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I’m Trying To Find My Friend His Future Wife


This isn’t as deep as one might think, but a little deeper than others might assume.

I really am trying to find a woman my best friend can potentially marry and I am all about using this platform to aid in that search. What I’m not trying to do is establish myself as some sort of matchmaker. That’s not my game here. All I’m trying to do is be a good friend to a man who I consider a brother.

Far too often, people assume men don’t want to see their good friends walk down the aisle, and there are certain friends of mine who if they took that step I’d look at them as if they were crazy.

But not this friend of mine. He’s different not in terms of a personality but in terms of what he wants. Trust me, he’s ready to find a woman with whom he can spend the rest of his life, and if he wasn’t serious about it, then he wouldn’t allow me to take to my blog and help him out.

He and I have no idea if this is going to work or not. We’re just taking a chance here. As I always like to say if one way hasn’t been working, try another way. Well, for him, he’s been doing things the old-fashioned way and unfortunately it hasn’t been successful, so we came up with the bright idea of utilizing this blog to see what it gets us. I have a lot of female readers, and I’m guessing a great deal of these female readers are single and at a point where they too are into the idea of finding that one.

Well, ladies to whom this applies, my friend could very well be that one. If we met in real life, and he was around, I’d introduce you to him, but since that isn’t an option right now, allow me to tell you a few things about him in the form of some Frequently Asked Questions because I’m assuming if you’ve made it this far, you want to know more.

These are all based on questions I’ve already received from those who know about my mission and some I’m anticipating. All the questions are answered by yours truly on his behalf, so if you want to know more about him than what is provided in the answers to the questions below, I encourage you to email me at INFO@UNTILIGETMARRIED.COM. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY!

Q: Why does your friend need you to hook him up?

A: Here’s the thing: He doesn’t. I offered to help him out because he’s about to move to a small town where women our age aren’t really in abundance. If he was moving to somewhere like New York City, D.C. or another city where there was an active and thriving dating scene, I would leave him to his own devices and he would clean up just fine.

So where is he moving to and why is he moving?

He’s moving to a small city in the Southern part of the U.S., but that’s as much as I’ll say. The specific city and state will be revealed to those who are seriously interested in getting to know him more. He’s moving because of a job opportunity.

Is he willing to do long distance for a while, move to where I am?

Okay, slow down ladies. First, he is willing to do long distance. Not only is he willing but amongst our crew, he is constantly a punchline for long distance relationship jokes. This guy is the long distance KING. Okay? I mean, seriously, I’m just happy we have airplanes, trains, and automobiles, because if we didn’t, he would take whole weeks to get to a woman he was interested in. As for moving to where the woman is? Eh, I’m going to say no, because the job opportunity he’s been given is too invaluable to leave anytime soon.

Okay, you keep talking about this job of his, so what’s he do?

Ummm…do you really want to know?

Yes, I really want to know.

Are you sure? Because once I tell you, there’s going to be all sorts of questions that follow.

Boy, stop, tell me what does he do for a living?

He’s a pastor.

A what?

A pastor, as in a preacher, as in a man of the cloth. He’s going to be the head of a church.


Yeah, I know, so next question cause I know you have one.

Does this mean he doesn’t…

Oh no, he does that.

You didn’t even let me finish though…

I know what you were going to ask. Look, he’s an ordained pastor. He went to school and studied to be a pastor like I went to school to study to be a journalist. Being a pastor of a church is what he does for a living, but off the pulpit, outside of the church, he’s one of the guys. He drinks with us, he parties with us, he listens to the same music we listen to, and dates like a sinner, which means, yes, he does have sex. That’s what you really want to know because that’s what everyone asks me whenever I talk about him and bring up his occupation.

But wait, if he’s a pastor how does he…

Stop right there. This is the one thing I hate. Whenever I try to tell someone about my friend people put him on a pedestal solely based off what he does for a living. First of all, he’s spent many years as a counselor to alchohol and drug abusers. He’s also been a hospice worker. This guy lives in the real world, not in the church world.

