This Is The Celebrity You Look Like, Take It As A Compliment
Since 2009, the most common celebrity I’ve been told I look like is Drake (Mom is now Googling Drake to see if she agrees with this). Sometimes, it’s J. Cole, but mostly, it’s Drizzy. I’m fine with that, really, because prior to Drake, it was still Chico Debarge, and he’s so washed up, I began to take the comment as an insult.
Now that my celebrity-look alike has been updated, the only question I ask when a woman tells me such a thing is, “Would you sleep with Drake?” If the woman says yes, then I thank her kindly for the compliment and of course, try to sing one of Drake’s song in her ear walk away. Do I agree with the comparison, eh, not really, it’s not in my gene pool to get a 5 o’clock shadow. But a compliment is a compliment, and unlike a lot of you women out there, I’m not about to be picky about the way I’m complimented.
Women love to disagree with their celebrity look-alikes and what’s even funnier is, the way some of them try to embrace celebrity look-alikes they don’t even look alike. Let’s talk about the latter group of women first.
We’ve all seen these types, the women who put a picture of the celebrity they think they look like in their Facebook profile picture. Ladies who do this, please stop unless you’re 100% certain people will agree with the comparison. Ever seen a woman put a picture of her alleged celebrity look-alike and then underneath there are no comments? That means she doesn’t look like the celebrity she thinks she does. She looks like a big fan of the celebrity.
Now, for the former group of women who want to disagree whenever a man tells her she looks like Anette Benning back in her younger days.
First of all, back in the day, Anette Bening was fine. Second of all, even today, Anette Bening is fine. So if I say a woman looks like Anette Bening in the 80’s or Anette Bening in The American President or Anette Bening at the upcoming 2011 Oscars, it’s a compliment. Just because you don’t see what the big deal is in her, doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal to me.
What women don’t understand is that men never age their celebrity crushes, and they never develop them based on status. For instance, Tia Carrere.
Remember her from Wayne’s World? She was fine, and pretty well known. She never made it to Hollywood It-Girl status, but she was definitely a familiar face and catching on as a household name. Of course, nowadays, Tia Carrere is a has-been. I wouldn’t even be surprised if I told a girl she looked like Tia Carrere and the girl responded with, “Thanks, but who?” What would get on my nerves is if a woman did know who Tia Carrere was and didn’t accept the compliment because she hasn’t been in anything hot since Wayne’s World. If I dated an actress and said she acted like Tia Carrere, that could be a problem, but if I say she looks like Tia Carrere just standing in my doorway, that is a compliment! I like Tia Carrere.
A couple of weeks ago, my boy told a girl she looked like Eartha Kitt. Of course, he didn’t mean Eartha Kitt from Boomerang, he meant a young Eartha Kitt. That was a compliment, and yet her response was, “I don’t watch movies like that.” She insulted not only my boy’s compliment, but her own intelligence. She’s probably the type of woman who if I told her she looked like Keri Hilson, she would dismiss the compliment because she doesn’t think she can sing. What she doesn’t understand is I can care less about how Keri Hilson sounds as a singer. I watch all her videos on mute anyway.
Guys are visual creatures and just like women, we get celebrity crushes, hell, we even have adult film star crushes, and trust me when I say, those are the best. I wish I had a chance to meet Michelle Tucker (guys, Google her) before she went all San Fernando Valley on me, but I didn’t, and so now I know I can never date her. I’m not trying to recreate the plot from The Girl Next Door, word to Emile Hirsch.
So, what do I do instead? Of course, I met a girl who was a dead ringer for Michelle Tucker. Of course, like most women, she didn’t want to accept the fact that she looked like this adult film star and therefore rejected the compliment. As I tried to explain to her, all I was saying was she looked like her, not acted like her. If she knew how many nights I spent with Michelle Tucker on my laptop screen she would understand this was a major compliment. But no, she probably would have preferred I told her she looks like Michelle Obama, and look, as much as I love our first lady, if I tell a woman she looks like Michelle Obama, I can’t say whether or not that’s a compliment. It’s more like an acknowledgment of a fact. (As it turns out, once she saw a couple of Michelle Tucker videos though, she had no choice but to agree with me.)
Ladies, look. Men aren’t as fortunate as women to get to rub shoulders with their celebrity crushes on a casual basis. A fine woman can go to a club one night where the biggest male celebrity in the world is partying, and if he spots her, she can end up sitting right by him at his table. Men, no matter how they look, rarely if ever get the same treatment from their female celebrity crushes. This is why Knotting Hill remains one of the biggest fairy tales in movie history, and take it from me, a man who has actually sat down face to face with a lot of women I’ve fantasized about, it almost never ever happens.
So what do men do instead?
Well, if we see a girl who looks like a woman we once had a poster of on our wall, we go after her. We don’t care if her celebrity look alike has now become just another pretty face in the crowd, we actually hope that’s the case, but if it isn’t, we just go for the one who looks like her. If there’s one thing guys know, most of the women on stage, on our iPod, and on our screen have a look-alike working at the local bank.
The next time I tell a woman she looks like Lark Voorhies, she shouldn’t complain about how she hasn’t been in anything good since Saved By The Bell or her outfit wasn’t that hot in the “On Bended Knee” video. I don’t care about all of that. All I know is she looked good, she still looks good, and if I say she look like Lisa Turtle, it means she looks good too. It’s a compliment! Thank me now, or thank me later.
The Process: Weigh-in and measurements this Saturday. It’ll be my first since the second week of December, and I’m anxious to see how well this exercise and eating plan has worked.
Poppin’ Questions Podcast: The 20th Episode is up now. Episode 21 will air on Monday, between now and then, please hit me on my Formspring or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for a question to be considered.