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Five Things Women Say That Don’t Sound As Good As They Think

January 24th, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

I was trying to think of an introduction to today’s post, something about how this one is for my male readers, but isn’t that obvious by the title?

In any case, ladies who have said any of these things to someone else or even to me, don’t be alarmed by the quotes below. Just because a woman says them, doesn’t mean we count them as a strike. It just means they’re not as noble as you might think, ladies. Also, this is not a list of annoying things women say (that would be much longer), rather, this is a list of things women say with an air of pomposity.Women can say them as much as they like, just don’t expect men to interpret them as favorably as they were intended.

“I DON’T GET ALONG WITH GIRLS’

Think about it: If a straight man told a woman he gets along with girls much better than guys, his heterosexuality would either be questioned or it would be interpreted as too hetero (which is a fancy way of saying “male ho”). So if a woman tells me she gets along with guys much better than she gets along with girls, I’m not going to interpret that as “oh cool, she’s one of the guys.” I don’t even want one of the guys. I want a woman, a woman who prides herself on sisterhood without being a feminist. A woman should never underestimate how attractive it is for her to have a solid group of girlfriends and strong relationships with the women in her family.

“I’VE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND”

The only women who don’t get some sort of side eye from me when they say this are 16-years-old and younger. Heck, even an 18-year-old girl can get away with not having a boy, but a 25-year-old woman, or a recent college graduate who says she’s never had a boyfriend? Uh oh. Is that supposed to be hot, like she’s some sort of exclusive? What’s really awkward is the woman who is 21 and over, saying she’s not a virgin, but she’s never had a boyfriend. So we’ve just been letting a whole lot of non-committal sexing going on, is that it? And don’t let the woman who says she’s never had a boyfriend be the same woman who says she gets along better with girls than guys. At that point, she’s just telling on herself, and that’s really what this list is about. It’s not about not being a woman who has never had a boyfriend, because I understand, those women do exist. This is more about not admitting such a thing.

“I DON’T LIKE TO GO TO THE CLUB”

I interpret this statement as, “I don’t like to go out, have a few drinks, and have fun.” All these folks talking about how they don’t want to be the old person in the club have a problem with going to the right clubs. If it’s one of those 18-to-dip, 21-to-sip type of parties, and you’re 25, that’s not the right club to be at, baby. Go to something sophisticated, something that scales closer to 30 if that’s the age you’re at, because guess what, I’m going to be at that spot. I like to go out, and dare I say, I like to go out with my lady more than I like to go out searching for ladies. A woman who paints herself as the picture of innocence by declaring her distaste for club lights, is a woman who is warning everyone her zone is a no fun zone.

“OH, I KNOW HIM”

What’s wrong with a woman pointing out a guy and saying, “I know him” Nothing. Unless the woman is pointing at a television screen with a game on it and the guy she’s pointing too is a world-renowned athlete. Now, I have questions. [Personal note: I have a dear friend of mine who does this, but I know her well enough to know, when she does it, it’s not what it seems. She’s knew them since before they were world class athletes and has the pics to prove it. If you’re one of those women who work in the world of professional sports, it’s okay to say this, but I still have questions]

“I’M AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN”

Duh. I know she’s independent, as in by herself. Why else would I be talking to her? Ladies, few things are a bigger waste of breath than publicly declaring one’s own independence.

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The Process: Time to gain back a little bit of this weight I lost.

Poppin’ Questions Podcast: As promised, the Poppin’ Questions Podcast is now going to be aired twice a week. The first episode will be up later today. The second episode will air Thursday. Between now and then, please hit me on my Formspring or email me at feedback@untiligetmarried.com.


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  • JJ

    dead off this one…. “Ladies, few things are a bigger waste of breath than publicly declaring one’s own independence.”

    LMBO!!

  • Shay

    lol this is a funny list. Maybe when she says she doesn’t like to go to the club, that’s her way of saying she doesn’t know how to dance lol. You never know. As for the “I never had a boyfriend” talk, some people don’t categorize their relationships. You can be “talking” or “dating” someone for a long period of time and you do all the things someone in a relationship does but there was never a title put. I know I’ve been in that situation a few times.

