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Why Would She Send A Text Message Saying She’s Pregnant

I want to call attention to a disturbing trend I have noticed amongst one half of the text messaging populous.

We can talk all day about the ways people have allowed text messaging to get out of hand. I hear the complaint especially from women about how guys don’t pick up the phone anymore. They never call, they only text. When they text, their spelling is awful. Back and forth we go, punching keys, touching screens, shortening words in an attempt to express complete thoughts.

Yes indeed, things are out of control. It’s not about how often we text, but how much of our life we want to text away. Texting is cool, but must we text so much? What, if anything at all, is a subject we should never text about? These are serious questions because I have three friends who recently have been sent text messages from women about things that frankly, shouldn’t be discussed over the screens of our cell phones.

The first text message was sent to a friend of mine in the middle of the night; some girl he had hooked up with a couple of times. This was about two weeks after they stopped hooking up somewhat abruptly. He was trying to get a hold of her a couple of times, but to no avail, so he made up his mind to move on. But then comes this text message. The girl asked him via text message if he had any STIs. As my friend tells me, he was half asleep when he got the text, full awake when he read the text. He didn’t even think to respond to her with a text. Instead, he called her back immediately, but the phone rang, then went to voice mail. My boy was recently tested, so he knew his status was clear, but what he really wanted to know is why this woman was texting him so late at night with a question of this magnitude.

He sent her a text backing explaining his recent test and wanting to know why she was asking this question over text. She said people who knew him were saying something different. Again, she said this with a text message. Again, he called her back. Again, she did not pick up. He responded with another text message telling her he had no idea who she was talking about and if she really wanted to talk about it, she needs to call him instead of texting him. She said she would call him the next day or later on in the evening.

My friend told me that’s when he put his phone on silent and went right back to sleep. Not only did he know whoever was saying something about him was telling a lie, but he also knew the situation wasn’t dire because who would ever tell someone they slept with that they got an STI by sending a text message. As my friend said, no doctor’s office sends test results to their patients with a text message that says, “You’re good.” My friend insisted the girl get tested herself, and she obliged. When the test results came back and it was revealed she was good, he told her to never call him or text him again for anything.

Two of my other friends reacted the same way when two women they were dealing with sent them text messages to tell them they were pregnant. Both instances, my friends never responded with a text. They did what I assume most reasonable adults would do, they called the women and told them to explain everything. One of the girls said she actually wasn’t pregnant but thought she might be because she was “late”. He told her to get a pregnancy test and when she and the result was negative he told her to lose his number.

My other friend who had a woman tell him she was pregnant through a text message was a different story. When he called her she said she did get a pregnancy test and it came out positive. She said she went to the doctor and it came out positive. Initially, when my friend told me the news he told me all these details about this woman with whom he only had a one night stand. I told him to calm down and assured him there was no evidence the child was his. He needed to make her take a DNA test because he hadn’t heard from the girl since they last hooked up so there was no telling who else it could be. I also pointed out that all of these tests she said she got were not done with anybody around. She could have been making all of it up just to get his attention. After all, after their tryst she attempted to see him again, but he casually ignored her.

But none of these factors were more telling the woman was making up this whole pregnancy thing up to me more than when he told me how she told him she was pregnant. I asked him, “How did she tell you?” He said, “Text message.”

I nearly threw the phone across the room, but kept it in my hand and told him, “Man, look. She’s not pregnant or she is and she doesn’t quite know it’s yours. Either way, you have nothing to worry about.” My boy, still worried and jarred from the news asked why, to which I said, “If a woman is really pregnant she doesn’t tell you something like that over text message. The news is too important. She would only be so passive aggressive if she was making it up to get attention or wasn’t sure if it was yours.” He said he understood my point, but he would take a wait and see approach. He tried to reach out to her and didn’t hear back from her.

About two weeks later, he sends me a text message, this time a forwarded text message from a number I didn’t recognize. The text message said, “No worries. You’re good.” I called him and asked what that message was about. He said it was from the girl who told him she was pregnant with his child. She sent him a text message to tell him not to worry because as it turns out, she wasn’t pregnant. He told her to lose his number too.

