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What Happens When You Stay With Someone You Don’t Love

The easy answer to the question I pose in the title of today’s post is we just break up with that person. Right? Why waste our time and energy being devoted to someone we don’t love?

But I think if it was an easy question to answer, I wouldn’t be asking. Also, I only ask because I have answer of my own to the question, and I want to write it out here to bounce it off my readers. But first, an explanation as to why I believe the obvious answer isn’t necessarily the easiest one.

I have been told by more than several people, if you cheat on someone, you never really loved them. Maybe this is true, though I would disagree. I cheated on a woman I loved. I think the problem was it was a matter of not loving her enough, and when I say enough I mean more than I loved myself.

But still, I loved her. Even in hindsight, which we all know is 20/20, I think back to everything and I say to myself, Yep, that was love. To be honest, when it was revealed I did cheat and I saw the pain it caused, I was almost taken aback by how stupid I felt. I had to ask myself the question a thousand times, Did I really love her as much as I said I did and if I did, what to make of my actions? She would always tell me I didn’t love her, and explain it away by pointing to my indiscretion. I never thought it was fair, especially after we were trying to move on. The chorus line with her became so redundant it almost made me feel like she was projecting onto me her own feelings.

Once the relationship was over, I decided never again would I try to make it work with someone I cheated on. If I cheated on a woman, I’m leaving her just as soon as I get done. I made this decision because the last woman I cheated on convinced me it’s not an act you commit against people you love. And this is why I titled today’s post with the question, “What Happens When You Stay With Someone You Don’t Love?”

Whenever we have someone who seems to be a good match for us, but we don’t have that strong feeling towards them, what do other people say? Usually something like, “Well, you may not feel that way now but you can grow to love them or feel differently later.” Yeah, that seems so nice to say, and honestly, it doesn’t even sound unfathomable. We all can grow into our feelings for someone, but in the meantime, in between that time of acknowledging they’re not really the type of person we’re going to fall in love with, and that point where we are making an effort to do so, what is bound to happen? Well, my answer is, I think we might cheat on them.

I always tell people one of the main reasons I haven’t been in a relationship since my ex is when I saw what I was capable of doing to someone I said I loved, I had to take some time to figure out how strong love is and isn’t. One of the things I have come away with is the idea that if we stay with someone we don’t love, we are going to cheat on them.

Is this foolish to believe or does it make sense? Does it make as much sense as the theory that if we loved someone we wouldn’t cheat on them? Please discuss, in a civil manner.

I’m all eyes.


The Process: Thanks to everyone for the shin splints advice, I’m applying some of it like, taking a couple days off from running and icing them down. When I start back up, I feel like I have no choice but to run on softer ground. I really love my route, but the concrete jungle is causing serious problems. Also, my trainer suggested I take five days off from lifting weights, and do so every month at least. The extra time in the morning is welcomed.

Poppin’ Questions Podcast: Now up, Episode 29! Click here to listen. Hit me on my Formspring or email me at for a question to be considered for Episode 30. I’m recording it today, so if your question doesn’t get on, maybe it will be considered for Episode 31 being recorded later this week.

See a mistake? Hit me here,

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  • Crew294

    Hi Sania, i need someone like you, i need to talk to you. I’m having the same problem. You can message me on my email aziel_miranda@yahoo.con

  • Eazy G

    Leave them! The Stress and thoughts of not being Free will Kill you.

  • Carolyn .L. Martinez

    May be someone out there knows what i am talking about and know how its like to be invisible mostly by the one person you are in love with. I was in love an unhappy married man.His marriage was going to limbo and i was the only one there for him. He only saw me as a friend but he was more than that to me. I wish i had the heart to tell him before the went ahead and got married then, may be he would never had be unhappy and may be we both would have been together. Yeah it turned out i was too much or a chicken. Though we are together now literally because of the spell Metodo Acamu a very powerful spell caster i must say helped me cast to make him love me just as i loved him. A lot of people may have different opinion as to if what is did is wrong or right but really, it do not matter because he was in pain and his life was falling to pieces and i was his friend who was in love with him. I knew he was going to be happy with me and he is now. For the first time in three years i have he really happy i mean he tells me every time how free he feels . We are perfect together and i know we are always going to be like this. This would not be the case if not for the spell Metodo Acamu helped me cast. All that was required of me were just the materials that was going to be used to prepare the spell and note Metodo Acamu does not do spells for money i wish i knew why but i do not. He told me that i should get the materials needed for the spell preparing he told me to get them myself and if i can’t find the materials all i had to do was send the total cost for it so he can help me. It wasn’t easy to get them but i found them but it took a lot form me i would advice against getting them yourself because there are not only hard to but also difficult to mail believe me. I am only writing this short article for those out there with problems similar to the one i had. If you want to contact him use this email its what i used metodoacamufortressx@(yahoo). com rewrite this email in the usual email standard form for use…,,/////

