The Five Most Unusual Reactions After We Did ‘It’
There’s an art to knowing how to conduct one’s self post coital, and frankly, I’m no Picasso. Usually when I’m done, if I don’t go to sleep, I clean myself up right away and find some shorts or pants to throw on. As a result, this has caused many a women some confusion. They look at me as though I’m telling them to leave, or like I’m going to leave their place. This, as one can imagine, makes things awkward.
But I must say, I know exactly how these women feel. I too have been on the receiving end of some awfully questionable and unusual reactions post-coital. These are five such moments.
So yeah, technically, this wasn’t really a reaction to what we just did, but it did happen in the immediate aftermath. I think I even mentioned this in a previous post as proof of the unbelievable standards women put on men because the phone call itself wasn’t as crazy as the actual conversation. I remember being in the bathroom getting my shower ready when I hear from the other room, “No! No! No! Where were you last night?! Because I called! And you didn’t pick up!” I walked in the room and in a regular tone, ask, “What’s wrong?” She immediately puts her hand over the phone and a finger over lips to mimic the “shhh” motion. Then goes back to yelling on the phone, “Look, I’m busy right now! I’m calling you back in 30 minutes and you BETTER pick up!” She throws the phone on the bed and sees me looking at with this quizzical face, then says, “That was my boyfriend, don’t worry about it.” I never did after that.
A Sneezing Fit
This is what happens when you have sex in the springtime during a record high pollen count with a woman who has bad allergies. It’s uncomfortable even if you knew the diagnosis.
There are women in this world who laugh or chuckle when they’re enjoying themselves in the throws of passion. I’ve been with some of these women and it’s never a bad thing, though it is a little awkward. Even more awkward was this girl who just started laughing right after we were done, it was like a heavy, breathy laugh as she was trying to catch her breath. I asked her what was so funny, fearing that she was going to say my performance, but she insisted her laughing was what happens when she’s coming down from a good experience. I don’t know if she was telling the truth or not, but I do know I’ve never heard a more uncomfortable laugh in my life.
There’s a scene in the very first episode of Californication where David Duchovny’s character, Hank Moody is in the middle of having sex with a woman when out of nowhere she punches him right in the face. Some sick fetish she had apparently. Well, I thought to myself when I saw that scene, “Only on television or in the movies would something like that happen.” Wrong. It happens in real life too, and it happened to me though in a slightly different way. Right when we were done, she punched me in the arm, and what made it weird was how bad it hurt but how I couldn’t show it hurt. I had to laugh it off and mumble to her, “Quit playing.”
Now I’ve heard of one of the people getting up to fix the other person a sandwich or some breakfast or get a glass of water. But chores? Never saw a such thing until this one girl who was over at my place and while I was taking a nap, takes out my vacuum, goes into my living room, and starts getting her cleaning lady on. I wasn’t upset she woke me up, but I was rather surprised. Then I was insulted when I walked into the living room and asked her why she was doing all of this. She said, “Your carpet was filthy.” She had a point, but she didn’t have to say it.
The Process: Quick, someone tell me how many minutes of jump rope is equivalent to one mile of running. Doing a check in on the process tomorrow, but I’m pleased with everything, lost a lot of weight without managing to look like I lost a lot of weight.
Poppin’ Questions Podcast: Episode 25 is up now (from there you can also see the new Until I Get Married Podomatic page). Episode 26 is now in the works, and will be up on Friday. Hit me on my Formspring or email me at email@example.com for a question to be considered. A