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ taut_7

    “I DON’T GET ALONG WITH GIRLS”

    out of all the things you listed this one annoys me the most. if you don’t get along with women there’s a reason that not one other woman wants to hang out with you for an extended period of time. a personality flaw if you will. i’m just thinking about how that flaw can translate into something i won’t like about you. women need to understand that this doesn’t make you seem more desirable in the eyes of men.

  • Coolbaby2001us

    “I don’t get along with other girls”

    I completely agree. I have had women tell me that like it’s some great trait to have. ALL of the women that have told me that were straight up bitches. If you don’t get along with women why are you talking to me?

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  • Elle Gee

    I TOTALLY agree with everything listed here. Especially the “I just don’t get along with girls”…that reads: I’m trifling or I have more male friends because I’ve SLEPT with more men than most. Also if someone of your own sex doesn’t even wanna hang out with you…why should a man??

  • http://twitter.com/msorvam myrna orvam

    I admit that I used to use “I don’t get along with other girls” excuse myself. But then I got over myself and realized that I was projecting past negative experiences I had with the “mean girls” on women that had nothing to do with it. I never thought that guys would notice this and see it as a negative. Thanks for the insight.

  • LondonCityGirlMagazine.com

    hmm, I came across this and I have to say I’m rather taken aback by the sheer number of assumptions made on some of the comments. Some woman may just be being honest; I myself have never had a long term relationship and it has just been the way its worked out. I am definately not one to have slept around but would not feel the need to lie about having long term relationships when I haven’t. I understand that its wise to be wary when you initially start dating however to assume such insincerity esp. on some of the points (not all) is supremely unfair. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to diss the article and I appreciate you’ve taken the time to write this and I don’t want you to take this as some kind of attack but I felt I should point out that perhaps you are doing a few women a disservice for just telling you the truth.

  • http://twitter.com/kindasweetish Aisha

    I don’t see why a woman would say these things thinking it’s a win…a guy told me he never had a girlfriend….at age 27, serious side eye. Good post!

  • http://sweetilocks.blogspot.com Sweetilocks

    My pet peeve is women who say “I don’t get along with other women.” It’s an obvious display of immaturity and lack of female comradery. Also, jozen, you might wanna reconsider that feminist statement. Feminists are all about sisterhood, but it’s not to the point where they can’t have a healthy and loving relationship with a man. Not all feminists are man-bashers, just so you know ; )

  • http://pseudo-celeb.blogspot.com Tori D.

    I can agree with everything on the list except “I don’t like to go to the club.” Is the club really the only form of fun out there? A person can love going out, having drinks and having fun without being a clubber. I’d take issue with a man who felt the only place fun was to be had was at the club.

  • Anonymous

    I take a different tact on these types of revelations, they save me the time of trying to get to know her better. Really.
    I love socializing, I like dancing and I get along with girls so any woman who is contrary to these things have less common intererest with me.
    I would like to add the “strong” to the independent proclamation, I know anytime I hear those 2 paired up in any person’s description of themselves it immediately translates into a psychic cry for help. Strong and or independent or characteristics that need no self affirmation. So uttering the “I am strong and independent” is as much trying to convince me as convince herself…

  • http://alishawritinglife.wordpress.com/ Alisha

    “I don’t get along with girls” and “I’m an independent woman” kill me! A woman saying she has no close female friends is just about the same as saying she’s never had a boyfriend. What’s the issue? (Note: I said issue, instead of problem.) However, there are a ton of reasons a girl may not have had a boyfriend though, like bad timing, liking the wrong guys, the Chilli Syndrome, etc. The good thing is, those things can be worked through and fixed.

    I don’t think I’ve ever told a man I’m independent. For what? I think it speaks for itself. I have no problem with doing for myself, and I do it well, but I’m okay with being co-dependent. LOL. Every woman needs a man, and every man needs a woman. Companionship is important.

  • A.S.