I’m simply saying I don’t know any pastors like that…

My friend, the one we’re talking about here, once told me, “The problem with a lot of churches is they try to get people into heaven instead of heaven into people.” That’s some food for thought.  According to him, there are plenty who are able to balance a life on and off the pulpit without keeping things hidden from public view. But not only that, you’re right, you don’t know any pastors like him and you don’t know any guys like him. He can explain everything better than I can, so for those who are interested, and want to know more about how he does that balancing act, you’ll have to talk to him.

Okay, cool. Back to the other stuff, how tall is he?

I want to say like 5’8. I don’t know. He’s not short and he has stature.

Can he cook?

He’d rather you cook, and I’m going to be honest, I’ve had his food, I’d rather you cook too.

How old is he?

29, and if you do the math, that means he’s running his own church before he turned 30.

Where did he go to school?

Undergrad at Howard University, Divinity School at Harvard.

Is he into older women, younger women?

He’ll go as young as 24 and he’ll go something like as high as 36. But if you fall out of these age ranges and are still interested, see if you can open up his mind.

Does he have a particular type?

Man, I’ve seen him with all types of women, but mostly black women.

Anything else he likes in a woman?

I’ll allow those who are interested in getting to know him better to talk more about the personality type he likes, but physically, here’s what I have observed over the years: He likes pretty women. As he says, he’s a little shallow. So if you’re going to send a pic, make it your best one. He also likes a woman with a big ‘ol booty. That’s right. I said it, and he may not like that I said it, but I figure better me than him. Most women I’ve seen him with have some back. But just like the age thing, if you don’t have back and you have a pretty face, I encourage you to email anyway.

How long have you two been friends?

Going on 11 years.

Why are you trying to get your boy married and not worried about getting married yourself?

Two things, here. First: This ain’t about me. Second: If it was about me, this is what people would call good karma.

He’s your friend though, and I’ve read your blog I know how you are, how do I know this guy isn’t like you?

My ex-girlfriend once asked me how a guy like me can be friends with a guy like him because he’s so much the opposite of me when it comes to relationships. We would get into arguments and she would be like, “You need to talk to [insert my friend’s name here].” Now I’m not saying he’s a saint (no pun intended) or he’s without problems. But when it comes to relationships, the guy has always been serious about them and never takes them lightly. Besides, if he was anything like me, I’d just hook myself up instead.

Okay, so what do I have to do to get a good look at your friend and learn more about him?

Again, that email address is INFO@UNTILIGETMARRIED.COM. I would suggest you send a picture if you’re interested or send a picture of the friend who you think might be interested. The sooner you send a picture of yourself, the sooner you get a picture of him. If he’s interested, we’ll reach out and he’ll take things from there. It’s really simple.

Also, this is important for everyone to know so I’m going to write this in all caps. WE WILL NOT PUBLISH YOUR PICTURE OR ANYTHING ABOUT YOU ON THIS BLOG IF YOU’RE SERIOUS ABOUT GETTING TO KNOW HIM BETTER!

Like I said, this is not some ploy to establish myself as a matchmaker, so I’m not trying to hook my boy up with someone and chronicle their every move on this blog. Of course, if they wanted to, I’d share how their journey is going, but as of right now, no. Not that kind of party. All I’m simply trying to do is use this platform I have created for myself to help out one of my best friends. This man deserves a good woman and I know I have more than a few of those who are reading this.


UPDATE: Already we’ve received interest and some follow-up questions. THANK YOU! I encourage everyone who is interested to send those questions to the email above. I repeat, ONLY IF YOU OR YOUR FRIEND IS INTERESTED. We’re going to be answering some of those questions in a podcast that will air this week. You can also submit a question about my friend anonymously via my formspring.

Categories: WifeFinder Tags: , ,
  • AfroPetite

    How admirable! I wish your friend the best on his quest for love. I’m sure your inbox is filling up as I type lol 

  • Ricke’ Gillison

    First time reading your blog, really interesting! Your guy sounds great! I hope you will keep us up to date on how the search is going! If he finds his next girlfriend/wife, maybe you can double as a matchmaker!!! Us single girls could use the extra help too!!! =) Good Luck in your search!

