Until I Get Married

Dear Future Girlfriend Whose Name I Don’t Know Yet,

RE: Gifts You Should Never Get Me

So look here babe, before I get into this one particular thing you should never ever buy me, a quick preface.

Your clothes.

I can never ever wear one thing you own, even if it’s in a man’s version. I won’t be wearing your scrubs (if you’re a doctor), I won’t be wearing some athletic t-shirt you own. Not even if the Pittsburgh Steelers logo is emblazoned on the front and it used to belong to your brother and he’s the same size shirt as me. Perhaps the only thing of yours I will allow myself to put on is a pair of your slippers and that’s only if I have to make a quick run to the garbage chute. Even then, I’d much prefer to put on my shoes, but chances are if I’m squeezing my feet in your slippers for a 10-second jog, it’s only because I’m lazy.

I want you to remember this on Valentine’s Day. I say Valentine’s Day because it’s around the corner, but really this is for any day in which you are required to buy me a gift. Babe, the picture below is a picture of a gift I never ever want you to give me. Not ever. Understand? Good.

Your Man,

Jozen

LEVI’S EX-GIRLFRIEND JEANS

Woman, don't ever buy me these. Ever.

Picture and information courtesy of Antenna

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Poppin’ Questions Podcast: Episode 23 is up now. Episode 23 is now in the works, so please hit me on my Formspring or email me at feedback@untiligetmarried.com for a question to be considered.