In the magazine business, whenever the same thing happens three times in three different instances, it’s considered a trend and thus deserves a closer look to consider some coverage. I write this post today because of the three different instances I noticed a disturbing pattern of women telling men some important news through a text message instead of a phone call. As we can see, men really aren’t into this phenomenon, and I certainly wouldn’t say all women are suddenly into sending men pregnancy news or STI statuses via text message. At least, I would certainly hope they’re not. Unless of course, it’s acceptable for men to start proposing with text messages that read, “Will U Marry Me?!” But I seriously doubt a woman would ever take me seriously if I asked such a question through a text message.

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  • Guest

    I had a friend send a text to announce her pregnancy to the father of the child because she was afraid to say anything over the phone. First of all, they barely knew each other. But she was always annoyed that she was pregnant in at ALL. She also texted him a request for half of the money needed for an abortion. He thought she was playing or lying, because no one would send this as a text. His daughter just celebrated her 6th birthday. One of the girls on “16 and Pregnant” announced her pregnancy to her mom in the same manner… a text. Don’t sleep on people telling the truth via that medium. It happens. And never trust someone telling you not to worry once she says something like that. Some men take it that the girl has had an abortion. That is not always the case. I have an acquaintance who said such a thing so the father didn’t ask for an abortion. She told him about the child only when she needed to get a passport to take her child on a vacation to see her family in Trinidad. That kid was 3 years old.

  • Ghost

    I actually had a female text me something like this. We were just talking, to see where things could lead. She didn’t talk to me for a few days. The out of the blue I get a text that said “would u still be with me if im preggo?” (spelling and grammar are the same as the text was, because I will never forget it). I read the text and called her right back and no answer. I not even knowhow many text I sent her. I do know I called for two hours straight. When she finally answered the phone, she told me she was pregnant. I had never had sex with her, so I told her to lose my number.

  • http://www.adivastateofmind.com A Diva State of Mind

    To text someone that you’re pregnant or to inquire about STIs is tacky and inconsiderate. These are definitely topics that should be discussed over the phone or in person. know we’re a social media society so we live using twitter, Facebook and text to communicate, but the phone isn’t off limits. Some things are just too important to not handle any other way than over the phone or in person.

  • http://profiles.google.com/tjbennett15 Timia Bennett

    Women are not the only ones who have this problem. This guy I was dating sent me a text to tell me the girl he dated before me was pregnant. I figured it was his passive aggressive way of being honest and also getting rid of me. Although he did eventually call, a couple weeks later to explain. People have gotten far too comfortable with text and social media. Last year I got a wedding invite through Facebook events. Tacky, yes, but it doesn’t make the information any less credible. In my case, I understood when he got the news he didn’t know how to handle it and in turn had no answers for me so he chose the path that would lead to the least communication until he figured it out. Once he did decide to have a real conversation about it with me I thanked him for being honest and wished him the best of luck but I had no further words for him.

  • me

    Well first of all, sometimes, it’s hard to get people to answer the phone. Trying to contact via text is usually the next option. However, I think the normal person would say, “Hey, are you busy? I really need to talk to you,” or something similar. You can’t just start off with “I’m pregnant.”

    At the same token, texting might reduce the anxiety of relating life-changing information because you can totally compose your thoughts beforehand. I think some people get really freaked out by situations like this and don’t necessarily know what to say or how the guy will respond. Again though, I don’t think you should jump right in to the big news, that just doesn’t make sense.

  • Thatgyrl3

    Being pregnant by a guy that isn’t a stand up guy and doesn’t want to have a child with you is a scary thing. if a woman sends a text does not speak to the validity of what she is saying.

  • A/S

    Never happened to anyone I know as far as I know, but I did have a lady friend who pre-arranged with another friend of hers to have the “I’m preggos” conversation via text, so he could get this chick to leave him alone. Convoluted? Yeah, that’s how I felt. SMH.

  • guest

    My *mother* thought I was telling her I was pregnant via email. That was hilarious.

    I wouldn’t do that to her, or the baby’s dad, but it’s still bad to get a “we need to talk” text, especially if you usually have nothing to talk about.