    Gods speed,
    Ricke’ G.

  • Lqgray

    Very nice of you, good luck to him.

  • paigeworthy

    Just a note: LOTS of ordained men (pastors, ministers, etc.) are allowed to have sex. It’s PRIESTS who take that oath of celibacy.

  • Matchmaker

    I think you should let your friend guest-blog. I was thinking of friends to send in their picture, but sadly I don’t know much about what your dude is interested in based on your blog all we know is he is a pastor who has sex, is willing to do long distance and likes pretty girls with big butts. I am sure he will be able to find plenty of women in his church and elsewhere that fit that category. What is in his heart, what does he do for fun, does he date women of different faiths or even girls who are not religious? Picking a mate based on their photo may not lead him to his wife. You have to look deeper for such a connection. My girls are MBAs, lawyers and doctors… It’s not their goal to give all of that up to sit on the first row as just a First Lady in the church…. Basically, he sounds ok, but we need more information.

  • Danielle

    A very nice reap what you sow move! Good luck to you and your friend! Oh and share with your friend that his first ministry is his family 🙂 Gotta take care of home first and the rest will come.

  • carameljawn

    I think the questions revolve an *unmarried* preacher who’s sexually active. It’s a stretch for me theologically, but I can imagine it.

  • surgerychick

    Young black male pastor? He’s not gonna have ANY problem finding a woman, no matter how small the town is. The church is full of single (and not so single) ladies ready to pounce on the pastor. However, the Matchmaker is right. Being a pastor’s wife is no joke, especially if you are a professional woman. There is a lot of pressure on the first lady, not that I am speaking from experience.  Good luck to him.

  • Sunshinek

    I agree with surgery chick being a first lady is a haaaaarrrdd job. I
    know from seeing my mom be one and the attitudes from other women that
    won’t respect the wife, but loovveess the pastor is a serious problem
    that comes with that along with a host of other things,  but best of
    wishes and hope he finds the one!!!

  • Deacon Board

    Bro, first off…that’s our boy, so Jozen let me help/vouch w/your description.  He doesn’t have time that’s why he hasn’t found anyone…Nothing “crazzzzzy deranged” about him.

    His heart is huge.  His spirituality, beyond religion and denomination, is uplifting to be around.  I love getting his advice on life, he just puts things in perspective that you never saw.  And old soul…He loves old school music…If I could flip thru his ipod I’d randomly find a lot of Stevie, Miles D, Outkast, Brazilian Jazz, Jay Z, Frankie Beverly and Isley Brothers … Just overral positive bro, real talk.  He’s super witty, has jokes for days…DAYS.  So if you love to laugh, this is the guy…..Oh, brilliant mind. Latin, French, yes, he knows it.  Foreign films? yes he’s seem them.  Classic novels yes he’s read them. And on top of that he’s a handsome brother, no homo.  If I had a sister, I’d definitely want him to be apart of her life.  Generally, I’m proud, and thankful to have a cat like this in my life.  It makes me want to be better. 

    Deacon Board. 

  • Deacon Board

    Check my post…my boy is super official. 

  • Cipheriferus Jones

    Need more info?  Our boy is also romantic and faithful.  And he has a deep baritone voice that makes you ask him to say, “Simba, you deliberately disobeyed me!”  I’ve watched him firsthand mentor youth without a father and advocate on behalf of abused women and children.  He’s a cool guy that excels at everything from fantasy football to pillow talk.  I can vouch that he’s got an awesome family and his friends…lol, well we never have a dull moment.  Amen.

  • Alisha

    That’s great what you’re doing for your friend. A job opp in a small Southern city with no dating scene paired with possible pastoral duties sounds a lot like Memphis. Le sigh. Best of luck to him!

  • H2O

    One would say that this a lucky guy to have a few of his friends take time out to say great things about him, by the way which are all true. Truly we are the lucky ones to call him a friend.  I’ve had the pleasure of knowing this mighty man of valor half my life plus a few years. He’s the person next to God I turn to for anything.  I’ve watched him grow and mature into this thoughtful, endearing, honest, and the most kind hearted person on the planet. He not only requires to have an equal but deserves it. God bless the day that he gets what’s truly meant to be his!

