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The Sneaky People Who Stay In Our System

So I just finished reading the book, “One Day” by David Nicholls; a solid read about two people — Dexter Mayhew and Emma Morley — who meet on July 15, 1988. The book then follows their journey for the next 20 years on that specific day, each chapter taking place a year to the day later. Sometimes they are apart and sometimes they are together.

I won’t get into what happens to the two of them, but for those who want to find out, read the book or wait for the movie which will come out sometime early Summer and stars Ann Hathaway as Emma.

What I will get into is how reading Emma and Dexter’s story made me think a lot about relationships we keep forever, though never planned to. The way some people sneak into our system and stay there for years.

Sometimes, I wonder what that’s all about, the people who remain in our hearts and minds no matter how far removed we are from them and the time we’ve spent with them. Emma and Dexter are not two people who fall in love with one another instantly. Heck, they don’t even think there is going to be a future with one another beyond the first night they shared. So year after year, when they find each other still around, or thinking about each other, they’re slightly taken aback.

For Emma and Dexter, things start off casual enough, with what is a planned one night stand. But sometimes, the relationships we share with someone don’t need to begin with such a bang (no pun intended). Like Dexter and Emma, we don’t need to be completely sprung on a moment’s notice for someone to stay in our lives. Meeting them was pleasant enough but no fireworks. We think, they’re just a friend and there they shall remain.

But what happens when there is struggle in that friendship, when we begin to feel as though this friend with whom we’re arguing is more trouble than they’re worth? We separate ourselves, in good mind that we have outgrown each other and the person we thought was a friend for life is only a friend for this brief time in our lives. We think, they’re not the person we’re going to marry, so why even bother?

I think the answers here differ for us all. We choose who we want in our lives and we choose who we want out of our lives. There are certain people who I felt were going to be around forever but when enough was enough, we said so and now we move on forever apart. Then there are those who I thought would be out of my life and still found a way to stay there, and those people are the most fascinating. I’m not talking about best friends, the people we’re closest to and with whom we have deep bonds and experiences.

I’m talking about people who are not our best friends, not our lovers, and not our family. They have no strings to our lives, but still, they’re here, right here. What is to come of these relationships and if they ever fall apart, how will that be?

In “One Day”, Emma and Dexter’s time together is like a roller coaster with ups and downs, twists and turns. But no matter how rough the ride, the two stay course, careful never to derail entirely from each others life. They submit themselves into becoming best friends with one another, and that’s what I found most fascinating, how though they never quite force themselves to stay together, but so diligently avoid staying apart. That’s kind of what I mean by the people who stay in our system.

I’m not talking about being on someone’s mind or in someone’s heart, I’m talking about being a part of someone’s being to the point where they stay with us without even thinking about. I have people like that in my life, and I’m old enough to be aware of them but young enough to wonder how did they get here and how long will they stay? These people, who lie somewhere between our closest friend and our most intimate lover, but are as essential to us as any friend or lover can be.

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  • Blacklily624

    Great post, but where’s the podcast Jozen!!! Lol :))

  • Blacklily624

    Great post, but where’s the podcast Jozen!!! Lol :))

  • Blacklily624

    Great post, but where’s the podcast Jozen!!! Lol :))

  • guest

    that’s why i don’t trust new yorkers.

  • Lay Lay

    One Day was a very fine read and gave me pause to examine the relationships I have taken for granted…

  • Lay Lay

    One Day was a very fine read and gave me pause to examine the relationships I have taken for granted…

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  • Jewelz

    purchasing this book now

  • LadyConquerer

    Wow… I must read this. Totally living this right now. GREAT POST Jozen.

  • Stillsoulful

    I’ve wondered about such a thing with even friends that I have now, like how we made it to the point where we are now when those friendships started off shaky at bests or started and the when where and why is a blur of yesteryear. Love the post.

  • solidgold78

    I just read this book also! I figured they’d make a movie out of it. At first I thought it was that movie with kate hudson because the guy is named Dex in that movie. But I digress….

    This is an interesting take on the book. I’ve actually been dealing with trying to get someone out of my system as well. I don’t know why he’s there, or why it’s so hard to shake him. Hopefully this will happen sooner rather than later!

  • mastery2063

    This post hits close to home…a lot of people wonder why most of my exes become my friends and this explains why. We have realized that while we may not be able to work it out as a couple, I feel like you can never have too many “good people” in your life that support your dreams, understand your flaws, respect your passions and love you anyway. I am dealing with this now with one of my exes…it becomes a major problem when you want to try again and they do as well, however, one party is in a relationship…whoomp, whoomp!

  • Mouf Peace

    ooh i definitely want to cop that book! funny, a similar situation just happened to me recently.

  • Kookie

    I always visit your site but never comment (don’t judge me!) but this time around this post got me! It came at the right time and right place I guess. From your post regarding Jay Z’s verse on moon & sky to this post about how people stay in our lives…there’s a running theme there for me. You described exactly what I thought about a particular person and what I was going through with that person. I normally can articulate ish in writing but failed in this instance, it was nice to come here and find that you had done t for me. Thanks! 🙂

  • Kady

    Bought this book, Perfect timing too. There are certain Dexters in my life, I am not even sure how me and these guys maintain a friendship but we do. Had a falling out with one about 3 years and ago and actually wrote an email to catch up. Pretty funny considering the style of the book. You should recommend more books!

  • Fit for Fashion

    I read One Day about a year ago and thought it was remarkable! I didn’t know there was a movie coming out. That’s great and I can’t wait to see it. Great post!

  • Style Chic 360

    I stumbled upon your blog…Wow, this book sounds quite interesting. I shall get this one. Nice post!