    Re: “I Never Had A Boyfriend.” I’m glad you acknowledge the minority.
    Some heterosexual women in their twenties may have never had a boyfriend and/or may be
    virgins, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want a boyfriend or that they don’t
    desire intimacy. It also doesn’t mean that they have been out fucking
    every man-child on the block or that they are undesirable. There are more girls like
    this than many people care to acknowledge.

  • Guest

    I find your statement “What’s really awkward is the woman who is 21 and over, saying she’s not a virgin, but she’s never had a boyfriend” to contradict a post you had awhile back where you advised that women should sleep with a man the first week so they wouldn’t end up with ‘applesauce.’ Given that line of thinking, it’s quite possible for a woman who engages in sexual activity with a man the first week to indeed never had had a boyfriend. I don’t think that her sleeping with a guy the first week would qualify as noncommital sex if she is thinking that if she sleeps with him the first week she is more likely to develop a relationship with him as you implied in your post
    … For the record, I disagreed with your assertion

  • Madeleine Hunt Ehrlich

    Sisterhood not feminism?

    The problem with switching out the term feminism and replacing it with something less threatening to you as a man is it denies the fact that women, black women have some unique issues and interests that society as a whole should be concerned with: reproductive rights, equal pay etc. Sisterhood is not a strong enough ideology for men or women when it comes to stating womens rights to a certain quality of life.

  • Guest

    I find your statement “What’s really awkward is the woman who is 21 and over, saying she’s not a virgin, but she’s never had a boyfriend” to contradict a post you had awhile back where you advised that women should sleep with a man the first week so they wouldn’t end up with ‘applesauce.’ Given that line of thinking, it’s quite possible for a woman who engages in sexual activity with a man the first week to indeed never had had a boyfriend. I don’t think that her sleeping with a guy the first week would qualify as noncommital sex if she is thinking that if she sleeps with him the first week she is more likely to develop a relationship with him as you implied in your post… For the record, I disagreed with your assertion that a woman should sleep with a man the first week.

  • Musickbabi7

    i completely agree! if a man holds being feminist against a woman, then he must not have a clear idea of what feminism really means and should look it up, read a book, broaden his horizons, etc before he passes judgment. i love sisterhood, but it definitely does not carry the same weight as feminism, and i definitely wouldn’t say i prescribe to it just to make a man with little knowledge of the word feel more comfortable. i’d be up for educating him, if he’s interested.

  • http://twitter.com/isitis JP Stunner

    I used to said “I don’t get along with women” cause at the time most of the women who “acted” like my friends I found really wasn’t. I use to let a lot of BS slide and when I stop giving benefit of the doubt it was war on me. Considering these women were butting into my life and trying to “ruin” me. I thought it was best to be honest with the guy I’m dating and be warned of the drama that was following me.

    I don’t think it’s fair to jump to the conclusion that woman in question had to “be a bitch”. I certainly wasn’t. At most, I was naive and pick the wrong women to call friends. Just glad I don’t have that issue now cause the female friends I have are the best!

    I really don’t think I ever utter any of the other sayings.

  • http://twitter.com/takeoffyourkewl Melissa Severe

    I dunno about #3, I like to drank and have fun as much as the next but the club experience is typically not my thing. Half the time I find people just go to the club to be seen rather than actually dancing and having a good time! Its a hit or miss.

  • Kristinruger

    I cannot “like” this response enough!!! Well said.

  • Yvette C Jackson

    don’t knock feminists. Feminism is the only reason women can vote, get into college and choose not to be raped by their husbands. you get shallower by the post

  • Don Pitner

    good luck finding a man…

  • Anonymous

    That whole explaination would fly over a guys head like “well see what had really happened was BLAH BLAH BLAH” Guys do not care to hear your girlfriend drama and its a huge turnoff.

  • http://twitter.com/msorvam myrna orvam

    Don you make assumption that Yvette is even trying to “find a man”. Everything about her statement in terms of what feminism really is absolutely accurate. it seems to me that a lot of men equate feminism with hating men and that’s not true. Somewhere along the way the true meaning of feminism got lost in the shuffle of sexual politics.