  • Anonymous

    Well I just emailed a friend of mine asking her if she desired to be a First Lady, so…

  • Anonymous

    Well I just emailed a friend of mine asking her if she desired to be a First Lady, so…

  • Cipheriferus Jones

    Shouting in your loudest Madea voice that “sin is WRONG” isn’t deep, it’s annoying.  Besides, IMO, you’re off topic.  There’s plenty of room for your judgment and advice at newbirth dot org . 

  • Rev. Offering Plate

    Errra ummm, now sista i see you quoting stripture but you ain’t paid yo tithes since ’02 and here you is tryin’ to tell rev how to run the chuuuuch.  God is good all the time.  and all the time….you see, when i look at all of these beautiful women out here, i know there’s a God somewhere.  can i get a amen? 

  • half-A-mazin

    Get rid of all the adds…

  • Really?

    I know everyone is not going to ignore the fact that this friend is calling himself a pastor, taking up the huge role of opening a church while he is ok with fornication, which is clearly a sin in God’s eyes. Any way you slice it, any way you try to justify it, the word of God still stands. I’d much rather him admit to his short comings and state that sex is his weakness. But thinking its ok as a pastor? I think not. That whole “The problem with a lot of churches is they try to get people into heaven instead of heaven into people”  is lame, and you need to come way harder than that. Even if, as I said before the word of God still stands. If you’re going to label yourself a Christian, sex outside of marriage is W-R-O-N-G. Now THATS some “food for thought.” I have no problem with you having premarital sex. Just don’t try to convince people its right in the eyes of God. Check your scriptures – 1 Corinthians 6:18 Have a blessed day.

  • guest

    The only reason why you probably see the statement to be lame “The problem with a lot of churches is they try to get people into heaven instead of heaven into people”  is because you’re seeing it from what you’ve been taught about the religion you choose to believe in. Just as you have provided your food for thought, the statement was his food for thought whether or not you choose to agree. Set aside what others believe in before expressing your food for thought. Your food for thought may not be other’s food for thought. Just as what religion is, it’s what you want to believe . it’s unnecessary for anyone to challenge other’s beliefs, otherwise it defeats the purpose in what we choose to believe in.

  • Bedstuy

    Stop hating on them trying to make some money.  They are spending their time and money for YOUR  enjoyment…

  • Bedstuy

    If he is not a catholic priest how is it wrong? Hell it is a sin to judge, which you are doing so WE are all sinners together trying to do better…  Moreover, isn’t this Jozen answering questions about HIS friend? How about you wait for the friend to guest blog or something to get the words out of his mouth before you judge.  Also you sound like you follow the teaching of Bishop Eddy Long… #justsayingwithallthejudging

  • God Bless

    Premarital sex is a sin. There is no way around that. However, we are all sinners so I wouldn’t judge him based on the fact that he has engaged in premarital sex.  There is a big difference in judging behavior vs. judging people.  I can say that stealing is wrong (I judged a behavior) and that is different from saying that the person who stole something is an evil sinner who is going to hell (judging the person). While I believe it’s okay, and even necessary, to judge behaviors, we should refrain from judging people (that’s God’s job).

    I agree with the person who said he should admit to his shortcoming or weakness.  We all have struggles and none of us are perfect. To be fair to the pastor, he did not write the blog post, and if he did, he may have worded it differently.

  • Mandi

    Interesting approach.

  • DB

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    I find it
    interesting that one is taking the time to judge someone based on his or her
    sex life.  What a person does sexually, is indeed their business, and is
    between their partner and his/herself.  We are all adults here, and it is
    necessary for us to act and think as adults.

    By taking the road to judgment we further validate the stereotypes that are
    held about Christians around the world.  We fulfill the notions of being
    hateful, judgmental, not loving, ultra-conservative, deliverers of guilt,
    shallow, and ignorant of our own faith. 