  • kate davies

    My name is katedavies ,i live in Florida,USA,and I’m happily
    married to a lovely and caring husband ,with two kids.A very big problem
    occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so
    terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he
    never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn’t love me anymore.So
    he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through
    severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much
    begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his
    decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was
    coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my
    husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only
    way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has
    really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no
    other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email
    address of the spell caster whom he
    visite [DR ADUDU] So the next morning,i sent a mail
    to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will
    get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never
    believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do.
    Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn’t call me
    for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was
    coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with
    lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain
    he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was
    now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i
    will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website ,if
    you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to
    “bringing your ex back. So thanks to the Dr ADUDU for bringing back my
    husband ,and brought great joy to my family once again. [DR ADUDU], Thanks………

  • Martha.k.Jones

    [ This is the only i can help all those with relationship issues that is by tell my story how and what caused my marital problem and how i was able to retore and save my marriage and made my husband love with selflessly after all the heart ache. Upon all that i claim to know about this world and its forces,only recently i got to understand that i really don’t know anything about anything. #This world is bigger and meaner that how we picture it ti be. #I mean where your own sister can have an affair with your husband with the intention of wanting to take your place and your family and still can say she loves you to to your face is pretty mean.I am glad met Obudun Magonata an enchanter at the time i did because i would never had confirm my suspicion about my husband and my sister. #He help me uncover the truth that was withheld form me with his enchantment and his advice on how to go about the issue and how to get back my husband and save my marriage. #My husband unfaithfulness was not new to me, i knew he always cheating on me with other ladies but he always came back to me no matter what he always did. As much as i could, i try a lot not to think about all he does because nothing hurts more than knowing that your husband is having an affair with someone else because she is younger or more sexy or thinks she is a better lover than you that bore his children. I could not leave because i loved him and knew he loved me too somewhere in his heart. We have been like this for six years now and wouldn’t have been able to say i was the happiest woman alive because really as much as we are talking about happiness i never knew marriages had happily ever after. #Yeah some may say there is no such thing but believe me there is and Obudun Magonata helped me find it. I notice during our time together that my husband only get too careful when he is getting close to someone i may know or know most women know what i mean. Like he want to make you see he doesn’t have anything connection to that person but act it too much to make you realize that something is actually going between them and the person in question. It was my secret to know what he is up too when he is around ladies i know or may have just seen for the first time. that was how i knew my sister and my husband were up to something. But my sister being smart knew i had my suspicion did all in her power to hide the truth from me. I hoped to the blue sea that i was wrong that that nothing was going on being that my suspicious heart was playing with my head. #I could not confirm it but in my heart i knew they were having an affair. I did all the framing of question stuff about cheating spouse and asking if she could do that but really no one fall for that. I could not confront her when i knew nothing because growing up we learnt before pointing a finger at family you must to bent sure about the situation and i was not sure or at least i nothing really that told me my thought are true. All my effort went south and my private investigator got nothing at all don’t know how that even happened. I explored all other option that failed also. But then ,for the first came across some comments in a lot of forums talking about an enchanter Obudun Magonata and the things he had done to help people and how it all worked out for them, contact him and pleaded with him to help me out. I needed to know what my husband and sister were up to. He confirmed that they were not only having an affair but she wanted my husband to leave me to be with her leaving me her sister heart broken in so may ways. He told me how they met and where they met that made my private investigation fail. #And upon what Obudun Magonata told me i cut and their affair was all out in the wind.It broke my heart to know my husband and mostly my sister could really get involved with my husband. I mostly my sister i mean out of all the men in Chicago you pick your brother-in-law? i was hurt sad and mostly mad at my sister. #Cos i love them both unconditionally how hard was it for them to love me back. Even with all that was going on my husband told me he was not sure if he still love me after 6 years o our marriage. I knew he was leaving me for my sister he thought she was a better love than i was and there was nothing i could do about it at least that was what i thought. After so many hours of talking on the phone with Obudun Magonata tell him how i still want to save my marriage and wanted my husband to love me as i do him,he asked me put my hopes on him he was going to do an enchantment for me to fix all my problem. I provided some materials was needed for the enchantment as i was directed to do. He did the enchantment and i got a package from him its content was of how i as going to make the enchantment work and become effective. I follow every instruction and just after four day they ended their affair and grew this kind of dislike for themselves it was all over the place everyone could see what happened and as surprised as i was, i was also glad the enchantment also made my husband love be back selflessly just as did and still do. #Obudun Magonata change my husband, made him mine again and help me fix my life. Obudun Magonata is my hero i mean i am forever in his debt but still he did not ask anything from me. Please Note all that was require of me was materials for the enchantment of which was able to get so he help me with the to cost i sent to without any form of persuasion. If you contact him for help maybe you will also need some materials for the enchantment. You can us this address to contact spiritsofobudunmagonata {@} yahoo {dot} com rewrite email to standard form. This is not forever one to read who ever reads this comment and relate to it fine but if you don’t well move on do not waste your time on it ok. Just saying to avoid misunderstanding ]

