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What Happens When You Stay With Someone You Don’t Love

The easy answer to the question I pose in the title of today’s post is we just break up with that person. Right? Why waste our time and energy being devoted to someone we don’t love?

But I think if it was an easy question to answer, I wouldn’t be asking. Also, I only ask because I have answer of my own to the question, and I want to write it out here to bounce it off my readers. But first, an explanation as to why I believe the obvious answer isn’t necessarily the easiest one.

I have been told by more than several people, if you cheat on someone, you never really loved them. Maybe this is true, though I would disagree. I cheated on a woman I loved. I think the problem was it was a matter of not loving her enough, and when I say enough I mean more than I loved myself.

But still, I loved her. Even in hindsight, which we all know is 20/20, I think back to everything and I say to myself, Yep, that was love. To be honest, when it was revealed I did cheat and I saw the pain it caused, I was almost taken aback by how stupid I felt. I had to ask myself the question a thousand times, Did I really love her as much as I said I did and if I did, what to make of my actions? She would always tell me I didn’t love her, and explain it away by pointing to my indiscretion. I never thought it was fair, especially after we were trying to move on. The chorus line with her became so redundant it almost made me feel like she was projecting onto me her own feelings.

Once the relationship was over, I decided never again would I try to make it work with someone I cheated on. If I cheated on a woman, I’m leaving her just as soon as I get done. I made this decision because the last woman I cheated on convinced me it’s not an act you commit against people you love. And this is why I titled today’s post with the question, “What Happens When You Stay With Someone You Don’t Love?”

Whenever we have someone who seems to be a good match for us, but we don’t have that strong feeling towards them, what do other people say? Usually something like, “Well, you may not feel that way now but you can grow to love them or feel differently later.” Yeah, that seems so nice to say, and honestly, it doesn’t even sound unfathomable. We all can grow into our feelings for someone, but in the meantime, in between that time of acknowledging they’re not really the type of person we’re going to fall in love with, and that point where we are making an effort to do so, what is bound to happen? Well, my answer is, I think we might cheat on them.

I always tell people one of the main reasons I haven’t been in a relationship since my ex is when I saw what I was capable of doing to someone I said I loved, I had to take some time to figure out how strong love is and isn’t. One of the things I have come away with is the idea that if we stay with someone we don’t love, we are going to cheat on them.

Is this foolish to believe or does it make sense? Does it make as much sense as the theory that if we loved someone we wouldn’t cheat on them? Please discuss, in a civil manner.

I’m all eyes.


The Process: Thanks to everyone for the shin splints advice, I’m applying some of it like, taking a couple days off from running and icing them down. When I start back up, I feel like I have no choice but to run on softer ground. I really love my route, but the concrete jungle is causing serious problems. Also, my trainer suggested I take five days off from lifting weights, and do so every month at least. The extra time in the morning is welcomed.

Poppin’ Questions Podcast: Now up, Episode 29! Click here to listen. Hit me on my Formspring or email me at feedback@untiligetmarried.com for a question to be considered for Episode 30. I’m recording it today, so if your question doesn’t get on, maybe it will be considered for Episode 31 being recorded later this week.

See a mistake? Hit me here, typos@untiligetmarried.com

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  • Crew294

    Hi Sania, i need someone like you, i need to talk to you. I’m having the same problem. You can message me on my email aziel_miranda@yahoo.con

  • Eazy G

    Leave them! The Stress and thoughts of not being Free will Kill you.

  • Carolyn .L. Martinez

    May be someone out there knows what i am talking about and know how its like to be invisible mostly by the one person you are in love with. I was in love an unhappy married man.His marriage was going to limbo and i was the only one there for him. He only saw me as a friend but he was more than that to me. I wish i had the heart to tell him before the went ahead and got married then, may be he would never had be unhappy and may be we both would have been together. Yeah it turned out i was too much or a chicken. Though we are together now literally because of the spell Metodo Acamu a very powerful spell caster i must say helped me cast to make him love me just as i loved him. A lot of people may have different opinion as to if what is did is wrong or right but really, it do not matter because he was in pain and his life was falling to pieces and i was his friend who was in love with him. I knew he was going to be happy with me and he is now. For the first time in three years i have he really happy i mean he tells me every time how free he feels . We are perfect together and i know we are always going to be like this. This would not be the case if not for the spell Metodo Acamu helped me cast. All that was required of me were just the materials that was going to be used to prepare the spell and note Metodo Acamu does not do spells for money i wish i knew why but i do not. He told me that i should get the materials needed for the spell preparing he told me to get them myself and if i can’t find the materials all i had to do was send the total cost for it so he can help me. It wasn’t easy to get them but i found them but it took a lot form me i would advice against getting them yourself because there are not only hard to but also difficult to mail believe me. I am only writing this short article for those out there with problems similar to the one i had. If you want to contact him use this email its what i used metodoacamufortressx@(yahoo). com rewrite this email in the usual email standard form for use…,,/////

  • kate davies

    My name is katedavies ,i live in Florida,USA,and I’m happily
    married to a lovely and caring husband ,with two kids.A very big problem
    occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so
    terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he
    never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn’t love me anymore.So
    he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through
    severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much
    begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his
    decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was
    coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my
    husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only
    way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has
    really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no
    other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email
    address of the spell caster whom he
    visite [DR ADUDU] So the next morning,i sent a mail
    to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will
    get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never
    believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do.
    Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn’t call me
    for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was
    coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with
    lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain
    he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was
    now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i
    will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website ,if
    you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to
    “bringing your ex back. So thanks to the Dr ADUDU for bringing back my
    husband ,and brought great joy to my family once again. [DR ADUDU], Thanks………