    Those attitudes are what turn people off who are part and not part of the
    Christian faith.  In your comment I saw no reflection of the love of
    God.  All I saw was a disdainful attitude that appeared to be quite
    calloused and abhorring. 

    To conclude the effectiveness of a pastor based on his or her sexuality, and to
    demean his career based on that is dangerous and problematic.  The
    questions you should consider are perhaps how many lives one has touched. 
    How giving is this person?  How much do they love their community? 
    What is their attitude towards service?  How does that person teach others
    the mission of Jesus Christ?  What kind of faith does this person possess?

    Lastly, I urge the commenter to also be more specific.  Many of us like to
    say this is a sin, or that is a sin, but have no notions of contextual
    analysis, literary criticism, the history of the religion, and the culture of
    the period to make such claims.  Our own ignorance again, validates the

    How do you know this is a sin?  What arguments support your claim? 
    Define sin.  Why was this passage written this way?  Who actually
    wrote this passage?  Where does the notion of pre-marital sex/fornication
    come from?  How was this used as an economical bargaining tool in the 2nd
    century against women?  Why did this only apply to women when this text
    was authored?  Do you know the history of your religion?  Do you
    understand the two-fold philosophy of Christ, and the Greek influenced writing
    style and philosophy of Paul?  Did God really say this?  How do you
    know God said this?  Who taught you this idea?  How did you come to
    believe this?

    Learn to question and get to the root and basis of your beliefs.  It will
    allow you to grow spiritually and intellectually.  Our life journeys
    should be both.

    The Bible is a book rife with sex and sexuality.  That is one of the
    reasons why it is such a fascinating book.  Instead of judging and handing
    out a sin checklist, do as what Christ instructs us and assess the log in your
    own eye, and not the speck in others.  What have you done to help the
    church?  In what ways have you attempted to spread the gospel?  How
    can I become a better Christian?  How can I better recognize my role and
    the role of clergy?  What am I doing to shape the view of Christians
    around the world? How and why is my overall attitude damaging to others?  How can I exude the love of
    Christ?  Who do I need to
    forgive?  What are my failings?  How much time do I dedicate to the
    church weekly?  What kind of hours
    do I put into my church?  These are
    questions I too ask myself daily.

    As a community we still believe in taboo views that should have died with slavery. 
    These attitudes have promulgated the rancid homophobia, sexism and heterosexism
    in our churches.  Our notions have largely ignored the women and men who
    are or have been sexually and physically abused.  We create at a culture
    of shame and blanket of guilt that makes us hate our bodies and harbor this
    same shame throughout our entire lives.  We continue to ignore the teen
    pregnancy rates.  We pretend that HIV does not exist and yet our sisters
    are dying because the church largely remains silent.  We do not teach our
    kids to love our bodies and the tenets of sexual health and education and thus
    the STD and STI rates skyrocket daily.


    walk away from the church everyday. 
    I know very many talented, very capable and brilliant scholars and
    ministers who the church sorely needs who walk leave just to avoid the
    opposition to their attitudes and efforts.  This should not be the case.  This is a tragedy. 
    The church consists of people, not a building.  It is the body of Christ.  And it is up to us to decide what makes this body healthy,
    and what makes it cancerous.  We
    should work to be nutrients instead of greasy Christians.

    The mission of the church should be a social one, which is why Christ was so
    effective in making the gospel a social gospel.  Quite frankly, negative attitudes
    and thinking would not prevail in a progressive church community, and chokes
    the growth of a healthy and vibrant church.  We should examine our own
    self-love and self-esteem and see how they impact our level of love,
    forgiveness, warmth and compassion to others throughout the world.  The
    church has no room for judgment, nor negative and conservative attitudes. 
    These concepts choke the church; stunt its growth, and keeps the pews empty:


    Dear World,


    There are
    liberal, peaceful and forward thinking churches that exist on our planet. 
    We love you and accept you as the person you are, just as Christ would. 
    We do not or will not judge you.  We want to make you a better person
    spiritually and personally.  We appreciate and respect all faiths and
    religions as we can learn from each other’s.  We do not have a monopoly on
    God.  We want everyone to feel the love of God.  We want to be co-partners with you as we focus on making
    this a better livable planet as we care about peace and the environment.  So, love your bodies, feel free within
    yourself.  Love the Creator and
    love others, just as Christ preached these two as the greatest
    commandments.  And if we could just
    master those two tenets, oh what a wonderful world would be living in.


