Thank You For The Good Time
As you all know, a lot of my readers send me questions about damn near everything. I don’t think they send me these questions because they fancy me an expert on matters of the heart, sex, dating, or anything else. I figure they just want me to contribute my two cents to something they’ve been thinking about, then once I do, they go back to their own original take on whatever it is they asked me about.
I mean, they couldn’t possibly expect me to have a definitive answer for all of their questions, because some of them don’t really have a definitive answer. For instance, this latest question I am about to share with everyone.
I share it not because I don’t have my own thoughts, but because I think it’s topical enough where everyone can chime in down in the c-section. So here’s the question, below is my answer, and then below that, in the comments, let the person who wrote the question and myself know what you think. Remember, there is no wrong answer to this question, but there could be a funny one and we’d love to hear it.
The question goes:
Is it bad manners to not say thank you after sex?
So the very first answer that popped into my head when I received this question was, “Well, technically yes.” I mean, if we look at sex as an act of kindness (and it most certainly is), then we should be thankful and thus express as much, right?
But when we look at the context of the act of kindness, maybe saying “thank you” is unnecessary and to a certain extent snarky? Like, if this is our significant other with whom we have sex three, four, or eight times a week, must we always say “Thank you” after the act. What is she thanking me for, a job well done? She didn’t think me the last time we did, is that to say I didn’t give a performance worth thanking?
Though even if we are in a relationship and one of us doesn’t feel like doing it — we have a headache or something — but we give it up anyway, should we not say thank you? And one should always say thank you if it’s someone we barely knew, right? I know I’ve said thank you to women who have chosen to come over to my place instead of me making a trek over to there’s. A euphemism for thank you I often apply is, “Appreciate that.”
This question brought to a mind a story about one of my childhood best friends. We were right at the height of our pubescent years and starting to round the bases on girls — second base, third base, HOME PLATE! You know that stage during your teenage years where every new sexual act with someone makes you feel like you reached the top of Mount Everest.
Well, one of my best friends got to what we considered third base at the time before any of us. He received from a girl fellatio and I’ll never forget the call he made to me right after he left her place. He sounded like he won the Lotto…twice. He broke down to me what happened, but after he was finished with his story, I had a very important question to ask, since I hadn’t experienced this myself, I needed to know what to do after just in case my number was to get called.
So I asked, “Hey, did you kiss her after? Like, when you left, what did you do?”
This question was important because the girl who he did this with wasn’t his girlfriend. At this point in our lives, the only girls we were doing anything with were girlfriends, so doing something as intimate as this with a girl who wasn’t our girlfriend was still a fairly new phenomenon.
He said, “Oh hell naw, I didn’t kiss her when I left,” he said, already sounding like a veteran of the game.
“Well then, what did you do?” I pressed.
“Honestly, dude, I didn’t know what to do,” he said. “So I just said ‘Thank you’, gave her a high-five, got on my bike, and broke out..”
See? Good manners, right?
So what is it folks, ‘Thank you’ after sex, do we say it, if so, under what circumstances? If not, when did we become so rude? Is it rude at all to not say it? I don’t know, tell me. Tell the person who asked the question. I can’t wait to read these answers.
The Process: Quick, someone tell me how many minutes of jump rope is equivalent to one mile of running.
Poppin’ Questions Podcast: Episode 24 is up now (from there you can also see the new Until I Get Married Podomatic page). Episode 25 is now in the works, and will be up on Friday. Hit me on my Formspring or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for a question to be considered. A
UNTIL I GET MARRIED CONVERSATION: Thank you to everyone who participated in the #UIGM discussion on Twitter last night. We had a fun half-hour talk online about Food and Sex, which turned into a conversation specifically about condiments in the bedroom. We’re going to be hosting another one next week, same day (Wed), same time (10 pm EST). To read the tweets from last night’s #UIGM discussion, click here. And feel free to hashtag #UIGM to chime in on the discussion during off days.