we’re still friends

  • Boardroom

    I think the one thing women must remember before using the above suggestion make sure the man has made it clear that he wants to sleep with you for dismissing him.

    I dislike when women immediately assume i am trying to sleep with them because i ask for the number or suggest she comes over late at night. Although that might be my intent until i make it clear you need to wait before dismissing.

    so ladies if you find yourself in that position ask the man what do you want to do. and keep probing until he says it then dismiss

  • Mouf Peace

    i don’t know if i could ever say that flat out BUT i 110% agree on that assessment. because i sometimes gauge a potential future with a potential partner by if i can masturbate and more importantly get off thinking about them. this totally inspired my blog for today, thanks!

  • Dancinggreenapple

    “Sleepability…” : the measurement of one’s ability to be slept with


  • Namia20

    Or they could use ” you are among the people who will never see me naked, so lets not waste each others time”

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention Until I Get Married » The No That Really Means No --

  • artrinity

    You know this really works…I have been telling my girls this and they don’t believe me…I may refer them to this post so they can see this from a guys perspective. being up front saves him time and the woman relief 🙂

  • Emariebry

    Its possible. When you really click with someone; your sex drive is up there. You just feel like you can go on and on. Its like when you are slightly feeling a buzz from a drink; you start feeling good. You get a little loose. You may do things that you been wanting to do to each other for a while; and just feel so comfortable, this then leaves both parties happy. I have had the situation and we have went for 3 to 4 times ( I am not overtelling)

  • taut_7

    “Don’t tell a man not interested, that’s not honest, that’s vague. A woman who says “not interested” is leaving too much room for interpretation”

    i’m convinced some women want to be vague on purpose. they string a man along for various reasons but i think the biggest reason is because they like attention. i mean c’mon as long as its potentially harmless who doesn’t want to feel like someone wants them?

  • Jinx Moneypenny

    I mean, we might as well be brutally honest. I’ve found that being vague causes dudes to try even harder. Never ended well in the past.

  • FlyBrownie89

    l loved this post and died laughing at Jozen’s advice on what his friend should tell this guy that likes her but its not mutual. I recently said something very similar to a guy and he lost my number lol If you say no and you’re not interested looking back i can see now as Jozen said that the guy just interpreted as not interested at this time because a few weeks later they are trying to take it to another level smh. Loved it Jozen keep it up!