  • Yvette C Jackson

    why would i want to find a man? i’m a fat ugly butch lesbian who doesn’t shave armpits, burns bras and castrates men in my free time…wait and you’re sure Harvard rejected you? shout out to Susan B. Anthony and bell hooks

  • Yvette C Jackson

    find it interesting that Jozen worked at King Mag and has tirelessly shown his respect video vixens yet disparages the work of feminists. never understood why men were threatened by women lobbying for equal rights and yet he wouldn’t dare take on Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson for their work in the community. you’re right it’s hoez not feminists who do more for providing resources to women like domestic violence shelters, planned parenthoods and voicing their protest again women’s lack of equal pay in the workforce. but not surprising seeing as you are catholic. god created us as an afterthought anyways ….

  • Shedropsknowledge

    lol at all the madness on the comments….clearly the man is entitled to his own opinion/perception……we all perceive things differently people…shuh-eeesh….

    anytime the word “feminism” is brought up word to mother you can expect personal essays/theses LOL…..( im sure somebody will feel so inclined to offer me some unnecessary enlightment on the joke I just made *shrugs*)

  • Shedropsknowledge

    lmao haha “stage 5 clinger”.

  • Shedropsknowledge

    lol. chill out great debater….if sexual politics isn’t your thing stop reading dude’s blog…..PROBLEM SOLVED

  • http://twitter.com/vickstahs Vicky Nguyen

    Good luck finding a woman then. Fair go, guys do not want to hear about your female drama, but I myself found the above statement that women who “say they do not get along with girls” a bit off. It’s not our fault the reality is that females can be headfucks, and this shouldn’t be news to you, either. Get with it.

  • http://twitter.com/msorvam myrna orvam

    Never said that sexual politics wasn’t my thing. I merely stated that feminism has been mistintrepted by many men as “man bashing” and feminism in its truest sense is not about that at all. As for me not reading “dude’s blog”…..not gonna happen.

  • http://twitter.com/caribbeanBleu Jinx Moneypenny

    I don’t mess with women who claim to not get along with other women. I usually hear that from the 18 and under crowd anyway, where it’s okay to say such foolishness and cosign such foolishness.

    I don’t have strong relationships with the women in my family anymore, since my mom passed, but I’m okay with that. Things have transpired between us all and we’re better off either not talking or talking briefly once a year. The women I’m not related to have been better to me.

    You’re not into feminists huh… can’t say I’m surprised. Wasn’t expecting them to be up your alley anyway.

    And uh, what’s wrong with not liking going to the club/lounge/bar? I don’t mind it but its definitely not my first choice anymore. I did that a lot from 18 – 21… not as appealing like it once was.

  • Cali

    the club thing is too dumb – as someone already stated, if a man’s only form of fun is the club he’s being very limited. I started clubbing early & was done by 22, everyone needs to find their way out of the club scene @ some point in life!

    & the feminism thing?? Oh my, you are limited… Maybe that’s why folks aren’t posting as much?

  • Sweetsass1975

    Ahem, so this whole article is about how you are a douchecanoe who has double standards (you can sleep with a eleventy million women, but they can’t also be promiscuous and live life). What about this is original? Refreshing? Nothing is ‘new’ about you.

    You think you’re on top. Whatever. Wait til you have to rename this ‘Living With Aids’ blog or… ‘How I Lost Everything Because I Owe Millions in Child Support for Thus Unknown Set of Kids.’

    Sisterhood without feminism? What is that? Makes no sense. We don’t just sit around and braid each other’s hair and have pillow fights. You watch too much porn. You have no idea what a real woman is.

  • Lina7486

    The stupidest thing on this list has got to be ” I don’t get along with other women.” I say this all the time not because I think I will earn points with the man I am speaking with, or because I screw all of my male friends, but simply because it is a matter of FACT. It is quite difficult to find women who you can call friends that aren’t catty, bitchy, and envious, but most importantly who you have common interests with. I would prefer to spend a day snowmobiling, drinking beer, and having a blast, than going to the hair salon with my girlfriends to talk about shoes, and handbags, and the color I will choose to paint my nails for the manicure. I prefer to do those things alone, and unfortunately not many women are willing to be a bit more spontaneous and enjoy the former, so ye in the end I DON’T GET ALONG WITH WOMEN.