  • Melissa91

    Hello Everyone my Name is Melissa from United States NYC, I do hope my post gets read and hopefully helps somebody along the line. I will never forget the help Prophet Iyare render to me in my marital life. i have been married for 4 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how Prophet Iyare help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email ( iyareyaresolutiontemple@gmail. com ) of Prophet Iyare i told him my problems and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self i did after 30 minus he called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 48 hours. he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage that the only thing i have to do is to but the materials needed for my work, he listed the materials to me and ask me to buy them and i did. My greatest surprise was my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don’t you give Prophet Iyare a try they work surprises because i know they will also bring back your husband. if you need his help to get any of your problems solved just contact him at iyareyaresolutiontemple@gmail. com . God bless and reward you for the great work Prophet.

  • Looking for help

    I haven’t been cheated on but is it selfish for me to consider leaving someone after five years and they’re not trying to get married and I want to be married. I love him with all my heart but he doesn’t want the same things I want to do I leave or do I stay?

  • Shirley

    I fell in love with a married man, we did not set out to fall in love with each other. It just happened. He left her and moved in with me for a little while. We were so much in love. I never, never wanted to her her nor did he. We just wanted to be happy. And he really wanted her to find happiness too with someone else someday like he did. But because his mother was so upset and his family turned on him, and his son of course was mad at him , and this man has the sweetest, kindest heart in the world, he couldn’t stand that he hurt them. And that made me love him even more. He had been married to her for over 30 plus years and it was hard for him to hurt her,but I believe if your not happy in your marriage and you find someone that you truly do fall in love with ,and he tells you he loves someone else, why would you want him back? If he really loved the wife he never would have cheated on her. But this man was made to feel he didn’t have the right to love anyone else but her. Not saying he didn’t care about her, but didn’t have that burning , passionate kind of love.. our love for each other was so strong that we had such a connection like neither of us has ever known. I sent him back home to her because I couldn’t stand to see his family hurt him no more. If he doesn’t love you let him go and be happy. Why would you want him when he has told u he loves someone else else? We still talk everyday. And still see each other. Nothing will stop us because we will always love one another. And be a part of each other’s life.let him go and find someone else to love. Don’t be in a loveless marriage.

  • Bonson

    I believe that God created people with love but the devil changed people depending on what they are valuing the most in their lives. I can ask you, how did you survived for those 15 years ago? Were you in pain or you are not feeling something you used to feel for him? If you feel that because you know there is someone there who will directly take you as soon as you leave your husband, you need to pray because you should take the wrong way ever

  • Lovemedearly

    God, I’m dating this one guy. He’s my ex’s cousin. I loved my ex very much but he slept with me multiple times and dumped me for another woman. I still somewhat have feelings for him, and then his cousin comes into the picture. I felt like I had strong feelings for him, but now that the relationship is progressing I’m slowly discovering that afterall I don’t care for this person as much as i thought i did. Being with them makes me have a strange feeling and I have no idea what to do. I can’t leave him. So should I stay with him and see if the feeling passes?

  • Lovemedearly

    Honestly, I would have a conversation with him. Tell him how you feel. Maybe, once he sees your side of the story he will have a better understanding.

  • Amadeus Moisl


  • Ch an please email me, im going through the same thing and i need help