On Keeping Count of The Number of Partners We Have Had
I used to have a friend who smoked pot. I knew him before he even picked up the habit, and I remember when he started getting into it. He had this weird little strategy to avoid being labeled a pot head. He would keep count of how many times he smoked.
According to him, so long as he knew how many times he blazed one, he couldn’t be a pothead. He claimed true potheads have no idea how many times they get high because they do it with such regularity, and he didn’t smoke regularly. Within the first three months of his habit, he claimed to have gotten high 152 times. For those not good at math, there are never less than 90 days, never more than 92, within that period of time, which means, my friend definitely developed smoked as often if not more than a regular pothead.
So what’s my point?
Sometimes a number isn’t going to tell us everything we need to know about a person, and nowhere is this more true than in the area of sexual partners.
It’s been years since I have asked a woman how many partners she’s had, and it’s been years since I cared to know. I think I learned my lesson back when I met the girl who lied to me about her number numerous times before telling me what the real one was. But another major factor that also led me to stop caring about the number of partners my partners had was when I realized I didn’t know the exact number of partners I had.
Every now and then I still get the question from a girl. Whenever the question is posed to me, I simply say I don’t know, or I give a range (which I’m not revealing here) that has gradually increased throughout the years. But it’s when I say I don’t really know the number of partners I had that I usually get this reaction: “You’ve had so many partners you lost count?”
The question is loaded but it’s also a cheap correlation. I suppose if I didn’t have a lot of partners, it would be easier to keep count. (I remember very vividly a long stretch of time when the number could fit on one hand and I was almost too excited to get to my second hand.) But, then again, I know guys who keep track of their numbers so well, they’ll be quick to blurt out crazy digits like, 126. That’s still a lot right? So is he any more noble for knowing how many women he slept with than a man like me who doesn’t know? I may not know how many partners I have had, but I’m pretty sure it’s nowhere near 126.
So I guess I’m curious to know from women if the number of partners a man has, and whether he knows that number or not, is important or telling? To put it bluntly, why even ask such a question? I know why a lot of men don’t ask. For some of us, the number 1 is one too many. What can I say? We’re sensitive about that. The other reason we don’t ask is because admittedly, even though I don’t know the number of partners I had, I fully expect a woman to know hers and if she doesn’t, I must admit, I will judge accordingly.
But for men like me, who find keeping count of the number of partners I had to be more trouble than it’s really worth, where does this information rank on a list of important things? I could be wrong here, but I kind of assume most women assume a lot of men have been with a lot of women, so even if I said I’ve only been with 10 women (not a large number by any means), she would think I’m lying. So instead, I Just say I don’t know how many partners I had. Is this a bad thing? I’m curious to know, because if it is, I’ll start trying to keep count again, although I must admit, I have no idea where I last left off.
The Process: Might have lost too much weight, going to pack some more muscle back on with some protein shakes. Anyone have suggestions on a good powder?
“The Game” Season 4, Episode 3, ‘The Wing King’: TV Recap for The Wall Street Journal. Couple typos need fixing, but I figure you can read it anyway. Click here.
Oh and if you haven’t done so already, please take the time to read my interview with MacArthur Genius recipient, and renowned jazz pianist, Jason Moran. Jason broke down the five essential jazz albums every man should have in his record collection. Thank me later! “The Until I Get Married Guide To Jazz”