  • http://twitter.com/divynthought Divyn Scorpio

    What. In. The. Hell. Who ARE these women?? Telling a dude you’re pregnant via text and lying about it?? That is beyond insane. But here’s a better question: um, why are your friends making such piss poor choices in women?? lol #youarewhatyoueat #justsayin

  • http://www.max-logic.com/ maxfab

    Those women need a hard slap. That’s all I have to say.

  • http://twitter.com/ValStyle Valerie Idehen

    these chicks are mad suspect. Run!

  • Guest

    that’s why it’s safer to stay single nowadays.

  • http://lukeradio.com Host

    Single doesn’t mean no pregnancy scare… it may just mean a lot more

  • http://lukeradio.com Luke

    As a guy, I am glad you are saying this. I see dudes making dumb decisions about woman all the time saying “I don’t discriminate”. Guess what…a ho is a ho and the Clap doesn’t discriminate either. Unless the definition of a player is a burning sensation when you pee, you better get some standards real quick.

  • http://lukeradio.com Luke

    Sometimes it takes doing something crazy to get rid of a crazy chick…

  • replytoHost

    Believe what you want to believe. To me, being single means no pressure, obligation and or expectations from anyone. I’m just not one to want to go through the pain of giving birth as much as i love kids. Besides, i have my nieces & nephews to look forward to. Kudos to those who have given birth to a child, and an early happy Mother’s day wish to them as well. I do believe not everyone, including myself, is not meant to be a mother as it takes more than money to support a child.

  • http://rentalmobil911.webs.com rental elf

    Nice article, thanks for sharing.

  • reply2host

    i guess the people of India who believe in arranged marriages are crazy as the people of india have no choice who to marry and are pressured to having a family. Thank goodness the arranged marriage is only applicable to the people in india.

  • guest

    The goal in life should not be to please everyone, only those that matter in your life. There is not 1 person in this world that will please everyone in this world.

  • 4L

    I’m not claiming these “women” as part of my gender.

  • Lady

    I certainly do not agree with the actions of these women but I myself have had to pass on news that I did not want to via text simply because the man did not want to talk on the phone or couldn’t talk but wanted to hear it at THAT moment.  Perhaps the 3rd woman had been ignored several times by that man and didn’t think he would pick up the phone…there are many men who will respond to a text before a phone call unfortunately.

    There are men who break up with women, tell their gf’s that they are going to marry another woman or admit to cheating because it is “easier” to do over text.  They won’t have to answer as many questions, hear the woman cry, or directly deal with the emotional implications of their actions. 

    Either way it shows that we have found another way to be emotionally distant and irresponsible from each other… sad…

  • Lady

    Very true.  While it is very immature, just because a woman or man delivers heavy news via text does not mean they are lying or that there is an ill motive.  One has to take into account the relationship (or lack) the two people have and the emotional state of the person delivering the news.  

    There is no “etiquette” in relationships esp with the folks under 25 years of age.  Women get asked out on dates via text, relationships are formed via text, “dating” occurs via text, arguments….with the lines blurred what seems common courtesy/sense is blurred as well

  • Tea

     Text messaging is definitely out of control. I know someone who sent pregnancy news via text. No one believed her because why would she send it this way. Unlike your story about, she really was pregnant.

    My very own mother, send news of my grandfather passing via text message. And only when I called her crying hysterically and told her to never ever do that again, did she get the message. She reasoned that I travel a lot and she didn’t want to “bother me” while I was working and that texts were “a good way to get information to a lot of people quickly.” 

    I told her I’d rather miss the funeral because I’m out of town than to get news like that in a text message. I was dead serious, pun intended. She never did it again. 

  • http://kineticculture.com/ NubianEmpress

    Hmmm. I think it also speaks to the type of women and relationships these guys were into…if they were just hookups/casual encounters, why would they assume to be informed in a manner that is more serious? I’m not saying its right (or mature), but its just a thought. And the way they were dismissed afterward, I wonder if it was more out of anger at the way they were informed, or a readiness to divorce themselves from a ratchet situation as quickly as possible. Either way, it reflects on the guys the types of people they were letting into their circle, imo.

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  • Aaron David

    what does this comment have to do with anything?

  • Aaron David

    dont act surprised . Half of your friends would stoop this low. ITs called being a pathetic immoral modern women