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What Happens When You Stay With Someone You Don’t Love

The easy answer to the question I pose in the title of today’s post is we just break up with that person. Right? Why waste our time and energy being devoted to someone we don’t love?

But I think if it was an easy question to answer, I wouldn’t be asking. Also, I only ask because I have answer of my own to the question, and I want to write it out here to bounce it off my readers. But first, an explanation as to why I believe the obvious answer isn’t necessarily the easiest one.

I have been told by more than several people, if you cheat on someone, you never really loved them. Maybe this is true, though I would disagree. I cheated on a woman I loved. I think the problem was it was a matter of not loving her enough, and when I say enough I mean more than I loved myself.

But still, I loved her. Even in hindsight, which we all know is 20/20, I think back to everything and I say to myself, Yep, that was love. To be honest, when it was revealed I did cheat and I saw the pain it caused, I was almost taken aback by how stupid I felt. I had to ask myself the question a thousand times, Did I really love her as much as I said I did and if I did, what to make of my actions? She would always tell me I didn’t love her, and explain it away by pointing to my indiscretion. I never thought it was fair, especially after we were trying to move on. The chorus line with her became so redundant it almost made me feel like she was projecting onto me her own feelings.

Once the relationship was over, I decided never again would I try to make it work with someone I cheated on. If I cheated on a woman, I’m leaving her just as soon as I get done. I made this decision because the last woman I cheated on convinced me it’s not an act you commit against people you love. And this is why I titled today’s post with the question, “What Happens When You Stay With Someone You Don’t Love?”

Whenever we have someone who seems to be a good match for us, but we don’t have that strong feeling towards them, what do other people say? Usually something like, “Well, you may not feel that way now but you can grow to love them or feel differently later.” Yeah, that seems so nice to say, and honestly, it doesn’t even sound unfathomable. We all can grow into our feelings for someone, but in the meantime, in between that time of acknowledging they’re not really the type of person we’re going to fall in love with, and that point where we are making an effort to do so, what is bound to happen? Well, my answer is, I think we might cheat on them.

I always tell people one of the main reasons I haven’t been in a relationship since my ex is when I saw what I was capable of doing to someone I said I loved, I had to take some time to figure out how strong love is and isn’t. One of the things I have come away with is the idea that if we stay with someone we don’t love, we are going to cheat on them.

Is this foolish to believe or does it make sense? Does it make as much sense as the theory that if we loved someone we wouldn’t cheat on them? Please discuss, in a civil manner.

I’m all eyes.


The Process: Thanks to everyone for the shin splints advice, I’m applying some of it like, taking a couple days off from running and icing them down. When I start back up, I feel like I have no choice but to run on softer ground. I really love my route, but the concrete jungle is causing serious problems. Also, my trainer suggested I take five days off from lifting weights, and do so every month at least. The extra time in the morning is welcomed.

Poppin’ Questions Podcast: Now up, Episode 29! Click here to listen. Hit me on my Formspring or email me at feedback@untiligetmarried.com for a question to be considered for Episode 30. I’m recording it today, so if your question doesn’t get on, maybe it will be considered for Episode 31 being recorded later this week.

See a mistake? Hit me here, typos@untiligetmarried.com

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  • Crew294

    Hi Sania, i need someone like you, i need to talk to you. I’m having the same problem. You can message me on my email aziel_miranda@yahoo.con

  • Eazy G

    Leave them! The Stress and thoughts of not being Free will Kill you.