    All the


  • Bedstuy

    and the church says Amen!!!

  • RichBrand

    If this guy is who I think he is, then I can vouch for this dude as well. I won’t give away any further details other than I knew him when I was in undergrad at Howard myself. 

  • 05girl

    Interesting.  But I think it’s messed up you didn’t post a pic of him FIRST.
    If women are sending pictures to him, I hope in the sake of fairness you are returning pictures to every single interest.
    Kinda like online dating, you see?

  • yea i said it

    i agree with the matchmaker, you should allow the friend to guest blog for himself.  though deacon board tried to clean up behind the initial blog and the q. and a., quite frankly the preacherman in question still sounds as shallow as he has admitted to being.

  • Really?

    Obviously, this freind that the writer is talking about CHOSE to believe in the SAME religion. Christianity. Now tell me, what is the point of proclaiming to follow a certain faith if you willfully decide to go against one of its rules (for lack of a better word)? As I said in my first statement, I have no problem with this friend having sex. But please, lets not twist the scriptures so we can pick and choose what we want to abide by. I’m not challenging his belifs. He said he is a Christian. If the Bible is the blueprint for Christianity, then sex outside of marriage. Is wrong. I think you need to scroll up and read my comment again. Clearly you didn’t get it.

  • Really?

    You are going so far off topic here. Whoever wrote the Bible is not the issue. The bottom line is, this friend is choosing to live by it regardless of who wrote it. He is opening a church. Unless he is writing his own Bible, then thats different. But the Bible he is living by says fornication is a sin. I didn’t label fornication a sin. God did. So how am I judging? Didn’t I tell you to check the scriptures? I am not judging anyone’s sex life. I am challenging & questioning the fact that you are a Pastor and living contradictory to what your faith says. If you are a Pastor and I’m sitting under your ministry, then it is my business if you are having pre-marital sex. Because the same Bible that you are preaching to me from, is the same bible that forbids…do I really need to say it again?

    You are right, we are all adults and its immature and irresponsible to willfully practice something that the faith YOU profess CLEARLY states is unacceptable. If you struggle with something, thats totally different than saying its ok. (I think you need to read that last sentence again. You might miss the point like you did in my first comment.)

    As for your statement “We fulfill the notions of being hateful, judgmental, not loving, ultra-conservative, deliverers of guilt, shallow, and ignorant of our own faith”, speak for yourself. I am not any of these. I am simply standing up for truth. The truth according to Christianity. The truth according to the word of God. Not my words. HIS. Your post is extra for no reason. Lets stick to the topic at hand.   

  • GaGirl

    Listen to the podcast his friends explains the very thing(s) that you are ranting about. Have a blessed day!!

  • Guest

    i did understand your comment, you just seem to be the kind of person that likes to challenge people. you had your say, i had mine. unfortunately not everyone in this world will agree to what we all say. it’s called of difference of opinions. 

  • Nora

    They are allowed to have sex within marriage, if going according to the Bible, and not according to the ways of the world. Wow, it’s amazing how many people call themselves Christian, and then pick and choose what they would like to follow from the Bible…

  • Tam

    i’m with REALLY? on this one, besides what she has posted the Bible also states “obedience is better than sacrifice”, that should answer all those questions posted by “DB” all that was unnecessary…but if he and anybody who loves him wants to justify away then by all means…smh…

  • H2O

    It’s no sin to love a woman, a man needs more then divine love to sustain him and he shouldn’t be punished for wanting it! 

  • Iprefertostayannonymous

    Why do you and your friend go above and beyond to make him seem “down for whatever”?  He needs to look for someone who doesn’t care that he isn’t “just like all the rest and loves him just the same.  He doesn’t get any points from me because he drinks liquor.  If he’s a great guy, I would love him whether or not he drank liquor or clubbed.  #justsaying. 

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